Overpowering Emotions: Tools for Child & Teen Anxiety and Resilience

When Sunday night brings stomach aches, worry, sleeplessness, and dread about Monday morning, it can be hard to know when a child needs accommodation and when anxiety is quietly taking over.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline continues her discussion of school avoidance by unpacking the important difference between accessibility, support, and anxiety accommodation.

You’ll learn why validating a child’s distress does not mean helping them escape it, how repeated avoidance can strengthen anxiety, and why the message “I believe you, and I know you can handle this” can be so powerful.

Dr. Caroline also shares practical ways to create a school avoidance plan before emotions are running high, including planning for difficult mornings, identifying trusted adults at school, using proactive breaks, reducing unnecessary sensory or executive load, and helping children take one realistic step forward.

You’ll also hear when school avoidance may point to needs that require further assessment, including learning differences, ADHD, autism, language processing difficulties, sensory needs, bullying, or demands that have begun to exceed a child’s current capacity.

If school mornings have become a cycle of dread, stomach aches, emotional outbursts, and missed days, this episode will help you understand what may be keeping that cycle going and how to support a child without teaching their brain that escape is the only way to feel safe.

The episode explicitly distinguishes accessibility accommodations from anxiety-driven escape and emphasises removing genuine barriers while continuing to build capacity. 

Homework Activities

Create a “Tomorrow Map.” 

Choose a calm time earlier in the day and map out what will happen the following morning. Identify the first step, what happens if the child’s body alarm gets loud, what the child can do, and how adults will respond. Dr. Caroline specifically recommends avoiding school problem-solving at bedtime because bedtime should help the brain downshift toward sleep. 

Practise “I Believe You + Confidence + Next Step.” 

When distress appears, practise three responses: “I believe you,” “I know you can handle it,” and “What’s the next step?” The next step should be realistic and within the child’s window of tolerance rather than expecting them to conquer the entire school day at once. 

Use the Body Check-In. 

Have the child identify the emotion, where they feel it in their body, what it feels like, and whether the sensation seems stronger on the left or right. Dr. Caroline describes this as a way to keep the thinking brain engaged before returning to participation. 

Build a School Response Plan. 

Identify the trusted adult, entrance plan, hardest part of the day, needed accessibility accommodations, proactive break times, communication plan, and exactly what adults will say and do during a difficult arrival. Everyone involved should communicate consistently rather than giving the child competing messages. 

Do an Accommodation Check.

 Ask: Are we removing a genuine barrier, or removing discomfort? Sensory supports, extra transition time, or a quiet testing space may address accessibility needs. Removing school simply because anxiety is uncomfortable may reinforce avoidance. 

You can listen to the previous episode of Overpowering Emotions through this link: 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/259-what-do-you-do-when-your-child-refuses-school/id1618828819?i=1000791127828

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Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

When Your Child Says “I Can’t Go to School,” What Do You Do?

The stomach ache is real. The nausea is real. The fear is real. But does feeling awful mean a child should stay home?

School avoidance can leave adults stuck between two fears: pushing a child who genuinely cannot cope or accidentally strengthening the anxiety that keeps them from going.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline Buzanko breaks down what may be happening underneath school avoidance and why the behaviour you see in the morning may only be the end result of a much bigger problem.

Dr. Caroline explores how anxiety can create very real physical symptoms, why neurodevelopmental differences and sensory overload need to be considered, and how the brain can quickly learn that escaping school brings relief. She also explains the important difference between removing an unnecessary barrier and removing every source of discomfort.

You’ll learn why regulation should lead to movement, how to validate a child’s experience without reinforcing avoidance, why predictable drop-off routines can help, and how to choose a manageable next step that builds capacity.

You’ll also hear six practical strategies for difficult school mornings, including what to say when a child tells you their stomach hurts, how to reduce unnecessary sensory load, why long goodbyes can make separation harder, and what to praise when a child approaches something difficult.

Kids do not need to feel completely comfortable before they can move forward. They need repeated experiences that teach their brain: I felt scared, I did something hard, and I handled it.

