Open Late

Welcome to "Hey Babe, Can We Talk?" the go-to podcast for the Hot Mess Expresses, the Black Sheep's of Love, and those navigating the ups and downs in matters of the heart. I'm your bestie Drea Renee, the Queen of Romantic Disasters, and just like you she has ignored the red flags and done everything sideways! Whether you're happily coupled, single as a Pringle, or caught in a situationship... let's embark on real and candid conversations about the rollercoaster of relationships. It's time to get honest with ourselves and our partners. I’ve done everything wrong, so as a relationship survivor, let me help you do it right. Go grab your headphones and lets get into it!

Listen on all podcast platforms: https://heybabecanwetalk.lnk.to/listen

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In this Episode of Open Late, Drea discusses the importance of focusing on oneself and provides tips on how to do so. She emphasizes that self-focus is necessary for personal growth and improving relationships. Drea also encourages listeners to spend time alone, get to know themselves, and set boundaries. She also highlights the significance of taking an energy budget of relationships, engaging in activities one enjoys, and taking breaks from social media. The Episode ends with Drea talking about A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT regarding her podcast journey!

In this Episode of Open Late:

Spending Time Alone and Getting to Know Yourself

Taking an Energy Budget of Your Relationships

Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care

Connect With Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

1:40 Sometimes we kind of mold into what the other person wants to do. And that's okay in a relationship at times when you're compromising things just because you know your partner wants to do them. -Drea Reene

2:09 But when you start compromising your core values and compromising things that aren't really fulfilling you inside, and you continue to do that for your partner, you're going to build resentment, not even just for your partner, for your friends, your family, all the important people in your life. -Drea Reene

4:35 So we have to spend some time alone. That's the number one thing. Spend some time alone and get to know what you like, what you don't like. Get to understand those things about yourself. What is it that you like to do? -Drea Reene

4:58 So when you start to get to know yourself you gain agency, you gain ownership of yourself, and you build your self-esteem, then you're going to be able to show up better in those other relationships. -Drea Reene

6:43 if your Top five friends are all depleting you, you need to take a step back and focus on yourself if you get in the car after hanging out with some people in your family if hanging out with your partner and You feel completely depleted you are giving too much you are doing too much These people are draining you and you need to reevaluate Who is around you again? -Drea Reene

6:54 I am doing some self -focus right now. And let me tell you, my friends, I want to peel my skin off. -Drea Reene

*All the videos, animations and graphics used in the video belong to their respective owners and I or this channel does not claim any right over them*

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In this Episode of Open Late, Drea reconnects with Jessica, the creator of the podcast! Jessica talks about her journey as a mother and the challenges and joys she has experienced. They also discuss the need for self-care and finding time for oneself amidst the demands of parenthood. The conversation touches on the dynamics of Jessica's relationship with her partner and the importance of keeping the spark alive. They also explore the topic of open relationships and the potential for sexual exploration. Jess also reveals that she is considering taking courses to stimulate her brain and potentially writing a book. She also announces that she will not be returning to host the podcast for the time being, but may consider coming back in the future. She shares her concerns about raising children in a poly household and the potential for outsiders to treat them differently. In the end, Jessica expresses her gratitude and love for the listeners and her excitement for what the future holds.

In this Episode of Open Late:

Becoming a Mother and the First Night with Twins

Self-Care and Finding Time for Oneself

Jess Open Relationship and Sexual Exploration

Raising Children in a Poly Household

Mentioned in This Episode:

“Untrue” By Dr. Wednesday Martin: https://a.co/d/fTuD0j4

Connect With Jess:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/journey.with.jessica/?hl=es

Connect With Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

5:46 We set it up in a way that made us feel cozy, confident, like we had everything we needed. And that did nothing for the fact that you are so terrified when you bring your kids home for the first time. -Jessica Esfandiary

9:59 My interactions with anyone outside sort of my very inner circle have been very limited. Like I will go days, sometimes like weeks or maybe never texting somebody back. And I like feel bad a little bit, but I also don't have the capacity to think about that interaction or those feelings or that person because my life is so full on 24 seven. - Jessica Esfandiary

11:25 I think my perspective on the world has changed a lot too, being a parent, like I feel deeper for the problems of the world, like the children that are like, you know, traumatized or hurt or misplaced because of like all the war that's going on and happening in like so many different countries. - Jessica Esfandiary

22:28 And If you are having good sex, you probably are not on antidepressants. - Jessica Esfandiary

24:23 The interesting thing that I have found over the years when people are in disbelief about being open, it is mostly because in their experience on any long term relationship that they have ever been in, the spice dies, and the happiness generally fades, unless a couple find ways to become mutually excited about things. - Jessica Esfandiary

30:27 Some people will use a situation to sort of get unhealthy needs met, like people can come into non monogamy, in a way, because they have all these needs, and they're trying to meet them with like lots of different partners, you know, that's like a big intersection of love dependency or sex addiction and non monogamy. - Jessica Esfandiary

39:34 People get so stuck in their boxes, and I've done this too. And I think just being in our community has helped me so much, especially coming from Texas of all that you should, you're supposed to, you have to, and you really don't have to do anything. You can make your life how you want to make it. -Drea Renee

42:56 Do I have any concerns? I am kind of concerned that outsiders or society or teachers, other kids, might be awful to my children. - Jessica Esfandiary

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In this Open Late Quickie, Drea discusses the importance of taking responsibility for one's part in various situations. She emphasizes the need to look at how we show up and what we do in situations that cause discomfort or conflict. Drea explores the role of choices and communication in relationships and highlights the significance of recognizing mistakes and not giving too many chances. She also discusses the accountability in confusing situationships and the importance of stepping away from unfavorable situations. Take ownership, compartmentalize responsibility, and surround yourself with a supportive network.

In this Episode of Open Late:

The Importance of Choices and Communication in Relationships

Overcomplicating Situations and Seeing the Good in People

Taking Ownership and Separating Responsibility

Self-Growth and Admitting Fault

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

2:18 When we are putting this towards the view of relationships, our choices that we make in the beginning are so important. The conversations that we're having are so important. Listening to what our partners are saying is so important, especially when things go sour and they don't work out and you look back and you think, hmm, what did they tell me? What did I ignore? How did I continue showing up? How is this person showing up for me? And this goes for all relationships - Drea Renee

3:02 I know it begins with understanding and realizing that we play a part in every situation or experience and have some degree of responsibility over the outcomes and consequences. - Drea Renee

7:05 But you got to take responsibility for looking at what part of your trauma, what part of your history, what part of your own self-worth, your self-esteem is allowing you to show up into situations that aren't serving you. - Drea Renee

11: 44 It will always go back to taking ownership for your part and also forgiving yourself - Drea Renee

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In this episode, Drea discusses the importance of leaving closed doors closed and not obsessing over why they were closed. She emphasizes the need for closure and the desire to know why things happen. Drea explores the concept of running from ourselves and the various ways we try to fill the void within us. She also talks about the difficulty of focusing on ourselves and the tendency to focus on others instead. It's time to love and accept ourselves.

In this Episode of Open Late:

The Need for Closure

The Answer is in the “No” Answer

Acceptance, Self-Control and Respecting Ourselves

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

02:00 Running from ourselves. You want to run from yourself. Why would you want to deal with yourself? Right? Because that would be really confronting, and that's really scary for us. Right? It's easier just like in romantic relationships, just like in friendships, just like in family relationships, all the relationships, it's a lot easier to focus on others instead of focusing on yourself. -Drea Renee

2:07 Anything to keep us from ourselves so bringing that energy that we so freely give to others to ourselves is What we actually need to get to that next level of growth that next level of validation that we're seeking from everybody else and The core of it all is to give that love to yourself give that love to yourself. - Drea Renee

4:24 But I think there is this run towards this chasing, if you will, towards figuring out why they said it, how they said it, why are they not calling, and all the things. And it can be really easy to get caught up in that. And at the end of the day, this all comes down to control. We cannot control other people. - Dtea Renee

4:34 See this episode this open like quickie It's all about coming back to yourself and when those doors are closing for you. The universe wants to open other doors. It's hard as that is to believe. -Drea Renee

4:43 When you're looking for those answers, the answer is in the no answer. The answer, my friends, is in the no response in the text. The answer is the no invitation. Those are the answers. But a lot of times we get caught up in the why, why. And when you're focused on all of those things, you're just taking away energy from yourself, energy from yourself. - Drea Renee

