Loving BDSM

In episode 68, the last of 2016, John Brownstone and Kayla Lords treat the whole thing like one big bonus section. Not a lot of education, but plenty of conversation.

In this episode:

* The postcard project that encourages people to send (and receive) snail mail.

* I’ve got my plane ticket to London – officially.

* We want to build a community and connect with people in more direct ways in 2017.

* I want to share my Christmas drama and John Brownstone says, “No.” And then I whine about it a little. (A lot.)

* Episode 69 will air Friday, January 6 – we’re taking a week off for the holidays.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Building a Community Through Postcards

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

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Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

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Listen to the show:

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Your favorite podcast app!

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about subfrenzy in episode 67 – what is it, how does it happen, and what are the problems that subfrenzy can cause.

In this episode:

What is subfrenzy? A heady emotional time when a submissive is so excited and eager to submit that they go above and beyond, are overly enthusiastic, and will sometimes submit to someone not worthy out of the sheer excitement and happiness to be submitting at all.

Subfrenzy is one cause of many common problems submissives face.

When you’re in the middle of subfrenzy, you don’t usually know you’re in it, and so it’s not something you can just snap out of.

Is there a Dominant equivalent? We don’t know but if anyone has an opinion, we’re definitely interested.

What to do if you think subfrenzy put you in a bad situation or relationship

Subfrenzy is why it’s important never to give up your ability to consent, communicate, and negotiate – no matter how exciting it feels to finally submit.

We’ve got a new community-building postcard project (details in the bonus section!).

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Subfrenzy Definition – Submissive Guide

Love Languages

The Danger of Subfrenzy

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

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Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about subfrenzy in episode 67 – what is it, how does it happen, and what are the problems that subfrenzy can cause.

In this episode:

What is subfrenzy? A heady emotional time when a submissive is so excited and eager to submit that they go above and beyond, are overly enthusiastic, and will sometimes submit to someone not worthy out of the sheer excitement and happiness to be submitting at all.

Subfrenzy is one cause of many common problems submissives face.

When you’re in the middle of subfrenzy, you don’t usually know you’re in it, and so it’s not something you can just snap out of.

Is there a Dominant equivalent? We don’t know but if anyone has an opinion, we’re definitely interested.

What to do if you think subfrenzy put you in a bad situation or relationship

Subfrenzy is why it’s important never to give up your ability to consent, communicate, and negotiate – no matter how exciting it feels to finally submit.

We’ve got a new community-building postcard project (details in the bonus section!).

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Subfrenzy Definition – Submissive Guide

Love Languages

The Danger of Subfrenzy

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Sign up for our newsletter

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about how normal it is for the vanilla stuff to make you feel less your D/s self – and what to do about it.

In this episode:

 

BDSM and D/s are mostly mental. If your head’s not into, the kink will take a backseat.

When you recognize that it’s happened, say something.

Be prepared for kinky sex to feel off, too.

Make plans for playtime or a scene to help feel more “normal.”

It helps to be mindful of your role during the day – tasks, schedules, and routines help.

As a Dominant, you’ll want to be conscientiousness about helping your submissive feel their role more. Give them more to do. Ask for things you haven’t asked for in a while.

Having an errant thought of annoyance or not wanting to do your kinky thing is normal, and it’s not something to worry about unless it’s happening every time.

New relationship energy feels like it will last forever. Eventually that feeling ebbs and normalizes. This is when the these “disconnects” can occur.

All of this is normal. Getting back on track is the “work” of having a successful relationship.

Links from the Show:

3 Steps to Reconnect in Your D/s Relationship

When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (episode 38)

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Sign up for our newsletter

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about how normal it is for the vanilla stuff to make you feel less your D/s self – and what to do about it.

In this episode:

 

BDSM and D/s are mostly mental. If your head’s not into, the kink will take a backseat.

When you recognize that it’s happened, say something.

Be prepared for kinky sex to feel off, too.

Make plans for playtime or a scene to help feel more “normal.”

It helps to be mindful of your role during the day – tasks, schedules, and routines help.

