In this episode, we dive deep into the concept of generational patterns and how they affect relationships. Our guest, Leanna Hunt, a somatic therapist and certified performance coach, shares insights on nervous system regulation and generational trauma healing. We explore how trauma can be passed down through generations and discuss practical steps couples can take to break these cycles.

Key Topics:

Introduction to generational patterns and their impact on relationships. The science behind trauma inheritance, including the cherry blossom study on mice. The role of the nervous system in perceiving safety and threat. Practical steps for couples to recognize and address inherited patterns. The four-step framework: Notice, Name, Nurture, and Navigate. Real-life examples of healing generational patterns.

Links Mentioned:

Follow Liana Hunt on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aligningwithleanna

Aligning with Liana Book: "It Didn't Start with You" by Mark Wolynn: https://www.amazon.com/Didnt-Start-You-Inherited-Family/dp/1101980389

Connect with Us:

Email: [email protected] – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.

Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.

Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.

Hashtags: #MasterYourMarriage #GenerationalHealing #RelationshipAdvice

Remember, it's the small things done often that have the greatest impact. Be kind to each other and put each other first.

In this episode, we discuss the impact of parenting differences on marriages and introduce two conflict blueprints for couples. The importance of gentle communication, understanding core values, and the need for compromise in resolving disagreements. The conversation includes practical examples and research-backed strategies to enhance communication and foster stronger, more meaningful relationships.

Takeaways

Differences in parenting can cause stress in marriages.

Getting on the same page as parents leads to better outcomes for children.

Two conflict blueprints are introduced: gentle start and gridlocked issues.

The need to be right can be destructive in relationships.

Compromise fosters creativity and better solutions.

Influence in a relationship requires being open to influence.

Starting conversations gently predicts their success.

The feedback wheel is a useful tool for giving and receiving feedback.

Understanding core values is crucial for resolving gridlocked issues.

Temporary solutions can be revisited and adjusted over time.

Connect with Us:

Email: [email protected] – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.

Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.

Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.

Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

In this episode, we delve into the universal challenges of parenting conflicts, exploring how core values and meta-emotion mismatches can escalate disagreements. We discuss research findings from Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Nancy Eisenberg, offering insights into managing these conflicts and aligning parenting styles for the well-being of children.

Key Points:

Top three conflicts among couples with young children: chores, money, and parenting. The Impact of Divorce on Parenting Disagreements and Ongoing Conflicts. Understanding meta-emotion mismatches and their role in predicting divorce. Dr. Eisenberg's research on emotional socialization and parenting styles. The importance of aligning parenting styles to foster emotional intelligence in children.

Join us next week for part two, where we'll dive into practical solutions using Gottman's Dreams Within Conflict method to align your parenting approach.

Connect with Us

Email: [email protected] – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.

Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.

Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.

Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

In this episode, we explore the concept of emotional maturity and its critical role in maintaining healthy relationships. We discuss how maturity isn't tied to age but is reflected in behavior, especially during disagreements. We share the importance of handling conflicts with empathy and understanding, drawing insights from Dr. John Gottman's research on relationship predictability.

Key Points:

Emotional maturity is about recognizing and managing emotions productively. Dr. John Gottman's research highlights the importance of how couples handle disagreements. The impact of social media and technology on emotional maturity. Practical strategies to build emotional maturity and manage conflicts.

Takeaways:

Emotional maturity involves self-control, empathy, and prioritizing the relationship over ego. Conflicting opinions are normal and can be healthy if managed maturely. Building emotional maturity requires practice and intentional effort.

• Email: [email protected] – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.
• Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.
• Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.
• Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

This episode delves into the toxic pattern of triangulation in relationships, particularly within family dynamics. The hosts discuss how triangulation manifests, its impact on emotional health, and the importance of direct communication. They provide strategies for recognizing and breaking free from this pattern, emphasizing the need for awareness, setting boundaries, and doing personal work to foster healthier relationships.

Takeaways

• Triangulation involves pulling a third person into a conflict instead of addressing it directly.
• This pattern can create significant emotional distress and dysfunction in relationships.
• Children often become unwitting participants in triangulation, which can harm their emotional development.
• Enmeshment and triangulation are closely related, often leading to blurred personal boundaries.
• Recognizing triangulation is crucial for breaking the cycle and fostering healthier communication.
• Setting clear boundaries is essential to avoid being drawn into triangulation.
• Direct communication is a key strategy for resolving conflicts without triangulation.
• Personal growth and self-awareness are necessary to break free from unhealthy patterns.
• Triangulation can perpetuate generational dysfunction within families.
• Healthy relationships thrive on clear, direct communication and emotional honesty.

