Talking points: mindset, emotions, habits, burnout

Ever get the feeling you...don't feel anything? Yeah, me too. This is something that affects just about everyone at some point in their lives, and it contributes to overuse of all kinds of coping mechanisms. Here's what numbing out is, where it comes from, and a five-step method on how to get out of it.

(00:00:00) - Intro and the biggest misconceptions around numbing out

(00:05:26)- Don’t see numbness as a villain, and some numbness “caveats”

(00:09:29) - What causes us to numb out? How is it a learned response?

(00:14:55) - What we need to know before we stop numbing out

(00:17:22) - The first step: what are you using to numb out?

(00:18:36) - Create a plan, and why you shouldn’t expect cold turkey to go well

(00:21:42) - If you have trauma, there’s a caveat

(00:23:32) - Numbness is itself an experience

(00:25:17) - Use your breath to reconnect to your body. Here’s why

(00:31:03) - Look for sensation

(00:33:45) - Final step: letting the sensations have a voice

***

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Talking points: stoicism, mindset, philosophy, parenting

Brian proves that Stoicism is anything but unenthusiastic. We cover so much ground here, and Brian's passion and joy for what he does is inspiring. If you're looking for clearcut ideas on how to craft a self and a life that you're proud of, this is the episode to listen to—and share with your friends!

(00:00:00) - Intro and Brian’s defining moment

(00:06:50) - What is areté?

(00:09:02) - Why has there been a resurgence of stoicism?

(00:14:42) - Brian on how to parent when things are floundering, and how stoicism tackles fear and laziness

(00:21:24) - How does Brain raise his own son in an increasingly chaotic world?

(00:28:47) - What are some challenges young boys face today that are unequivocally different than before?

(00:39:11) - How does someone use Stoic principles to build more discipline with things turning to punishment?

(00:45:56) - “So…do I just have to go through the suck then?”

(00:51:54) - The science of hope

(01:00:27) - What is “targeted thinking”?

(01:03:40) - The practicals of antifragile confidence

(01:12:05) - How do you develop your own protocols for building your own antifragile confidence?

Brian Johnson is the Founder & CEO of Heroic Public Benefit Corporation. He’s 50% Philosopher + 50% CEO and 101% committed to helping create a world in which 51% of humanity is flourishing by the year 2051. As a Founder/CEO he’s raised $25M+, made crowdfunding history, and built and sold two social platforms. As a Philosopher/teacher, he’s helped millions of people from around the world, trained 10,000+ Heroic Coaches from 100+ countries and created a protocol that science says changes lives. He lives in the country outside Austin, Texas, with his wife, Alexandra, and their two kids, Emerson and Eleanor.

Connect with Brian

-Website: https://www.heroic.us/arete

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heroicbrian/

-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRhEwzsFYLGcMa4m2AbTAoA

-Heroic App, iOS: https://apple.co/4c7uUQk, Android: https://bit.ly/3VcaKi2

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: coaching, therapy, masculinity, mental health

Eyebrow-raising title aside, I know from personal experience it can be wildly difficult for coaches and therapists who work with men to make actual progress. But! There are clearcut reasons for this, and there are clearcut things you can do.

So if you're a coach or therapist who wants a better experience for both you AND the guy in your chair, listen in. If you're not one of those, then use this as a guide to help you find a coach that's right for you!

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:01:50)- Therapists tend to work with men the same way they’d word with women

(00:04:00) - The major reasons coaches/therapists struggle to get results

(00:09:42) - So how do you actually get results? And why rapport is so important

(00:11:38) - Get him out of his head and into his body

(00:16:05) - Develop the skills to truly be with his intensity

(00:20:54) - Identify where he feels he lacks competency—and build a plan

(00:22:50) - Learn to work with a man’s resistance, and repurpose his inner critic

(00:25:04) - Learn how (and when) to confront him on his BS

(00:25:58) - Be a friend

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: food, addiction, cravings

I've gotta say, I enjoyed this one a lot. Glenn has a TON of practical, actionable, and science-based advice on tackling cravings—and a nice dose of good humor. Grab a pencil and listen close for this one, team.

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:02:26)- Why are so many North Americans overweight?

(00:10:01) - Glenn on the declining quality of food

(00:17:24) - Getting away from packaged food is generally more important than a specific diet

(00:19:57) - Why is overeating such a thing, how do we approach letting go of that, and “organismic distress”

(00:39:24) - More helpful examples of organismic distress

(00:43:17) - Where does understanding a craving start?

(00:54:53) - How does a craving actually get extinguished, and the “extinction curve” that they take

Glenn Livingston, Ph.D. was the long time CEO of a multi-million dollar consulting firm which has serviced several Fortune 500 clients in the food industry. You may have seen his (or his company's) previous work, theories, and research in major periodicals like The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Chicago Sun Times, The Indiana Star Ledger, The NY Daily News, American Demographics, or any of the other major media outlets you see on this page. You may also have heard him on ABC, WGN, and/or CBS radio, or UPN TV.

Disillusioned by what traditional psychology had to offer overweight and/or food obsessed individuals, Dr. Livingston spent several decades researching the nature of bingeing and overeating via work with his own clients AND a self-funded research program with more than 40,000 participants. He earned his Ph.D. is in psychology from Yeshiva University in 1991.

Connect with Glenn

-Website: https://www.defeatyourcravings.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/defeatyourcravings/

***

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month.

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: anxiety, parents, relationships, attachment

Thanks to everyone who's written in on these guides, I love hearing from you. Next up? Anxious attachment. What is it, where does it come from, and what you can do to work yourself—and your relationships—away from it. If you've ever found yourself doing stuff like getting anxious because they didn't text you back or because you need their phone password, this might be the ep for you.

Curious about other guides? Check out my free PDF, A Man's Guide To Ending Codependency: https://training.mantalks.com/codependency

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:03:14)- The core essence of anxious attachment

(00:07:53) - Some differences between secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment

(00:09:57) - Causes of anxious attachment; number one, inconsistent parental responses

(00:15:08) - Ask yourself: how was my upbringing unpredictable, or where were my parents unpredictable?

(00:17:19) - Cause number two: overly intrusive caretakers

(00:23:38) - Cause number three: emotional dependence encouraged by caregivers

(00:27:03) - Next is parental unavailability or rejection

(00:29:45) - Lastly, abuse, trauma, or PTSD

(00:30:45) - So what do we do? 

(00:34:25) - The biggest, most important piece: learn how to self-regulate. Here’s how

(00:41:18) - Solution number two: exposure therapy

(00:43:43) - Solution number three: work on your self-esteem and self-worth

(00:45:34) - Detach your worth from others’ validation

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: trauma, hynotherapy, ADHD, insomnia, neurology, psychology

Team, this is an episode chock full of info. I've never touched on the subject of hypnotherapy before, but it's interested me for a while. Professor David Spiegel came to dispel some of the misinfo around hypnosis as a therapeutic practice, and he offered a TON of insight into what's really happening in the mind and brain during a proper session. If you've ever been curious about hypnosis or are looking for new healing methods to try out, this is the episode for you.

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:03:05)- Myths about hypnosis

(00:09:14) - The neurology behind hypnosis

(00:17:43) - Neurological similarities between hypnosis and psychedelic experiences

(00:24:26) - More on what’s really happening in the brain during a hypnosis session

(00:28:35) - Can hypnosis help with ADHD, and how men tend to have difficult accessing a somatic experience

(00:35:52) - How can hypnotherapy help with trauma?

(00:42:59) - Hypnotherapy and healing the somatic intensity of trauma responses

(00:45:33) - David’s new therapeutic app

(00:52:12) - “It doesn’t have to be either/or, it can be both/and”

(00:56:10) - Insomnia, what’s involved in falling asleep, and how hypnotherapy may help

Dr. David Spiegel is Willson Professor and Associate Chair of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences, Director of the Center on Stress and Health, and Medical Director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine, where he's been a member of the academic faculty since 1975, and was Chair of the Stanford University Faculty Senate from 2010-2011. David has more than 40 years of clinical and research experience studying psycho-oncology, stress and health, pain control, psychoneuroendocrinology, sleep, hypnosis, and conducting randomized clinical trials involving psychotherapy for cancer patients. He's published 13 books, 404 scientific journal articles, and 170 book chapters on hypnosis, psychosocial oncology, stress physiology, trauma, and psychotherapy. His research has been supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, the National Cancer Institute, the National Institute on Aging, the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, the Fetzer Institute, the Dana Foundation for Brain Sciences, and the Nathan S. Cummings Foundation.

Connect with David:

-David's app, Reveri: https://www.reveri.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reveri/

***

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month.

This episode is also brought to you by Factor. Chef-prepared meals made easy, made healthy, and hey, no mess after! Check out factormeals.com/mantalks50 for 50% off your first box!

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: relationships, conflict

Key word there? Improve. There will always be some form of butting heads, no matter the relationship, no matter how long. But it doesn't have to be something that creates wreckage. It can actually be helpful. Here's what to do.

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:02:27)- The first three minutes, and why conflict CAN be productive

(00:04:57) - Know the role you tend to play

(00:05:47) - Breathe and ground, breathe and ground

(00:07:20) - Don’t get stuck in the objective reality and ignore the subjective experience of each other

(00:11:33) - After a year, most couples already pretty set-in ways of arguing, aka this is gonna take practice

(00:12:42) - Study (and I mean study) the first three minutes of conflict

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: biology, nervous system, burnout, mindset, anger

I've said a number of times on the show that people with regulated nervous systems are going to be extremely well-equipped for the coming days. To that end, I wanted to bring dysregulation expert Dr. Linnea on to show how important—and how possible—it is be grounded, regulated, and flexible in our responses to life. If you're chronically stressed, THIS is the episode to listen to.

