ON BOYS Podcast

He couldn’t sleep. Mike’s face stung from the gash and the stitches and a pulsing ache radiated from the back of his skull. His knuckles were shredded, and his arm throbbed under the thick bandages. Whether he closed or opened his eyes -- even his EYES hurt -- the images were there. Like grainy documentary footage. Some of it in motion, some of it still...

That’s the start of chapter 2 of Wilderness Therapy, a new book by Paul Cumbo,a long-time teacher and coach. We don’t ordinarily talk about fiction here on ON BOYS, but this book is exceptional. It’s written for boys and tackles issues that are familiar to every boy -- loss, failure, grief, family and rage.

"Teenage boys are complex creatures," Paul says, and his novel tells the story of one such boy, Mike, a teenager who's lost his father, his brother and his way.

"I hoped that in telling Mike's story, there'd be a window for boys -- and people who love boys -- to help them see that, even in the most rugged terrain, there is a path to be found or made," Paul says.

That message is extremely important for teenage boys and their parents & teachers, who too often tend to assume the worst when a boy makes a poor choice. As a teacher, coach and parent, Paul functions from a "presupposition of the good;" he assumes that those he encounters are functioning from a position of good intentions.

"There's great value in looking at a messy situation, acknowledging the mess and then noticing that it's not all mess," he says.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Paul discuss:

How teenage boys are like the Grand Canyon

Why you should assume the best about boys

How to use movement to help boys process emotions and problems

The value of purposeful work, travel and service

Getting boys to read and write

The difference between passion and obsession

Boys and anger

Intrinsic motivation

Honoring boys' interests

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Wilderness Therapy -- Paul's book on Amazon

PaulCumbo.com -- Paul's online home; includes links to his other books

Somos Amigos -- service organization mentioned at about 16:30

Will you share?

Twitter:  Use this link

Facebook: Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Summer slide (noun): The loss of academic skills and knowledge over the course of summer vacation

Photo by bcrumpler via Flicker

Parents (& educators) have long worried about the things kids "forget" over the summer. This year, on the tail of a pandemic-interrupted school year that launched valiant attempts at unplanned remote learning, parents (& educators) are more concerned than ever before. According to a recent New York Times article, 3/4 of parents of children under 12 and 64% of parents of teens feel that it's more important to do parent-led educational activities with their children this summer than in previous summers. 

Just 17% of surveyed parents said they do not feel this pressure.

We're here to tell you that you can take a break. There are a lot of ways to combat summer slide and help boys learn -- and none of them have to be painful.

"Relax!" Janet says. "Lower your expectations, give yourself some grace, play and get outside."

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

The truth about summer slide (Spoiler: summer learning losses aren't as large as many people think)

Why you should focus on your son's mental health instead of academic achievement

Decreasing screen-dependency

Nature deficit disorder

How to get your boy OUTSIDE

Natural learning

How to keep kids busy in the summer

Teaching boys to play independently

Helping kids self-entertain

Encouraging self-relianceCommon Sense Skills camp

How to reinforce math & reading skills

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

"Nature Deficit Disorder" is Really a Thing -- NYT article discussed at 8:05

School's Out. Parental Burnout Isn't Going Away -- NYT article mentioned at 11:04

Pandemic Parenting Was Already Relentless. Then Came Summer -- NYT article

How to Prevent Your Kids From Losing What They Learned in School During Summer Vacation -- Scholastic article

We're Running a Common Sense Camp for Our Kids This Summer -- article mentioned at about 19:00

Dad, How Do I? -- YouTube channel mentioned at 22:35

Summer Survive & Thrive Tips -- ON BOYS episode

Garth Brooks: The Road I'm On -- documentary mentioned at 24:30

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Roughhousing can teach boys about healthy touch.

Photo by SnarkleMotion via Flickr

Society teaches boys that there are two kinds of "acceptable" touch for males: sex, and aggression. No wonder so many boys and men turn to sex and aggression to meet their very human need for touch!

Physical play -- including play wrestling, "chase" games and roughhousing -- give boys multiple opportunities to experience healthy touch while learning about boundaries and consent. "Roughhousing is really more like dancing than fighting," Dr. Cohen says. "It can look like fighting, but the participants have to be really tuned in to each other."

Building in frequent stops and starts can prevent physical play from getting out of control, Dr. Cohen says. Make it fun: "Freeze!" "OK, go!"

Not sure if the kids are having fun or legitimately trying to hurt one another? Ask. A question that's not asked nearly enough, Dr. Cohen says, is "Are you enjoying this?" Also: tears don't necessarily mean the session was a disaster or ill-advised. "Tears are fine as long as there's comforting and a pause and connection," Dr. Cohen says. "If it's tears and then humiliation, it's the humiliation that's the problem, not the tears."

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Lawrence discuss:

The importance of healthy touch

Difference between fighting & roughhousing

Why moms should roughhouse with their boys

The "sock game"

Ground rules: yay or nay?

How to keep roughhousing from getting out of control

When to intervene in rough play

NOTE: The sound quality on this episode is still less-than-ideal. Jen was experiencing technical difficulties. The good news is that those episodes are now resolved. :) 

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The Art of Roughhousing: Good, Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It, by Dr. Lawrence Cohen & Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet

Playful Parenting: An Exciting New Approach to Raising Children that Will Help You Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems and Encourage Confidence, by Dr. Lawrence Cohen

PlayfulParenting.com — Lawrence’s website

6 Reasons Why You Should Roughhouse with Your Kids - the article that led us to Dr. Cohen

Rough and Tumble Games to Play with Boys This Summer -- BuildingBoys blog post

Sexual Abuse Affects Boys Too -- our first ON BOYS conversation w Dr. Cohen

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:  Use this link

Facebook:  Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dads are so important!

We can't talk about raising boys without also talking about the men who help create and parent them. Dad were boys long before they were fathers, and they understand boyhood and the path to manhood in a way we never will. So, this Father's Day, we turned the mic over to 5 dads:

Doc, a Wisconsin-based father of 3

Doc & his 3 kids

Doc's advice for moms of boys: "It's going to be OK. It takes boys a long time to fully develop."

Luis, a NY-based dad of 2 boys....

Louis, dad of 2

....who says, "I didn't realize I'd be afraid for my children so often."

Chris, a New Hamsphire resident and father of 2

Chris, Dad of 2

Chris reminds us that "your boys don't need you to a superhero. They need you to be kind. They need you to be model of how to manage strong emotions and strong feelings. They need you to be YOU."

Phillip, a Portland, OR-based father and grandfather

Phillip, Dad & Papa

Boys, Phillip says, have a lot of energy and good intentions.

Casey, an Idaho-based dad of 2 young boys

Casey, Dad of 2

"The father/son relationship is so challenging," Chris says, noting that his view of his dad has changed over the years. Now, Chris says he's "inspired to be just like."

THANK YOU TO ALL THE MEN WHO ARE HELPING RAISE THE NEXT GENERATION!

In this episode, the dads discuss:Fatherhood

How mothers can support fathers

What dads are trying to teach their sons

What moms need to know about boys

The mother/son relationship

The father/son relationship

Parenting boys

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Charlie Capen on Fatherhood & Raising Boys -- ON BOYS episode

Being a Stay-at-Home Dad -- ON BOYS episode

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:   Use this link

Facebook:  Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

At least 1 in 5 people are differently wired, says Debbie Reber, founder of TiLT Parenting.

Differently wired kids are neurologically atypical. They perceive the world differently than their peers and express themselves differently as well. These differences can be subtle or glaring, and as a parent or teacher, it can be hard to know how to respond to these quirks.

Debbie and her husband noticed their son Asher's differences early on. He was "more intense, more precocious, more challenging" than similarly aged children and was "moving through the world in a different way" than his peers. By elementary school, his differences were creating challenges. Eventually, the family learned that Asher is "twice exceptional;" he's gifted and has some learning challenges, including ADHD and executive functioning and sensory issues.

The diagnoses confirmed Debbie's gut instinct: Asher moves through the world differently than most boys his age. But the diagnoses didn't unveil any magic solutions. The family still had to learn how to help Asher thrive.

"It's tricky to figure out a path and a plan when your child doesn't fit the box," Debbie says. "It's important to realize that there is no handbook for these kids. It's really about trying to identify your child's areas of weakness, learning what kind of support might help them right now and then taking one step at a time."

Identifying and supporting your son's strengths is also essential. After all, differences aren't necessarily a bad thing.

"We value disruptors as the innovators, the people creating new products and solving the problems of the world. Disruption is a buzzword!" Debbie says. "Our kids are disruptors because they're non-conformists, they see the world differently, they're going to challenge authority and question everything. Isn't that what we want?"

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Debbie discuss:

Identifying differently wired children

What to do if people dismiss your concerns about your son's behavior

The link between lagging skill development and "bad behavior"

Respectful transparency (or, how to talk to your son about his challenges)

How to find help for your differently wired kid

Why you need to challenge your beliefs about what you (and your child) "should" do

Homeschooling as an option for differently wired boys

Why non-conformity and disruption are good things

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

tiltparenting.com -- TiLT Parenting online (includes links to TiLT Parenting Podcast too)

TiLT Together FB Group

Differently Wired: A Parent's Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope, by Debbie Reber

Twice Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman) -- ON BOYS episode

ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude -- ON BOYS episode

Sensory Processing Disorder w Nancy Peske -- ON BOYS episode

Snoop Dogg listening to Let It Go (Video mentioned at 29:02. Trust us & watch this video if you haven't seen it yet!)

Why the Future Will be Differently Wired -- Debbie's 2018 TEDx Talk

The "New Normal" Kids and Why We Need to Embrace Them -- Debbie's 2019 TEDx Talk

"My Boy Can" Parenting -- our first ON BOYS conversation w Sassy Harvey (mentioned at 36:33)

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:  Use this link

Facebook:  Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Black boys matter.

Such a simple statement. And yet...

George Floyd is dead. His name joins the long list of others (Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, etc., etc., etc...) whose lives have been cut short by racism, bias and brutality.

Photo via Pixabay

We here at ON BOYS are NOT OK with the status quo. We are committed to equity and opportunity, to listening and learning. We will not be silent.  This week -- and as often as possible -- we are amplifying black voices. Today’s guest is Chandra White-Cummings, a freelance writer and lawyer who’s served as a policy fellow for Moms of Black Boys United. We also encourage you to check out Chandra's recent Washington Post article, "We Need More White Parents to Talk to Their Kids About Race. Especially Now," and her new Race@Home multimedia series, featuring conversations about race, socialization and parenting.

“There is a lot of discussion going on about suicide, mental health, emotional wellness and stigma, much of it centered around what’s going on in the African-American and other communities of color,” Chandra says. “However, often, it is the sad unfortunate case that African-American women — moms — don’t get invited into these conversations.”

Let's listen, and then act.

#BlackLivesMatter #podcastblackout

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Chandra discuss:

Factors affecting mental health in the African-American community

Implicit, unconscious bias

How racism causes parents to “over-pathologize” black boys’ behavior

The loss of protective factors — tight-knit communities, nearby family — that once helped support mental health

The need for connection

How society often misinterprets anxiety and depression in boys — which may manifest as rage and irritability — as “danger” rather than symptomatic of a mental health concern

Racial disparities in schools

How to begin dismantling implicit bias

How trauma impacts mental health —  & how the legacy of slavery impacts mental health today

Why it’s time to listen to (rather than study) the black community

Engaging in conversations about racism

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

We Need More White Parents to Talk to Their Children About Race. Especially Now. -- Washington Post article by Chandra

Race@Home conversation between Chandra & Jen

www.cwcmediagroup.com — Chandra’s website. Includes links to many of her articles

Addressing Racism & Racial Disparities with Hilary Beard — ON BOYS episode

The 1619 Project — NYT multi-media examination of the impact of slavery on the United States

Teen Football Star Bryce Gowdy Faced Struggles Before His Suicide — news story mentioned by Chandra at 32:14

Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death, and Redemption in an American Prison, by Shaka Senghor — book mentioned by Chandra at 48:08

Chokehold: Policing Black Men, by Paul Butler — book mentioned by Chandra at 48:03

Survival Math: Notes on an All-American Family, by Mitchell Jackson — memoir about growing up black in Portland, OR

What Set Me Free: A True Story of Wrongful Conviction, a Dream Deferred, and a Man Redeemed, by Brian Banks

We Speak for Ourselves: A Word from Forgotten Black America, by D. Watkins

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:   Use this link

Facebook:  Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Photo by Lee Carson via Flickr

 1 in 5 boys experience sexual abuse before their 18th birthday. 

More than one-quarter of male victims of a completed rape (27.8%) experienced their first rape when they were 10 years of age or younger.

And 43% of men report experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.  

Today's guest, psychologist Lawrence Cohen, founded one of the first therapy groups for male survivors of sexual abuse. As recently as the 1980s and '90s, there was little public awareness that males could be victims of sexual abuse. Indeed, even today, parents and teachers spend much more time talking to girls than boys about the possibility of sexual abuse or harassment. Girls are taught how to stay safe & how to call for help; boys are mostly told to not sexually abuse or harass females.

"The lack of awareness, education and understanding leaves boys very vulnerable," Dr. Cohen says. Societal expectations also contribute to boys' vulnerability to sexual abuse. Consider:

Boys are socialized to believe that males should want sex at any time, anywhere, with anybody

Boys aren't encouraged to feel or express their emotions

Boys are not cuddled, loved and nurtured in the same way girls are

"Boys walk around hungry for that kind of nurturing, touch and gentleness, and unfortunately, there are people who will exploit that and take advantage of that," Dr. Cohen says.

The #MeToo movement has brought the issue of sexual assault and harassment into public conversation, but the "dominant [public] view is that men are the perpetrators and women are the victims," Dr. Cohen says. Which means that it is absolutely essential for parents and teachers of boys to counter that prevailing narrative. Boys need to know that they (or their friends) can be victims of sexual assault or harassment. They need to be taught red flags that indicate questionable behavior, and they need to know how to safely reach out for help.

NOTE: We know our sound quality is less-than-ideal on this episode. Jen's desktop computer AND laptop crashed right before we were scheduled to record, which meant she had to use her phone to join the conversation. Please forgive the poor sound quality; we had Larry on the line and thought his message was important enough to power through our technical challenges.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Lawrence discuss:

Why so many men & boys don't disclose sexual abuse

How sexist stereotypes and unhealthy expectations of masculinity increase boys' vulnerability to abuse

Why you must teach young boys about emotions

Educating boys about consent and boundaries

The importance of acknowledging sexual pleasure -- & the fact that bodies may respond, whether or not the touch was wanted or welcome

Violent vs seductive sexual abuse

Grooming leading to sexual abuse

The emotional impact of abuse

How to support a boy or man who discloses abuse

What to do if you have a "gut feeling" that something is wrong

How roughhousing teaches boys about healthy touch

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

PlayfulParenting.com -- Lawrence's website

Stop Sexual Abuse with These 6 Steps -- classic BuildingBoys post

Pay attention to Stop Sexual Abuse -- another BuildingBoys post

Sexual Abuse & Penn State -- 2011 BuildingBoys post

Managing Emotions - ON BOYS episode

Consent with Mike Domitrz - ON BOYS episode

How to Teach Consent to Boys -- Without Shaming Them -- award-winning Your Teen article by Jen

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:   Use this link

Facebook:  Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Chores, Victoria Prooday says, are the most efficient way to build our boys' emotional muscle.

Prooday, a psychotherapist, occupational therapist and speaker, is convinced that self-regulation is the key to success -- and science backs up her assertion. As early as 1998, psychologists were publishing papers and chapters stating that, "Self-regulation has major, important implications for success in life...People who are good at self-regulation show a multitude of advantages over other people, in both task performance and interpersonal relations."

Meanwhile, our best parenting intentions led us astray. "Even thought we know the the key to success in life is self-regulation, what we offer our children is a lifestyle that promotes the exact opposite," Prooday says. "They are constantly entertained. There is not a moment of boredom. No responsibilities, no chores."

The answer, she says, is to "educate our children about what will actually make them successful," Grades and popularity don't guarantee success or satisfaction. Instead, our children need to develop the ability to work hard and persist despite challenges and boredom.

Chores can help our children develop self-regulation, but (as you've likely already learned), simply telling your child (OK, yelling at your child) "You need to help me around the house!" is not effective. That's why Prooday explains the why to children.

"Your brain is just like a muscle," she says. "You train it the same way you train a physical muscle; you train your emotional muscle." Prooday emphasizes that fact that regular chores -- which must be done even though they're boring and regardless of whether or not one feels like doing them -- help the brain develop persistence and the ability to delay gratification.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Victoria discuss:

How good intentions can lead us astray

Regulation vs. dysregulation

How chores build self-discipline

Why parents should talk to children about the effects of technology on the brain

Balancing physical activity with screen time during the pandemic

The 20-20-20 rule -- when using screens, look away every 20 minutes, for 20 seconds, to a distance of 20 feet

Setting kids up for success

How frequent breaks can fuel productivity (& decrease fighting about online school!)

The importance of handwriting

Benefits of handwritten assignments vs. screen-based assignments

Tapping into boys' desire to contribute to the greater good

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

yourot.com -- Victoria's website

The Silent Tragedy Affecting Today's Children -- Victoria's 35 million download blog post

Screens and Boys -- ON BOYS episode

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:   Use this link

Facebook:  Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

There are 10 million single moms in the United States. Many are raising boys.

And despite the naysayers, many are doing a great job!

Is single parenting difficult, especially during a pandemic? Absolutely. But single moms have more power and potential than they realize, says Emma Johnson, aka Wealthy Single Mommy.

Johnson, a single mom of two (a boy and a girl), is the author of The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self and Raise Fabulous, Healthy Children. She's also the founder of Wealthy Single Mommy and a strong advocate for shared parenting.

 

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Emma discuss:

Parenting during the pandemic

Single parent stressors

How single moms can give to others

Building systems of support

Co-parenting -- & how to navigate co-parenting during a pandemic

How (& why) moms need to to include fathers

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Wealthy Single Mommy -- Emma's website

The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children, by Emma Johnson

Single Mom Stimulus Grant - Emma is currently giving away $500 each week to a single mom, no strings attached. Apply here

Moms for Shared Parenting --  an activist organization promoting equally shared parenting

Is Shared Parenting Best for Boys After Divorce? -- BuildingBoys blog post

Millionaire Single Moms -- Emma's FB group

Being a Single Mom During This Pandemic is No Small Feat -- Your Teen article

In Defense of Single Moms Raising Boys -- BuildingBoys blog post

Tips for Single Moms Raising Boys -- BuildingBoys blog post

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:

Facebook:

Linkedin:

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too!

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Is mom in control at your house? 

We don't mean "in control" in the dictator sense, or in the mom-is-storming-around-the-house-yelling-at-everyone way. We don't even mean "in control" to mean "your house is neat and orderly and your children do exactly as you say."

We mean in control of YOURSELF.

After all, the only thing you can really control are your thoughts and actions.

"The first thing I always say is, if you want to feel in control in your life, you have to give up control," says Heather Chauvin , a strategic parenting expert and mom of 3 boys, currently ages 7, 10 and 15. "Because when you're trying to control you children's behavior, when you're trying to control and plan with no flexibility and then this happens and your routine is blown up, you will feel out of control."

So, let go. Figure out where you want to focus your time and energy. Figure out how you want to feel. Then, make choices that reflect those priorities.

It's OK to insert a pair of ear plugs when you need some peace and quiet. (In fact, Heather recommends investing in a pair of noise-canceling headphones!) You do not need to be available to your children, your partner, your work or your friends 24/7. You too deserve down time and time to work on personal projects -- and you will be a better mom if you give yourself that time.

"When you're able to figure out how to protect yourself -- your space, your energy -- you're literally teaching your children how to respect themselves," Heather says.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Heather discuss:

Coping with increased screen time

Why you should invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones

Boundary setting

Motivating boys

How you can change the energy in your home -- & get your boy to come out of his room

Dealing with online school

Letting go of other people's expectations

Helping our kids handle anxiety and uncertainty

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

heatherchauvin.com -- Heather's online home

Mom is in Control -- Heather's podcast

Mom is in Control Business podcast -- Heather's business-oriented podcast

LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):

Twitter:  Use this link

Facebook:  Use this link

Linkedin:  Use this link

STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter jam-packed with info & inspiration.

Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

 

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy