Making Sense of and Responding to Tragic and Traumatic Events

In this special edition of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, reflect on the recent shooting at a university event where Charlie Kirk was injured, alongside the anniversary of 9/11. Together, they explore the rippling effects of tragedy and violence—how fear, anger, sadness, and numbness can show up differently for each person.

Kevin shares his personal experience as a parent whose daughter was present on campus during the shooting, describing the fear, violation, and anger that came with the uncertainty of her safety. MaryAnn connects this to past events like Columbine and 9/11, highlighting how communities and families are profoundly changed by trauma.

The conversation unpacks:

The 10–80–10 rule of human response to crisis: most freeze, some help, and some escalate.

How anger often masks deeper grief or fear, and why making sense of emotions is critical.

Practical steps for processing trauma—journaling, sitting with your body’s sensations, giving emotions language, and seeking safe spaces for group debriefing.

The dangers of media overexposure (“alone with media”) and “pain shopping,” which can reinforce trauma instead of fostering healing.

The healing power of action, connection, and vulnerability—whether by helping others, checking in on a neighbor, or simply sitting in presence with someone who is hurting.

The episode closes with a reminder, inspired by Fred Rogers: in times of tragedy, look for the helpers and be a helper.Healing happens through compassion, community, and connection—not isolation.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. – Understanding how trauma lives in the body and the importance of movement/action.

Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing – Insights into trauma, the freeze response, and the need for movement.

Joseph LeDoux’s research on trauma and neural pathways – Why taking action helps break the cycle of fear and rumination.

Fred Rogers’ “Look for the Helpers” quote – A timeless reminder of resilience in the face of tragedy.

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