When was the last time you did something that made you feel slightly exposed, a little uncomfortable, but might just have opened up a whole new part of your life? 

In this slightly different episode of Mid-Life Men, my guest is Dom Stichbury, founder and musical director of Chaps Choir, a London-based singing gang that's been bringing men together through music, performance and friendship since 2013. 

And you don't have to think of yourself as a singer to get something from this conversation. 

Dom started Chaps Choir after noticing how few younger men were involved in group singing. What began as an experiment attracted around 60 men on its first night and developed into something much bigger than a place to learn songs: a community where friendships form, confidence grows and men have permission to express parts of themselves they might keep hidden elsewhere. 

Dom talks about why singing alongside other people can feel surprisingly powerful — particularly for men. There's vulnerability in simply using your voice in front of others, but also freedom in discovering that you don't have to be brilliant, polished or fearless to take part. As Dom explains, for some men just walking through the door of a choir is a significant step outside their comfort zone. 

We explore why men need a wider range of places to meet than the traditional pub or football match; how a regular group can become an important anchor for someone feeling isolated; and why performing alongside your “gang” can create a powerful sense of achievement, self-confidence and belonging. 

And this episode sounds different too. You'll hear three performances during the conversation, illustrating the extraordinary range of what a group of male voices can express — from power and energy to vulnerability and reflection: 

Ole Laya Loila - a powerful piece inspired by the Sámi tradition of yoiking.
To All The Boys by Adam Beattie - a vulnerable song about men hiding their feelings.
Now Is Time — written by Dom around the urgency of taking action in our own lives and the wider world.

Perhaps the most important message is for the man listening who thinks, I couldn't possibly do that. 

Dom's advice is simple: find a group that feels right, ask questions if you're nervous and give it a go. You may discover that using your voice alongside other people gives you far more than you expected. 

Look online to find your local inclusive singing groups, for example, through the Natural Voice Network in the UK, or to find out more about Dom and his work, visit his website: dominicstichbury.com. 

Content note: This episode includes discussion of depression and suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are organisations you can call now. In the UK, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123. In the US, you can call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. As always, the advice is to speak to a GP or mental health professional. 

Martin Pemberton became a professional footballer twice, achieving the ambition that had shaped his life from childhood. But when football ended, he lost far more than a career. The identity, purpose, routine and sense of belonging it had given him disappeared too, and he was unprepared for what followed. 

Martin moved quickly into a new job, marriage and fatherhood, apparently getting on with life. Underneath, however, he was struggling. Over the following years, that unaddressed loss developed into anxiety, depression and thoughts of ending his life. 

Martin believes that losing an important role can produce a form of grief, even when nobody has died. It can follow retirement, redundancy, divorce, a change in family life or any experience that leaves you wondering who you are now. Because men often feel they should be able to cope, that grief can become mixed with shame, isolation and a sense of failure. 

In this honest and practical conversation, Martin explains how he began rejecting and abandoning himself without recognising what was happening. He also describes the difficult conversation that finally forced him to confront how he felt about himself and became the catalyst for his recovery. 

We discuss: 

•  Why losing a career or role can feel like a bereavement 
•  The subtle signs that a man may be starting to abandon himself 
•  Why pressure to provide can make change feel like personal failure 
•  How childhood experiences can teach men that speaking up is unsafe 
•  Why telling the wrong person can sometimes make things worse 
•  The difference between accepting difficult feelings and giving in to them 
•  Why outward success can still leave us feeling empty 
•  How emotions can be treated as information rather than commands 
•  A simple exercise for separating what you can control from what you cannot 

Martin also explores the idea behind his book, The Hollow Victory: why following the expected path – career, recognition, money, relationships and achievement – does not always produce the fulfilment we were promised.

This episode is for anyone who appears to be coping but privately feels disconnected, dissatisfied or unsure who they are anymore. It offers a way to understand what may be happening beneath the surface and a small, practical first step towards finding a way forward.

Find out more about Martin, his work and The Hollow Victory at Just 1 to 11 It Coaching. 

Growing up with a single mother in a one-bedroom apartment on the French Riviera, Tom Papasian saw extraordinary wealth all around him but experienced a very different reality at home. As a young boy, he quietly decided that he would make enough money to ensure that neither he nor his mother ever felt financially vulnerable again.