• Email: [email protected] – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.
• Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.
• Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.
• Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

Ever notice how loss can drop a marriage into two wildly different time-zones? One spouse wants to talk it out while the other goes radio-silent. In this week’s episode of Master Your Marriage, we sit down with grief coach and children’s-book author Jennifer Morris to unpack how couples can stay yoked when death, empty nests, or any major life change rattles the compass. From Sharla’s raw reflections on losing her dad last weekend to Jennifer's story of losing her mother to suicide, we explore the complexities of grief within marriage.

You can connect with Jennifer through her website at https://loveconnectsus.com/ or via instagram at https://www.instagram.com/jennifer_s_morris/

• Co-Regulation > Lone-Wolfing: Borrow each other’s nervous systems—sometimes your partner’s steady breath is the best grief coach in the room.
• Internal vs. External Processors: One of you journals for days; the other needs to verbal-vomit now. Neither is “doing it wrong.”
• Safe-Person Contract: Identify (and literally ask) a friend to be your non-judgmental vent line when your spouse’s bucket is already full.
• Therapy Is a Life Coach for Your Brain: A “checkup from the neck up” isn’t weakness; it’s the Super Bowl with a playbook.
• Stay Curious, Not Furious: Swap “You’re not sad enough!” for “How are you really feeling today—1 to 10?”
• Micro-Self-Care Moves Mountains: Garden for 30 minutes, swing a golf club, hug the bunny—anything that restores a flicker of joy.
• Create to Heal: Writing a poem, planting a memorial tree, or starting a tiny foundation signals you’re moving from grief to growth.

• “I Will Be With You Always” & “I Will Remember You Always” by Jennifer Morris – kid-friendly stories that comfort adults, too.
• Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg – the art of presence over platitudes.

• Email: [email protected] – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.
• Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.
• Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.
• Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

Grief will visit every long-haul marriage; let it bind, not blind you. This week pick one toward-vision action—schedule a sunset walk, text your safe person, or try Jennifer’s 1-to-10 check-in. Remember: it's the small things done often! Until next Wednesday, keep turning toward each other.

Do you ever notice how some couples only sprint toward “saving the marriage” when the divorce papers are already drafted—while others seem to glide forward, energized by a shared dream? In this week’s episode of Master Your Marriage, we tackle the sneaky trap of away-from motivation (fixing things only when the fire alarm blares) versus the power of a toward vision that pulls you closer every day. From the cautionary tale of “Mark and Lisa” to a five-minute future-pacing meditation you can try today, you’ll discover why dodging pain keeps you on a hamster wheel—while chasing a vivid, magnetic dream propels your relationship into lasting joy.

• Vision Beats Crisis Mode: Couples thrive when they’re propelled by a clear picture of what they want—not just a terror of what might go wrong.
• Toward vs. Away Motivation: Toward taps the prefrontal cortex (planning, reward); away fires up the amygdala (threat detector). Guess which one fuels sustainable connection?
• Self-Sabotage Loop: Relying on fear creates boom-and-bust cycles—think lottery winners who go broke or spouses who coast till the next blow-up.
• Science-Backed Shift: Deci & Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory shows goals aligned with values drive deeper satisfaction than “avoid-pain” goals ever will.
• One Tiny Action Wins: A single intentional habit—daily check-ins, a kind note, listening without fixing—can yank you off the crisis rails and onto the vision highway.
• Anchor the Future: Their guided five-minute meditation lets you feel next year’s dream marriage now, then “anchor” it with a thumb-and-finger press you can trigger anytime motivation wanes.

• “Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation” by Edward Deci & Richard Ryan – The classic paper on toward motivation.
• “Drive” by Daniel H. Pink – A page-turning breakdown of autonomy, mastery, purpose, and why carrot-and-stick fails at home and work.
• Roy Baumeister’s Research on Loss Aversion – Why bad feels stronger than good (and how to stop letting it run your marriage).

• Email: [email protected] – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.
• Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.
• Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.
• Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

Crisis may light a fire under you, but vision lights a fire within you. Choose one small, toward action this week—plan a stress-free check-in, script out that gratitude note, or replay the meditation until your thumb-and-finger “anchor” makes you smile on cue. Remember: it’s the small things—done often— that sculpt a masterpiece marriage. Until next week, keep steering toward the dream you truly want.