Listen now to learn how to respond to school avoidance with compassion, confidence, and a focus on building a child’s capacity to approach hard things.

Dr. Caroline specifically describes the prediction-making brain, how relief from escaping school can reinforce avoidance, and why participation should build the child’s experience of “I can handle this.”

Homework Activities

The School Avoidance Pattern Map

For one week, track when physical symptoms or distress appear rather than immediately trying to explain them.

Write down: when symptoms start, what happens immediately before them, whether they appear on non-school days, what the child is anticipating, what happens when they stay home, and how quickly symptoms change after the demand is removed.

Dr. Caroline stresses that these patterns provide useful information about what the brain may be anticipating.

Find the Unnecessary Load

Ask: What is making school more expensive for this child than it needs to be?

Look for noise, lighting, hunger, clothing discomfort, chaotic entrances, rushed transitions, sensory demands, social pressures, learning difficulties, or executive functioning demands.

Choose one unnecessary load you can reasonably reduce without removing the main approach goal.

Dr. Caroline gives options including quieter entry, arriving before the rush and noise-cancelling headphones when there is a genuine sensory need.

Choose One Approach Goal

Don't make the goal “have a perfect school day.”

Choose the smallest meaningful step.

It could be entering the building, unpacking a backpack, completing work in the library, staying with a designated staff member, or entering the classroom.

The step should create some discomfort but remain within the child's window of tolerance.

Create a Drop-Off Script

Choose one short, predictable goodbye and practise using it consistently.

Dr. Caroline’s example is:

“I love you. Ms. Chen is here. I’ll see you after school.”

Avoid adding repeated questions, extra hugs, reassurance, negotiations, or checking whether the child feels ready.

Change What You Praise

For one week, intentionally praise approach rather than absence of anxiety.

Instead of:

“See? There was nothing to worry about.”

Try:

“Your stomach was hurting, and you still walked through the door.”

Dr. Caroline specifically recommends reinforcing the difficult action the child completed rather than teaching them that success means anxiety disappeared.

Resources:

Cummings, K. K., Jung, J., Zbozinek, T. D., Wilhelm, F. H., Dapretto, M., Craske, M. G., Bookheimer, S. Y., & Green, S. A. (2024). Shared and distinct biological mechanisms for anxiety and sensory over-responsivity in youth with autism versus anxiety disorders. Journal of neuroscience research, 102(1), e25250. https://doi.org/10.1002/jnr.25250 

Johnsen, D. B., Lomholt, J. J., Heyne, D., Jensen, M. B., Jeppesen, P., Silverman, W. K., & Thastum, M. (2024). The Effectiveness of Modular Transdiagnostic Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Versus Treatment as Usual for Youths Displaying School Attendance Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Research on child and adolescent psychopathology, 52(9), 1397–1412. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-024-01196-8 

Metin, B., Tas, Z. C., Çebi, M., Büyükaslan, A., Soysal, A., Hatıloglu, D., & Tarhan, N. (2018). Reward Processing Deficits During a Spatial Attention Task in Patients With ADHD: An fMRI Study. Journal of attention disorders, 22(7), 694–702. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054717703188

Munkhaugen, E. K., Torske, T., Gjevik, E., Nærland, T., Pripp, A. H., & Diseth, T. H. (2019). Individual characteristics of students with autism spectrum disorders and school refusal behavior. Autism : the international journal of research and practice, 23(2), 413–423. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361317748619

Sung, J. Y., Mumper, E., & Schleider, J. L. (2021). Empowering Anxious Parents to Manage Child Avoidance Behaviors: Randomized Control Trial of a Single-Session Intervention for Parental Accommodation. JMIR mental health, 8(7), e29538. https://doi.org/10.2196/29538

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Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Why does every conversation with your child seem to turn into a fight? Why do your attempts to help leave both of you feeling worse?

When a child or teen experiences emotions that feel overwhelming, their brain naturally searches for relief. Sometimes that relief comes through behaviours that worry the adults who love them most, including self harm or other self destructive coping strategies. Understanding why those behaviours develop changes the way we respond.

In this episode, Dr. Caroline is joined by therapist and author Katie K. May to explore why validation is one of the most powerful tools for reducing emotional intensity, why regulating yourself comes before trying to regulate your child, and how everyday interactions can either strengthen connection or increase conflict.

You'll learn why emotional validation does not encourage unhealthy behaviour, how to recognise what sits underneath anger and irritability, practical ways to step out of power struggles, and why building connection often starts with simply sharing space together.

If you're supporting a young person with anxiety, emotional dysregulation, depression, self harm, or intense emotional reactions, this conversation offers practical strategies you can begin using today.

In this episode you'll learn:

Why self destructive behaviours often become short term coping strategies

How validation lowers emotional intensity

Why regulating yourself changes everything

How to avoid escalating emotional storms

Ways to rebuild connection after conflict

What radical acceptance really means for families

Practical communication strategies that strengthen trust

About Katie K. May

Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You’re On Fire, It’s Fine. Her second book for clinicians, Teen DBT in Practice will be published in July 2026. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of a select few Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change. 

Website: www.katiekmay.com  

Instagram for Parents of Teens: https://www.instagram.com/creative_healing  

Instagram for Therapists: https://www.instagram.com/katiekmay 

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekmay 

Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katiekmay 

Resources:

You're on Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors https://geni.us/YoureonFireItsFine 

Homework Ideas

Build a Stress Meter

Create your own stress scale from 0 to 10.

Ask yourself several times each day:

Where am I right now?

What do I need before responding?

Practise using calming strategies before difficult conversations.

Validate Before Solving

For one week, resist the urge to immediately fix your child's emotions.

Use statements like:

"I can see this is really hard."

"That makes sense."

"I'm here with you."

Notice how the conversation changes.

Notice and Name Emotions

When emotions appear, simply label them.

Examples:

"You seem disappointed."

"You look frustrated."

"I can see you're angry."

Avoid jumping immediately into solutions.

Spend 15 Minutes Together Without Correcting

Spend fifteen uninterrupted minutes in the same room.

No reminders.

 No criticism.

 No advice.

 No problem solving.

Just share space together.

Practise Your Own Emotional Modelling

When you're becoming overwhelmed, say it aloud.

"I'm feeling frustrated."

"I'm going to take a few minutes."

"I'll come back when I'm calmer."

Your child learns emotional regulation by watching yours.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/

LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/

Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Why Does Talking to Kids Sometimes Make Things Worse?

You’re trying to help. You ask questions, offer solutions, explain what needs to happen, and somehow your child becomes more defensive, shuts down, or argues harder.

The way we communicate can change what happens from there.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline shares practical motivational interviewing skills that help children and teens feel heard without turning every difficult conversation into a debate.

You’ll learn how to use open-ended questions, affirmations, reflections, and summaries to keep kids thinking rather than defending. Dr. Caroline also explains how to recognize “change talk,” respond when a child seems resistant, and shift from praise toward specific affirmations that help kids recognize their own strengths, values, and efforts.

If homework, school anxiety, sleep, friendships, sports, chores, or everyday responsibilities keep turning into power struggles, this episode will help you talk less, stay curious, and create more space for kids to find their own reasons to move forward.

Homework Ideas

Dr. Caroline says she will include homework ideas in the show notes, but she does not give a formal homework list during the recording.

These exercises are therefore drawn from the skills she teaches in the episode and would work well as the promised show-note homework.

The “Talk Less” Challenge

Choose one difficult conversation this week.

Before responding, ask yourself:

“Do I need to say this, or can I leave space for them to think?”

Aim to reduce explanations, reminders, and repeated questions.

Turn One Closed Question Into an Open Question

Instead of:

“Did you do your homework?”

Try:

“What’s your plan for your homework tonight?”

Instead of:

“Are you nervous about the presentation?”

Try:

“What feels hardest about presenting in front of the class?”

Dr. Caroline gives these types of shifts directly in the episode.

Replace Praise With One Specific Affirmation

Catch yourself before saying:

“Good job.”

Identify what the child actually did:

“You kept trying even when you weren’t sure you could do it.”

“You noticed you were getting overwhelmed and took some space.”

“It took courage to tell me you didn’t understand.”

The goal is to draw attention toward their effort, strengths, choices, and values rather than adult approval.

Listen for Change Talk

For one week, listen for statements beginning with ideas like:

“I wish…”

“I could…”

“I need…”

“I might…”

“I’m going to…”

Rather than jumping in with a solution, reflect it back and invite them to say more.

Practise the Final Cs

Before a hard conversation, remember Dr. Caroline’s closing reminders:

Avoid cleverness. Reduce clutter. Aim for curious calm. Lead with compassion. Protect connection.

Her practical instruction is especially memorable: keep the message simple and stay interested and relaxed rather than getting worked up.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

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Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Power struggles over homework, chores, school, relationships, and routines can turn a simple conversation into a battle fast. So how do you help a child or teen move forward without nagging, lecturing, threatening, or trying to force compliance?

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline introduces motivational interviewing, a practical communication approach that helps children and teens feel heard, reduces conversational pressure, and helps them explorer their own reasons for change.

Using a familiar homework battle, Dr. Caroline walks through a four-part conversation map: connect, agree on what matters, draw out the child’s own reasons and possibilities, and build a small plan that comes from them.

You’ll hear how validation can keep a difficult conversation open, why reassurance can sometimes shut kids down, how to recognize “change talk” hiding underneath resistance, and what to say when a child insists, “I don’t care,” “I’m going to fail anyway,” or “Get off my back.”

You’ll also learn how small shifts in adult communication can move a child from “I’m not doing it” toward “Okay, I’ll try for 10 minutes.”

If conversations with the kids in your life keep becoming arguments, this episode gives you language you can start practicing today.

Topics covered: motivational interviewing with children and teens, communication skills, homework battles, parent-child communication, student motivation, emotional regulation, validation, power struggles, change talk, teen motivation, school stress, and collaborative problem-solving.

The episode gives listeners a very usable assignment: practice the conversation map before adding more communication skills next week. Dr. Caroline specifically asks listeners to try connecting first and approaching the conversation with curiosity.

A useful homework box for the show notes would be:

This Week’s Practice: Try the Conversation Map

Pick one recurring conversation that tends to become a power struggle: homework, bedtime, chores, school attendance, sibling conflict, relationships, applications, or another issue.

Then practice:

1. Connect

Listen with curiosity. Reflect what you hear. Help the child feel understood before trying to solve anything.

Try:

“Wow, you really don’t want to do that tonight.”

2. Agree on what to talk about

Give the child some say in where the conversation goes.

Try:

“There are a few things we could talk about. Which feels most important to start with?”

3. Listen for their reasons for change

Pay attention to wishes, frustrations, values, hopes, concerns, and signs that they want something to be different.

Try:

“If tonight were even a little better, what would be different?”

Or use the scaling exercise from the episode:

“On a scale from 1–10, how awful is this right now?”

Then:

“What could make it half a point better?”

Caroline explains this exercise around the homework example.

4. Build one small plan from their ideas

Ask:

“What feels possible?”

“What might help?”

“What would be a small step just to get started?”

Those prompts are taken directly from Dr. Caroline’s recap.

Optional confidence check:

Ask how confident they feel about trying the plan from 0–10. Rather than focusing on why the number is low, ask what makes it as high as it already is. Dr. Caroline demonstrates this with a rating of six and asks why it is a six rather than a two.

You can download the M.I Conversation Map through this link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1drTx5r_jYYtguUiegf0oewa7mCcKc2A1/view?usp=sharing

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Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

When anxiety gets loud, our instinct is often to make things easier for kids. We offer reassurance, remove the demand, let them skip the presentation, or give them a way out.

When escape repeatedly becomes the main way a child gets relief from anxiety, their brain can learn, “I needed to get out because I couldn’t handle that.”

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline shares practical ways to help children and teens approach hard things without overwhelming them. From challenge cards and “brave first, break second” routines to first-draft culture, mistake celebrations, one-step-closer questions, and stay-connected plans, these strategies can be woven into everyday life without turning adults into therapists.

You’ll learn how to support anxious children through school avoidance, perfectionism, social anxiety, frustration, uncertainty, and other big emotions while keeping the focus on participation and growing capacity.

You’ll also hear why praising calmness or perfect outcomes can send the wrong message, how to make accommodations temporary and approach-focused, and what to say instead of repeatedly asking, “Are you okay?”

The goal isn’t to wait until anxiety disappears. Children need experiences that teach them: “I can feel uncomfortable and still move forward.”

Listen for practical ways to help kids discover just how capable and brave they can be.

Homework Ideas from the episode

Rather than giving adults another long checklist, I’d package the homework as a “Brave Things Challenge” for the week. The episode gives plenty of material for it.

Create 3 to 5 Challenge Cards. 

Pick tiny, structured opportunities for a child to experience discomfort and continue anyway. The transcript suggests intentional imperfect work for perfectionism, asking a question for social anxiety, using a silly word in conversation, or safely experiencing a faster heartbeat before a challenging activity.

Replace one rescue with the One-Step-Closer Question.

Use:

“What is one small step that would move you closer?”

Let the child generate the step whenever possible rather than solving the problem for them.

Practice “Brave First, Break Second.” 

When the child has enough capacity to make an approach attempt, make a small approach attempt before taking a break so the break supports participation rather than becoming an escape from it.

Change what you praise. 

Catch yourself praising outcomes, perfect performance, or appearing calm. 

Replace it with specific praise for the approach behaviour:

“You got started even though you weren’t sure.”

“You made a mistake and kept going.”

“You asked the question even though you were nervous.”

This distinction is emphasized strongly in the episode.

Start a Daily Brave Try. 

At dinner, at the end of class, or during a session, ask:

“What did you do today even though it felt uncomfortable?”

Keep participation brief and voluntary.

Model one mistake out loud. 

Adults intentionally notice and repair ordinary mistakes so kids see that mistakes are normal, tolerable, and repairable. The episode also recommends a Mistake of the Day practice.

Create a Stay-Connected Plan. 

For a child who typically escapes when overwhelmed, decide before the difficult situation how they can reduce the intensity without completely leaving the learning experience. Possibilities in the episode include moving to the edge of the group, standing at the back, using headphones while continuing, moving to a quieter desk, observing before joining, or using a communication card.

Debrief the learning, not the anxiety level. 

After a brave attempt, ask:

What did you learn?

How did you stay?

What helped you stay?

What could you try next time?

FREE RESOURCE:

Classroom Discovery Missions

85 small challenges for building bravery, flexibility, and confidence with hard things.

Get Your Free Classroom Discovery Missions ↓

https://korulearninginstitute.kit.com/5125d34dd3

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Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Is your child already worrying about school before the first bell rings? Maybe they're asking the same questions over and over, refusing to leave your side, or imagining everything that could go wrong. It can be tempting to make things easier by removing every source of stress, but those well-meaning accommodations often make anxiety even stronger.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline shares practical ways to help children build confidence before the school year begins. Using the DNAV model, you'll learn how to help kids notice anxious thoughts without getting trapped by them, respond to physical sensations with curiosity instead of fear, and take small, courageous steps that teach the brain, "I can handle this."

You'll also discover playful activities that prepare children for school transitions, simple strategies for separation anxiety, and ways to encourage bravery without rewarding avoidance. If you're supporting a child who struggles with back-to-school anxiety, school refusal, or separation anxiety, this episode offers practical tools that build lasting confidence instead of short-term relief.

This episode is packed with practical homework that adults can begin before school starts.

Help children identify:

• What kind of friend do you want to be?
• What kind of student do you want to be?
• What matters most to you this school year?

Purpose:

Keep brave actions connected to values rather than fear.

When anxiety appears, practise:

• Recognise
• Allow
• Investigate
• Note & Nurture

Rather than trying to eliminate anxiety, help children observe it with curiosity.

Visit school and complete challenges such as:

• Touch the front door.
• Sit at the desk.
• Lean against the locker.
• Drink from the water fountain.

Notice:

• temperature
• sounds
• textures
• body sensations

Gather evidence instead of avoiding.

Use timers.

Start with only a few seconds if needed.

Return exactly when promised.

Gradually increase time as confidence grows.

Celebrate:

• staying in class
• trying a coping strategy
• remaining in bedroom longer
• completing one brave step

Reward effort, not perfect behaviour .

Write down:

• brave goals
• boundaries
• expected worries
• adult responsibilities
• rewards

Review together before school starts.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/

LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/

Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Every new school year brings change, uncertainty, and fresh challenges. For many children, those changes trigger anxiety long before the first bell rings. When worry shows up, most adults naturally try to make it disappear. They offer reassurance, lower expectations, or remove the source of distress. Those responses feel loving in the moment, yet they can quietly strengthen anxiety over time.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline explains why the anxious brain reacts so strongly to the return to school and why accommodation often keeps anxiety alive. You'll learn what happens inside the brain when uncertainty feels dangerous, why reassurance rarely builds confidence, and how small changes in adult responses can help children develop lasting coping skills.

Dr. Caroline introduces the VRI approach, and explains how to support children through emotional storms while maintaining calm, consistent boundaries. She also discusses extinction bursts, school avoidance, and practical ways to reduce accommodations without damaging connection or trust.

If you're preparing for the new school year and want to help children build confidence rather than dependence, this episode offers practical strategies you can start using today.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why back to school is one of the biggest anxiety triggers for children

• How the amygdala and prefrontal cortex influence anxious behaviour

• Why reassurance and accommodation can unintentionally reinforce anxiety

• What extinction bursts are and why they happen

• How to use the VRI communication strategy during emotional moments

• Simple ways to encourage independence while supporting emotional regulation

Homework Ideas

Dr. Caroline leaves listeners with practical actions they can begin immediately.

Spend one week noticing every time you change your behaviour to reduce a child's anxiety or discomfort.

Examples include:

• answering repeated reassurance questions
• completing tasks they could do independently
• changing family routines to avoid distress
• allowing avoidance of feared situations
• stepping in too quickly to solve problems

2. Practise the VRI Strategy

Use VRI during anxious moments.

Validate

"I know this feels really hard."

Remind

Calmly restate the expectation and express confidence.

"I know you can handle this."

Ignore

Do not engage in anxiety-driven bargaining, arguing, or repeated reassurance after you've communicated your message.

Notice how often you say, "You'll be fine."

Instead, practise saying, "I know this feels scary AND I know you can handle it."

Ask yourself, "What am I doing today that my child is capable of doing themselves?"

Build independence one small task at a time.

5. Hold One Boundary Consistently

Choose one accommodation to reduce and stay consistent. Expect anxiety to protest before it improves

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Follow Dr. Caroline

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/

LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/

Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

When your child is melting down, refusing to listen, yelling, or acting aggressively, your first instinct may be to stop the behaviour as quickly as possible. But what happens if the behaviour is actually a sign that your child feels unsafe, overwhelmed, or disconnected?

In this episode, Dr. Caroline Buzanko sits down with internationally recognized child behaviour expert Bryan Post to explore why behaviour is often driven by stress rather than defiance. Together, they discuss how your own nervous system shapes your child's ability to regulate emotions, why remaining calm affects what happens in the brain, and how relationships foster lasting emotional growth.

You'll learn practical ways to respond during emotional meltdowns, understand why co-regulation matters, recognize when your own stress is influencing the situation, and discover why connection creates far more lasting change than control.

If you've ever wondered why traditional discipline seems to make behaviour worse, this conversation offers a compassionate and science-informed approach that can change the way you respond to big emotions.

Homework Ideas

Create a pause

Practice imagining roots growing from your feet into the earth and/or count to five before responding when your child becomes upset.

Your goal is to calm yourself so you can provide the co-regulation space your child needs to calm themselves.

Reframe behaviours

Replace:

"What behaviour do I need to stop?"

with

"What stress might my child be experiencing?"

Notice how this changes your response.

Improving interactions

Reflect on one recent difficult interaction.

Ask yourself:

What was I feeling?

What was I afraid of?

Did my reaction remind me of experiences from my own childhood?

What could I try differently next time? Make a plan.

Staying present

During one emotional moment this week, say only:

"I'm here."

"We're going to get through this."

Then simply stay present.

Notice what changes.

Connection

Choose one family activity this week that happens completely without phones or screens.

Focus only on connection.

About Bryan Post

Bryan Post is a renowned child behavior expert, adoptive parent, and creator of the Fear to Love™ Method, a relationship-based approach that has transformed the lives of families around the world. With more than 25 years of experience in trauma-responsive care, he helps parents understand that behavior is a signal of stress, not a problem to control. He is the author of the bestselling book From Fear to Love, which has sold over a million copies. Bryan also founded Courage-IQ, a community dedicated to helping successful men strengthen emotional connection in their relationships and families. / Bryan Post is passionate about helping parents, caregivers, and professionals shift from managing behavior to understanding the stress and fear beneath it. Through the Fear to Love™ Method, he provides practical, trauma-responsive tools that foster connection, emotional regulation, and lasting healing. He is also the founder of Courage-IQ, a community that helps successful men build deeper emotional connection at home and in their relationships. 

Website: https://feartolove.com/ 

         http://courage-iq.com/  

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryanpost1/  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bryanpostofficial/?hl=en 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/feartolove2025  

Resources: From Fear to Love (book) https://feartolove.com/form-page794260 

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/

LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/

Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline Buzanko wraps up the self-care for resilience mini series by exploring how nutrition, hydration, self-compassion, unstructured play, frustration tolerance, and everyday habits influence emotional regulation. She explains why the brain needs consistent fuel to manage emotions, why skipping meals can look like anxiety or behaviour problems, and how small daily habits shape resilience over time.

Dr. Caroline also discusses how self compassion strengthens resilience, and why celebrating mistakes can reduce anxiety while building confidence.

This episode also explores why boredom, outdoor play, and allowing children to struggle safely help develop emotional strength and independence. Rather than trying to change everything at once, Dr. Caroline shares practical ways to build one habit at a time so lasting change feels realistic.

If you want to help children regulate emotions more effectively, this episode offers simple, research informed strategies that begin with everyday habits many families overlook.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why nutrition directly affects emotional regulation and behaviour

• How hydration influences attention, learning, and mood

• Why self-compassion reduces anxiety and supports resilience

• How free play and frustration build emotional strength

• Simple ways to create healthy habits that actually last

Homework Activities

1. Create a Better Breakfast Routine

Choose one breakfast that includes:

Protein

Healthy fat

Complex carbohydrates

Examples:

Greek yogurt, berries, walnuts

Eggs on whole grain toast with avocado

Oatmeal with seeds and nut butter

Peanut butter on banana with milk

Goal:

 Reduce energy crashes that affect mood and emotional regulation.

2. Track Food, Water and Mood

For one week, ask children to notice:

How hungry am I?

How much water have I had?

How is my mood?

Can I concentrate?

Look for patterns instead of judging behaviour.

3. Practise the Self Compassion Reset

Teach children three steps:

This is hard right now.

Everyone makes mistakes.

What's my next step?

Practise during calm moments before they are needed.

4. Celebrate Mistakes

At dinner or before bed ask:

"What was your mistake today?"

"What did you learn?"

Normalising mistakes reduces perfectionism and fear of failure.

5. Use the Word "Yet"

Replace:

"I can't do this."

with

"I can't do this...yet."

This simple shift encourages a growth mindset and reduces self criticism.

6. Choose One Habit

Instead of changing everything:

Pick ONE habit.

Decide when you'll do it.

Decide where.

Decide exactly what you'll do.

Track your streak.

Small wins build lasting habits.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/

LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/

Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/

Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/

Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/