Loving BDSM

By Loving BDSMSociety & Culture Health & Fitness Relationships Sexuality

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Based on Podcast App listening data

Loving BDSM episodes

February 10, 2017 We All Have Multiple Layers LB074
Kayla Lords is by herself in episode 74. This week’s topic is a bit personal and multi-layered – which is kind of the point.
In this episode:

* I’ve got a new book out! Sir and Babygirl: Forever Bound is the last in the series. Haven’t read the first book yet? No worries, that one is free.
* John Brownstone had a bad cold and although that seems better, he now has a bad cough. Not great for talking into a microphone.
* A lot has been going on while he’s been sick – some mundane, some larger than life.
* A few times, I didn’t react in what I would consider a “submissive” way.
* And at least once, I reframed the way I felt about something to feel more submissive.
* The point of this episode is that we’re all multilayered people and we won’t always react to things the way we think we should as kinksters.
* And that’s normal.

Links from the show:
New Book: Sir and Babygirl: Forever Bound
Free Book: The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl
Feeling More Vanilla than D/s (podcast)
How to Handle Multiple Roles as a Submissive (podcast)
When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (podcast)
Ogres Have Layers
Postcard Shoutout: Elliott (awesome sex blogger) and R-kie22 (Fetlife)
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
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Message or friend us on Fetlife
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40 min
February 03, 2017 Oral Sex in D/s Relationships LB073
For episode 73, Kayla Lords and John Brownstone took on a fun (and weirdly, sometimes a controversial topic) – oral sex in a D/s relationship. Yes, Dominants can give oral sex to their partners!
In this episode:

* We tried the cocoa butter and raw honey version of the Butters – and loooooved it!
* I listened to the blowjobs episode of the Dildorks podcast and realized we really need to talk about oral sex.
* One of my most popular blog posts is a response to an online question about whether a Dominant can give their submissive oral sex and still be a Dominant.
* Short answer: Yes!
* Oral sex isn’t a requirement in any relationship. If you genuinely don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. But don’t think you can’t have oral sex or there’s only one “right way” to do it in D/s.
* Submissives give and enjoy oral sex for different reasons: serving, kink, humiliation, etc.
* Giving oral sex, as a submissive, makes me feel powerful, too.
* We make a game out of 69.
* It’s okay to have your own quirks about oral sex – what you like or don’t like that doesn’t fit with the “fantasy” we see in porn.

Links from the show:
Get your own Butters lube! (Use code “kayla” to save 5 percent)
The Dildorks – Blowjob Episode
36 Thoughts I Have While He Eats Me Out – Fuck.com
Dominants Who Give Oral are Still Dominant
Postcard Shout-out: @pinkbobbet and her kinky family, @KneelingSub aka Dawn323 on Fetlife, and @bjolfr_ aka Brom, plus Flaggman and Sir Kinky Birder and Kitty
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
Google Play
Spotify
Your favorite podcast app!

1 hr 22 min
January 27, 2017 The Not-So-Fun Side of DD/lg: Tantrums LB072
In episode 72, Kayla admits to having a major meltdown and tantrum as a babygirl, and John Brownstone talks about how he handles those moments as a Daddy Dom. Even if you don’t identify as DD/lg, you might find something to relate to in this episode.
In this episode:

Check out my kinky gift guide from Unbound!
Enter to win a $200 gift card to Unbound!
I had a total babygirl tantrum – crying, whining, pouting – it wasn’t pretty.
I’m about to show the good and negative sides of my babygirl self because I trust John Brownstone.
But it’s not easy to deal with.
Letting out the negative emotions is cathartic even as I’m wondering, “What the hell is wrong with me?”
John Brownstone was indulgent – to a point.
When I went too far, he laid down the law, which helped me get out of that space.
During negative babygirl moments, like tantrums, sexual touch is completely unwanted – even though I don’t think to use my safeword.
It’s important for Dominants to learn their littles so you can figure out what works best for your partner. Some need indulging. Some need a firm hand. Everyone is unique.

Links from the show:
What’s the Difference Between a Daddy and a Sir? (podcast)
Making the Switch to a Daddy Dom/little Dynamic (podcast)
What a Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationship is Really Like (Kinkly)
Being a Daddy or Little isn’t About Children (Kinkly)
Postcard Shout-out: Cora on Twitter and Fetlife, plus littlebownes and DaddyBeastie
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
Google Play
Spotify
Your favorite podcast app!