As a Dominant, you’ll want to be conscientiousness about helping your submissive feel their role more. Give them more to do. Ask for things you haven’t asked for in a while.

Having an errant thought of annoyance or not wanting to do your kinky thing is normal, and it’s not something to worry about unless it’s happening every time.

New relationship energy feels like it will last forever. Eventually that feeling ebbs and normalizes. This is when the these “disconnects” can occur.

All of this is normal. Getting back on track is the “work” of having a successful relationship.

Links from the Show:

3 Steps to Reconnect in Your D/s Relationship

When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (episode 38)

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Sign up for our newsletter

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone discuss the toys that added to their kinky fuckery in 2016 (so far!).

In this episode:

* Check out the Holiday Gift Guides from Unbound Box – one for kinky fuckery and one for masturbation!

* We started this list last year (episode 17). Not every toy we try makes our list – only the ones that created a lasting memory and that we personally recommend for fun and kinky fuckery.

* In no particular order, here are our favorite toys we tried this year – so far. More toys are still being reviewed, but our new faves will have to wait until next year’s list.

Lava 3 in 1 by Intimate Melody – slow burn, slowly building orgasms

Bravolink Silicone Vibrator (rebranded as Lyps) – an inexpensive rabbit that felt really good (better than the high end one I’d tried a week before)

The Butters – lube!

Miss on the Go – a kegel exerciser that’s controlled by an app and lets you play with others

HUM vibrator – a “smart” vibe

Unbound – as a service, not the box we got – we like their return policy and love the amount of selection on their website

Tyler by Svakom – cock ring – sooooo good

Keri by Svakom – a clitoral vibrator – I’ve even shared this one with a friend

The Ruby Glow – hands-free orgasms

* Full disclosure: we are an affiliate of some but not all of these products. If we’re an affiliate of a product it means we make a small commission if you use our link and make a purchase. We only become affiliate members of products or companies we really like.

Links from the Show:

A Few of Our Favorite Toys (episode 17)

Lava 3 in 1 Review • Purchase Link

Bravolink Silicone Vibrator Review • Purchase Link

The Butters Review • Purchase Link (use coupon “kayla” to save 5 percent)

Miss on the Go Review • Purchase Link

HUM Review • Purchase Link (use code kaylalords to save 10 percent)

Unbound Box Review • Masturbation Gift Guide • Kinky Gift Guide

Tyler Review • Purchase Link

Keri Review • Purchase Link

The...

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone discuss the toys that added to their kinky fuckery in 2016 (so far!).

In this episode:

* Check out the Holiday Gift Guides from Unbound Box – one for kinky fuckery and one for masturbation!

* We started this list last year (episode 17). Not every toy we try makes our list – only the ones that created a lasting memory and that we personally recommend for fun and kinky fuckery.

* In no particular order, here are our favorite toys we tried this year – so far. More toys are still being reviewed, but our new faves will have to wait until next year’s list.

Lava 3 in 1 by Intimate Melody – slow burn, slowly building orgasms

Bravolink Silicone Vibrator (rebranded as Lyps) – an inexpensive rabbit that felt really good (better than the high end one I’d tried a week before)

The Butters – lube!

Miss on the Go – a kegel exerciser that’s controlled by an app and lets you play with others

HUM vibrator – a “smart” vibe

Unbound – as a service, not the box we got – we like their return policy and love the amount of selection on their website

Tyler by Svakom – cock ring – sooooo good

Keri by Svakom – a clitoral vibrator – I’ve even shared this one with a friend

The Ruby Glow – hands-free orgasms

* Full disclosure: we are an affiliate of some but not all of these products. If we’re an affiliate of a product it means we make a small commission if you use our link and make a purchase. We only become affiliate members of products or companies we really like.

Links from the Show:

A Few of Our Favorite Toys (episode 17)

Lava 3 in 1 Review • Purchase Link

Bravolink Silicone Vibrator Review • Purchase Link

The Butters Review • Purchase Link (use coupon “kayla” to save 5 percent)

Miss on the Go Review • Purchase Link

HUM Review • Purchase Link (use code kaylalords to save 10 percent)

Unbound Box Review • Masturbation Gift Guide • Kinky Gift Guide

Tyler Review • Purchase Link

Keri Review • Purchase Link

The Ruby Glow ...

