Make Your Damn Bed

When we open ourselves up to love, we open ourselves up to pain and loss, but the loss of the love is what we will grieve, so we shouldn't resist that vulnerability. Embracing love's impermanence will deepen our experience with it.

“love is not permanently gifted, it is loaned.” - James Sexton

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi

Avoiding Avoidance (Healthline Article) https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/pushing-people-away#how-to-stop

James Sexton on Diary of a CEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MGyiqVjdKI

Thich Nhat Hanh's Hugging Meditation: https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/05/04/thich-nhat-hanh-hugging-meditation/

CS Lewis Quote: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/14816053-the-four-loves

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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There is a feedback loop that seems to happen whenever I’m spending more time alone. I notice that my need for connection seems to dissipate as my anger towards humanity inflates. Psychologists have noted this through various research and confirmed that “lonely individuals tend to think more negatively of others and see them as less trustworthy.”

If the feeling of loneliness really worked as it should, it would prompt prosocial behaviors that fulfill our need for belonging. It’s like a craving. Our bodies are craving social connection, so we should then seek it out to rectify that craving. But unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Especially for me. 

Basically, when you feel lonely, you probably also feel more depressed, which means you’re not feeling like your most “you, you”. And because you feel a bit unpleasant, it can exacerbate these issues. 

Scientists have long studied the correlation between depression symptoms and loneliness, but there seems to be less focus on the cyclical nature of these implications. 

The study I’ve been referring to did its best to track the associations between these feelings of loneliness and prosocial behaviors. 

Apparently this means the results from this study came with two distinct findings: 

Loneliness often comes with:

An increase in motivation to support others, but a poorer interpretation or execration of that social contact.

That idea that we want + seek out connections but feel an absence of soothing and support still, is the part that tends to push us further in the cycle of loneliness and despair. 

I thought it was interesting though, that it wasn’t just relationships with others we tend to be more negative about, when we’re lonely. According to the study, we also tend to evaluate ourselves more negatively as well. This lower sense of self confidence means that the odds are stacked against us. 

We feel lonely, so we feel more insecure, AND we feel more hesitant to let others in, which causes a validation of those negative biases. 

THE RESOURCE: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-75712-3 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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Studies show intrinsic goals make us much happier than extrinsic ones, but society tells us to focus our time on the material stuff. Why do we think that is?

RESOURCE: https://www.theatlantic.com/podcasts/archive/2021/10/howto-friendship-loneliness-arthurbrooks-vivekmurthy-happiness/620281/

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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I'm on my way out the door of my apartment and it's starting to hit me just how isolated I've become. A lot of it is self inflicted: ignoring phone calls and texts, neglecting plans, or foregoing the follow up. That said, I still can't take all the credit. A majority of my feelings of isolation are systemic: it's expensive outside, I'm exhausted all the time, and I don't feel that connected to my neighbors (who don't always see eye-to-eye with me).

So, let's talk about it and see if we can start a more "upward cycle" towards connectedness rather than isolation.

RESOURCES: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/08/hillary-clinton-essay-loneliness-epidemic/674921/

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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THE RESOURCE: https://medium.com/personal-growth/5-controversial-truths-by-nietzsche-that-changed-my-life-e8eb712a52c8

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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Here is a little rant about people who co-opt beautiful theories + ideas and twist them in order to justify behaviors that are actually counter to its core principles. It's infuriating, but it makes sense... Let's dig into why this happens and what we can learn from the teachings, to stop it.

RESOURCES:

WIKI:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism#:~:text=Stoicism%20teaches%20the%20development%20of,the%20universal%20reason%20(logos).

LANUSSE ON THE PARADOX: https://rickylanusse.medium.com/the-stoic-paradox-can-we-achieve-happiness-without-enjoyment-2e5f3da5233f

REDDIT WITH CRITIQUES: https://www.reddit.com/r/askphilosophy/comments/srj643/are_there_credible_criticisms_against_stoicism/

GREAT ARTICLE ON THE CRITIQUES: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-three-minute-therapist/202301/a-critique-of-stoicism

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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Today is a very special BONUS episode that gives you a sneak preview of what we're doing over at patreon. this is just 10 minutes of this month's 55 minute episode and it gets JUICY.

If you want to listen to the entire episode, plus the backlog, (and all the dailies ad-free!!!) join our little community on patreon and subscribe from there!

The Main Resource: How I defined Cosmetic Procedures: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5300934/

The "complications" resource:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4728899/

THE OTHERS:

https://www.americanboardcosmeticsurgery.org/patient-resources/cosmetic-surgery-vs-plastic-surgery/ 

https://saberplasticsurgery.com/blog/risky-plastic-surgeries/ 

https://fashionista.com/2022/08/plastic-cosmetic-surgery-reversal-trends 

https://www.popsugar.com/beauty/cosmetic-surgery-reversals-49175684 

https://www.clearstepsrecovery.com/addiction-recovery-blog/plastic-surgery-statistics-and-facts 

https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2022/07/10999857/reversible-plastic-surgery-procedures 

https://www.buzznet.com/2024/07/the-most-dangerous-beauty-trends-in-history/

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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Like most philosophies, I have notes - but that's not to say I can't learn something from the practice of stoicism. Today we talk about some of the paradoxes and some of the common critiques, but then we dig into the 3 core values of stoicism.

RESOURCE:

WIKI:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism#:~:text=Stoicism%20teaches%20the%20development%20of,the%20universal%20reason%20(logos).

LANUSSE ON THE PARADOX: https://rickylanusse.medium.com/the-stoic-paradox-can-we-achieve-happiness-without-enjoyment-2e5f3da5233f

REDDIT WITH CRITIQUES: https://www.reddit.com/r/askphilosophy/comments/srj643/are_there_credible_criticisms_against_stoicism/

GREAT ARTICLE ON THE CRITIQUES: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-three-minute-therapist/202301/a-critique-of-stoicism

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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"only the strong go crazy, the weak go along." - Assata Shakur

THE QUOTE: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8762432-only-the-strong-go-crazy-the-weak-just-go-along

THE RESOURCES: https://wokescientist.substack.com/p/maybe-madness-and-illness-is-the

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

https://adriennemareebrown.net/2024/07/03/toshi-she-gather-me-artists-talking/ 

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"This is an intergenerational, evolved evolutionary movement. They never looked out for each other the way that a lot of the groups I see organizing are looking out for each other.

They didn’t have rest. They didn’t ‘watch out for our own patriarchal natures’ and all of this stuff. There’s a reason why a lot of those people died young. We are doing so much and we are, I believe, a part of a foundational evolution for humans on the planet.

But this awareness is: this violence has got us.

So we are in the war zone. And I think anybody who’s in the war zone feels that sense that you’re feeling, like we’re all here together trying to make something change. And we can’t, because that’s what it is, it is war and then creating the laws that support war and taking all of the resources to support war.

It feels like a failure because its intention is to make us feel like we’re failing, and its intention is to keep us quiet, and its intention is to steal. You feel the way that they intend for you to feel. The difference is, we know that we are not just here on this particular plane doing this particular work — we are a wider circle.

We need to cast into that energy of our spirit and our ancestral and our future selves. That’s what I’m holding on to." - Toshi Reagon

RESOURCE: https://adriennemareebrown.net/

https://toshireagon.com/

AND https://adriennemareebrown.net/2024/07/03/toshi-she-gather-me-artists-talking/ 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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