What do practitioners need to pay most attention to in domestic violence cases involving children? What kind of evidence do courts need to hear evidence if they want to make good decisions related to custody and access? The Safe & Together Model's Critical Components are the foundational guide to domestic violence–informed assessment and decision-making. 

In this episode, David and Ruth dive into the each of the Critical Components and discuss:

• The history behind their development
• How they can help drive systems change
• How their application can prevent victim-blaming
• How they allow practitioners to consider important factors like cultural trauma without allowing it be an excuse for perpetration

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In a recent article, Tracey De Simone and Susan Heward-Belle describe the "cultural tsunami" triggered by the Safe & Together Model in Queensland, Australia. In response, Ruth interviews David about the theory of change behind the Safe & Together Model and how Safe & Together Institute is attempting to  remake the practice of systems.  

David outlines four goals that drive the work:

• Strengthening the safety and well-being of children and families
• Ending mother-blaming in domestic violence cases 
• Transforming how systems consider fatherhood
• Making statutory child welfare a driver of broader social and system change

Ruth guides the conversation to how all this produces better outcomes for adult and child survivors. David tells practitioners to remember that they are not the arbiters of their own success—adult and child survivors are the arbiters of their success. 

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

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To truly understand the experience of many domestic violence survivors, we need to understand coercive control. Coercive control, one of the key aspects of the Safe & Together Model, is as much about entrapment and the deprivation of liberty as it is about physical violence. In fact, the damage of coercive control can occur without any physical violence. Following the examples of England, Scotland, and Wales, many jurisdictions are exploring updating their domestic violence laws to include coercive control.

In this episode, David and Ruth interview Jess Hill, an investigative journalist and the author of the award-winning book See What You Made Me Do, and discuss her research into coercive control laws, how they are being applied, their impact on abuse victims, and her evolution into an advocate for the criminalisation of coercive control.

Jess also addresses:

• The national movement toward criminalising coercive control in Australia and the cultural and system challenges in the application of that law
• The pro-contact orientation of family court as an example of the challenges coercive control laws face in implementation
• How we need to commit to full independence of women in order to address this insidious liberty crime

Learn more about coercive control by listening to Season 1, Episode 1: Coercive Control and Consent.

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

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The Safe & Together Model is premised on the idea that child-serving systems are natural allies to adult domestic violence survivors. In the Season 2 kick-off episode, David and Ruth explore the Safe & Together Model's principle of partnering and the six steps of partnering practice. This episode includes an examination of the obstacles to partnering and six practical steps professionals can take to improve their work with survivors.   

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

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In this episode, David and Ruth look back over the highlights of the first season of Partnered with a Survivor. They talk about the genesis of the show, favorite episodes, and the value of survivor anger. The episode also provides a preview of 2021 episodes, including an interview with author Jess Hill and a new series that looks inside the Safe & Together Institute. See you in 2021!

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

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Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

The last few decades have seen a dramatic rise of the criminalization of domestic violence perpetration across the globe. As a result, police have received a large share of domestic violence funding and partnerships between law enforcement and advocates have become the norm. But if only 20% of survivors feel safer after calling the police, then it is important to think critically about the relationship between survivors and their advocates and the criminal justice system. 

In this episode, David and Ruth explore the relationship between advocates and law enforcement with author and law school professor Leigh Goodmark and a team from Embrace, an agency providing free and confidential supportive services and safe housing to survivors of gender-based violence rural Wisconsin. The Embrace team shares the story of how funding was clawed back by a sheriff and local government council who objected to their support for the Black Lives Matter movement, racial equity, and police reform. They discuss the realities of advocacy in the current atmosphere of calls for police reform and how law enforcement's response sometimes has a chilling effect on victims of violence seeking assistance. Leigh shares her insights into the history of advocacy within the context of the carceral system.

Read Leigh's New York Times op-ed on decriminalizing domestic violence.

Purchase Decriminalizing Domestic Violence by Leigh Goodmark.

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

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Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

In 2020, the Centre for Women's Justice (CWJ) filed a groundbreaking "super-complaint" against all police forces in England and Wales. The complaint alleged patterns of "serious concerns about the way policing systems operate where police officers are accused of domestic abuse" and raising concerns of a "lack of integrity, of officers manipulating the system and acting in bad faith in a variety of ways."

In this episode, David and Ruth interview Nogah Ofer, the CWJ solicitor who filed the complaint, and "Amy" (pseudonym used), an officer-involved domestic violence (OIDV) survivor whose story is included in the complaint. The interview covers:

• The genesis of the complaint
• The patterns of abuse and experiences of UK OIDV survivors
• The failures of the police system to respond effectively to these officers' behaviors

Amy shares the details of her abuse and how the system failed to respond to her safety needs. 

Listen to other episodes in the OIDV series: 

• Season 1 Episode 28: “I Have Something I Want to Talk to You About”: A Conversation About the Experiences of OIDV Survivors with Dr. Leanor Boulin Johnson
• Season 1 Episode 27: “How Much Crime Are You Willing to Let Your Police Commit?”: An Interview with Lieutenant Detective Mark Wynn (Ret) and Police Chief Tom Tremblay (Ret)
• Season 1 Episode 26: Listening to the Voices of Survivors of Officer-Involved Domestic Violence: An Interview with Nanette Chezum
• Season 1 Episode 25: When Police Officers Commit Domestic Violence: An Interview with Award-Winning Journalist and Author Alex Roslin

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

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The term “trauma bonding” was originally coined by Patrick Carnes, who was a proponent of the concept of sex addiction. He originally developed the term to describe “the misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person.” A simpler and more encompassing definition is that trauma bonding is “a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and his or her abuser, formed as a result of the cycle of violence.”

Problematically, the term is often misapplied to survivors rather than focusing on perpetrators and their choices and tactics. In this episode, Ruth and David discuss four ways the concept of trauma bonding works against survivors: 

1. It deemphasizes or ignores perpetrators’ behaviors that keep survivors trapped in an abusive situation.
2. It blames victims for the failure of friends, family, professionals, and faith leaders to hold perpetrators accountable for their actions.
3. It focuses professionals on the survivor, not the perpetrator.
4. It lets systems and professionals off the hook for how they are not responding well to survivors and perpetrators.

David and Ruth also explore the connections between the concept of trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome, co-dependency, and learned helplessness. They also examine the differential impact of this term on poor and Indigenous women, women of color, and trans survivors.

Toward the end of the show, David and Ruth talk about how the Safe & Together Model offers professionals alternative approaches to working with survivors, including: 

• Making sure that any discussion of trauma is contextualized to the perpetrator’s pattern
• Actively seeking to understand behaviors of resistance and protection for survivors and others 
• Working to ensure that the response that a survivor gets for disclosure is a positive experience
• Respecting survivors’ unique needs
• Using tools like the Ally Guide to communicate to professionals, family, and friends
• Training professionals to recognize the patterns of manipulation by perpetrators and their vulnerabilities to manipulation 

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

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Family courts’ decisions related to domestic violence and child abuse have tremendous impact on the lives of adult and child survivors. These decisions are suppose to serve the “best interests” of the children in these families. Yet, as research indicates, reports of domestic violence and child abuse are more likely to be disbelieved than believed by family courts.

In this episode, David and Ruth speak to Joan Meier, an internationally renowned author, researcher, and attorney, about about her years of experience with family court and abuse and her recent groundbreaking research study on U.S. family court decisions related to abuse allegations. 

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Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

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The first police spouse that Dr. Leanor Boulin Johnson interviewed for her research came into the office, sat down, and said, “I have something I want to talk to you about, and I really don’t care what you want to talk to me about. I’m going to tell you what I want you to know about my stress.” She went on to tell Dr. Johnson and her colleague about how her police officer husband was beating her. More stories of police officer–perpetrated domestic violence were uncovered as the research continued. With each disclosure, Dr. Johnson was thrown deeper and deeper into the hidden world of officer-involved domestic violence (OIDV). 

Over more than 30 years, Dr. Johnson has done multiple studies and even testified to the United States Congress about officer-involved domestic violence. Dr. Johnson, a professor emeritus at Arizona State University, didn’t set out to research officer-involved domestic violence. As a professor in African American and Family Studies, she was looking to research women’s roles in the workplace. After running into roadblock after roadblock, she landed on studying police officers’ stress including their families. 

In this conversation with David and Ruth, Dr. Johnson shares her insights and observations related to OIDV including her concerns for the health of police families, lack of support for police officers, and the connections between OIDV and police brutality. During this interview Dr. Johnson talks about:

• The connection between “authoritarian spillover,” OIDV, and police brutality 
• The gender and race differences in her research 
• How police officers’ need for support and connection is central to addressing OIDV and excessive force problems

For those interested in learning more about her research, you can email her directly at [email protected]. To read more about her research, you can read Alex Roslin’s book Police Wife.

Send us Fan Mail

Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website.

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses.

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.