Do you ever slip into “I deserve better” mode and forget just how lucky you are to wake up next to your favorite human? In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we unpack the power of cherishing—the next-level upgrade from mere “appreciation.” Through real-life stories (yes, including the magic fridge on their camping trip) and the Gottmans’ 20-question fondness quiz, we reveal how entitlement quietly drains joy while gratitude super-charges connection. You’ll learn why naming seven things you adore about each other feels scarier than rattling off seven complaints—and how flipping that script can transform your relationship, stress levels, and overall happiness.

• Cherishing > Appreciation: Cherishing is an intentional, daily choice to see your partner’s irreplaceable worth, far beyond liking their steak-grilling skills.
• Gratitude Kills Entitlement: Entitlement says “you owe me”; gratitude says “you choose me,” sparking instant warmth and goodwill.
• Take the Gottman Fondness & Admiration Quiz: A quick 20-item self-check exposes whether you’re coasting or truly nurturing love.
• Beware the Hedonic Treadmill: Humans acclimate fast; without active cherishing, today’s blessings become tomorrow’s baseline.
• One-Sided is Still Powerful: You don’t need your spouse’s permission to start cherishing—your unilateral gratitude can shift the whole vibe.

• Gottman Institute Fondness & Admiration Test – Free download at gottman.com; track your score and watch it climb.
• “Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier” by Robert Emmons – Science-backed tactics to rewire your brain for appreciation.
• Article: “Why Entitlement Sabotages Marriage” (Psychology Today) – A deep dive into the hidden costs of the “I deserve” mindset.
• TEDx Talk: “The Price of Happiness—Escaping the Hedonic Treadmill” by Niro Sivanathan – Understand why more stuff (or perfect spouses) never feels like enough.
• Worksheet: Daily 3-for-3 Gratitude Routine – Download from greatergood.berkeley.edu to kick-start your cherishing habit.

• Email: [email protected] – Ask about our coaching options or share your story.
• Instagram: Follow @masteryourmarriage for daily tips and inspiration.
• Reviews: Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify, and share it with someone who’d benefit.
• Feedback: Have topic ideas or ways we can improve? Email us at [email protected].

Your spouse doesn’t owe you a thing—and that’s the magic. Choose to notice the fresh towels, the stocked fridge, or the perfectly packed toolbox. Say it out loud, expect nothing back, and watch the temperature of your marriage rise. Here’s to cherishing, one heartfelt “thank you” at a time. Until next week, keep doing the small things—done often—that build a masterpiece marriage.

Do you ever feel alone, even in your marriage? In this powerful episode of Master Your Marriage, we explore why loneliness hits so hard and how your brain is wired for connection. Sharla and Robert dive into the science of the relational brain, challenging the “go it alone” mindset of individualism. From Ed Tronick’s “still face” experiment to James Coan’s Social Baseline Theory, we uncover how co-regulation—syncing with your partner’s nervous system—can transform your relationship. Through compelling stories, like a couple rediscovering connection amidst conflict, and the stark realities of isolation (from orphanages to solitary confinement), we reveal why connection isn’t just a want—it’s a survival need. Plus, we tackle the paradox: love can calm us, but it can also trigger us like nothing else. Tune in to learn how prioritizing your marriage can heal loneliness and build a healthier, happier life together.

• Your Brain Craves Connection: Science shows our nervous systems are designed to co-regulate, sharing emotions and stress with others to stay balanced and healthy.
• Loneliness Hurts—Literally: From infants in orphanages to adults in solitary confinement, disconnection can lead to physical and mental health crises.
• Co-Regulation in Action: Simple acts, like staying calm when your partner is stressed, can help them “borrow” your calm nervous system.
• The Paradox of Love: Marriage can be a lighthouse of safety but also a mirror, triggering old wounds—making a secure relationship essential for survival.
• Individualism’s Downside: Prioritizing “me” over “we” can erode connection, but relationalism rebuilds trust and intimacy in marriage.

Explore these resources to deepen your understanding of how we’re wired for connection:

• Ed Tronick’s “Still Face” Experiment: Watch this YouTube video to see how a mother’s blank face impacts her child, showing the power of emotional synchronicity. Search “Ed Tronick Still Face Experiment.”
• Social Baseline Theory by Lane Beckes and James Coan: Learn more about how our brains rely on close relationships to conserve energy and manage stress. Check out Coan’s TEDx talk or their research at the University of Virginia’s website (search “James Coan Social Baseline Theory”).
• Dr. Dan Siegel’s Work: His book The Developing Mind explains how relationships shape our brains. A great starting point for understanding interpersonal neurobiology.
• Rene Spitz’s Orphanage Studies: Read about Spitz’s 1950s research on how emotional neglect led to infant mortality, highlighting connection as a survival need. Available in psychology journals or summaries online (search “Rene Spitz orphanage studies”).
• Book Recommendation: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book dives into attachment theory, offering practical insights for building secure connections in your marriage.
• Further Study: Visit the Greater Good Science Center (greatergood.berkeley.edu) for articles on the science of relationships and connection, including practical tips for couples.