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are together again for episode 64 of Loving BDSM. This week, they’re discussing D/s contracts.

In this episode:

* The latest video is available through Patreon or membership to KaylaLords.com! This month we focused on punching.

* What is a contract?

* A D/s contract isn’t required in a D/s relationship.

* A lot of submissives wonder if they should have them. They send emails saying their Dominant partners don’t want one.

* Having a contract requires negotiation and what goes into the contract requires negotiation.

* Don’t expect your contract to hold up in a court of law, but be careful what you put in it – just in case.

* A contract can be as simple as a written list of everything you both agree to or it can be as elaborate as you want it to be.

* Think about the reasons why you want a D/s contract. Thinking you’re “supposed” to have one isn’t usually enough of a reason.

* If your partner resists the idea of a contract, hear them out and then decide if that’s a reason you can live with.

* This isn’t a time when a Dom saying, “Because I said so” is good enough. There should be a reason given.

Links from the Show:

Kayla on Patreon

3 Reasons to Have a D/s Contract

No Constitutional Right to BDSM Sex (Washington Post)

BDSM and the Law (Wikipedia)

BDSM Contracts (BDSMcontracts.org) (Updated 11/24/19 — use code LovingBDSM and save 20 percent)

BDSM Contracts: When the Law Doesn’t Protect You, Protect Yourself (NCSF Blog)

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Sign up for our newsletter

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are together again for episode 64 of Loving BDSM. This week, they’re discussing D/s contracts.

In this episode:

* The latest video is available through Patreon or membership to KaylaLords.com! This month we focused on punching.

* What is a contract?

* A D/s contract isn’t required in a D/s relationship.

* A lot of submissives wonder if they should have them. They send emails saying their Dominant partners don’t want one.

* Having a contract requires negotiation and what goes into the contract requires negotiation.

* Don’t expect your contract to hold up in a court of law, but be careful what you put in it – just in case.

* A contract can be as simple as a written list of everything you both agree to or it can be as elaborate as you want it to be.

* Think about the reasons why you want a D/s contract. Thinking you’re “supposed” to have one isn’t usually enough of a reason.

* If your partner resists the idea of a contract, hear them out and then decide if that’s a reason you can live with.

* This isn’t a time when a Dom saying, “Because I said so” is good enough. There should be a reason given.

Links from the Show:

Kayla on Patreon

3 Reasons to Have a D/s Contract

No Constitutional Right to BDSM Sex (Washington Post)

BDSM and the Law (Wikipedia)

BDSM Contracts (BDSMcontracts.org) (Updated 11/24/19 — use code LovingBDSM and save 20 percent)

BDSM Contracts: When the Law Doesn’t Protect You, Protect Yourself (NCSF Blog)

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Sign up for our newsletter

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

In episode 63, Kayla Lords and John Brownstone discuss the things that happen, what you can expect, and some of the fun you can have at BDSM dungeons and play parties.

In this episode:

* Save five percent on John Brownstone’s new favorite lube: The Butters with code “kayla”

* How to find a dungeon or play party

* How to get into one

* All dungeons and parties are a little different but they have a few things in common.

* Dungeons and parties have their own rules.

* Dungeon monitors enforce the rules.

* There are a few common protocols to be aware of when you go.

* You’ll see people from every walk of life and every state of dress.

* You don’t have to play in public.

* You can always just watch or go to socialize.

Links from the Show:

The Butters (use code kayla and save!)

Read my review for The Butters

What to Expect at the BDSM Dungeon When You’re New

Playing in Public (Scene Magazine)

What You Can Expect and Who You’ll Meet at a Party (Submissive Guide)

7 Ways You Can Play at the Dungeon (Fetish)

An Insider’s Look at the Mysterious World of BDSM Dungeons (Kinkly)

 

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Sign up for our newsletter

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!