Loving BDSM

We thought episode 83 would be a discussion about how to handle long distance D/s relationships, but when we realized we spent nearly an hour on communication and figuring out if someone is a good fit for you, it became a two-part episode. We can’t promise we won’t need a third part, though.

In this episode:

* Sign up for 30 Days of D/s!

* This episode was inspired by a great discussion on the forum about long distance relationships.

* The first step is to decide if this person is a good fit for you.

* Develop “trust issues” if you don’t have them already to be more skeptical. 

* Earn the other person’s trust.

* Slow down and take your time.

* Get to know each other as people and friends. Focus a little less on the kink.

* Transition into the D/s after you’ve gotten to know each other.

* Become friends first

* The first person you meet might not be the one who’s good for you.

Links from the Show:

Building and Maintaining Trust in a D/s Relationship (episode 31)

Effective Communication in Your D/s Relationship (episode 40)

8 Non-Sexual Things You Can Do in Your Long Distance D/s Relationship (blog post)

Navigating a Long Distance D/s Relationship Part 2 (episode 84)

Transitioning from Long Distance to In Person D/s Relationships (episode 138)

30 Days of D/s

Postcard shout-outs to: Doctor J (check out her website!) and Professor Sex (follow her on Twitter or Instagram!)

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After hyping it up too much and driving at least a few listeners crazy, here’s episode 82 of Loving BDSM. The one where we reveal what the hell happened – but the title probably says it all. *And at one point I tried to do math and said “26 years” and I meant “36 years.” Ugh, math.*

In this episode:

* John Brownstone’s identity was found out.

* We tried to remain calm.

* Both of us understood the real, vanilla consequences of it.

* We refused to live under a potential threat we’d never see coming.

* We’ve reached out to other kinksters who had gone through something similar.

* I outed myself to my mom and will to the rest of my family because he shouldn’t be the only one who’s out.

* It’s freeing but scary.

* Life will be different

* Being “out” as a kinkster isn’t for everyone. There are real and inherent consequences for it. I am sometimes still concerned about my own situation.

Links from the Show:

Molly’s Daily Kiss

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In episode 81, things are changing for both of us which means we have to re-evaluate how tasks get done around home and work. This week, we talk about the different roles we have as people and how that may or may not affect our kink.

In this episode:

* The reason for this episode – will be told in two parts. This week, we’re talking about how things are changing. Next week, we’ll talk about why they’re changing.

* Some submissives fall into stereotypical roles of service in their relationship. I cook, clean, take care of the house, run the errands, and manage our home life.

* Not for much longer.

* Dominants (of any gender) can take on some of these roles, too, and it doesn’t make them less Dominant.

* Our shift in roles kind of messes with my head.

* We’re not sure what it will all look like.

* One thought that comes to mind is, “Will I still feel submissive?”

* The other, “What will I do to feel submissive instead?”

Links from the Show:

30 Days of D/s

Postcard shout-outs: Tora Princess (blog); @altfactabiglie (Twitter); @gottastandup (Twitter); @darlingnikki678 (IG)

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Episode 80 started with a question on Twitter: If you could go back in time, what would you tell your younger self about kink? That started a discussion between us about the emotional impact of figuring out you’re kinky and that you want D/s in some form. You might be surprised but we each had very different reactions – and you might have too.

In this episode:

* How you feel when you discover you’re kinky:

* Excited

* Terrified

* Am I going to hell?

* You may have to deal with rejection from your partner.

* Were you ready to do ALL the things?

* Did you get freaked out?

* You might question your sanity

* You might question your entire childhood – am I damaged?

* As a female submissive, I wondered whether I could truly call myself feminist

* As a parent of boys, I worried about how this could impact them.

Links from the Show:

How Discovering Kink Made Me Feel

Dealing With and Understanding Subfrenzy (episode 67)

30 Days of D/s

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Back for episode 79, Kayla Lords and John Brownstone discuss the importance of the kinky community. Plus hear more about the new website and the online Loving BDSM community!

In this episode:

* Is the kinky community important? We think so

* Some people feel like it has to be in real life.

* Others prefer online communities. We prefer both.

* Speaking of communities, we have so many postcards!

* Loving BDSM is now an online community for kinksters who want to know more about D/s whether you’re in a relationship or not.

* We’ve got forums, topics, and a suggestion box (it’s a forum, lol). We’re already getting suggestions and making a list of things to tweak and add.

* Sign up for the newsletter and get blog posts, show notes, and more sent to you once a week.

* Join our new program: 30 Days of D/s

* There’s a story for our Instagram name and why isn’t not @LovingBDSM as it should be but @loving_ds (ugh!)

Links from the Show:

5 Reasons to Join a Kinky Community

6 Ways Munches are Like Any Other Social Gathering

The Importance of Having Kinky Friends (episode 22)

30 Days of D/s

Postcard shout-outs: LadyJ_Says (Fetlife) and Mimi867 (Fetlife)

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Mic check. One, two, three. Mic. Mic. Is this thing on? Gosh, I hope so!

We think we might be back and ready to get back to normal with full episodes. To test it, and because we miss our crickets!, we did a test/teaser episode. But we don’t know how to stop talking, so instead of a few minutes, it’s almost 20.

Keep it kinky, y’all!

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are together for episode 78 but (of course) Kayla does most of the talking in this one as she discusses doing the things that terrify her aka going to Eroticon and meeting new people.

In this episode:

* Heading to London was a bigger deal to my mental health than I wanted to admit until I was on my way.

