ON BOYS Podcast

How much do you know about boys & anxiety?

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 7% of American children between ages 3-17 have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Likely, the actual prevalence of anxiety is significantly higher, because many kids -- especially boys -- are undiagnosed. What looks like anger, opposition or teenage angst may actually be an anxiety disorder. Sometimes, anxiety is expressed physically; boys with anxiety may have headaches, stomachaches or other maladies that interfere with their ability to participate fully in every day life.

Of course, we're all feeling a bit anxious these days. Living through a pandemic will do that. But "the commonness of anxiety doesn't mean it shouldn't be addressed," says Dr. Mary Wilde, an integrative pediatrician and mom of 8 boys. "Anxiety, untreated or unaddressed, can lead to depression."

Statistically, girls are more likely than boys to be diagnosed with anxiety and seek help for anxiety. Boys, in part due to social conditioning, are more likely to hide their anxiety or attempt to "power through." Boys' anxiety may show up as difficulty sleeping, anger or acting out.

Teaching boys how to recognize and manage their anxiety can change their lives -- and yours. Yoga, deep breathing and tapping are just a few of the non-medication modalities Dr. Mary uses to help boys with anxiety. It's a good idea, she says, to teach boys a variety of techniques, so they can choose the ones that work best for them.

Parents need to be conscious of the way they respond to their anxious boys as well.

"The tricky thing about anxiety is that parents need to parent in a way that's counterintuitive," Dr. Mary says. "They feel like their job is to bring comfort, ease and happiness, so of course they try to create this ideal context, but they don't realize that in creating this ideal context, they're sending a message to their kids that says, 'I don't believe you can handle it, and therefore I'm going to custom make your environment.'"

Dr. Mary -- mom to 8 boys -- also shares her Top 4 Tips for Parenting Boys: 

Insist on respectful behavior from your boys.

Stuff is stuff. People are more important than things.

Provide opportunities for service.

Your job is to give your kids opportunities for apprenticeship, to learn alongside you. (Role modeling is key!)

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Mary discuss:

Integrative medicine

Identifying "normal" anxiety vs. problematic anxiety

Symptoms of anxiety in boys

Why to seek help for anxiety

The 4 components of emotional intelligence

Talking to boys about anxiety

How physical movement helps boys with anxiety

Non-medication treatment options for anxiety

A family approach to anxiety

Dealing with your anxiety

Using stories to teach emotional intelligence

How your boys can benefit from an imperfect life

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Dr. Mary's "Overcoming Childhood Anxiety" course -- SPECIAL OFFER available to ON BOYS listeners

drmarywilde.com - Dr. Mary's website

Imagine Pediatrics Behavioral Health & Wellness -- Dr. Mary's clinical practice

Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, by Dr. John Ratey -- book mentioned at 13:45

If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit, by Brenda Ueland -- book mentioned at 45:45

Faithful Nurturing: Mothering from the Heart, to the Heart, by Mary Wilde -- Mary's book

Dealing with Change, Anxiety & Energy (Listener Q&A) -- ON BOYS episode

Helping Teens Cope with Anxiety, Depression and More -- ON BOYS episode

Anxiety & Depression in Boys -- ON BOYS episode

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Esports -- competitive videogaming -- is quickly becoming a very big deal.

In 2017, 106.2 million people watched the League of Legend esports championship.  In 2020, 99.9 million watched the Super Bowl on TV, according to Reuters.

Today's parents, teachers and grandparents often find themselves annoyed at the hours boys spend in front of screens, gaming. They find it absolutely absurd that boys (and girls) watch other people play video games on You Tube and Twitch. But is watching a top video gamer in peak form really any different than parking yourself in an overstuffed chair on Sunday to watch young athletes throw, catch and carry a football?

Baro Hyun grew up in Korea; his generation was part of the video game revolution, and he participated in video games' evolution from household amusement to public pastime. To him, his young sons' obsession with video games doesn't seem particularly alarming or surprising. His boys' grandmother, though, had another perspective altogether. As Baro writes in the introduction to his book, Demystifying Esports: A Personal Guide to the History and Future of Competitive Gaming:

[the boys'] otherwise peaceful grandmother...couldn't stand the sight of her grandchild giving all his attention to the tiny screen of Switch for hours at a time, and none to her...

Stress in the house gradually build up until the clouds broke in dramatic fashion.

