Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

March 23, 2023200: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 Going direct with "Afraid he's right". We also talk grief, forgiveness, and accountability.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
The Un-deserver, a 14 y.o. moralist. "If you're guilty, you're the worst person ever. Accept it" Doubts IFS will help you feel better, and "feeling better" means excusing wrong.

"I know I could have done more" and everyone dismissed that.

The exile, feels like she's the worst.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I was at max freestyle today, which I typically regret. But there aren't magic words that fix grief; just following my own advice.
Olivia follows up: tbh i feel like i’ve failed at accountability for a lot of other stuff so i’m glad this is working, i think it’s because it’s like the smallest unit of working on my life so i’m not having to skip over protectors to get it done. literally whatever obstacle is in front of me becomes a worthy focus so by definition i don’t get parts stonewalling about it because if they are then i just go to the one that’s stonewalling was having trouble getting agenda part out of the way so then i realized how mad agenda part was and let it rant at me and it was kinda great
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1 hr 8 min
March 10, 2023199: Justine A. revisits
🔸 "...it's all made up" The Skeptic doesn't trust me, the process, or Justine. Justine takes the direct route, attains Hubble-vision.

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
The skeptic, "No one can be trusted". Thinks she's 3.

The exile: pain around the heart. The sea anemone, the nebula. Nestled in.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I was extra quiet, could have been more directive. I didn't want to tread on her direct experience. But instead of merely "talking more" I would have liked to be a more faithful steward of the map.
About "skipping past protectors", I think the pace was great. With that degree of Self energy, Justine responded to each as they came up, feels safe to me.
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55 min
March 07, 2023198: Rachel A. revisits
🔸 Worthlessness parts came up as result of last call. We talk about our work together, and concerns about public Discord conversations, then attempt to go to it, but "beating myself up" keeps coming in.

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
"Beating self up"

Afraid she'll go along with others' decision, not take care of herself

Thinks she's 12?

Needs Rachel's presence, and for her to take care of herself

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I found the message Rachel was referring to in Discord and added a clarification for anyone else who would see it.

I sent Rachel a voice message apologizing, and explaining the intention behind what I wrote, why I chose those words. I also discussed it with a mentor.

The first half of the call is tricky for me, not because I have so many parts up, but because I have no clear "IFS protocol" to address it. I tried to stay faithful to the fundamentals: get in self, help people do the same to work with their parts.

I wish I said "so do you want to work with that part?" instead of philosophizing about it. I also could have asked her explicitly to use parts language sooner, but I had some concern about triggering that exile.

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1 hr 19 min
March 06, 2023197: Mio A. revisits (J Edit)
🔸 "Everything being taken away" a 2 year old in a hurricane, whose wants haven't mattered. We discuss "agendas".

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
Protector afraid "I would drop all my wants, if it doesn't do it's job, I wouldnt exist at all."

Exile "afraid it will pretend it will go along", it just wants quiet moments.

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1 hr 17 min
March 05, 2023196: Olivia A. revisits (J Edit)
🔸 Possible ADHD diagnosis brings up "Not good enough" exile. "Blocking / fear of freaking out" and "Agenda" show up along the way. Strategies for solo parts work.

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
Agenda: concerned about blocking parts, won't be able to manage. And concerned about not getting results from this process.

Blocking needs to know it will be respected, concerned contact with the exile will be too much, cause freak out, overwhelm of emotion (internally and externally/socially)

Exile: not good enough. Doing a bad job and it's my fault. And also a fear that it may not be it's fault, meaning we are just not as good as others.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Day 3 of fasting energy. I was giving lots of advice, my ideas, and not doing a lot of questioning or parts work especially toward the end. I've mentioned before I have a lot of knowledge re: ADHD, and could talk about it all day, so whenever it comes up, it's hard for me to stay in IFS mode. One way I negotiate that is by "getting it out of the way", meaning offering whatever comes to mind regarding ADHD, and then I won't feel like I'm having to bite my tongue in the future, so we can stick to IFS.

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1 hr 12 min
March 01, 2023195: Aandraya A. revisits (J Edit)
🔸 A grownup protector-in-exile: "back to bed", sick-mentality.

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
P: Superhero, formerly called Wonder Woman, wants to do all the tasks, minimize and forget the pain, "prove I'm ok"

P/E: Go back to bed, not worth it. Too scary. Too much to do. Might still be sick. Nothing I do makes a difference. No help, no one understood. Couldn't take care of daughter.

Rather be in community, and just relaxing.

Thinks Aandraya is early 40s

Needs fun and light-heartedness. Put fun first. Possibly experiment with doing small tasks.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Felt good today. Not sure why. Early in the call she asked if she needed to do more finding out and I said "Short answer, yes..." I was hearing her frustration, and interpreting that as frustration about the big picture process or about the model. So I was saying yes as opposed to "no, don't find out, give up." The long answer would interpret "finding out" as "figuring out", and mention that the goal is more about "being with". I could have included more of that, but in the moment felt like the high tension called for short answer.
I had difficulty towards the end, wanting to suggest focusing on the superhero part. We had covered so much ground, though. Was I leading the witness too much asking about "Not gonna be enough", "Not worth it", etc? Interesting to hear such classic exile sentiments that may not be beliefs about itself.
*Afterward Aandraya reported: after our last session I felt really calm and peaceful and then again- the next day I had that lost feeling like things were out of sorts! This always happens to me in the days after! Anyway thanks again for doing this work, it does make a big difference, creates really powerful awareness!😊

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59 min
February 27, 2023194: Ian A. revisits
🔸 Salvation. The Devil. A sliver of light.

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
Doubt about getting into routine "Last is not an option". Spiritual healing

The Devil. Keeps the 3 year old. Fear of "not knowing what to do"

The 3 year old...

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1 hr 7 min
February 25, 2023193: Daniel A. revisits
🔸 "The truest essence"

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
Anger and grief (one part) lead us to

"tired of being judged", apprx 4 years old.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I was lagging behind, and a lot of what I said didn't come out right. Partly because fasting, brain at half power. There's also just a lot going on. For example, with exile we have the stressed out part along for the ride, a 10 year old joining in, the machine gun self-hate, and another part concerned about work. I'm not thinking "Daniel is doing it wrong", I think he's doing it beautifully, I just have trouble keeping up, and second guess everything I say, assuming it's as likely to pull him off-track as assist. I think he knows that about me, and still finds the work valuable. (I apologized, and we talked about it after the call.)

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1 hr 13 min
February 21, 2023 Pro: Islena Faircrest with Jo A.
🔸 Somatic therapist & yoga teacher since 2000, Islena Faircrest is an IFS & trauma informed transformational coach, serving clients globally via zoom. She facilitates the healing power of learning secure attachment in relationships, and aids individuals & families in their healing journey towards empowered living.
A mother of two young adults, and former doula and prenatal educator, she's therapeutically guided folks of all ages for 23 years, taught Yoga teacher trainings, and retreats across the globe, and written for health content media. As a somatic bodyworker & holistic educator she's utilized an intuitive blend of systems rebalancing, myofascial release, energy retrieval work, and Bowen Bodywork Therapy.
You can connect with her at www.onboardyoga.com

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1 hr 14 min
February 19, 2023192: Mio A. revisits
🔸 Feeling threatened by her daughter. Hopelessness, judgement, the 13 year old, and the parts she protects.

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
13 year old

Afraid of becoming her mother, and pushing down these wants from younger times, perhaps exemplified by Mio's daughter at age 5

Rather be Laughing, hugging, twirling in a pretty dress, relaxing. Carefree!

Thinks Mio is 45 (age when daughter was 5)

Needs reassurance, twice/day checkins.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
That went well, I think. Not sure I can take much credit, I don't think my "targeting" was particularly skillful. I was more intrepid than usual, inspired by Schwartz to just keep going deeper without as many checkpoints. Maybe risky, just intuiting we were safe.

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1 hr 13 min