09:17 I make a point to wake up and say, acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. Because it is, it is, especially when I cannot control things. - Drea Renee

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In this Episode of Open Late, Drea interviews Cassandra House, a transformational coach that helps people Monetize Your Genius, about balancing a career and a marriage. They discuss the challenges they faced in past relationships, and the importance of conflict resolution in a marriage. Cassandra shares her personal journey of self-discovery and the role of childhood wounds in relationships, and the significance of maintaining self-care and boundaries in order to have a healthy and fulfilling marriage. They also talk about Cassandra's upcoming projects, including turning her show into a TV show and helping people monetize their genius. Cassandra shares her passion for helping others turn their ideas into fully functioning businesses and finding funding for inventions and entrepreneurial ventures.

In this Episode of Open Late:

Balancing Career and Marriage

The Worthiness Wound and Relationships

Self-Care and Boundaries

Helping Others Monetize Their Genius: Finding Funding 

Connect with Cassandra:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/cassandrahouse_/

https://www.instagram.com/iamcassandrahouse/

• Website:

https://monetizeyourgenius.com/ 

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

2:56 You don't just marry into like the neighborhood and your family's all around and it's all happy days. If there's a lot of distance has a lot of, you know, different things you've got to navigate together. - Cassandra House

5:23 Yes, I think Josh is the husband because he was the first one that didn't want to keep me small and he let me fly. - Cassandra House

14:57 I think my one of my biggest things is like an abandonment a fear of abandonment Which is probably why I dated so many people that weren't great because I didn't want to be alone, right? - Cassandra House

16:05 I think when you aren't emotionally evolved and you're walking around the world and you're unaware of how you're showing up to people, because I would go on dates with my seven-year-old self. I didn't go on my adult self. My seven-year-old was going on dates and she's like, hi, can you see me? - Drea Renne

16:58 I say like people are waiting for the wound to be away or gone or healed to move towards their dreams, but really anyone that's really successful it means that they've been able to operate and move towards their goals and dreams and love and all of that in spite of the wound. - Cassandra House

17: 05 Act in spite of the worthiness wound, not because of it. - Cassandra House 

18: 58 I feel like when you're dating, you really are meeting at the worthiness wound level. Like it's that person's wounds are out, your wounds are out and you're sort of dancing with the wound in the middle. When you're married, you've got each other's wounds to deal with as well. So I'm always like, be really careful of the wound you want to take on because it becomes a part of what you deal with all the time. - Cassandra House

20: 57 I can be married and strive in my career. - Cassandra House

21:36 In business even tough you love it and you are all in, it will never fulfill you like marriage and love will. - Cassandra House 

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In this Episode of Open Late, Drea connects with Michelle Murad to break down the perceptions surrounding the glamour and perfection often portrayed in the creative industry. With a deep-dive into mental health and the less visible realities behind the filtered lens of social media, the discussion turns to the ongoing struggle for those battling to maintain their personal brand in the authentic and vulnerable landscape of mental battles. They also shed light on the complexities of self-identity within social contexts, as individuals grapple with the balance between staying true to their core identity and adapting to fit in with societal and professional expectations.

In this Episode of Open Late:

Michelle's New Movement: “Behind the Smile”

Reflections on Relationship Growth 

Personal Growth - Speaking Mind to Everyone

Our Subconscious Influences

Social Media and Mental Health

Mentioned in the Episode:

Book “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind”

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Your-Subconscious-Mind/dp/1614270198

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

Connect with Michelle Murad:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/michelleamurad/ 

• YouTube “The Charlotte Chronicles”: 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHku9ZdBEE47wU6GgUpEnxA

3: 34 And so I remember just looking at all these posts of people doing what I wanted to do, and I remember telling myself, when I get to that point in life, I will be honest that it's not perfect. - Michelle Murad

5: 56 I was looking, trying to show that, hey, even when you see a picture of someone or you see them doing whatever it is that you aspire to do, life is not exactly.That's their life. That's not your life. And I just want to make sure people know that we're all putting up a front on social media. - Michelle Murad

9: 46 Especially when we're in the process of growing and dealing with all of these things where we are hiding behind the smile and trying to show up for people as what they need and listening to what their feedback is about us and forgetting that when you are going to these relationships, you really have to have your own foundation. -Drea Renee 

11:49 learning in relationships doesn't always have to be painful, it can be powerful, it can have a beautiful ending, it was sad, but it wasn't something toxic.- Drea Renee

13:11 You have the relationship, and then if things aren't working, caring about that person enough to be like, hey, we can part, but I don't hate you. We just don't vibe. I think that is, honestly, like you said, the true definition of love, where you're like, I love you enough to still want to see you thrive, still want to see you do great things. -Drea Renee 

24:58 I attract people based of my authenticity and repel people that are not based of my authenticity because that's not my tribe . We are so afraid to not be liked, to not be invited its rooted in us that we are trying to rewire and reprogram - Michelle Murad

26: 35 I think what's important is to take up space and be yourself. And if that relationship doesn't allow it, that relationship is not for you. - Michelle Murad

29:56 I think such a good question to ask yourself. Anyone listening is like, if something is bringing you closer to your joy or your misery, like, everything we do, is it bringing you closer? Every single thing you do, is this bringing you closer to your goals and your joy? - Michelle Murad 

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In this Episode of Open Late, Drea introduce you to Quené Forée: a remarkable personality with a wealth of professions. As an author, content creator and spiritual healer, Quené embodies the essence of living authentically and passionately. Join her today, as they unravel the concept of "staying wild at heart," which she lives by, signifying the power and significance of expressing oneself and extending our spirit to the world.

Quené's journey is not an outward show; it's the profound journey of self-discovery that she embodies. Her infectious spirit of positivity and joy have dominated every space she steps in, which is evidenced in her work. Today, they dive deep into this journey, which is not just a journey of transformation but a message she lives and breathes, inspiring many to follow their hearts.

In this Episode of Open Late:

The importance of self-trust and instincts

The concept of “marrying oneself”

Boundaries for personal energy preservation

Struggles with codependency in relationships: The “Broken Bird Syndrome”

 Introduction to Quené's book "Spiritually LIT”

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

Connect with Quené Forée:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/queneforee?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

• P's and Q's Podcast: 

https://psandqspodcast.buzzsprout.com/share

• YouTube: 

https://youtube.com/@PsandQs?si=Z6pztcAP7_BSSXvA

•Book “Spiritually LIT”:

https://amzn.to/3ROXDQt

3:27 But I have found that the more I practice that practice of saying no with love, of prioritizing my mental health, prioritizing my self-care, the more the people around me respect those boundaries. Because if you don't set the boundary, no one knows what your boundary is. - Quené Forée 

4:29 The people who really care about you, they want you to be happy, they want you to be whole. They want you to feel good. And if you don't trust them with your truth, then you never give them the opportunity to support you in your truth. - Quené Forée 

6:55 We'd be surprised how many things we're doing, thinking if we don't, the other person is going to be extraordinarily upset when that's not necessarily the case. We create a lot of stories on our own. We create a lot of outcomes in our mind that don't exist. - Quené Forée 

16:13 And I think the beauty of relationships is that they offer you a mirror and an opportunity for your personal growth. They will shine light on your imperfections, on your insecurities, on your opportunities as well. And if we choose to take them, they can be a great place for exponential growth. - Quené Forée 

19:00 But have we taken the time to make those promises to ourselves? And I think that's something that. You're your best friend. - Quené Forée 

19:41 And that is how you build that self-esteem and that worth and that value system for yourself by keeping those promises to yourself, even if it's something as simple as I'm going to make my bed every single day this week. And what's so interesting about something so small like that is that you may think in your mind initially, oh, that's not that big of a deal.

19:58 But when you actually take the action to do it and you see how you feel, just like you took the steps to take those vows to Quené, and that was probably really transformative. - Drea Renee

37:14 You can say no, you can take care of yourself. Because the codependency isn't just stopping at romantic relationships. This goes over into friendships, too. - Drea Renee

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In this Episode of Open Late, Drea discusses the importance of believing people when they tell you who they are. She emphasizes the need to pay attention to red flags and not make excuses for someone's behavior. This principle applies not only to romantic relationships but also to friendships and family dynamics. Drea encourages listeners to cut toxic people out of their lives and surround themselves with supportive friends. By choosing their circle wisely, individuals can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

In this Episode of Open Late:

The Temptation to Change Someone

Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships

Choosing Your Circle Wisely

Believing People When They Show You Who They Are

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

3:12 We all have to ask ourselves, how are people showing up for others? What information open did they give us in the beginning? Friendships to my friends and even with our family members. If we can take a look at patterns of how they've been showing up in their lives.

6:11 So when you were on your journey of dating someone, think about what are they saying to me? How are they talking about their past relationships? How are they speaking about their families? How are they speaking about their friends? These are things that we need to take note of when we are deciding if someone should be our partners

14:21 When you do meet somebody, that's your match. That is sometimes, especially for people that are coming from this long history of toxic relationships. It can be scary. It can be scary. But there is beauty and joy in having a healthy relationship. Someone who's communicating with you, someone who cares about your day, calling you back, texting you back, all those beautiful things communicating with you, showing you that you can be seen, that you can be seen.

15:21 So if you have low self-esteem, you believe you're not worth it, you're not worth being seen. Nine times out of ten, you are going to attract and entertain a person that's going to reinforce that belief system about yourself. So we have to get right within our own worthiness, our own value.

19:48 Believe them. Don't try to figure it out. Don't try to ask them why. Don't try to make excuses for their trauma. Don't say, it's because his mom did this or it's her dad left and then all the things. No, no, no. Believe them. And if they are not interested in healing these parts of themselves, it's going to come out and their relationship with you.

20:49 This is the place of love and acceptance. The Hot mess expresses the black sheets of love. You are welcome here. 

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In this Episode of Open Late, Drea focuses on the pain of loving the wrong person and the struggle of letting go. She discusses the science and chemical aspects of attachment and trauma bonding. Also, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing unhealed wounds and taking responsibility for one's part in unhealthy relationships. The roller coaster of unhealthy relationships and the attraction to chaos are explored. The episode also offers advice on seeking support, practicing self-care, expressing oneself, and journaling. The journey of healing and self-worth is highlighted, along with the importance of planting seeds for change and treating oneself well.

In this Episode of Open Late:

The Pain of Loving the Wrong Person

Unhealed Wounds and Trauma Bonding

The Roller Coaster of Unhealthy Relationships

Support and Self-Care

Support Group:

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.)

https://slaafws.org/

Books:

Love is a Choice https://a.co/d/50Y9mUG

When You Love Too Much https://a.co/d/atg9Zci

Connect with Drea:

• Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/openlatethepodcast/ 

https://www.instagram.com/thedrearenee/ 

• Website: 

https://www.openlatepodcast.com/ 

• YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@openlatepodcast/videos

5:58 If it's reinforcing the beliefs that you have about yourself, then you know, we're going to go towards it. And I can tell you, in my experience when I've had these moments in my life, I always knew in the beginning and I think there was a part of me, like I said before, that wanted to just run for myself and said, person gave me something to do, and I want to give grace to everyone that's in the beginning of this, or just kind of starting the awareness of these patterns in your life because this isn't a conscious thing.

10:12 That's the true LARC, love and relationship codependency aspect. That is it right there. It consumes everything. It's the first thing you think about. You know, you can't eat, you can't move, can't go to work, you can't do the things it's taking over your life. And I know what that's like. As I was on that journey, I definitely realized those moments where it was getting better, but I'm still in the throes of it.

11:22 I remember waking up and you just feel like and elephant is on your chest. Like taking a shower and just having the hardest cry of all time. And it seemed like that pain was just never, ever going to go away and your brain is just on loop, constantly trying to figure out how you got there, what happened, what you could have done differently

12:08 The rollercoaster can be exciting sometimes, right? You're up now down. They're telling you it's over. You're telling them it's over. You're back together. Nobody knows. But then it's like, Is that it? Is that your life? And I'm sure some of us have asked ourselves, are we ever going to be in a healthy place?

19:30 When you start engaging in those self esteem acts, that's when that stuff starts to change and it's organic. It's like when these things start to happen, you almost don't even know. What ends up happening Is those actions no longer feel in alignment in your self, which is growing. You want to find your power within yourself. 

22:30 If you are experiencing that immense pain of letting someone go, you are not alone. And there are things that you can do to get yourself through this space in your life and just remember like it does not have to be perfect motion changes emotion 100%.

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