Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Send us a text

📝 In this thought-provoking episode, we explore the nuanced intersection of father engagement and domestic abuse-informed practice with Chris Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). Our conversation examines how we can thoughtfully promote father involvement while maintaining high standards for men as parents, disrupting gender double standards and keeping the safety and long term wellbeing of children at the center.

🎯 **Key Topics:**
• The historical context behind NFI's founding and evolution of fatherhood programs
• Examining father absence through a domestic abuse-informed lens
• Balancing father engagement with survivor safety and well-being
• The importance of holding perpetrators accountable as parents
• Building community capacity to support safe, stable father involvement

💭 **Notable Quotes:**
"We need to acknowledge fathers as key caregivers while having high expectations for their behavior as parents. Supporting father involvement can't come at the expense of adult and child survivor safety." - David Mandel

"When we talk about father absence, we have to look at the whole picture - including how perpetrator patterns of coercive control contribute to family separation." - Ruth Reymundo Mandel

✨ **Key Takeaways:**
• The need to integrate domestic abuse screening and safety protocols into fatherhood programs
• How gender bias impacts our expectations of fathers vs mothers
• The importance of early intervention to develop parenting skills in boys and young men
• Strategies for practitioners to engage fathers while partnering with survivors

📚 **Resources Mentioned:**
• Safe & Together's Working with Men as Parents training
• Multiple Pathways to Harm framework
• NFI's fatherhood program resources 
• Domestic abuse-informed engagement strategies

🔗 **Connect with NFI:**
[https://www.fatherhood.org/](https://www.fatherhood.org/)

🔗 **Connect with Safe & Together Institute:**
[https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/](https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/)
[https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home](https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home)

Join us next time as we continue exploring domestic abuse-informed approaches to strengthening families. Remember - meaningful father engagement must center the safety and well-being of adult & child survivors.

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

🔄 Transforming Professional Standards
Join us from São Miguel, Azores, Ruth's paternal ancestral home, as we challenge conventional metrics of professionalism and explore how institutional practices, mandates, best practices often reinforce dangerous barriers between professionals and survivors of domestic abuse. We examine what true Partnership looks like when we step beyond traditional professional boundaries.

📊 Measuring What Matters:
• Evaluating professional success through survivor partnership outcomes
• Identifying KPIs, practices & policies that perpetuate professional bias & poor outcomes
• Tracking meaningful engagement and Impact versus procedural compliance, top down best practices not tied to end user experience 

🚫 Confronting Professional Bias:
• Recognizing when "professionalism" becomes a barrier to authentic connection
• Understanding how institutional metrics can reinforce harmful power dynamics
• Examining personal and systemic prejudices in professional practice

⚖️ Institutional Accountability:
• Creating measurements for authentic survivor engagement
• Developing metrics that value survivor voice and choice
• Establishing KPIs that promote genuine Partnering 

💡 Shifting Professional Culture:
• Moving from expert-driven top-down practice to Partnering and end user impact-based practice
• Redefining success in professional-survivor relationships
• Building institutional, training and policy support for transformative practice

🎯 Action Steps for Change:
• Implementing survivor-centered performance metrics
• Developing reflection tools for professional bias
• Creating accountability systems for authentic partnership

Join our global network as we work to transform how professionals engage with survivors and measure success in domestic abuse-informed practice.

🔗 Access our professional development resources at https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/

📱 Connect with our community of practice at https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home?preview=true

#ProfessionalismRedefined #SystemsChange #Partnering #Professionalstandards #Bestpractices #SafeAndTogether

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

In this episode, David & Ruth speak about the Myth of the Domestic Violence Incident chapter  David's recently published book: "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform The Way We Keep Children Safe From Domestic Violence." 

They discuss how an isolated incident lens:

• Focuses systems interventions & professional responses on isolated acts of physical violence rather than on patterns of violence & coercive control which blinds professionals and systems to the wider dangers created to adult & child survivors by a perpetrator  
• Makes  it harder to see the loss of liberty and entrapment generated by the perpetrator’s pattern 
• Fails to document & address the danger & harm created by nonphysical acts of abuse & removal of liberty (coercive control) such as:
  • ongoing control directed at the adult partner
  • willingness to harm children as a way to pressure and hurt their partner
  • the underlying attitudes and beliefs that entitle Perpetrator to control & violence
  • the manipulations of systems and threats or actual use of systems like family court and child protection to continue fear and control campaigns
•  How the Safe & Together Model helps identify entrapment, loss liberty and impact on child, partner and family functioning to increase the awareness of professionals as to the patterns, trauma & danger created by a perpetrator
  
  
  Related Podcasts:
  
  Intro to David Mandel’s book “Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers”
  https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/podcast-interview-social-world/Want to
  
  Unveiling the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: Beyond the Myth of the Child Witness
  
  Social World Podcast Interview with David Mandel about his new book “Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers”
  
  
  Want guided book discussions for your staff or community stakeholders? 
  Check out this free book Study guide:
  
   https://share.hsforms.com/1D__YbFblQgqz8cTIgwXjvA3a1w1
  
  

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

The recently published groundbreaking, population-based study of child maltreatment in Australia found exposure to domestic violence is the most common form of maltreatment (39.6%). In this interview with Professor Daryl Higgins, one of the studies’ chief investigators, David and Ruth discuss the domestic violence specific results including how they intersect with other forms of  maltreatments and other adverse experiences to produce health and other challenges in adults.  Some of the key results discussed include:

• What was learned about childhood maltreatment, and its connection to health outcomes in adults, in this study of 8500 Australians 
• How domestic violence is present in the 5 most common clusters of overlapping types of maltreatment 
• How men were more likely to report smoking and cannabis use as result of childhood exposure to domestic violence
• How women were more likely to report self harm, suicide attempts and obesity  as a result of childhood exposure of domestic violence  
• How female and gender diverse children were more likely to experience childhood exposure to domestic violence 

Read about the study: https://www.acms.au

Read more about resources and publications from the  Institute of Child Protection Studies for adopting a public health approach to protecting children: https://www.acu.edu.au/icps/public-health

Other related Partnered with A Survivor episodes  

Season 5 Episode 5: A Trauma History is Not An Excuse for Acting Abusively

Season 5 Episode 4: Unveiling The Impact Of Domestic Violence On Children: Beyond The Myth Of The Child Witness

Season 4 Episode 10: Ensuring The Voice Of The Child Is Heard, And Child’s Best Interests Are Considered In Domestic Abuse Cases

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

Partnering with survivors is a sacred act.  Listening to survivors, hearing their stories, and working  with them as equals  is uplifting for  practitioners and their clients.  In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, David and Ruth speak with Beth Ann Morhardt, one of the first domestic violence consultants trained in the Safe & Together Model,  about the spiritual aspects of the work with families. 

The interview starts with discussion of  Beth Ann and David's long history of professional collaboration, starting with her work using the Safe & Together Model with child protection. Drawing on those experiences, and her long history of advocating for survivors and working as a Safe & Together Institute faculty member, Beth Ann talks about the how she approaches  her work with families as a sacred practice. She also talks about how she honors the experience of practitioners, and even perpetrators as she works to prevent domestic violence. 

Beth Ann is also the creator of  the Sacred in the System (SITS) philosophy & language which aligns with the Safe & Together Model principles of partnering & engaging the perpetrating parent

To learn more about Sacred in the System contact Beth Ann at [email protected]

If you like this episode:

Check out our Partnering with Survivors ecourse

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

In this episode of Partnered with A Survivor, David & Ruth have an intimate discussion about how we can be emotionally &  behaviorally responsible even when we have been trained into fear & reactivity through violence & abuse.  David and Ruth discuss:

• How we need to drop binary definitions in order to prevent abusers from  using their history of trauma as an excuse for  current behaviors of coercive control & violence. 
• The importance of unlearning reactive behaviors that we came by 'honestly' through trauma
• The importance of considering context, patterns of behavior and impacts on functioning  as part of the conversations about survivors' reactivity and use of violence  
• The value of self-reflection on the impact of our behaviors when we are triggered back into a state of fear or defensiveness

If you like this episode you may be interested in:

Season 5 Episode 2: Women’s Use Of Force In Intimate Relationships: An Interview With Lisa Young Larance

Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors’ Acts Of Resistance

Season 2 Episode 11: “We Need A Revolution:” Integration Of Trauma Healing And Behavior Change For People Who Choose Violence

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

Discover the hard truths about the impact of domestic violence on children, as we, David and Ruth Reymundo Mandel, discuss the "Myth of the Child Witness" chapter from David's book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."   We promise you'll come away with a deeper understanding and a sense of urgency to shift the way society responds to young survivors. Listen as we pull back the curtain on the often-invisible effects of witnessing abuse and how these experiences shape the lives of children far beyond what is visible to the eye.

Are children just passive bystanders in the face of domestic violence, or are they silent bearers of trauma? What happens when we do not name the perpetrator as the cause of the children's harm or highlight their responsibilities are carers?  Our discussions traverse the landscape of this misconception, challenging the passive language that labels children merely as witnesses and advocating for a language that reflects their true experiences. We address the crucial need for systems to hold perpetrators accountable and prevent children from replicating harmful behaviors. Our conversation makes the case for recognizing the autonomy of children and the essential role of the non-abusive parent in fostering a child's emotional safety.

Wrapping up our insightful conversation, we underscore the critical role adults play in understanding and supporting children affected by domestic violence. Delving into the 'Safe Together' model, we stress the importance of an ecosystem that supports both the child and the non-abusive parent. Join us as we honor the resilience of children everywhere and strive to transform the dialogue around domestic violence, one listener at a time.

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

In this episode, Ruth and David start with a round up of their March 2024 Safe & Together trip to Australia and New Zealand with highlights from the 7th annual Safe & Together Asia Pacific conference with it's focus on work with First Nation peoples, feedback from podcast listeners, and an update on how the Model is transforming the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. Then Ruth and David pivot to discuss the ideas behind David's first book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe " from Legitimus Media (2024).  David talk about how the book outlines the interlocking myth structure that is the cause and effect of gender double standards around parenting.  David  shares how the book was written for both survivors and practitioners,  with or without experience with the Model. This episode will be followed up minisodes focusing on other chapters in the book...stay tuned!

To order the book now: https://mybook.to/mK39V

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

Both men and women can be violent and controlling. In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David speak with international expert Lisa Young Larance about her research and clinical practice related to women’s use of force in intimate relationships. In the conversation, Lisa highlights the importance of context and intersectionalities in any analysis of women’s use of force in intimate relationships.

In recounting her work, Lisa shares about:

• The importance of a behavioral and life span lens when understanding the use of force in intimate relationships
• How practitioners need to remain curious about the specifics of situations related to use of force
• How to explore the relationship between trauma histories and the use of force
• The importance of seeing beyond the “victim/offender” binary
• What the work with women who use force in intimate relationships can teach us about the work with men who use force against their partners

Check out Lisa Young Larance’s work

Keep an eye out for her forthcoming book:  Larance, L. Y. (Forthcoming, 2024). Broken: Women’s stories of intimate and institutional harm and repair. University of California Press.

You may also be interested in these related episodes of Partnered with A Survivor

Season 2 Episode 6: The Male Victim

Season 3 Episode 6: 7 Myths about the Safe & Together Model

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a text

Sexual and domestic violence in the military challenges recruitment, retention, team cohesion, operational readiness, security and organizational health. Yet, most militaries around the world are still struggling to effectively address these problems. Gaps in the response harm military families, and allow the destruction of the careers and health of survivors. The Safe & Together Institute, through its work with the UK Ministry of Defence, has seen the positive impact of domestic violence-informed practice in this area.

In this episode, David & Ruth speak with Amy Braley Frank, founder of Never Alone Soldiers, and Joanna, a survivor who now advocates for others. Never Alone Soldiers advocates for the safety and wellbeing of military personnel and families affected by sexual or domestic violence. They assist victims, advise them and push for greater transparency, accountability and policy changes, leaving no one behind.

Ruth & David discuss with Amy & Joanna:

• Current problematic military attitudes & practices in responding to perpetrators
• Silencing of victim/survivors of sexual and domestic violence
• Never Alone’s advocacy for victims and drive for systemic change
• Retention policies enabling those with histories of criminality and violence
• Adverse career impacts for service members reporting abuse
• Links between unaddressed military violence issues and domestic violence perpetration in law enforcement

Joanna shares her experiences seeking safety from domestic abuse, and how policies, communication approaches and attitudes endangered her and others. She discusses how Never Alone successfully pushed for her perpetrator's removal.

Amy defines policy and cultural changes needed to support survivors over retaining perpetrators.

Learn more about Never Alone 

You also may be interested in these related episodes 

Episode 25: When police officers commit domestic violence

Episode 26: Listening to the voices of survivors of officer-involved domestic violence: An interview with Nanette Chezum

Episode 27: “How much crime are you willing to let your police commit?”

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."