Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

August 21, 2023279: Mio A. revisits
🔸 Guilt & Shock. What is the connection between "Dont stop me" & Shame?
🔹 Parts:
Don’t stop me needs: not to be stopped or rationalized, Not to be judged, for Mio to go slowly, don’t pretend to take on more than she can, to keep other protectors out of the exile work. peace, acceptance, compassion, trust, love, space, and recognition for itself, and the one it protects.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I went off script today. This protector sounded rather exiley, given how we stumbled onto the 7 yo in the hospital. Exiles feeling more close and familiar as our work progresses (a good thing). My curiosity waned towards the end, I was doing a lot of telling and not asking. I think a part in me was celebrating “this protector is telling us exactly what is needed, your work is cut out for you! Go do it!”. But I was not as welcoming of the voices of doubt.

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1 hr 11 min
August 19, 2023278: Clare A. revisits
🔸 "We used to feed ducks at the pond, when I was little"
🔹 Parts:
The 14yo: Independent, but wishes she knew things, had more tools, about life, talking to people, trusting people. What self worth means and how to apply it. Her toolbox is limited.

The 7,8yo: Loves the ducks, Be good, don't get in trouble, don't get shoes dirty. Been here too long. Wants her mom.

(Not sure which one. Both?): Wants to hold hands, have an opportunity to ask "what makes the leaves turn brown", rebuild what she didnt get.

Request: Don't go to fast!
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
What fun!
I think I missed something crucial in: "Ducks are so special..." *That's* what she shares with them! (Oh and ducks have the dirtiest shoes)
I'm talking too much, toward the end for sure.

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58 min
August 17, 2023277: Bee A. - first call
🔸 “You’re gonna believe, and you’re gonna be alone” Muzzling the dreamer.
🔹 Parts:
E: Dreamer has a broken heart. Armored, heavy, disconnected. Wants to imagine something better. Flood of water. Age 14, 15

P: "Dreamer is dangerous!" The hope detector/squasher, the bad guy. Wringing her hands. Her scroll: times she kept us alive. (Murder, suicide, divorce, illness).

P: “It’s ok just have a little sugar” You don't have to be so strict!
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Sometimes I break all my rules re preparation, and yet I'm present. Damn these rules! OR credit to Bee. Can I ever know??
📌 Bee followed up re her client: We had a beautiful honest conversation with her protector. He was tentative but willing. Thank you James

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1 hr 2 min
August 15, 2023276: Justine A. revisits
🔸 “Im here with and for her, she’s not alone anymore” Justine can do it!
🔹 Parts:
“I don’t know how to do this”

The good girl, Do it right, be a good podcast participant. Lonely cold painful, didn't think anyone would ever come. 13-14 "asked mom if I could go to therapist..."

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1 hr 11 min
August 13, 2023275: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 My little demon child. Making it right when parts-work goes wrong.
🔹 Parts:
E: The 7 year old (aged throughout unburdening). Mom gave away cat, “I am capable of anger”.

P: Image protector. keep the bows in your hair, admit you love your mom, and don’t let them think you’re a demon child.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Exile's message was “I am capable of anger”, and what she wanted wasn’t simply to burn the house down, but to have that capability granted/respected.
Re: what I said about who's who and what we can do in scenes from the past, is my compass working? I feel somewhat confident about it here, but always open to feedback & re-evaluating

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1 hr 3 min
August 11, 2023274: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 Making time to grieve. Can love save the day?
🔹 Parts:
The un-deserver "Accept the facts: you could have done more, you didn't, so you're the worst". Afraid of overwhelm from grief, afraid of being uncaring, and of moving on.

The manager "Dont accept it: you couldn't have done more. If you accept you could have prevented it, you'll never be able to get over the loss". (So, also afraid of overwhelm from grief?)