1 hr 16 min
January 20, 2017 Difficult Conversations in D/s Relationships LB071
Kayla Lords and John Brownstone host episode 71 and talk about a recent hard conversation they had to have, how it helped, and why these conversations are important in D/s relationships.
In this episode:

* This week’s episode sponsored by The Butters lube
Recently, I had to confess a few concerns and fears I had about our relationship
I worried that I might be wrong and would feel silly.
I worried I might be right and then I’d have to deal with the outcome.
He listened and we didn’t try to “fix” anything in one conversation. We came back to it later after he’d had time to think about things.
At the end, we decided to stick with what worked but promised to make changes if it became necessary.
It’s better to talk about something when it feels small than waiting for it to become a giant issue.
Sometimes our head makes us think things that aren’t true.
We stay silent out of fear – not good.
Both sides need to be able to say how they’re feeling, even if it’s difficult, and even if it upsets the other person.
We got a postcard!

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681
Links from the show:
The Butters lube – Use coupon code KAYLA to save 5 percent
6 Hard Conversations You Need to Have in D/s
Monogamish: The New Rules of Marriage
Postcard Shout-out: littlebownes and DaddyBeastie
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
Google Play
Spotify
Your favorite podcast app!

1 hr 24 min
January 20, 2017 Difficult Conversations in D/s Relationships LB071
Kayla Lords and John Brownstone host episode 71 and talk about a recent hard conversation they had to have, how it helped, and why these conversations are important in D/s relationships.
In this episode:

* This week’s episode sponsored by The Butters lube
Recently, I had to confess a few concerns and fears I had about our relationship
I worried that I might be wrong and would feel silly.
I worried I might be right and then I’d have to deal with the outcome.
He listened and we didn’t try to “fix” anything in one conversation. We came back to it later after he’d had time to think about things.
At the end, we decided to stick with what worked but promised to make changes if it became necessary.
It’s better to talk about something when it feels small than waiting for it to become a giant issue.
Sometimes our head makes us think things that aren’t true.
We stay silent out of fear – not good.
Both sides need to be able to say how they’re feeling, even if it’s difficult, and even if it upsets the other person.
We got a postcard!

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681
Links from the show:
The Butters lube – Use coupon code KAYLA to save 5 percent
6 Hard Conversations You Need to Have in D/s
Monogamish: The New Rules of Marriage
Postcard Shout-out: littlebownes and DaddyBeastie
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
Google Play
Spotify
Your favorite podcast app!

1 hr 24 min
January 13, 2017 Low Energy and Lack of Motivation in Your D/s Relationship LB070
Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about feeling low energy and no motivation and how it can impact their D/s relationship in episode 70 of Loving BDSM podcast.
In this episode:

John Brownstone’s having a sale on his (very vanilla) Etsy shop!
We haven’t been motivated to do anything this week (the first week of the year and back from vacation) – not even much kinky fuckery.
Lack of motivation is normal.
Go too long not feeling like doing your normal routine – especially the D/s – and you’ll start to really notice it.
Sometimes submissives really don’t want to do a task. We usually do it, but it helps to feel motivated and excited.
Strong rules and discipline can help. Knowing there are consequences usually keeps me going.
Even Dominants can not want to do their normal thing like make decisions or deal with problems.
Talk about it when it happens.
Find ways to recharge and do things that help you relax.
We got postcards!

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681
Links from the show:
The Wood Dom on Etsy – Use code HAPPYNEWYEAR thru 1/21/17 to save 25 percent
3 Ways to Motivate Yourself in Your D/s Relationship
The Dildorks
Postcard Shout-outs: @SapphiresonFire and The Life of Elliott
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
Google Play
Spotify
Your favorite podcast app!

1 hr 16 min
January 13, 2017 Low Energy and Lack of Motivation in Your D/s Relationship LB070
Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about feeling low energy and no motivation and how it can impact their D/s relationship in episode 70 of Loving BDSM podcast.
In this episode:

John Brownstone’s having a sale on his (very vanilla) Etsy shop!
We haven’t been motivated to do anything this week (the first week of the year and back from vacation) – not even much kinky fuckery.
Lack of motivation is normal.
Go too long not feeling like doing your normal routine – especially the D/s – and you’ll start to really notice it.
Sometimes submissives really don’t want to do a task. We usually do it, but it helps to feel motivated and excited.
Strong rules and discipline can help. Knowing there are consequences usually keeps me going.
Even Dominants can not want to do their normal thing like make decisions or deal with problems.
Talk about it when it happens.
Find ways to recharge and do things that help you relax.
We got postcards!

