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Live IFS
Live IFS episodes
- 191: Olivia A. - first call
🔸 Shaming, anxiety and plenty of others have objections to Olivia's excitement about IFS.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):- Shaming (manager), and Frustrated with Shaming
- Exile: "my needs, being myself, is too much for them"
- Caretaker
- Agenda "hurry up", change them
- Shaming thinks shes 11, needs Olivia to spend more time understanding.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:My first thought is "I'm talking too much". If you compared my approach with other calls, yes it sounds like I'm off. Got my own scrambler.Some guesses why (and why it might not be too much): When first-time callers have anxious parts that won't step back, and express discomfort with silence, I have a choice: bring attention to those parts, or go along with them. Even if I have all the "right" responses, we risk overwhelming anxious parts if we keep directing focus there. Whereas "going along with it" is more like "you're uncomfortable with silence? Ok, I will be too", which, framed positively, could be called "meeting parts where they are".
I shift from "help client work with parts" to "help client's parts feel alright with working with me again".
When she suggested going to exile, I thought "we're not in the right space" but also "why not do some fact finding?", which is why I redirected to the protector's perception of exile.
Olivia also knows her stuff, has done some parts-work and mapping, which can also pose a challenge for me. I'm trying to assimilate her preexisting language/map; I don't have the "home field advantage", opportunity to set the table / space, and be more directive.
What do you think?
-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
1 hr 6 min - 190: Jo A. revisits
🔸 Anxiety about the job that starts next week, but coming from a different part.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):- 12 year old. Forced to be over achiever, fake it. Too many moves, too many hard classes and high expectations from dad.
- Afraid he’ll, they’ll point and laugh
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:I didn't ignore either, but still wondering if we should focus more on check-ins, and if I should have been more directive, returning us to the 3 year old.-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
44 min - 189: Justine A. - first call
🔸 The "thinking part" holds it all together, and points to an exile in utero.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):- Thinking part, always active
- Tightness head, face, eyes, jaw, brain
- Afraid nothing would get done, a nonfunctioning heap, and perhaps abandonment, loneliness
- Needs: Simple! Just "how are you?" every day
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:Spotty internet connection was a challenge, otherwise I felt good about this one. (Again correlates with how good I feel period. I'm so close to having that fully resolved!)-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
"44 min - 188: Rachel A. revisits
🔸 A check-in check-in and the judge judge.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):- The judge of others
- The judge of the judge
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:Listening back a couple weeks later I hear the frustration in my tone. I might say "there's not a right or wrong answer" but my tone can imply that I think there is.I could hear those parts in her being triggered, but I felt like I needed to paint the picture. Perhaps it's the first time I've fully described the process to Rachel. Lots I could have done better there. A response from Self would be one of curiosity.
I also notice this call was recorded right before I cured that ailment of mine. (Had a headache for 10 days, thought I found the cause and cure, 3 days of relief, and today was the day it struck back, crushing my hypothesis.) Health is wealth and... you're the only one who can do it.
-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
1 hr 2 min - 187: Aandraya A. revisits
🔸 The pressure of going along with external, inconsistent beliefs. We pick up where we left off and find an exile (who protects another) to unburden.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):- 17 - 21 year old, protecting the middle-schooler
- Chest and throat
- Feels horrible, alone, misunderstood, lost.
- Rather be skiing!
- Needs occasional check-in, to be reminded that she doesn't have to have it all figured out, and that there are lots of alternative viewpoints.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:Should I have directed us more toward the younger exile? I don't think so. WWDD*?*What would Dick Schwartz / Derek Scott do?
-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
50 min - 186: Ian A. revisits
🔸 Addiction, survival, the animal in the zoo, conscious blending.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:We didn't set out to do IFS today so I didn't prepare in my usual ways. Ian just had his wisdom teeth removed yesterday is somewhat sedated. Not sure what I would have done differently, just making note.-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
38 min - 185: Jo A. revisits🔸 Concerns about a new job, that she won’t know what to do and will be shamed. A three-year-old who always has to know things (or pretend to) goes through an unburdening.-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
54 min - 184: Daniel A. revisits
🔸 Through a sandstorm we arrive with an exile*, murderous rage says it wants out, and we get creative in handling overwhelm.
*I assume
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):- Running from danger, "We need to save me" protects/related to:
- Hopelessness "you'll get nowhere" and anger "you didn't want us so we don't want you". Suppression of rage. Anger toward parents.
- Anger toward parts that don't trust Self
- Idolizing parents.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:I was just running in from outdoors (emergency beekeeping) to take this call, not as prepped/grounded as I would have liked. At times I felt too directive. Daniel has a very detailed/clear picture, and a good feel for the direction of the work, and I feel like I'm muddying things up, taking shots in the dark. The antidote is curiosity and creativity. I think I got there towards the end.-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
53 min - 183: Rachel A. revisits
🔸 Still a part feeling left out.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:Feeling rushed during unburdening is tough, but I take responsibility for it. To prevent in future: 1. spend less time chatting pre-session. 2. be more efficient / direct in targeting. As far as being efficient with exile, I think slow is fast. For example, notice we came to "the mother" last? Mother and Brother in one re-do!
I'm sick again today. I need a plan B when I'm feeling sick. Perhaps developed with caller.
Rachel and I have been meeting 2x/week, and she often asks "am I doing it right, do you think I'm progressing?" That sounds to me an agenda part, likening this work to going to the gym, putting in reps, and not as building lasting relationships with the people inside. Even if I'm wrong about that, I need to find better ways to address it.
-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
1 hr 10 min - 182: Brandon A. revisits
🔸 Another lightning round. A Protector → Protector → Exile setup? The driven one, the void, and what lies beneath: a lot of pain.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):- The Void
- Afraid if it doesn't do it's job, Brandon ceases to exist
- Rather be comfortable
- Needs Brandon to bridge the disconnect
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:I've had some difficulty following Brandon in the past. He goes deep in awareness of feelings/sensations, and names them, but I'm a couple steps behind trying to figure out from whom those feelings originate, e.g. when he says "there's judgment" I'm wondering "You feel judgemental toward? Or the part is judging? Or the part is being judged by another part?", we're on to something else before I say it.I've been listening back to our calls and noticed the pattern, and a lot of that uncertainty (in my mind) is diminishing. In a way, with many callers, learning how they navigate their systems is like learning a new dialect. Is there a faster way for me to do that? Should I just say "I'm lost"?
-----🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form😀Come chat with us: Discord🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:ItunesYouTubeHow to leave a review - iPhone👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionairre
35 min
About Live IFS
From the publisher's feed
Internal Family Systems live sessions & demos. Free and open-sourced peer-work. This is not therapy. We claim no expertise and sell nothing but hope.
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