That decision shaped the next two decades of his life. Tom worked relentlessly, moved between countries and pursued one opportunity after another. Yet however much he earned or changed his circumstances, the sense of security he was chasing never quite arrived.

This episode explores a form of dissatisfaction that can be difficult to explain: nothing has necessarily gone badly wrong, but the life you have worked hard to build no longer feels right. For Tom, it appeared as restlessness, an inability to tolerate boredom, Sunday dread, frustration with the people closest to him and a recurring urge to escape by changing jobs, starting something new or moving somewhere else.

What makes this conversation different is that it is not a dramatic story of everything falling apart. It is about noticing the quieter signs before that happens and confronting the unsettling possibility that the identity which once motivated and protected you may now be holding you back.

Tom talks candidly about having to grieve the person he had spent years becoming. He describes moving away from an identity built almost entirely around money, achievement and self-reliance and beginning to ask a different set of questions: What matters to me? What makes me feel alive? What comes naturally to me? And what kind of life do I actually want?

Our conversation covers:

• why financial security does not always create an internal sense of safety;
• how boredom, anger and constant restlessness can point to something deeper;
• why changing jobs, locations or goals may not resolve the real problem;
• what it means to separate your identity from your work and achievements;
• how personal values can provide direction when you do not know what comes next;
• why changing course does not require rejecting everything you were before;
• how to explore a new direction while continuing to meet financial and family responsibilities;
• the importance of allowing uncertainty rather than immediately trying to fix or escape it.

Tom also shares the practical reality of retraining over four years while working full-time, moving home and becoming a father. His story is not about abandoning responsibility to “follow your passion”. It is about gradually creating space for another part of yourself, and recognising that the qualities which helped you build your old life can also help you create what comes next.

If you have ever thought, I should be satisfied, so why doesn’t this feel like enough? , this conversation may help you understand what that feeling is trying to tell you.

Find out more about Tom at www.tompapasianpsychotherapy.com or you can contact him on LinkedIn.

Content note: This episode includes a frank discussion of depression, suicidal thoughts, a suicide attempt and psychiatric treatment. Please listen with care. If the issues raised affect you, speak to someone you trust or seek appropriate professional support. 

From the outside, Ian Kinnery appeared to have everything: a successful business, financial security and the status he had worked relentlessly to achieve. Behind that success, however, he felt increasingly trapped by responsibility, financial pressure, a deteriorating marriage and the belief that he had to carry everything alone.

In this candid conversation, Ian describes how that pressure gradually affected both his mental and physical health, culminating in an attempt to take his own life. He reflects on psychiatric treatment, ECT and the difficult period that followed, including returning to run his business while struggling with memory loss. His recovery did not come through a single breakthrough but slowly, through talking therapy, support from someone he trusted, allowing himself time to heal and learning to concentrate on what he could actually control.

Ian’s experience will resonate beyond business owners. This is a conversation for anyone who feels overwhelmed by responsibility, unable to see a way out of their circumstances or lonely despite being surrounded by other people. Ian explains why loneliness is not simply about being alone but can come from being unable to tell anyone what is really happening inside.

Listeners will hear:

• how ambition and self-reliance can gradually become damaging;
• why continuing to “push through” is not always the answer;
• how pressure can distort perspective and make every option appear closed;
• the importance of having someone in your corner before a crisis develops;
• why recovery often happens slowly rather than through one decisive moment;
• two practical exercises for regaining perspective: the circles of concern and influence, and keeping a daily record of small but meaningful wins.

Ian now draws on his experience in his work with entrepreneurs and business leaders, helping them anticipate pressure, build their capacity and feel less alone. 

Find out more about Ian at www.kinnery.co.uk.

Everything looked successful from the outside. A thriving business. A modern apartment. A career many people would envy. Yet behind closed doors, Lewis Hackney found himself standing on a balcony, overwhelmed by the urge to jump. 

In this deeply honest conversation, Lewis shares the story behind that moment, what led him there, and why so many men silently find themselves questioning their purpose long before anyone else notices something is wrong. 

Today, Lewis has transformed those experiences into a mission to help other men. He is the founder and host of the True Man Podcast, where he speaks with experts and everyday men about masculinity, mental health, purpose and practical ways to navigate life's challenges. As part of his own journey, he also set himself the extraordinary challenge of running 12 km every day for an entire year - a symbolic distance representing the number of men who die by suicide every day in the UK.  

This isn't simply a conversation about mental health. It's about burnout, identity, success, modern masculinity and the quiet pressure many men carry every day. Lewis explains why the life we think we're supposed to build doesn't always bring fulfilment, how chasing someone else's definition of success can leave us feeling empty, and why recovery often begins with the smallest possible step rather than a dramatic life change. 

Together we explore the expectations placed on men today, the growing pressures of modern masculinity, loneliness, resilience and Lewis' "Level Zero" approach - an accessible way of rebuilding when life feels overwhelming. 

If you've ever felt disconnected from yourself, struggled after a setback, or wondered why success hasn't brought the happiness you expected, this conversation will feel painfully familiar. 

It's a raw, honest and ultimately hopeful episode. A reminder that life doesn't become perfect but with the right tools, the right people and small consistent steps, it can become meaningful again. 

If you'd like to find out more about Lewis, visit his website https://lewis.hackney.co/ and his podcast The Truuman Podcast can be found on all podcast channels and YouTube. 

Most of us assume antidepressants are there to help. For many people, they do.

But for Erik Peers, the experience was very different.

In this deeply personal conversation, Erik shares how he was prescribed antidepressants during a stressful period in his life, despite believing he wasn't depressed. What followed was nearly ten years of medication, repeated attempts to stop, severe withdrawal, and a growing realisation that the treatment he trusted was actually keeping him trapped.

Today, Erik helps others who are trying to safely come off psychiatric medication, and in this episode he explains what happened to him, what he wishes he'd known, and why he believes people should be fully informed before starting treatment.

This is Erik's story. It isn't an argument against antidepressants, which many people say have helped them. It's an honest conversation about another experience that deserves to be heard.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why Erik says he was prescribed antidepressants when he didn't think he needed them. 
• The horrific withdrawal symptoms that he experienced time and time again.  
• How medication affected his work, relationships and family life. 
• Why he believes dependency on antidepressants isn't talked about enough. 
• His long journey to come off medication. 
• What he learned about recovery, lifestyle and emotional wellbeing. 
• The advice he gives to anyone questioning whether their medication is right for them. 

You can contact Erik and find out more about his work by visiting his website www.erikpeers.com. 

Please note: This episode reflects Erik's personal experience and opinions. If you're taking antidepressants or other psychiatric medication, never stop taking them without first speaking to your doctor or another qualified healthcare professional. 

From the outside, many of the men Alfie Ruffell knew looked like they were doing just fine. They were working, laughing with their mates and getting on with life. But behind the smiles, some were carrying struggles no one else could see. Several of them would later take their own lives. 

After experiencing his own breakdown and losing close friends to suicide, Alfie realised that awareness alone isn't enough. The real challenge is reaching the men who never say they're struggling in the first place.

In this conversation we explore why so many men stay silent, what finally pushed Alfie to ask for help, and why he believes the current approach to men's mental health often misses those who are most at risk.

Rather than offering easy answers, Alfie shares the practical lessons he's learned through building Speak and working with men in one of the UK's toughest industries: construction. We also discuss recovery, accountability, community, the importance of being heard, and why small changes can become the first steps towards rebuilding a life.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why outward success can hide overwhelming internal pressure. 
• Why many men never tell anyone they're struggling. 
• What Alfie learned from losing friends to suicide. 
• How speaking openly changed the course of his own life. 
• Why trust, not just awareness, is essential before many men will ask for help. 
• What genuine recovery can look like beyond simply getting through the day. 
• Small practical steps that can help when life feels overwhelming. 

If you've ever wondered why some men never reach out, or if you've ever found yourself pretending everything is fine when it isn't, this conversation offers insight, hope and a reminder that no one has to carry everything alone.

If you'd like to learn more about Alfie and Speak, visit the website https://speak-uk.com, where you'll find practical mental health support, resources, information about campaigns and how to join the SPEAK community.  

What do men really talk about when they're together?

In this special crossover episode, I'm joined by the four hosts - Sean, Aaron, Mike and Niall - of the Friends in Low Places (FILP) podcast to have a candid conversation about topics they never thought they'd discuss. What follows is an honest, funny and surprisingly open conversation about the things men often avoid discussing - even with their closest friends.

We explore why so many men find it difficult to open up, the unwritten rules of male friendship, and what happens when someone finally admits they're struggling. Along the way we talk about mental health, vulnerability, identity, relationships, getting older, and why the conversations that matter most are often the ones that never happen.

There are plenty of laughs, a healthy dose of self-deprecating humour, and some thoughtful reflections on what it means to be a man in midlife. This isn't about having all the answers, it's about creating the kind of conversation many of us wish happened more often.

Whether you're navigating your own midlife journey or simply curious about what men are really thinking, this episode offers a refreshing reminder that none of us are as alone as we sometimes feel.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why men often keep their struggles to themselves.
• The role of humour in male friendships.
• Mental health and emotional honesty.
• The pressures and expectations placed on men.
• Why talking openly can strengthen friendships rather than weaken them.
• What we can all do to create better conversations.

If this episode resonates with you, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Sometimes the simplest conversation can make the biggest difference.

You can listen to the Friends in Low Places podcast here.

For most of our lives, we're known by what we do. Our work shapes our identity, gives us purpose and often becomes the measure of our self-worth. But what happens when that chapter ends? When the career finishes, the business is sold or retirement finally arrives, many men are left asking a question they never expected: Who am I now? 

George Jerjian has spent years helping people answer that question. But his own journey began after being told he had what doctors believed was a terminal bone tumour - a life-changing moment that forced him to confront his own mortality and rethink what a meaningful life really looks like. Thankfully, the diagnosis proved wrong, but the experience changed the course of his life forever. 

In this conversation, George explains why so many men drift into retirement believing they'll finally be happy, only to discover they've lost far more than a job. They lose routine, purpose, confidence and, most importantly, a sense of who they are. 

Drawing on his own experiences, his work with thousands of retirees and insights from more than 20,000 survey responses, George shares why this doesn't have to be the final chapter; it can become the most rewarding one. 

In this episode you'll learn: 

• Why so many men tie their identity to work without realising it. 
• What really causes loneliness, aimlessness and loss of purpose after retirement. 
• How a near-death experience transformed George's outlook on life. 
• Why curiosity - not comfort - is often the key to a fulfilling second half of life. 
• Practical ways to start redefining your purpose long before retirement arrives. 

Whether retirement is twenty years away or you're already there, this conversation is really about one thing: building a life that's defined by who you are and not just what you do.

If you'd like to learn more about George and his work, visit georgejerjian.com, where you'll find articles, podcasts and information about his DARE Method. You can also connect with George on social media by searching for George Jerjian or Retirement Rebellion. 

In this episode, we talk to Paul Drugan, who carried the emotional scars of growing up with a father who, behind closed doors, was controlling, violent and emotionally abusive. From the outside, his family looked successful and respectable. Inside the home, he was living in fear, convinced that somehow he deserved what was happening. 

Like many men, Paul never spoke about it. 

Instead, he buried the pain beneath achievement, alcohol, drugs and a lifetime of believing he wasn't good enough. It wasn't until adulthood that he began asking the question that changed everything: What if the person still controlling my life was someone who'd been dead for years? 

In this thoughtful and deeply moving conversation, Paul explains why forgiveness isn't about excusing abuse or letting someone "off the hook". Instead, he describes forgiveness as reclaiming your own life from someone who no longer deserves to shape it. 

In this episode you'll learn: 

• Why childhood experiences can quietly shape adult relationships, confidence and self-worth. 
• How unresolved trauma can lead to addiction, self-sabotage and emotional isolation. 
• Why forgiveness isn't weakness and what it really means. 
• How shame keeps men trapped in silence. 
• Why acknowledging what happened is often the first step towards healing. 

This isn't simply a conversation about abuse. It's about freedom, identity and the possibility of living a life that is no longer defined by your past. Whether Paul's story mirrors your own or not, his reflections on shame, anger and forgiveness will resonate with anyone carrying emotional baggage they no longer want to carry. 

If you want to find out more about Paul, visit his website: https://pauldrugan.com/ where you can find his book ‘Forgiving Mr Jekyll’ and you can also find it online at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.