Why does it seem to be so difficult to create time to spend together? We all want to spend more time with our spouse and do more together, but so often it doesn’t fit into the schedule and we don’t quite get around to doing it.

Sometimes the truth hurts. Today we’re going to give you two key strategies for creating more time with your spouse – what you can actually do to create the time together that you want to have. The first one is really helpful. The second one is also very helpful, but it could be rather painful…

The Importance of Making Time For Your Spouse

Numerous studies support the idea that spending time with your spouse is important to the health of your marriage. That’s no shock!

One study looked at 280 couples and how much time they spent together. They came back to those same couples fives years later to see how they were doing. The study found a positive relationship between shared leisure time and marital stability (the marriage enduring to the end of the five years). On the other hand, marital dissolution (divorce or separation) was associated with less shared leisure time.[i]

The two activities most associated with marital stability were recreation (active recreation activities such as bowling, swimming, skating, skiing, fishing, boating, camping, and pleasure drives) and TV Watching.[ii]

The first one I understand, but the last one surprised me! Caleb and I are biased against the consumption of TV. From what we hear listening to other couples though, it seems that some couples get really into the story of shows together and that becomes a point of common interest, discussion, interaction etc. But we don’t know!

What do you think? Do you find that watching TV is a positive, shared point of contact between you? What do you watch? What does that do for you?

Leisure time is also associated with greater marital satisfaction. Another study states that the most satisfied couples spend about 50 percent more waking hours with each other than the least satisfied couples.[iii]

These are just two studies but it is common sense and supported by the research that spending time together makes for a more satisfying marriage.

So What Makes Spending Time Together So Hard?

A study in 2011 looked at just over 4000 households to determine what household characteristics predicted couples’ time together. The results highlighted two areas that were significantly correlated with spending less time together:

long working hours, and

small children in the household.[iv]

Interestingly, they found that the differences between the ability for single-earner and dual-earner couples to spend time together was small – as soon as one spouse has to go to work, it becomes difficult to do things together.

Obviously, we can’t all quit our jobs to spend time with our spouse… so what can we do?

What You Can Do to Spend More Time With Your Spouse

Here are two strategies for you to think about. The first is to look at your roadblocks and then redefine them as opportunities. The second is to do the harder, value-laden work of deciding what is most important to you. That’s where we get to the more painful stuff.

Redefine Seemingly Unmoveable Restraints as Possible to Work Around

Every couple has “restraints” to work around. Restraints being all of the activities they are required to complete in a day – things like work, school, childcare, housework, etc. All these demands can appear inflexible and impossible to work around, but are they?

Fein said that couples can create more leisure time together by…[v]

Postponing housework

Arranging alternative care for children

Taking paid or unpaid leave

Doing nonmarket activities together (work that is unpaid such as housework and childcare)

Reassess who contributes to housework and other household demands

Connecting at different times. For example, Caleb would love to connect after supper, but with little munchkins around that wasn’t possibl...