E: I'm not enough, I don't deserve good things

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1 hr 4 min
August 09, 2023273: Jo A. revisits
🔸 Laughter, tears, & good news! We both bring something new today.
🔹 Parts:
P: stay busy! The boy controlling robots

E: world is too cruel, helpless, I'm responsible. age: 4
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I think I did a lot of things better today, inspired by Bill Tierney. There’s some thing about how he organizes his thoughts and the work, methodical but not constrained. He's directive, but neither commanding nor or reserved about it, whereas I often feel like I’m on edge, gambling, hoping, just not very grounded or moored. But I'm getting there. If LiveIFS dojo gave out certificates, I think I'm approaching level 3 (out of... 11??). This was recorded Dec '22, 4-6 months before some of these other calls being published recently.

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1 hr 10 min
August 07, 2023272: Scott A. revisits
🔸 "A warmth in my heart" for "lights-out, don't go there."
📌 Scott followed up:
Thanks for the session once again. I feel like you're having to work pretty hard sometimes in our sessions to keep me on track. But I really appreciate your trying to keep me focussed. Its been a little intense for me sometimes. Tonight got me a little off guard though. I was riding high from that session on Monday, and thinking, OK what's next?! I got a little dose of humility though, and for the better. Humility because I think I thought I was going to DO something to make it a great session. (I have to acknowledge the performer part of me that maybe shows up). But when that protector showed up and shut everything down -- lights out --, there was nothing I could do.
Its very interesting this protector part, a manager -- the Lights Out guy -- I do feel a lot of appreciation for him and what he does and has done. And also feel genuinely sorry for not listening to him very much. The main message was "Stop running away." But this is twofold, a deeper message than meets the eye. It refers both to running away from the exile energy, and well as running toward it, trying to "get it healed." I think he is trying to guide me to a higher level of awareness where I could be able to discern the right timing for moving toward or moving away. Everything in its own time. I need to get my way of being more tuned up. And this manager is a wise old friend and capable of helping me with that.
🔹 Parts:
P: Lights out, the brakes. Remembers early 20s, and some connection to 9 year old detective, a vague dull pain.

P: Must be free, no barriers. Same as the adventurer(?). Wants to go in, not be bored.

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1 hr 2 min
August 05, 2023271: Brandon A. revisits
🔸 "A sense of awe" Another speed run.
🔹 Parts:
P: The Dreamer/Planner (fear of boredom and alone)

P: The Consumer/Addict (fear of boredom and alone)

P: The parent yelling "youre weak" (fights Consumer)

E: The ~6yo. Alone a lot as a child.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Incredible what we can accomplish in 40 minutes, especially considering 10 of those are in silence. I feel like I'm finding that middle way I referenced in our last call.
We meet every ~2 months or more. That could be a barrier to getting to those exiles. But it's hard for me to imagine creating a policy around that.

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47 min
August 03, 2023270: Charlotte A. - first call
🔸 "What kind of mother...?" Humiliated and betrayed: a mother in exile.
Charlotte has been playing with IFS for over a decade, and is a frequent listener, but this is her first session with a practitioner.
🔹 Parts:
E: the mother: worried, abandoned, betrayed, robbed, confused, hurt, desperate, deprived, dispairing. (And guilty acknowledging any upside). Seen as a loser by:

P: You have shit to do! No time to cry. Self improvement, gym, dating.

P: Nihilist. Death in life better than death/suicide.

P: The Olympian age 23. The harmless fraud, high road. Spin it all as beautiful. Tired of having to win, to defeat the pain. Rather be exploring, playing soccer.

Others: The 9 year old (betrayed and humiliated) and the 80 year old (disabled). Just wants to write.

P: The high priestess of forgiveness. (Same as the olympian?)

P: Vindictive. Revenge. Slash her tires...

The baby. We didn't go there. (I wouldn't be surprised if the baby is not herself a part, so much as a part of the mother's story.)

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Everything about "the mother" sounded exile-y, but I was slow to fully accept that due to an "exile = young" bias in my mental map.
When we returned to mother at the end, the "it's not so bad" mood made me think maybe Olympian was still at work.
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1 hr 11 min