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681
Links from the show:
The Wood Dom on Etsy – Use code HAPPYNEWYEAR thru 1/21/17 to save 25 percent
3 Ways to Motivate Yourself in Your D/s Relationship
The Dildorks
Postcard Shout-outs: @SapphiresonFire and The Life of Elliott
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
Google Play
Spotify
Your favorite podcast app!

1 hr 16 min
January 06, 2017 Handling Other People’s Opinion of Your D/s Relationship LB069
Episode 69 (bow chicka wow wow) is the first episode of 2017 and after a holiday spent with friends and family, it felt right to do a topic based on a listener’s question: How do you handle the negative opinions from vanilla family and friends over your D/s relationship?
In this episode:

John Brownstone received a slightly judgy comment on a blog post calling our kink “abuse.”
A lot of us have just spent extra time around family and friends, some of who might wonder about your kinky relationship, whether you’re out or not.
You might get comments, looks, or judgement from those who don’t know you’re kinky but maybe notice something different.
Or, like at least one listener, judgement from those who do know and don’t approve.
Coming out to anyone about your kink is a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong answer about what to do.
Before you share your kinky life with others, assess possible risks – people lose jobs and kids over their kink.
One way to “deal” with vanilla friends and family who make snide remarks or judge you is to develop a thick skin and confidence in who you are as a kinkster and a person – but it takes time.
You may never change their mind, but you don’t have to. Be who you are, and they will either accept it or not.
If you have to, remove yourself from the conversation, change the subject, or avoid their presence (if possible).
If a “friend” is refusing to believe you or listen to you, and says mean, ugly things to you, are they really your friend?
As with other things in life where we disagree – think politics – you can still love someone you don’t understand or agree with – your family and friends should be able to do the same thing. And hopefully they will.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681
Links from the show:
My Ongoing Internal Debate: Opening Up About Kink or Not
Aftercare and Punishment (John Brownstone)
Childcare and Divorce: Considerations for Alternative Lifestyles (NCSF)
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
1 hr 12 min
January 06, 2017 Handling Other People’s Opinion of Your D/s Relationship LB069
Episode 69 (bow chicka wow wow) is the first episode of 2017 and after a holiday spent with friends and family, it felt right to do a topic based on a listener’s question: How do you handle the negative opinions from vanilla family and friends over your D/s relationship?
In this episode:

John Brownstone received a slightly judgy comment on a blog post calling our kink “abuse.”
A lot of us have just spent extra time around family and friends, some of who might wonder about your kinky relationship, whether you’re out or not.
You might get comments, looks, or judgement from those who don’t know you’re kinky but maybe notice something different.
Or, like at least one listener, judgement from those who do know and don’t approve.
Coming out to anyone about your kink is a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong answer about what to do.
Before you share your kinky life with others, assess possible risks – people lose jobs and kids over their kink.
One way to “deal” with vanilla friends and family who make snide remarks or judge you is to develop a thick skin and confidence in who you are as a kinkster and a person – but it takes time.
You may never change their mind, but you don’t have to. Be who you are, and they will either accept it or not.
If you have to, remove yourself from the conversation, change the subject, or avoid their presence (if possible).
If a “friend” is refusing to believe you or listen to you, and says mean, ugly things to you, are they really your friend?
As with other things in life where we disagree – think politics – you can still love someone you don’t understand or agree with – your family and friends should be able to do the same thing. And hopefully they will.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681
Links from the show:
My Ongoing Internal Debate: Opening Up About Kink or Not
Aftercare and Punishment (John Brownstone)
Childcare and Divorce: Considerations for Alternative Lifestyles (NCSF)
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
1 hr 12 min
December 23, 2016 One Big Bonus Episode LB068
In episode 68, the last of 2016, John Brownstone and Kayla Lords treat the whole thing like one big bonus section. Not a lot of education, but plenty of conversation.
In this episode:

* The postcard project that encourages people to send (and receive) snail mail.
* I’ve got my plane ticket to London – officially.
* We want to build a community and connect with people in more direct ways in 2017.
* I want to share my Christmas drama and John Brownstone says, “No.” And then I whine about it a little. (A lot.)
* Episode 69 will air Friday, January 6 – we’re taking a week off for the holidays.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681
Links from the show:
Building a Community Through Postcards
Become a patron on Patreon
Support the show
Postcard Project
Subscribe on YouTube
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us Twitter
Message or friend us on Fetlife
Contact us!
Sign up for our newsletter
Listen to the show:
iTunes
Google Play
Spotify
Your favorite podcast app!

54 min