My sons' granny had a bad day. When she saw the younger one in gaming mode, she flipped out. With a speed that belied her age, she brought a pair of scissors from the kitchen and mercilessly cut the charging cable of the Switch...

Adults' misunderstanding and misconceptions about esports and video gaming contributes to the generational divide (and household conflict!). Baro encourages adults to learn about esports role in kids' lives - and in the modern economy.

"Esports isn't just about playing fun games," Baro says. "It's about dedication and commitment."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Baro discuss:

Generational perspectives on video gaming

Recognizing emotional reactions to video gaming

History of esports & competitive gaming

Why people love esports (Spoiler alert: It's stories & strategy)

Collegiate esports

Gaming scholarships

Esports as a business and industry

What it takes to be a professional gamer

Career opportunities in esports

What kids learn via video games

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Demystifying Esports: A Personal Guide to the History and Future of Competitive Gaming -- Baro's book

All About Esports -- ON BOYS episode

Video Games are the New Competitive Sport in Schools —  article by Jen

Fortnite is Not a Waste of Time -- Building Boys post

Collegiate Star League -- largest esports platform (mentioned at 17:10)

Esports in the Pac-Man Era -- share this video (about a 1982 Pac-Man tournament held at Milwaukee's County Stadium) w your boys!

Biathlon -- the winter ski & gun sport we couldn't name right away!

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What words come to mind when you hear the phrase "teenage boys"?

Messy? Stinky? Frustrating? Lazy? Moody? Dangerous?

Teen boys can be all of those things. (So can teen girls!) But there's also a lot more beneath the surface, and if we're to effectively parent and educate our teen boys, we have to go deep. We need to remind ourselves -- and each other -- that teenage boys are complex human beings who deserve our respect and support.

"Inside every teenage boy is a 4-year-old who is confused about life and desperate to know that you will love him unconditionally -- especially when he cannot love himself," says Maggie Dent, Australia's "boy champion" and author of From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Happy, Healthy Men.

Though our first instinct is often to come down hard on our boys when they fail to follow our rules or meet expectations, Maggie suggests trying kindness instead. Most boys feel terrible when they mess up, whether they show us that or not; our lectures and punishments further add to their self-loathing -- and cause them to distrust our love for them. Going against the grain and offering your son kindness and compassion in lieu of punishment may strengthen your connection and help your son feel safe enough to share what's really going on.

"We don't think teenage boys are sensitive, but they are," Maggie reminds us. "What we see on the outside is not necessarily what's going on inside."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Maggie discuss:

Why teenage boys seem so confused, scattered and disorganized

Teen boys' fear and anxiety

How shame shapes (& limits) boys

Kindness vs. harsh discipline

How to get teenage boys to listen

How roughhousing teaches boundaries

Helping boys connect during the pandemic

Why you don't necessarily need to worry if your son lose his temper while gaming online with friends

Surrounding boys with stories of good men

Talking to boys about tough stuff

Moms' role in boys' lives

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

maggiedent.com — Maggie’s website. Jam-packed with resources!

From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Happy, Healthy Men -- Maggie's latest book

https://www.youtube.com/user/MaggieDentAuthor -- Maggie's YouTube channel

Parental as Anything - Maggie's podcast

Maggie Dent on Mothering Our Boys (Part 1) -- ON BOYS episode 139

Maggie Dent on Mothering Our Boys (Part 2) -- ON BOYS episode 140

7 Tips for Parenting Teenage Boys: "Nagging Them is Like Shouting Into a Void" -- Maggie's Guardian article (mentioned at 7:20)

The Decline of Play -- TED talk by Peter Gray, who Maggie mentions at 9:20

The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) -- ON BOYS episode

Orange Sky Australia--  organization providing free showers and laundry for the homeless; founded by 2 teen boys (mentioned by Maggie at 16:21)

A Fiver for a Farmer - charity started by a young boy from Sydney that has raised over $1.6m for Australian farmers since 2018 (mentioned by Maggie at 17:00)

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How’s school going? 

That’s a fraught question even when there’s NOT a pandemic going on. Now, it seems almost crazy to ask, given that most of us are dealing w less-than-ideal educational situations. 

