After a successful career on Wall Street, where issues regarding sex, money, and power are legendary, Debra L. Kaplan merged her fascination with narcissism, sex, power, and control with her studies in psychology. Debra’s book, For Love and Money, inspired her groundbreaking clinical work. In this episode, Debra talks about the connection between money and our trauma, what the conversations around money mean, and how money is the biggest reason for our relationship's demise.

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:00] A little bit about Debra.

[4:10] We argue about money, but underneath all of that we argue about our trauma. 

[9:00] All couples argue about money. 

[14:30] Money carries the greatest impact on the health and demise of a relationship. 

[15:00] Do men and women see money/treat money differently? 

[18:20] Addicts take power without permission, which means they use the family’s money through whatever means necessary.

[22:40] What is financial infidelity? 

[28:50] How should you approach a conversation around money when an addict has betrayed your trust?

[31:10] The addict destroys their finances, but can also destroy their career reputation and earning potential.

[33:00] After a betrayal, it’s important spouses get the help and support, and education they need to move forward. 

[35:50] How can couples have a unified relationship with their money? 

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Sexualhealth-addiction.com

When He’s Married to Mom by Dr. Ken M. Adams

A Light in the Dark: The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts by Ken M. Adams

QUOTES:

• “Money is the number one factor in divorce and in relational demise.”

• “Financial infidelity is I’m not going to tell you, I’m going to do what I want to do, and you’re not going to know. It’s the same as emotional and sexual infidelity.”

• “When there’s betrayal and infidelity, get informed. Hire professionals who will help you. Hire an accountant.”

• “Even though we argue about money, there is a path out.”