My cousins boss and the boss’ wife went fishing one day. It was the first time in a long time they were doing something together rather than him working and being on the phone ALL day. Apparently, his phone rang so he answered it (which fellows, was the wrong thing to do!), so his wife grabbed the phone and pitched it as far into the ocean as she could throw.

Is the cell phone becoming a problem in your marriage? We certainly struggle with this! Thankfully it hasn’t quite got to the point of throwing our phones into the ocean…

The research is just starting to come out and researchers are just beginning to understand the basics of mobile phone addiction, including how we develop this addiction and the impact it has on our lives.

Some of you younger ones probably don’t have any concept of a world without cell phones, but I still remember our first phone, and I still remember our first iPhone! These new technologies hit the market, met a need, and we rely on them so heavily. Only now are we starting to step back and ask how this is impacting lives beyond the convenience factor.

One journal article that was a literature review of problematic cell phone use concluded that mobile phone use may become uncontrolled or excessive which impacts daily living. It pointed out evidence to show a behavioural addiction is possible and this would impact social, familial and professional life.(Billieux, 2012)[i]

In that study, Billieux noted three typical areas of problems:

Another study connected mobile phone addiction with additional qualities found in substance abuse addiction including:

These are serious things. That’s why we’ve started saying that phone addiction is the new alcoholism.

Studies show that women use mobile phones more than men, especially when it comes to text messaging. Other studies have found that women are more prone to experience dependence on the mobile phone, while men have a greater tendency to use the mobile phone while driving.

Problematic mobile phone use has been associated with personality areas of neuroticism (tendency to be emotionally unstable) and extraversion (tendency to be sociable). It has also been associated with the trait of impulsivity. (Billieux, 2012)

Based on our personality types, some of us are going to have to be extra cautious about our cell phone usage. I am one of those people.

All the research so far has been about the general use of cell phones – not marriage research. However, we do have a study that discusses the impact of internet usage on marriage, and I think that it’s not unreasonable to extrapolate from internet use to phone use as most people have smartphones nowadays.

Researchers studied 199 newlywed couples who had been married an average of one month. They looked at associations between frequency of internet use, compulsive internet behaviours, and various relationship factors such as loneliness, passion, intimacy, and commitment. They were really trying to get a broad sense of how internet use might be impacting marriages.

The results showed that “frequent and compulsive internet use is associated with several indicators of low relationship quality”[iii] – both husbands and wives pointed that out (no gender differences). Couples also reported lower intimacy when they used the internet frequently and compulsively.

Husbands, in particular, reported less passion in their relationship. Wives reported more loneliness.

This is really serious and our smartphones, being internet-enabled devices are part of this problem. If you stop and think about it, it’s really horrible that there is such an impact on marriages.

It’s really a challenge to put our phones down, get off our laptops or tablets, and engage. Be human. Relate. Show some passion. Develop your sense of togetherness.

There was a small amount of research that suggests that mobile phone usage causes more relational issues than the use of other forms of technology. Chesley (2005) used data taken from the Cornel Couples and Career study to examine how cell phone use was impacting family dynamics.[iv]

Here’s what they found:

These same results were NOT found for computer use. It is noteworthy that this tool on convenience may also be a source of problems. While it purports to solve some problems it creates others just as quickly!

First of all, determine if you have a phone addiction. Remember though, that there is a difference between “heavy” use of a mobile phone and “compulsive” or “problematic” use of a mobile phone. (Billieux, 2012)[v] Some individuals are required to use their phone all day long for work or other purposes, and may not be addicted even though they use their phone as often as someone else who is addicted.

So get the download (click the orange button above), and then when you have figured out if there is a possible addiction or at least a problem going on, have a chat about the following ideas[vi] to see if they can be helpful to you.

[i] Charit Taneja, “The Psychology of Excessive Cellular Phone Use,” n.d.

[ii] Ibid.

[iii] Peter Kerkhof and Catrin Finkenauer, “Relationship Quality and Compulsive Internet Use: A Study Among Newlywed Couples,” n.d.

[iv] Noelle Chesley, “Blurring Boundaries? Linking Technology Use, Spillover, Individual Distress, and Family Satisfaction,” Journal of Marriage and Family 67, no. 5 (December 2005): 1237–48.

[v] Charit Taneja, “The Psychology of Excessive Cellular Phone Use.”

[vi] Kimberly Young, “Internet Addiction: Diagnosis and Treatment Considerations,” Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy 39, no. 4 (December 2009): 241–46, doi:https://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10879-009-9120-x.