• Email: [email protected] – Ask about our coaching options or share your story.
• Instagram: Follow @masteryourmarriage for daily tips and inspiration.
• Reviews: Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify, and share it with someone who’d benefit.
• Feedback: Have topic ideas or ways we can improve? Email us at [email protected].

Connection is your nervous system’s cry for survival. Your marriage can be a lighthouse, guiding you through loneliness and stress—but it takes work. Be curious about your partner. Stay open, even when it’s hard. That’s where the magic of co-regulation happens. Thanks for joining us on Master Your Marriage. Here’s to building a stronger, more connected relationship, one moment at a time.

In this powerful follow-up to our discussion on big “T” trauma, we dive deeper into how all trauma—big and small—shapes the automatic behaviors that can strain your marriage. From lying to stonewalling, these “stances” stem from your adaptive child, a part of you formed in childhood. Through heartfelt stories and practical steps, we explore how to identify these patterns, heal your inner child, and choose wiser responses to reclaim your relationship. Join Robert and Sharla for an honest, hope-filled conversation about breaking free from the past.

Relationships aren’t just about communication or date nights—the real work is growing beyond your automatic reactions. In this episode, we unpack how childhood trauma creates your relational “stance,” an instinctive response like fighting, fleeing, or fixing that shows up when stress hits. We share the story of Dan, whose evasiveness nearly cost him his marriage, and Jessica, whose stonewalling left her husband feeling disconnected. Drawing on insights from therapists like Terry Real and Pia Mellody, we explain how the “adaptive child” forms and how to spot it in yourself. Most importantly, we offer a compassionate, practical path to pause, reflect, and choose responses that prioritize love over survival. If you missed Part 1, go back and listen to our discussion on big “T” trauma—it sets the stage for this episode!

1. Your Stance is Your Adaptive Child: Your knee-jerk reactions in marriage—like lying, shutting down, or people-pleasing—are coping strategies from childhood trauma, big or small. They helped you survive then but can hurt your relationship now.
2. Trauma Isn’t Always Big: “Little t” traumas, like being told your emotions were too much or lacking emotional guidance, wire your nervous system and show up as automatic behaviors in adulthood.
3. Spot the Signs: You’re in your adaptive child when you get rigid, harsh, or lose empathy. In your wise mind, you’re curious, flexible, and compassionate—qualities that strengthen your marriage.
4. Heal with Compassion: Don’t indulge or shame your inner child. Instead, have a loving conversation: forgive them, apologize for their pain, and commit to protecting your partner.
5. Choose Wisely: Pause before reacting. Wait for your “second consciousness” to choose a response that puts your relationship first, like Dan’s honest “I forgot” moment.
6. It’s a Daily Practice: Reclaiming your marriage means identifying your stance, pausing, and choosing love moment by moment. With practice, you can shift from “me” to “we.”

Resources Mentioned:

• Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terry Real – The book featuring Dan and Julia’s story, offering insights on relational healing.
• Pia Mellody’s work on the “adaptive child” – Explore her books like Facing Codependence for a deeper understanding of how childhood shapes adult behaviors.

Suggested Resources:

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – A must-read for understanding how trauma affects the nervous system and relationships.
• Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson – A practical guide to building emotional connection in your marriage.
• Journal Prompt: Reflect on your relational stance. Ask honestly, “What do I do when I’m triggered? What is my relational stance?”
• Get Coaching: Consider working with coach or therapist with experience dealing with trauma, or reach out to us for personalized coaching (see Connect with Us below).

We’re here to support you in building a stronger, healthier marriage. If this episode resonated and you’d like help breaking free from old patterns, reach out!

• Email: [email protected] – Ask about our coaching options or share your story.
• Instagram: Follow @masteryourmarriage for daily tips and inspiration.
• Reviews: Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify, and share it with someone who’d benefit.
• Feedback: Have topic ideas or ways we can improve? Email us at [email protected].

This week, be kind to each other and put your partner first. Healing from trauma’s impact is a moment-to-moment practice, but it’s worth it for the love you’ll build. Remember, it’s the small things, done consistently, that create the biggest impact. Until next time, keep choosing love.