Sleep is essential for children, but each child is different and the key for parents is to be responsive while also looking after themselves, researcher and commentator Nathan Mikaere Wallis says.

Sleep is essential for children, but each child is different and the key for parents is to be responsive while also looking after themselves, researcher and commentator Nathan Mikaere Wallis says.

Speaking to Nine to Noon's Kathryn Ryan for RNZ's series on parenting 'it takes a village', Nathan notes that sleep is important for everyone - the parents as well as the children.

"It's sort of at the base of everything isn't it, if you're dead tired and can't achieve anything else, you know, sleep's kind of fundamental for everybody."

How sleep works

Nathan says people have some misconceptions about what sleep involves.

"They think that you go to sleep for eight hours and you wake up again. I think that tells us more about the industrial revolution than it does about human circadian rhythyms.

"You really have about four sleep cycles a night, and as an adult you've learned to link those cycles together but there are three times or more a night when you come close to waking up.

"I joke when I do dads' groups that those are the times you roll over, pull all the blankets off your partner, fart and go back to sleep.

"You don't actually wake up, but your wife probably does wake up because pregnancy keeps her awake during her sleep cycles ... women often continue to wake up in between their sleep cycles when they're parents."

He has some advice for dealing with common problems for children's sleep patterns.

Nathan Mikaere Wallis says allowing children to sleep in your bed can comfort them and give them confidence to return to their own.

Nathan's tips for older children's sleep:

Bed or cot - Don't rush kids into beds, having a cot with walls allows you to control the child's routine and gets them used to the idea of being in bed. Wait until they're ready.

Waking up - Children who have a strong nurturing base of dependence are more likely to be confident and become more independent. If they are waking up in the morning and happy and comfortable they may amuse themselves better than if ordered to leave their parents alone.

Sharing beds - If a child is feeling unsafe or insecure they might seek to be in their parent's bed, so allowing them to do so and allowing them to feel safe and nurtured again can help them go back to their own bed as they get older. It can be good to get them to start sleeping in their own bed but not reject them if they want to hop in with mum or dad…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details