But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for miserable. If virtual school or online learning isn't working for you, homeschool may be a good option. (And it doesn't have to be as overwhelming or time-consuming as you may think!). If in-person instruction has been canceled and your son simply doesn't learn well via online instruction, you can find fun, easy ways to build natural learning into your days. (Yes, really.) And when the situation changes -- when your school district changes its education plan due to COVID-19 or your job responsibilities and personal tolerance change -- you can switch to a new form of learning. 

It's not easy, though. "What's really hard is when you try to gear yourself up for one option and then you have to switch to another," says Sarah Mendonca, founder of Learning Together Coaching & Consulting and a homeschool mom of three. "Every time, it requires so much emotional and mental energy." 

You -- and your boys -- might be best served, in fact, by turning your focus away from academics. Learning, after all, "really boils down to relationships and conversations," Mendonca says.

It's scary to consider other educational options. But as Sarah says, "none of us are getting out of 2020 without coping with change." So, take a deep breath and ask yourself (and your son) this question: How can we relieve stress and tension right now, and do things that will be good for our family? 

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Sarah discuss:

Finding the educational options that work best for your family

Dealing with disruptions to education

The emotional toll of educational uncertainty

Letting go of academic expectations

Stealth homeschooling

How COVID-19 may exacerbate the learning gap

Kids' emotional response to the pandemic

School refusal

Helping boys envision career options in the COVID-19 era

Synchronous vs asynchronous learning

Coping with online learning

Natural learning

Finding educational options for your son

Real-world volunteer and learning options

Building on boys' interests

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Learning Together Coaching & Consulting -- Sarah's FB page

Back to School 2020 -- ON BOYS episode

Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health

HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%. 

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Family meetings can you help adapt your parenting to fit the changing needs of your family. 

Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels

One of the most challenging (and demoralizing) aspects of parenting is realizing that you must constantly revise your parenting strategies. The tips, techniques and discipline strategies that worked so well when your little boy was 2 don't work at all when he's 6 -- and whatever you do when he's 6 won't work when he's 16.

It can be hard for parents to adapt to their kids' development changes. The very fact that we have to change our approach often comes as a surprise. "Nobody tells us, 'Oh yeah, you figured it out all these years, but now you gotta do something different," Janet says.

Children often experience significant intellectual and emotional growth around age 9, a phenomenon Waldorf educators call the "9 year change." It's a time when children begin to realize that others have different thoughts, when they begin to question the world -- and their parents.

"Their opinions might be one way on Monday and completely different by Thursday. But that's all part of the growth process," Janet says. "That's all part of them expressing their thoughts, expressing their opinions."

As boys grow, parents must shift their role from Director to Collaborator. Family meetings can be helpful as parents and sons navigate this shift, as the meetings create opportunities for everyone in the family to share their ideas and concerns.

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

The 9 Year Change

Disrespect vs. developmentally appropriate questioning

Coping with kids who "know it all"

Moving toward a collaborative form of parenting

How to start and plan family meetings

Benefits of family meetings

Tips for successful family meetings

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

The Simple but Critical Purpose of Family Meetings: To Listen -- Washington Post article by our friend Meghan Leahy (if you haven't listened to our podcast episode w her, do so now!)

Parenting Teenage Boys with Joshua Wayne -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at about 24:00

BoysAlive.as.me -- Schedule a FREE Breakthrough Session w Janet

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How are you managing screen time during the pandemic? 

According to at least one survey, kids' time online has more than doubled since the pandemic began, and many kids now spend more than 6 hours per day online, in front of screens. And no wonder -- screens are now our portal to school, work, socialization and extended family.

Which means that now is great time to examine our response to screens.

Seriously.

Many adults have a visceral, negative reaction to the sight of kids-on-screens, but the truth is that screen time itself is neither good nor bad. Digital devices are tools that can be used in a variety of ways.

"Screens are not a monolith," says Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise and founder of Raising Digital Natives. Instead of lumping all things digital into "screen time," she says, parents really should look at what their kids are doing.

As much as possible, parents should adopt an observant (vs. judgmental) stance to their sons' technology use. Adults can also role model responsible tech usage. Our kids should see us "using technology in an ethical, thoughtful, mindful way," Devorah says.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Devorah discuss:

Why all screen time isn't equal

Dealing w parental guilt

Role modeling responsible internet usage

Tech "addiction"

Helping kids gain control of their screen time

When to seek professional help

Managing online, in-game purchases

Financial literacy in the digital age

Helping boys recognize and respond to racism, sexism and extreme ideologies in memes

Mentoring vs. monitoring

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Raising Digital Natives -- Devorah's website

Screenwise: Helping Kids Survive (& Thrive) in Their Digital World -- Devorah's book

Screens & Boys -- ON BOYS episode

Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World w Jordan Shapiro -- ON BOYS episode

iGen - ON BOYS episode

Decoding Boys w Dr. Cara Natterson -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 18:50

The Role of Memes in Teen Culture -- NYT article by Jen

 

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Parenting teen boys is not easy.

They're bigger than us. Stronger than us. They speak in a language we don't necessarily understand -- if they choose to speak at all. Their focus is turning outward, just as we parents realize how little time we have left to teach them all the things they need to know before they leave home.

Miriam asks:

How do you find balance between keeping the bond strong and giving them freedom?

Teri also asks about letting go:

How do other parents find the balance between holding your son accountable and staying involved vs letting him make mistakes? At age 14, do I need to let go completely? I want him to be independent but not miss opportunities to help him grow and develop.

Brooklyn wonders how she should handle teenage "attitude":

I have a son who's always been a bit attitudinal. Now the bar is raised and I want to find the balance of tolerance (knowing some of this is "normal") and also holding a line around how to treat others.

Stephanie asks:

How do I get my reserved and very quiet teen boy to talk to me...about anything??

Mary wants to know:

How to help boys through obsessions with their phones and social media...especially when they are ages 16 and over

Jeen worries about easy access to highly sexualized images:

How do we deal with the constant attempts to search up "girls in bikinis?" If the results were somewhat tasteful, I'd be OK with it, but wow! One step from porn in most cases...

Alicia asks:

How do I discuss the imminent arrival of wet dreams? How do I explain what to expect?

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

Teen boy lingo

The pressure felt by parents of teen boys

Staying close to teen boys

Giving teenage boys freedom & guidance

Releasing control over homework, grades and school

Dealing w teenage attitude & disrespect

Setting boundaries

Screens, social media and porn

Wet dreams and nocturnal emission (Note: wet dreams typically start between ages 13 and 17, according to the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center. Average age is about 14.5)

Self-care for parents of teens

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys -- classic Building Boys post

Parenting Teenage Boys w Joshua Wayne -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 10:53

Talk to Boys about Sex -- ON BOYS episode featuring Amy Lang, mentioned at 29:13

Which Apps are APPropriate? -- ON BOYS episode w Jo Langford, mentioned at 30:24

High Speed Internet Porn and the Experiment Generation -- film mentioned at 33:13

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

One of our most important jobs as parents is preparing our boys for the world of work.

The work world, though, has changed dramatically over the last few decades. "There's been a shift from the competitive dog-eat-dog/rat race to a flatter, faster and fairness-focused world of work," says Ed Frauenheim, co-author of Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection.

Increasingly, organizations want (and need!) employees and leaders who are flexible and eager to learn and collaborate. They need (and want) employees who can admit their own vulnerabilities, who respect the contributions of others. The work world of today is not particularly friendly to what Ed calls "confined masculinity," or the traditional norms that governed male behavior for millennia.

"In confined masculinity, there are limited roles you can play as a guy: provider and protector," Ed says. Males are expected to be stoic, self-reliant and competitive. Those traits aren't bad, but restricting boys and men to those roles and responses is quite limiting and unhealthy. Liberating masculinity does not throw away those traits but rather adds to them. The "5 Cs" of liberating masculinity are:

Curiosity

Courage

Compassion

Communication

Connection

Helping our boys realize that we are in community with others and that it's okay to follow your heart is one way we can prepare boys for work. "In the work world that's emerging, what we're seeing is that the most successful people are givers; they are not takers," Ed says. "They are the ones that are empathetic and willing to share."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ed discuss:

Shifting masculine norms

Masculinity & work

Liberating masculinity vs. confined masculinity

How professional male athletes are modeling liberating masculinity

Equipping boys to deal with sexism and racism in the work world

Moving beyond stereotypical masculinity in the trades

What boys & men should look for a in a place of employment

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection -- Ed's new book

Great Place to Work -- "the global authority on workplace culture"; includes lists to "best workplaces"

Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health

HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%. 

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you teach boys money management?

34% of American teenagers don't have bank accounts and rely predominantly on cash, according to a 2019 Junior Achievement USA survey. In fact, 1 in 5 teens have never been into a physical bank and nearly a third of teens surveyed don’t have a bank account. 

Like many parents, Benny Nachman initially started paying his boys' allowance in cash. But -- like many of us -- Benny doesn't often use cash and occasionally found he didn't have enough cash on hand to cover allowances. His boys were less disturbed by this fact than Benny thought they'd be. He soon learned that cash isn't all that exciting to kids who live in an increasingly digital world. In their lives, digital money, including iTunes and Amazon gift cards and Vbucks, are a lot more valuable.

That's one reason why he founded Jassby, a mobile wallet and chore app for families. The other reason is because he thinks it's absolutely critical to teach boys money management and financial literacy. Most states do not include financial literacy or personal budgeting in the public school curriculum -- and, as a result, 70% of college students can't answer basic questions about money, interests, loans and investments.

Talking to our kids about finances is not the solution. "I talk to my kids about money all the time -- about what a bank does, what a credit card is," Benny says.  "But I can see their eyes glaze over when I lecture them. After about 15 seconds, it's OK, dad, whatever."

Practical experiences with money management is much more effective. So, in lieu of buying football cleats for his sons, Benny gave them each $90 (the most he was willing to spend on a pair of cleats) and allowed them to shop. He told them they could keep whatever money they didn't spend on cleats and use it however they liked.

"The guys spent the weekend researching cleats," Benny said, and ultimately bought a pair that was $55. In the process, the boys learned more than there would from dozens of hours of lectures.

Giving your boys the space and freedom to make financial choices can be difficult, especially if you see your son about to make what you're sure will be a costly mistake. But allowing them to make financial mistakes in their youth may spare them from making ever bigger mistakes in adulthood.

"You never learn any better than by making your own mistakes," Benny says. "The failures are important."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Benny discuss:

Allowance policies -- to tie to chores, or not?

Why cash isn't as valuable to kids today as digital money

How to teach boys the value of money

Why you must give boys the opportunity to manage money

How not to raise entitled jerks

Allowing boys to make financial mistakes

Talking about family finances

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Jassby.com -- Benny's chore & mobile allowance app

The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money, by Ron Lieber -- book mentioned at 19:40

Just Don't Be an Asshole -- ON BOYS episode featuring Kara Kinney Cartwright

Age 16 & Learning to Let Go -- Building Boys post mentioned at 24:30

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Parenting outside the lines frees us up to connect with our children in an authentic way.

It allows us to skip over the "must do's" and simply, instead, do the next right thing in any given moment. And if the "right thing" ultimately takes us a direction we don't want to go, it gives us the opportunity to apologize and course correct. It encourages us to trust the wisdom deep within.

"I haven't yet found a parent who's really changed their parenting based on 'studies say,'" says Meghan Leahy, a mom of three, parenting coach and author of Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child. "I've never told a parent, 'Well, studies say if you don't yell, your kid will be happier,' and had the parent say, 'oh my god, I didn't know that! Now I'll stop yelling.'"

Early in her career as a parenting coach, Meghan taught parents strategies they could use to manage their kids' behavior. But only some parents were successful with those strategies. Other parents used the same exact techniques and did not see the positive changes they were expecting. She learned that "strategies are neither here nor there. One may work; one may not. But if the underpinning of compassionate, boundaried connection isn't there, it doesn't matter."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Meghan discuss:

The importance of connection

Learning to trust yourself

How modern culture has made parenting more difficult

Why it's OK to not know what to do

What to do when your son doesn't want to do an activity he once loved

Parenting during the pandemic

The link between kindness and resilience

Screen time (and why you need to look at your screen habits before tackling your kids' screen time)

How to enjoy parenting

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child -- Meghan's book

Meghan's Washington Post On Parenting columns

mlparentcoach.com -- Meghan's website

How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 07:11

The Neufield Institute -- courses, events and resources from Gordon Neufield, PhD (mentioned at 8:47)

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne and Kim Ross -- book mentioned at 16:07

My Suddenly Sedentary Teen Seems Stuck. How Much Should I Push Him to Move? -- Meghan's column about the soccer player (mentioned at 17:24)

Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health

HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%. 

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

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Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

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