Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

In this episode, I help a Mom that emailed me asking for help with her 15 year old son. Based on her email and my clarifying questions that she answered, I summarized many of the issues she's having into 4 areas. First, I discuss my "Parenting Prison" theory, and how we can escape from parenting the way we were parented. Second, I talk about how to get kids "un-stuck". Third, I assure this Mom that it's never too late to work on the relationship. And finally, I talk about how screens are likely affecting the child's behavior. And to help her out, as a thank you for allowing me to share her email on the podcast, I'll be sending her a link to get ALL of my online courses for free to help her build the relationship with her son. If you email me a question to [email protected], and I use your question in the episode, I'll send you the free link to all my online courses as well. Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Links from this episode:

• What a child believes is more important that what a child knows
• The Parenting Prison
• 4 Pillars of Play Therapy
• Birth Order
• Be With Attitudes
• Reflecting Feelings
• Device Detox

"To develop normally, a child requires a relationship with at least one adult who has an irrational, emotional relationship with the child" - Urie Bronfenbrenner In this episode, I discuss how the development of kids is influenced by the relationships that they have, the power of acceptance of children, and the power of relationship with kids and why it's so important.

• Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/
• My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/
• My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/
• Device Detox: https://devicedetoxbook.com

Links from this episode:

• 4 Pillars of Play Therapy episode

Empathy is learned. Kids aren't born with it, and they mainly learn it by observing adults displaying empathy. We want our kids to show empathy when it's appropriate. Being kind and compassionate to others is a good character trait. In this episode, I talk about how kids develop empathy, how abstract reasoning plays into empathy development, and I explain a psychology term called "other orientation".

• Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/
• My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/
• My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/

Links from this episode:

• Love for our Elders: https://loveforourelders.org/

I was listening to a business podcast this week, and a successful Mom/CEO said this quote when asked how she overcomes "Mom Guilt" as she runs a multi-million dollar business, while juggling being a mom. She said "Kids don't count the hours that you're with them, but they do notice if you're present." And the truth of that quote jumped out at me, and made me take notice. I immediately related it to the Play Therapy principles, called the "Be With Attitudes," that I teach in my private parent coaching course. So I wanted to share with you some practical tips, that you can put into practice immediately, that will help you become fully present with your kids during the time you spend with them. You no longer have to feel any guilt as a mom, parent, or caregiver because your child will get intentional, quality, meaningful time with you.

Have you ever told your child something about them that you know to be true, but they just don't believe it themselves? They could be smart, athletic, funny, etc. But they may have something emotional happening that makes them believe otherwise. In this episode I share some advice about children that was given to me years ago, but impacts what I believe about kids to this day. Three points I make in this episode are:

• What we tell them might be true, but doesn't make it true for them
• The difference between the cognitive and emotional
• A child's view of "self" has to be developed internally

Links from this episode:

• Gabb Wireless, safe phone for kids, Spring Promo. Use promo code "PLAY" https://playtherapyparenting.com/gabb

Do you often find yourself having to "step in" to control your child's behavior? In today's episode, I'm going to try to change your thinking about discipline. The goal of discipline is "self-regulation" on the part of the child. Otherwise, some children "keep pushing" until someone regulates for them. Wouldn't it be better if your child learned to self-regulate, instead of you having to regulate for them? This has dramatic implications into adulthood also. Finally, I talk about patience in parenting. We have to give time for the child to self-control, but we often don't give the child enough time. So I give you some advice on that as well.

When parents realize that kids need a different type of communication, it changes the way you interact with them. I discuss three sub-topics: kids are emotional, they do not have abstract reasoning skills yet, and how concrete "parameters" within conversations are developmentally appropriate, and will pull more than one-word answers out of your kids.

This episode continues my parenting "Rules of thumb" series [as taken from Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (Bratton & Landreth, 2019)] "When you focus on the problem, you lose sight of the child" is an important guideline to remember when dealing with parenting moments. We'll talk about how the "quick fix mentality" is not the best way to view solutions to parenting issues. I also discuss the following topics... negative vs positive framing, victim vs victor mentality, and focusing on the issue instead of the relationship.

Have you heard the (true) story of the little girl that went out every morning to get the mail, and the mailman greeted her with "Hello, Miss America!" She ended up winning the Miss America pageant. We don't understand the power that words, phrases, and expressions have on people's lives unless we understand the "magic" of self-fulfilling prophecy. This is especially true of how it affects kids... in the positive AND negative! In this episode, I talk about the internal and external labels that influence self-fulfilling prophecy. Next I cover self-dialogue, and how it influences behavior. Finally, I explore how subtle expressions can influence kids, and we might not realize that it's happening.

In this episode, a research study referenced on psypost.org caught my eye and I wanted to share it and talk about how it reflects what I see in the playroom at my practice and my interaction with parents. In the research they make three points. First that executive functioning is compromised. I explain what that means and how it affects kids. Next, how parental responsiveness influences outcomes. Finally, how academic success is affected. Links from this episode:

• Chaotic households undermine children's development of executive functioning through less responsive parenting