Often gendered and non-gendered frameworks for domestic violence are pitted against each other as if they represent two mutually exclusive universes. This does not need to be the case.  To be useful, a  domestic violence assessment and practice approach needs to  be accurate, comprehensive and holistic.  In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David discuss:

• how practicing without a gendered analysis of parenting expectations and societal dynamics fails the test for accurate, comprehensive and holistic assessments and interventions
• how a behavioral focus allows you to assess danger and risk in diverse situations including  men's violence against women, women's use of violence against men, abuse in same sex relationship and lateral violence

Also in this episode:

• The premiere of our Partnered with a Survivor theme song

If you like this episode you may want to check out the following:

• Episode 1: Coercive Control and Consent
• Episode 4:  Gender Double Standards
• Episode 6: Gender, Power Dynamics and Abuse
• Episode 15: Coercive Control, Entrapment & Isolation: An interview with Luke & Ryan Hart

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

Systems often fail domestic survivors who are from religious communities, and worldwide, Muslim survivors can face racism from outside their community as well as intense pressure to conform to community norms around male entitlement and family honor.  

In this episode, Ruth and David interview Shana Begum, a domestic violence education coach who is a survivor of not one but two attempted honor-based killings and two forced marriages. Shana speaks about:

• Her experience with being groomed for coercive control and domestic violence in her South Asian community.
• How addressing the violence in her community was resisted because of fear of further marginalization
• How adherence to religious principles is manipulated to maintain power and control
• Her journey from being a victim to being an empowered survivor and professional educator 

Central to her story is the notion that partnering with communities that are self-protective because of cultural or religious beliefs or marginalization requires specific skills and understanding. Shana talks about how religion and culture played a role not only in her initial abuse but in her isolation via communal pressure and collusion with her perpetrators. She speaks about how certain closed communities create a pressure cooker of abuse by becoming "communal abusers," which makes it very difficult for victims to report abuse and seek assistance. 

Ruth and Shana talk about how to avoid attacking a culture or religion when breaking down coercive control and violence in order to assist survivors in those communities. David and Shana talk about professional curiosity in partnering with survivors who wish to be connected to their community, family, and culture. Shana speaks about the dangers of honor-based violence and the need for systems to educate themselves about cultural challenges in assisting survivors. 

Shana is a professional educator in the UK for both systems and individuals and can be found at https://www.sthelensbestme.com/meet-the-team

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

For too long we have not listened to children and young people's experience of their father's violence. In their ground breaking research, Professor Cathy Humphreys and Dr. Katie Lamb interviewed children and young people about what they wanted to say to fathers who were violent to their families. This interview includes:  

• one of the digital stories where a young person, in her own voice, shares her feelings about father and his behavior
• Katie and Cathy describing their interactions with the young people and what they learned from them 
• David and Ruth exploring with their guests how some professionals struggle with confronting fathers who choose violence with the lived experience of their children 
• a discussion of how aboriginal workers used the the young people's digital stories to help men change. 

To learn more about the research discussed in this episode:

Website for digital stories

https://violenceagainstwomenandchildren.com/?p=540

Journal article about key research findings

Lamb, K., Humphreys, C .and Hegarty, K (2018), ‘ “Your behaviour has consequences”: Children and young people's perspectives on reparation with their fathers after domestic violence’, Children and Youth Services Review, vol 88 p164-169

Journal article about ethical challenges which arose in the work

Lamb, K., Humphreys, C. and Hegarty, K (2020) “Research ethics in practice: challenges of using digital technology to embed the voices of children and young people

within programs for fathers who use domestic violence”, Research Ethics, 1-17 (Full text available at https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1747016120936324

Full Phd

https://minerva-access.unimelb.edu.au/handle/11343/129319

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

During this time of reflection on law enforcement's role in communities, explorations of restorative justice practices are more important than ever. In this podcast, David and Ruth interview Dr. Eloise Sepeda, a national expert trainer and consultant of Restorative Justice, and the rigorous intersection of Child Welfare, Family Violence, and Race Equity.  In this episode, the David and Ruth discuss with Dr. Sepeda:

• the importance of listening to domestic violence survivors, and asking them the question: What does justice look like for you?  
• how to work with people who choose violence using restorative practices 
• the need for practitioners to reflect on how they respond to survivors' stories  

To learn more about Dr. Sepeda's work, visit her website:  www.bethechange.tools
Follow her on Twitter & Instagram: @elosepeda

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

In this episode, David & Ruth outline 9 common narratives that support and encourage dangerous collusion with domestic violence perpetrators.  They offer very practical tips for how to unwind and challenge those narratives.  It is an episode for professionals, survivors, allies and people who choose violence. 

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, David and Ruth offer a very personal look at relationship dynamics when one partner is a survivor. In response to a request from a survivor to explore this topic, David & Ruth share their personal challenges and rewards of navigating historical abuse. What does living with and partnering with a survivor really look like emotionally and behaviorally? How does one learn to honor and respect the emotional implications historical abuse has inside relationships? 

Ruth and David talk about 

• how David learned about and honored the impact of Ruth's earlier abuse in their relationship and co-parenting
• how Ruth's openness about her trauma and her advocacy for the voices of survivors has deepened and enriched David's work. 
• strategies for both survivors and for those who live, love and work with them about how to navigate trauma, trauma content, trauma emotions and trauma behaviors in a healthy and responsible way that improves trust and collaboration.
• how David's personal internal work assisted him in learning the principles of how to partner with survivors

This discussion is truly the place where personal meets professional and is an intimate behavioral look at how partnering looks and feels in relationship and in practice.

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

About the Episode: Undiscussable On Talk Radio

Episode 4 When religious traditions are manipulated to abuse.
Really key conversations...with @abdulwahidstephenson & @ruth_stearnsmandel
If you haven’t caught the series so far you catch up on the podcast available wherever you get your pods.

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

To coincide with Father’s Day in the UK and US, we are pleased to launch our Choose to Change: Your Behavior, Your Choice campaign materials. This is a time of significant disruption in service delivery and reflection on the strengths and weaknesses of mainstream responses to domestic violence. Lockdown, loss of employment, and social distancing are creating new and unique pressures on families. More men than ever are calling hotlines and reaching out for help with their violence toward loved ones. The Choose to Change Toolkit offers communities, families, and practitioners a new suite of tools to help interrupt violence. 

In this podcast, Ruth interviews David about the Choose to Change Toolkit and its applications. David outlines how these resources can help make real differences in the safety and quality of life for women and children and can offer men new, practical options for choosing to change their behavior. 

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

In this episode, David interviews Ruth about the Safe & Together Institute's Family and Friends Ally Guide. This guide was created out of the direct experiences of survivors of domestic violence, coercive control and child abuse. It outlines what survivors wish their friends and family had known or done to assist them to safety and healing.  David and Ruth discuss the ideas behind the guide including how

• How behaviorally identify coercive control and domestic violence in the life of their loved one
• It provides specific scripts to ease difficult conversations about abuse
• To decode coded disclosures about abuse
• Steps to practical support 

You can download this guide at here. 

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

Before he murdered their mother Claire and their sister Charlotte, Luke and Ryan Hart's father spent years justifying his control by telling them the world is a dangerous place. All the while, he was the one who was dangerous to their lives and liberty. During this time of pandemic, Luke and Ryan are worried that other abusive partners and parents are using the pandemic to justify their coercive control. In this podcast, Ruth and David conduct a transatlantic interview with the two brothers who have been on a journey to raise awareness about coercive control and how dangerous it is. Authors of the book "Remembered Forever," the Hart brothers tell their family's story with an emphasis on how their father entrapped and isolated their family.  As always, they highlight that coercive control is best identified, not through acts of violence, but through the loss of choice.  David & Ruth explore with them about specific parallels between their story and the current context of the pandemic. The Hart brothers share some of the ways they resisted their father's control and maintained their sanity through small rituals of connection.  You can learn more about them on their website, or follow them on Twitter @CoCoAwareness.

Check out our Guide for friends and family on how to be an Ally to a Loved One Living in Abuse: https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/5507857/Ally%20Guide/A4_AllyDoc_web.pdf

Send us a text

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.