Normalize therapy.

Long Distance Marriage – Do’s and Do Not’s


Listen Later

Does your marriage involve one spouse working away from home? Or travelling a lot? Maybe you are a military family or you commute to another city for work or do camp work. Let’s talk about some of the challenges and also some ideas to make the most of this situation!
It can be tough being separated from your spouse for long periods of time. And when this happens regularly, due to work or some other circumstance, your marriage is bound to be affected in some way. But that change doesn’t necessarily have to be bad, and with the help of our list of do’s and don’ts you can make sure you stay connected to your spouse no matter the physical distance between you.
What is a Long Distance Marriage?
Who knew, but long distance couples account for over 1 million couples in the USA[i] and this number is continuing to grow. There are a few flavours of this:
Couples where one spouse goes away for weeks or months at a time for work. Military couples would be an example of this. In Canada we see a lot of this related to the oil industry where camps are set up in northern areas, and husbands go North to work like 3 weeks in one week out kind of thing
There are also dual-commuter couples where both spouses travel away for work or education
And there are couples who live in different geographical locations on a semi-permanent basis due to work or other factors
If you don’t fit into any of those groups, another definition of a long distance relationship (LDR) is simply that the couple are "unable to see each other as often as they like, due to time or distance constraints[ii]".
So how does being in a LDR affect your marriage? There are mixed results from the research on this one, but most find that there are no concrete differences in terms of satisfaction or commitment between long-distance and close-distance relationships[iii]. This means that spending long periods of time apart doesn’t automatically spell doom for your marriage, and making the relationship work is largely up to the individual couple.
So let’s get into the do’s and don’ts of long distance relationships.
Do’s and Don'ts
Don’ts
Do Not Have Unrealistic Expectations
If you are in this situation you are probably already aware of some of the common challenges faced in long distance relationships. These include:
Increased financial strain from travelling
Difficulty forming new relationships and friendships in your separate locations and balancing these with your marriage
Difficulty assessing each other's emotional state or the state of the relationship
Try to be aware of these challenges and other issues like loneliness: it then becomes a conversation about something you both experience. Can you discuss this without feeling guilty? Have you chosen to see this as something that gets between you, or can you share the burden together?
Those are expectations that come into play when you are apart. What about when you are together? Avoid putting too high expectations on the time you do spend together: couples often expect their limited time together to be perfect: intimate and romantic and all these wonderful things and can be distressed when this doesn't turn out to be the case.
Do Not Be Negative
Those expectations can easily lead to negativity in thought or emotion.
A study from 2007[iv] found that negative affectivity (displays of negative emotions) were linked to relationship instability. This effect was stronger for men than women, and also stronger for long distance couples than for geographically close couples.
Being far apart makes those negative comments much more of an issue, because it could be days or weeks before you get to speak to each other again, so you’ll have all that time to stew over every word. Obviously arguments and disagreements will happen in an LDR, like in any marriage, but just be careful that they don’t sour your entire experience of time together. If you fight,
...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Normalize therapy.By Caleb & Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele

  • 4.7
  • 4.7
  • 4.7
  • 4.7
  • 4.7

4.7

348 ratings


More shows like Normalize therapy.

View all
Sexy Marriage Radio by Dr Corey and Pam Allan

Sexy Marriage Radio

1,198 Listeners

The Save The Marriage Podcast by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

The Save The Marriage Podcast

405 Listeners

Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

802 Listeners

ManTalks Podcast by Connor Beaton

ManTalks Podcast

556 Listeners

Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy by Cloud10

Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

1,951 Listeners

Betrayal Trauma Recovery by Anne Blythe, M.Ed.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery

1,410 Listeners

From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer by Geoff & Jody Steurer

From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer

198 Listeners

Fierce Marriage by Ryan and Selena Frederick

Fierce Marriage

4,225 Listeners

Marriage Therapy Radio by Cloud10

Marriage Therapy Radio

674 Listeners

The Naked Marriage with Dave & Ashley Willis by XO Podcast Network, Dave Willis, Ashley Willis

The Naked Marriage with Dave & Ashley Willis

2,797 Listeners

Helping Couples Heal Podcast by Marnie Breecker

Helping Couples Heal Podcast

424 Listeners

The Empowered Wife Podcast: Marriage Help with Laura Doyle by Laura Doyle

The Empowered Wife Podcast: Marriage Help with Laura Doyle

1,033 Listeners

Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast by Dana Che - Christian Marriage  Coach & Speaker

Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

164 Listeners

The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Coach Alexandra Stockwell, MD by Alexandra Stockwell, MD

The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Coach Alexandra Stockwell, MD

155 Listeners

Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATS by Betrayal Recovery Radio

Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATS

53 Listeners