* My anxiety was at an all time high. 

* I cried in the airport and had a small panic attack on an airplane.

* I got lost in London – sort of.

* Two Americans had to go to London to find each other.

* I sat in amazing sessions and talked to brilliant people.

* I didn’t take good care of myself at first – not eating, not sleeping, and definitely not getting enough coffee.

* After I did the thing I was terrified to do, and it makes other things feel much more possible as a result.

* Even better, the new goal is for John Brownstone to go with me next year!

* We’re taking a 4-6 week hiatus to build a new home for the podcast.

* It’ll be a brand new website just for the show so we can include more resources and information for people who want it.

* We’re also going to add space for forums, chats, and more video so that people who want to connect outside of the show will have a place to do that.

* It’s scary to go away for a few weeks, but it’s also needed. We’re on the edge of burn out.

* The postcard project continues even though we didn’t get any this week.

* Keeping sending them! We’ll do a big shout-out on the first show.

* And if when you receive one from us, feel free to tag us online or let us know what you think.

* I could not have gone to London and we could not do the show without the support of everyone who listens, reads, and messages us. We love you all!

Postcard address: PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, FL 34681

Links from the Show:

10 Things I Took Home from Eroticon

Eroticon

F. Leonora – my soul sister

Coffee and Kink

Horny Geek Girl

Kink Craft

Hot Octopuss – makers of the PULSE, a toy John Brownstone loooooooves!

Ceramic Pleasures

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Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are together again for episode 77 and they’re taking on a big topic: BDSM and mental health. Consider this the first of what will certainly be many conversations about the topic.

In this episode:

* Go enter the Crescendo giveaway!

* We’re finally tackling a topic people have asked us to do for weeks and months: BDSM and mental health.

* This is just the first in what will likely be many conversations and you have to start somewhere.

* The main question we’re asking – is BDSM good for your mental health?

* Personally, I felt like I made more since once I discovered kink and BDSM.

* Old stereotypes about BDSM include that all of us are either abused or abusers at some point in life. Not true!

* Abuse happens (unfortunately) and some abuse survivors use kink to heal, help, or just to be happy. But that’s true in every walk of life.

* Studies show that BDSM might be better for us than we realized.

* Does BDSM actually help our mental health? Sometimes, yes.

* Kinky acts can help some of us with some mental health issues – spankings, S&M, bondage can alleviate feelings of anxiety for some of us.

* BDSM is good for your mental health if you’re in a safe, solid, stable relationship; it is not good for your mental health if you’re in a bad relationship, a chaotic situation, or have little support.

* I cannot be “dommed” out of anxiety or bipolar disorder but structure helps.

* Submissives aren’t the only ones who have mental health issues. Dominants do, too.

* Sometimes we don’t need domination or submission, just for someone to be there for us and tell us they still love us.

* No one should be ashamed to seek help, especially if your kinky acts are no longer helping if they once did. There’s no shame in taking medication if you need it, either.

* We’ve got a small announcement and postcards in the bonus section!

Postcard address: PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, FL 34681

Links from the Show:

Crescendo Giveaway (open until 11:59pm on March 15)

6 Science Backed Benefits of BDSM (Medical Daily)

BDSM Personality and Mental Health (Psychology Today)

The Surprising Psychology of BDSM (Psychology Today)

BDSM vs the DSM (The Atlantic)

Spanking is Essential to My Mental Health (The Establishment; by Girly Juice)

Kink-Aware Professionals

Postcard Shoutout: Knotcholibre (Fetlife); Eveslilith (Fetlife)

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...

John Brownstone is back with Kayla this week for a new episode! There may have been squeeing. This week’s topic is all about orgasm control.

In this episode:

* I’m giving away a Crescendo vibrator from Mystery Vibe!

* Orgasm control isn’t for every D/s relationship.

* It happens on a spectrum from light to extreme.

* Forced orgasms are my personal favorite and can be done in different ways.

* Edged orgasms aren’t for everyone but can turn into a huge climax at the end.

* Orgasm denial happens in a variety of ways from delaying an orgasm to total chastity for a certain amount of time.

* Having permission to orgasm or masturbate (or even touch yourself) is all part of orgasm control.

* We got postcards!

Postcard address: PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, FL 34681

Links from the Show:

Crescendo Giveaway (open until 11:59pm on March 15)

Sybian

Original Magic Wand (affiliate link)

Prostate Massage

Postcard Shoutout: Big Daddy Mage and Beautiful Babygirl; The Artful Mother: Twitter and blog

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Kayla Lords is by herself for another week in episode 75. This time, she’s answering questions received from listeners.

In this episode:

* Get your kinky fuckery on with the Unbound Kinky Gift Guide thru February

* John Brownstone is still recovering from being sick. Hopefully he’ll be back next week.

* Questions come in all the time. Some are really specific but some are probably things that other people might want to know.

* How do you build trust?

* What’s reasonable to ask in a relationship?

* How do you blend your family especially if the kids are resistant to the idea?

* What do I do about my insecurities and fears?

* How do I stop feeling so needy?

* Most of the time, the answer is communication and time.

* Feel free to send your own questions. We always answer – even if it takes us a few days.

* We got postcards!

Postcard address: PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, FL 34681

Links from the Show:

Building and Maintaining Trust in a D/s Relationship (podcast)

Communicating with Your Dominant (podcast)

Being a Parent in a D/s Relationship (podcast)

Postcard Shoutout: Little Pearl (blog) and Rabbit (Fetlife)

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Support the show

Postcard Project

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