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:03:56)- Why is learning about nervous system dysregulation so important?

(00:11:09) - What the ultimate core function of the nervous system really is

(00:21:08) - The intelligence of anger

(00:25:30) - How Dr. Linnea helps people identify and move through their anger

(00:33:32) - How much are nervous system issues derived from our parents?

(00:37:20) - On children, boundary testing, and how a little bit of adversity is actually beneficial

(00:43:35) - What’s more important: developing sensitivity to your current nervous system or understanding

(00:53:01) - The Alertness Elevator model

(00:59:23) - A five-stage plan to reverse nervous system dysregulation

(01:08:30) - The restoration, connection, and expansion stages

Dr. Linnea Passaler is a multifaceted health professional whose life and career have been driven by a passion for learning and her desire to assist others. With a degree in oral medicine from the renowned Universitá degli Studi in Milan, she interned at HSR Research- Ospedale San Raffaele – an advanced molecular biology facility located there. This experience kindled her interest and enthusiasm for research and immunology specifically. Through her journey and research, Dr. Linnea was able to recognize the effects of nervous system dysregulation on the sensitive person and how it contributes to conditions like anxiety, burnout, and physical and emotional symptoms. This realization drove her to found ‘Heal Your Nervous System,’ a platform that offers tools and resources to help individuals worldwide understand the root cause of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and physical and emotional symptoms

Connect with Dr. Linnea

-Website: https://healyournervoussystem.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healyournervoussystem

-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healyournervoussystem

-Book: Heal Your Nervous System: https://amzn.to/3SN3HcC

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: attachment, mindset, relationships, psychology

The last “A Man’s Guide” was a big hit. I had a feeling it would be, but the response still surprised me! Next up, a serious breakdown of avoidant attachment. Here's the definition, where it comes from, the signs, and tips for moving away from it in a relationship.

This is a great episode to listen to with your partner. Take notes, discuss, and see what comes up! Lastly, thank you to everyone who reached out with comments, questions, ideas, and gratitude. I love doing these longer-form presentations; it means I get to nerd out and really lay things down.

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:03:56)- Defining secure attachment versus avoidant

(00:06:51) - Attachment styles don’t mean you’re broken or diseased in some way

(00:08:20) - What an avoidant attachment style ultimately is, where it comes from, and one major type many men embody

(00:15:12) - One major origin point of avoidant attachment: emotional distance or unavailability

(00:23:59) - Another major origin point: premature independence

(00:26:44) - And the third: rejection of attachment

(00:29:27) - Last one: inconsistent responses and emotional stability

(00:33:49) - Signs of avoidant attachment in your relationship

(00:40:39) - What to do if you’re with an avoidant partner

(00:50:43) - What to do if YOU are the avoidant partner!

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: childhood, trauma, foster care, relationships

We all know that poverty can have a massive impact on a child's future well-being, sense of self, attachment style, and more. Foster children face equally (if not more) significant challenges. Rob Henderson, author of the incredibly powerful book, "Troubled", explains some of what happens. Team, I strongly recommend this one if you're interested at all in childhood trauma, how attachment develops, the apparent demonization of young men, absent fathers, and of course, Rob's book. Seriously could NOT stop reading it.

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:06:54)- How Rob approached writing such a profound book—and why

(00:14:27) - What’s the foster-care system like in America?

(00:23:01) - How does the foster-care system shape a child’s perspective on relationships?

(00:36:01) - How Rob found a sense of belonging

(00:39:23) - How did Rob repair or build relationships with men?

(00:46:06) - Rob’s take on how absent fathers impact children

(00:51:33) - On “Young Male Syndrome” and the limits of attachment

(01:03:40) - How do dating apps impact attachment, and how Rob worked on healing his own attachment style

Rob Henderson grew up in foster homes across California, and is a writer on human nature, psychology, social class, TV shows, movies, political and social divisions, and more. He's perhaps most known for pioneering the concept of "luxury beliefs," a term he coined to describe a new way of understanding the American status system. After working as a busboy, a dishwasher, and supermarket bagger, he joined the Air Force at the age of 17, stationed mostly in Europe and deployed in the Middle East.

Once described as “self-made” by the New York Times, Henderson obtained a B.S. in Psychology from Yale (thanks to the G.I. Bill) and a Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of Cambridge (St. Catharine’s College), where I studied as a Gates Cambridge Scholar. He is a founding faculty fellow at UATX and a columnist at The Free Press, and have written for the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the Boston Globe, among other outlets.

Connect with Rob

-Substack: https://www.robkhenderson.com/

-Twitter: https://twitter.com/robkhenderson

-Book: Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168537

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices