ON BOYS Podcast

Are your boys close to their grandparents? 

Not physically close -- physical distance is often more a matter of necessity or practicality than choice -- but emotionally close. Studies have found that close grandparent/grandchildren relationships protect against depression in both groups, and at least one study out of England found that kids who are close to their grandparents have fewer emotional and behavioral problems and fewer difficulties with peers.

Facilitating the grandparent/grandchild relationship can be tricky. There's a generation gap. A digital divide. Evolving cultural norms and ever-changing expectations.

"The expectation for grandparents today is way different" than a generation ago, says Emilly Morgan, host of The Grand Life podcast and grandmother to nine (4 boys & 5 girls.). "We still think of grandparents as sitting in rocking chairs, but now they're running marathons and doing all sorts of creative things, including working."

It takes some creativity and grace to build relationships between your boys and their grandparents, but effort is worthwhile.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Emily discuss:

Bridging the generation gap

How parents can facilitate the grandparent/grandchild relationship

Helping grandmas understand grandsons

Multi-generation households

Changing expectations of grandparents

Respecting grandparents' lives and limitations

Resolving conflicts re screens, sugar, bedtime, etc.

Tapping into grandparents' wisdom and experience

Family estrangements

Helping boys understand grandparents' physical and emotional limitations

Handling grandparents' sexism and racism

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The Grand Life podcast -- Emily's podcast (Jen will be a guest on on upcoming episode!)

The Long Distance Grandparent -- blog mentioned at 28:39

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This is a really confusing time to be a boy in the United States.

That's one of (the many!) insights Ryan Wexelblatt -- aka ADHD Dude -- gained while working with 14 and 15 year old boys during his ADHD Dude Summer Camp this year. In a Facebook post, he wrote:

These guys see their female classmates (if they fit the narrow standards of beauty) who post the most sexually provocative pictures on Instagram/Snapchat get the most attention on social media.

>They are living in a period of "cancel culture" where men whose words or behaviors are inappropriate are expected to go away forever, never to be heard from again. There is no option to see what being accountable for one's inappropriate behavior or making amends sounds like, thus denying boys the opportunity to see what it looks like when a man acknowledges he has treated people in a way that was hurtful.

How do we help boys navigate the mixed and confusing messages they receive? 

We asked Ryan -- our first 3-time ON BOYS guest! -- to share his thoughts.

"If we're going to teach kids social competency, we need to teach them everything. We can't leave out the things that make us uncomfortable," Ryan says. You have to talk about things like ogling and unwanted attention; you have to give boys strategies they can use to mange their innate curiosity without inadvertently harming others.

Simply telling a boy 'that's inappropriate'" when he stares too long or uses potentially offensive language isn't helpful, Ryan says. "That's not teaching them anything," he says. "That's not teaching the context and why the behavior or language is inappropriate."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ryan discuss:

Giving boys specific, concrete instructions to successfully navigate social situations

How teenage boys talk to each other (sexual innuendo is common!)

Helping boys learn what kind of humor is OK to use with friends vs what's OK when adults and kids are around

Talking to boys about cancel culture, #MeToo and people like Jeffrey Epstein

Why we must teach media literacy

Dick pics -- helping boys understand why it's always a bad idea to send unsolicited nudes

Teaching boys to see and recognize their value (in a culture that so often paints boys & men as the bad guys)

Online learning & boys

Navigating evolving gender norms

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

ADHD Dude — the online home of Ryan’s ADHD work. Includes a link to his ADHD Dude Facebook group 

Dude Talk playlist — Ryan’s series of YouTube videos aimed directly at boys

Teaching Boys Social Skills — our 1st ON BOYS episode w Ryan

ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude - our 2nd ON BOYS episode w Ryan

Executive Function Crash Course for Parents -- Ryan's webinar

 

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STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do we help boys listen & learn? 

Image by Andrew Steele via Flickr

In month whatever of the pandemic, we're all grappling with a lot of tough questions, including what to do about school and injustice and inequality. We can't give you any easy answers regarding schooling during  the cornonavirus pandemic or the fight for equality and justice. There aren't any easy answers to those complex situations. However, we CAN equip you with some information and strategies that will help boys listen and learn.

In this Listener Q & A, we discuss male communication and learning during a pandemic.

Jacquie asks:

How are these new [pandemic-related] policies going to make school even harder for our boys? Talking about social distancing, less chance to play with others...

Ashley asks:

Why don't males listen? What am I doing wrong?

Leah asks:

What does "use 80% less words" look like in practice?

Leah says:

I find it fascinating watching how my older son (age 23) is 'cutting the apron strings' and gravitating toward his dad.So my questions are: When can we expect this to happen? How do we make that process as pain-free as possible (or, in reverse, make it angst-ridden)? What is the science behind them needed to do that? Why is it important?

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

How parents can support schools and learning during the pandemic

Meeting boys' need for movement and connection in an era of social distancing

When to opt-out of school

Accepting your kids' "normal"

What's really going on when boys "don't listen"

How to get your son to listen (Spoiler alert: Connect before you direct.)

Improving communication with your son

Managing feelings of disrespect

Boys' relationship w their dads

When boys start to pull away from mom

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

From Boys to Men: Helping Our Tween and Teen Boys Grow Into Good Men -- Maggie Dent's latest book (mentioned at 18:46)

Parenting Boys w Maggie Dent - Part 1 -- ON BOYS episode

Parenting Boys w Maggie Dent -- Part 2 -- ON BOYS episode

FREE Breakthrough Session w Janet -- link to her schedule (mentioned at 27:10)

Personal Hygiene for Tween & Teen Boys -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 35:44

Building Boys Bulletin -- Jen's subscription newsletter

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We all want to raise good men.

But how? It's one thing to WANT To raise good men, and another to figure out what that means on a daily basis. Exactly HOW do we raise good men?

Aaron Gouveia is the author of Raising Boys to be Good Men: A Parent's Guide to Bringing Up Happy Sons in a World Filled with Toxic Masculinity. He's also the founder of the Daddy Files and dad to 3 boys, currently ages 12, 7 and 4.

"When I first heard the term 'toxic masculinity,' I did what most men do: I rolled my eyes and thought, 'Stop trying to vilify masculinity.'" Aaron says. "It took years for me to really understand what it is  -- and it's a million different things. It's death by a thousand paper cuts."

Stereotypical expectations of masculinity are so embedded in our culture that they're everywhere -- and most of us unwittingly contribute to the perpetuation of these not-very-helpful stereotypes. Parenting 3 boys (& writing the book) forced Aaron to reflect on his actions in the past and it "wasn't pretty," he said.

"This book is a laundry list of thing I did that contributed to a problem I thought I was fighting against," Aaron says.

Listening -- really listening -- to others, including stay-at-home dads, black fathers and feminist moms,helped Aaron see the ways in which he was unconsciously supporting inequality and harmful, limiting stereotypes. That was not fun; it was painful. But Aaron encourages others to seek out and listen to diverse viewpoints.

"Listen to them. Sit with what they say. Have the courage to uncomfortable," Aaron says. "You might find out that you're part of the problem.But it's what you do after you know better that matters."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Aaron discuss:

"Toxic masculinity" -- public perceptions of the term & Aaron's definition

The connection between masculinity and mask-wearing

Fatherhood & stay-at-home dads

How stereotypes hold back boys & men

How moms unintentionally interfere w dads' parenting

Discussing consent with boys

Preparing boys to be "upstanders"

What happened when Aaron's 5-yr-old wore nail polish to school

How to encourage boys in the face of opposition

Single moms raising boys

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Daddy Files -- Aaron's online home

Raising Boys to be Good Men: A Parent's Guide to Bringing Up Happy Sons in a World Filled with Toxic Masculinity -- Aaron's book

Raising Boys to Be Good Men: Book Review -- Building Boys blog post

Masculinity in the Age of #MeToo -- ON BOYS episode

Meet Aaron Gouveia, the Dad Who Defended Son's Nail Polish in Viral Twitter Thread -- article about the incident that ultimately led to Aaron's book

In Defense of Single Moms Raising Boys -- Building Boys blog post

Tips for Single Moms Raising Boys -- Building Boys blog post

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sassy Harvey believes "my boy can."

The mother of a young son who loves dance, Barbie and princesses. Sassy started a social movement after her then 4-year-old son quit dance because he'd been told that only girls and gay people dance. Now, My Boy Can is supporting boys and their parents as they challenge gender stereotypes that so often hold boys back.

"I didn't want my son to feel he couldn't do something because he was a boy, because society deems certain activities 'for girls," Sassy says. She wants all children (and adults) to be able to freely participate in activities they enjoy, without being subject to stigma or shaming.

One of her first projects was organizing a photo shoot of boy dancers in her hometown, Portsmouth, England, to help the boys realize they are not alone. "Initially, I thought there were about 20," she says. 140 boys, ranging in age from 3-21, responded to her call. On the day of the photo shoot, boys connected, shared stories and realized they had much in common.

"A community spirit naturally grew, and we realized the power of coming together," Sassy says.

And this, Janet says, is how change happens.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Sassy discuss:

The power of parents to challenge stereotypes

Supporting boys' interests

Online dance classes & makeup classes for boys

Why (& how) to make space for boys to talk about what they care about

Building boys' resilience & mental health

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

"My Boy Can" Parenting -- our first ON BOYS conversation w Sassy

My Boy Can web page -- includes links to virtual dance classes and the My Boy Can dance contest

My Boy Can - FB group (check here for info about dance workshops)

Yes, Boys Can Dance -- Building Boys blog post referencing the Prince-George-dancing situation referenced at 4:58

Kids From Wisconsin - Wisconsin-based organization that gives young performers (singer/dancers and musicians) training and performance opportunities (mentioned at 17:54.) Fun Fact: the photo accompanying Yes, Boys Can Dance (blog post listed above) is Jen's oldest son performing w Kids From Wisconsin

My Boy Can chat featuring Janet Allison

Supporting Boys' Interests -- our ON BOYS conversation w Jeremy Neves, which includes his story of navigating his son's Barbie & princess obsession. Fun Fact: we connected Jeremy & Sassy after this conversation.

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Can a book club help boys enjoy reading? 

Yes, says Erin O'Donnell, a mom of two boys and author of How to Start a Kids Book Club. She and a bunch of other moms started a mother/son book club when their sons were in 3rd grade, on the cusp of the transition from learning to read to reading to learn. Some of the boys were already avid readers. Others were not.

"We were really hoping that peer pressure would be a powerful force in getting them to collectively enjoy books," Erin says.

Of course, the boys' club looks a little different than many typical book clubs. "Our meetings have often been chaotic, to be honest," Erin notes. The boys considered naming their club "The Barfing Book Boys" before settling on "The Lakeside Book Boys."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Erin discuss:

How a book club can inspire reading and build relationships

Why boys must have a voice in the formation and functioning of their club

How to find discussion questions

The important role of food

How MOMS benefit from a mother/son book club

How BOYS benefit from book club

Using books to stimulate discussion about real issues and emotions

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

How to Start a Kids Book Club -- Erin's Parents article

Common Sense Media -- mentioned at 33:50; great place for parents to check out a book's themes and topics

15 Great Book Group Picks

(Recommended by the Lakeside Book Boys)

Booked by Kwame Alexander

Endling: The Last by Katherine Applegate

The Terrible Two by Mac Barnet and Jory John

Wonder by RJ Palacio

The Girl Who Drank the Moon by Kelly Barnhill

Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper

Because of Mr. Terupt by Rob Boyea

The Explorer by Katherine Rundell

The Lifters by Dave Eggers

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin

Posted by John David Anderson

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Back to School 2020 will go down in the annals of history.

Image via PixaBay

The United States (and world) is still wrestling with the coronavirus pandemic. Schools are slated to "open" -- whether virtually or literally or some combination thereof -- in a few weeks. Some, in fact, have already opened.

There's so much we don't yet know about this school year -- if in-person school will be possible, feasible or safe; if students' mental health will suffer more if schools open or close; if schools will become significant hot spots within communities -- but there's one thing that's abundantly clear: This year will be different. And challenging. As Jenny Albers wrote in a post published by TODAY, “Everything about the upcoming school year feels wrong." 

Back to school prep in 2020 will be like no other. In years past, you shopped for backpacks; now, you're looking for masks, hand sanitizer and (maybe) homeschool curriculum. In years past, you worried about separation anxiety, about how to deal with your son's tears (and your own) when you drop him off at preschool, kindergarten or college. This year, you worry he won't have the opportunity to leave.

Our normal rhythms and routines have been completely upended; there's nothing familiar about back to school 2020. As this pandemic has taught us again and again (and again), NOTHING is CERTAIN. We must be ready to PIVOT at a moment’s notice.

Keep your child’s mental and physical health (as well as the health and well-being of your family) top-of-mind as you ponder your next steps. Remember: you can change your mind at any time. This is a time to put aside judgments and support each family in making the decision that is right for them.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

Making the best educational choice for your family

Why you should ignore others' opinions

All the terms -- Homeschool. Unschool. Outdoor school. Hybrid learning. Remote learning. Learning pods.

Managing remote learning

Helping boys learn via Zoom

When (& why) to stop fighting about school

Working from home while homeschooling

Creating a schedule

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Everything About the Upcoming School Year Feels Wrong -- TODAY post by Jenny Albers

Why One School is Turning to Outdoor Classrooms Amid Coronavirus  --

What About School? -- Building Boys post

Parenting Teenage Boys w Joshua Wayne -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 18:50

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Parenting teenage boys is HARD. 

Their brains aren't yet fully mature yet they're bigger and stronger than most parents. They have more energy than their parents -- and when they are bound and determined to do what they want to do (regardless of what you or anyone else says), the energy can seem more like a curse than a blessing.

Joshua Wayne is a parenting coach, speaker and dad-to-a-son. He's also a formerly troubled teenage boy. Joshua knows what's going through many boys' heads -- and he knows how to help parents reach their sons.

Joshua Wayne and his family

Just as nearly all businesses and non-profit organizations have a board of directors to guide them, "every kid as their own board of directors," Joshua says, "a virtual round table" of influential individuals, including his friends, the celebrities he follows on Instagram, the musicians he listens to, sports figures he admires and maybe a teacher, coach or other trusted adult.

"Your #1 objective as a parent is to be on your kid's board of directors," Joshua says. "You don't need to be chairman of the board, but you want a seat at that table."

The key to earning your seat: creating and maintaining a strong relationship with your son. 

"There is no more surefire way to get yourself kicked off your son's board of directors than fighting the wrong battles with him," Joshua says.

The #1 battle that gets parents kicked out of their sons circle of influence is SCHOOL AND GRADES. So, stop. Stop stressing out about your son's grades and stop nagging him. Let him take ownership of that part of his life.

"School is important; it's just not the most important thing," Joshua says.

A battle worth fighting, in Joshua's opinion: tech time. Set (and enforce) reasonable limits so screens don't become your son's whole life.

Moms parenting teenage boys need to learn to let go, while maintaining connection with their sons.

"Let the boy go, and make room for the man," Joshua says. "if you do this successfully -- give him space and room to become a man -- he will come back to you, and it will be a different relationship than the one he had with you when he was a little boy. It will be a rich, wonderful, adult relationship."

In this episode, Janet & Joshua discuss:

How to connect with teenage boys

Creating a strong relationship w your son

Picking your battles

Why you MUST stop fighting w your son about school

What to do if your son doesn't care about school

Why you should let your son fail a class

5 characteristics of healthy boys

Boys & tech -- why boys need clear screen limits and guidelines

Teenage boys & anger

What teenage boys need from their moms and dads

Addressing conflict with your son

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

joshuawayne.com -- Joshua's online home

The Simple Parenting Guide to Technology: Practical Advice on Smartphone, Gaming and Social Media in Just 40 Pages, by Joshua Wayne -- book mentioned at 21:00

Screens and Boys -- ON BOYS episode

Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connection World -- ON BOYS episode featuring Jordan Shapiro

Anger & Boys -- ON BOYS episode

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Almost 1/3 of boys are trying to gain weight or bulk up. 

For years, body image concerns were thought to be a female issue. But superhero costumes for toddler boys  now come equipped with built-in muscles, and popular teen shows such as Outer Banks cast 20-something actors with chiseled faces and abs as 16-year-olds, creating unrealistic expectations for teenage boys (and girls).

This is NOT a 16 year old. This is Chase Stokes, age 27, as John B, 16 yr old lead character in Outer Banks.

Perhaps it's no wonder that a 2019 study found that 22% of young men ages 18-24 had an eating disorder due to a desire to enhance muscles.

Lisa L. Lewis, a journalist who's also the mother of a teen boy, got curious when her college-aged son told her he was "cutting" (drastically reducing calories to reduce body weight) and using supplements to bulk up. Her son, like so many others, started using supplements when he was in high school.

"He played football," Lewis says. "So that was really where this whole process started for him." After high school, he became interested in body building and started using supplement and calorie control to reshape his body. That's when Lewis became concerned and reached out to the experts to learn more about supplements, boys and body image.

Although nearly 40% of surveyed high school boys report using protein powder or shakes within the last year, and nearly 20% have used creatine (a supplement purported to increase muscle mass), most supplements have not been proven to be safe for teenage boys. Studies to date show that the products are generally safe for adults; there is little to no research on their safety and effectiveness for teenage males.

"Part of the issue is that these products are classified as dietary supplements, and the FDA does not actually test those before they go out and hit the shelves," Lewis says.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Lisa discuss:

Why teen boys are drawn to supplements

How to differentiate between a healthy interest in fitness and an unhealthy focus on body image

Commonly used supplements, including protein powder, creatine, caffeine, testosterone

Why you should steer your son away from blends

Finding "safer" supplements (Note: look for ones that have been tested by a 3rd party such as NSF for Sport)

Helping boys understand the risks of supplements

Better approaches to bulking up: good nutrition, training & sleep

Sleep -- Lisa has extensively researched teens' sleep habits and school start times as well

When to worry about boys and body image

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Why Teen Boys Use Supplements -- NYT article by Lisa

"Anyone Popular at School Has Muscles": The Rise of the Ripped Teen - Guardian article

Sports Nutrition Guide from the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency (mentioned at 35:10)

Supplement 411 -- a great resource to share w your boys

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Supporting boys' interests is essential, especially in a world that so often tells them their interests are unwelcome. Wanna wrestle? Don't; you might hurt someone. Wanna dance? Don't; that's for girls.

Restrained by stereotypes, gender expectations and parents and teachers who prefer boys who sit down and take direction without comment or complaint, too may boys give up their interests. They disengage from school and life and disappear into their rooms and online spaces.

It's easier, for many boys, to let go of what they love than to fight for the right to follow their dreams and passions. But when boys let go of their passion, a part of them dies as well. Their interior spark fades; they become dull and listless. Their gifts remain locked inside

As boys divorce themselves for their inner lights, the world risks losing out on the special gifts that child was meant to manifest in the world.

Today's guest, Jeremy Neves, understands the importance of supporting boys' interests. When he heard about 5-year-old Adrian's efforts to buy a Lamborghinii -- efforts that included an attempted drive to California in the family vehicle -- he reached out to the family. At a time when many were focused on the danger that could have befallen young Adrian, Neves focused on the boys' grit and determination.

"Let's not miss the gift and genius of this little boys," Neves told The Washington Post. "He was determined, willing to do whatever it took to go after his dream. You don't want that dreaming to stop."

He reminds us that "where focus goes, energy flows" -- which suggests that acknowledging our boys' good intentions is more useful than focusing on their flaws.

Of course, it's not always easy to accept boys' interests. Neves struggled when his son gravitated toward Elsa, Barbie and princess dresses.

"I had all these insecurities and fears," Neves says. "Number one, what do other parents think about me? What do they think about my kid? What's going to happen when kids start making fun of him?"

Frustrated with his son's behavior, Neves tossed the boy's dolls and dresses -- and his relationship with his son suffered. The boy became distant and hostile. After a mentor helped Neves confront his fears, he took his son shopping. For a dress.

"Our relationship went a whole other level that day,"  Neves says. "Kids, they sense energy. They understand and they read energy. The last thing I want is for my son to think he's wrong or he's bad or that I don't love him. I want my son to know that, no matter what, I love him."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Jeremy discuss:

Learning to look for the good

Why supporting boys' interests is so important

Rewarding bad behavior?

The power of encouragement

Parenting strong-willed boys

Directing boys' energy

Learning to accept boys' interests

What to do when your son gravitates toward "girl" things

Facing your fears

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Building Boys Bulletin 5-18-20 -- all about Adrian's Lamborghini adventure (& why it matters)

My Boys Can Parenting -- another ON BOYS episode about supporting boys' interests

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy