Put Into Words

Types of Feedback

• Critical

• Constructive

• For the purposes of this episode we'll be focusing on constructive feedback

Questions to consider when you are receiving feedback

• What is my relationship with the person giving feedback? (boss, spouse, co-worker, friend)
• How does the power dynamic between us change how this feedback is given/received
• What risk did they have to take to give me this feedback?
• What is at risk if I don't truly listen/understand?
• How can I be grateful for this information regardless of how uncomfortable it is to hear?

Tools/Things to Remember

• Seek genuine understanding before being understood
• Listen beyond the tone (for the receiver)
• Breathe
• Thank the person and acknowledge that it might have been challenging for them to bring this to you
• Ask clarifying questions (without interrogating or defending)
• Acknowledge that you hear them and validate their experience
• Avoid jumping into fixing or defensiveness:
• Take responsibility for your action and your role
• Questions to ask yourself:
• • How could their experience be different than mine?
  • How can I see things from their frame of reference?
  • How did I express myself?
  • What were my intentions when I expressed myself?
  • How was I feeling just before the interaction?
• Try not to center yourself (as the recipient)

Taking it Personally - How to manage your emotions during feedback

• Reminders: we have the capacity to hurt others regardless of our intentions
• It's human to take things personally and make it about yourself
• Stay out of the "I'm being attacked" mindset
• Hold space for multiple feelings and truths
• A helpful reframe is to understand that constructive feedback - as painful as it can be - is truly a gift.
• The risk of not receiving feedback

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ENGRID

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

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QOTW: What's a new discovery you've found this week

Georgie - doing something different and energizing in the morning

Engrid - Louise Hay videos in the morning

We Talk About

Giving feedback

Confrontation

How to react when people cross your boundaries

Fear of telling someone "no"

How people pleasing stops us from having hard conversations

Deciding when to tell someone they've let you down

Working on saying "no"

Why holding space for other people's emotions is hard

Times when Georgie and Engrid had hard conversations with each other

Why hard conversations lead to closer friendships

It feels good to know where you stand

Fear of confrontation is scarier than the real thing

Gems

"expectations are future resentments"

CONNECT WITH US

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ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

Website

On this week's episode the Gals are discussing how they're taking actions and learning about systematic racism and ways that they can be anti-racist. They are sharing their plans and the resources they are learning from.

We want to let our community know that while we might not be sharing as much publicly right now our DMs and inboxes are open and we'd love to hear from you.

"The most effective adaptation of racism over time, is the idea that racism is conscious bias held by mean people. This "good/bad binary," positing a world of evil racists and compassionate non-racists, is itself a racist construct, eliding systemic injustice and imbuing racism with such shattering moral meaning that white people, especially progressives, cannot bear to face their collusion in it." - White Fragility

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." - Rumi

Books:

White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo

Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings

Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla F Saad

How to Be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X Kendi

*when possible we suggest looking to support your local bookstore or a blackowned bookstore

Shows, Movies & Docs:

#blackAF

13th

Podcasts:

Balance Black Girl Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/balanced-black-girl/id1438982040

Body Trauma: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/body-trauma-a-storytelling-podcast/id1510247972

2 Dope Queens: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/2-dope-queens/id1097193327

Pod Save The People: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pod-save-the-people/id1230148653

Instagram:

@balancedles@balancedblackgirlpod@thefriendIneverwanted @bodytraumapod @moemotivate @toimarie @chrissyking

CONNECT WITH US

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Join: Gal Pal Corral

ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

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In today's episode the Georgie and Engrid are celebrating one year of Gal Pals. They each share what they've gained/learned in their one year of creating Gal Pals together. Our intention with starting this podcast is to inspire you to have deeper more meaningful conversations + connections with the people in your life. Our ultimate dream is to connect IRL and spaces where you can connect with each other.

Join the Gal Pals from Envy to Energy Workshop:

From Envy to Energy

the gal pals guide to moving through feelings of envy into manifestation

date: 6/3

time: noon Wednesday

location: via zoom (link provided after signup)

$22

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/from-envy-to-energy-empowerment-workshop-tickets-105261000486

IN THIS EPISODE:

Learning that you can trust others to show up

Learning its safe to ask for what you need

Sitting in the stickiness of practice

It's safe to push yourself (in a good way) when it comes to practice and preparation

Gain the skill of outlining a topic to unpack

Gaining confidence with speaking

Tell someone how you really feel (share the compliments)

Permission to be your best fullest self

Better able to articulate ourselves and our feelings IRL

QUESTIONS WE ANSWER:

How did you two become friends?

How do you handle friends who aren't engaged/the friendship is dwindling?

Tips on making friends post college - I want to find deep relationships like I made there

Advice on growing friendships in adulthood.

What advice would you give ladies looking to find new close friends like you have.

What aspects of your friendship (or specific experience/convo) makes you feel closest?

How do you maintain your friendship while living so far away from each other?

If you had to use a tv friendship to describe your friendship who would it be?

How has your friendship adapted to self isolation? Any tips?

Expectations of what friendship "should" be like (bigger friend groups vs. smaller)

Have you ever gotten into any challenging fights/disagreements?

How do you discuss opposing opinions or awkward topics?

Stereotypes and expectations of friendship

What is the most important element of friendship?

What is your favorite thing about each other?

Can you tell us about some of the funniest moments in your friendship? Times you've laughed so hard you've cried

CONNECT WITH US

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Join: Gal Pal Corral

ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

Website

In the episode Georgie & Engrid are discussing all things Inner Critic. We all have those judgemental voices (that are really just trying to protect us) that show up. The gals share their biggest inner critic stories, what the narratives sound like (usually mean) and ways the inner critic shows up in our lives (perfectionism anyone?). And of course they dive into where these stories came from in the first place. They ponder the question:

What does it look like to give the critical parts of yourself loving attention, instead of trying to ignore them?

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Don't forget to leave a review for us over on iTunes

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CONNECT WITH US

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Join: Gal Pal Corral

ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

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____

IN THIS EPISODE:

• What is an inner critic? The judgemental voice that tries to protect us
• Ways the inner critic shows up: Self sabotaging, perfectionism, people pleasing, workaholism, high-performance

What language does it use? (To Self and to Others)

• Fear
• Shame
• Judgment
• Doubt
• Self-Righteous
• Black and White Thinking
• Worry
• Catastrophizing
• Blaming
• Belittling
• High Expectations
• Pressuring

Calling a "family meeting" of all the different parts of yourself

The gals share what their inner critics sound like?

Engrid: (Biggest inner critic stories)

• Good things don't last for you.
• Feeling good is a short lived experience, you can only have that in small doses.
• Life is hard. You have to work hard for and earn your place in the world.
• You have to suffer in order to earn what you want.
• You can't fully be yourself, you have to adapt to others to be likeable / accepted.
• Making others feel comfortable is more important than making yourself feel comfortable / at ease.

Often shows up like:

• I can switch very quickly switch to being very controlling when I feel like my needs aren't being met/respected
• Recreating circumstances that reinforce these beliefs
• No one will listen to me unless I'm angry
• Hypervigilance / hyper-sensitive & aware of other people
• Waiting for the other shoe to drop when I am feeling really good.
• Seeking affirmation from people I work with (did I do enough for you? Did I do a good job?)

Georgie: (Biggest inner critic stories)

• You're not as good as you think you are
• no one actually likes you
• You'll never be as successful as you dream of

Often sounds like:

• "You're not that talented (with photography) one of these days you're going to ruin someone's shoot"
• "You'll never be as good as XYZ"
• "They probably don't really like you, they're just being nice"
• "They're just saying that to be nice, they don't really mean it" (Compliments/praise)

ENNEAGRAM:

1. "I am good or okay if I do what is right"
2. "I am good or okay if I am accepted and loved by others"

"I am good or okay if others think well of me, and I'm successful"

• "I am good or okay if I am true to myself" (inner battle under stress: wanting to fit in vs. showing everyone how unique you are)

"I am good or okay if I master something."

1. "I am good or okay if I know what is expected of me."
2. "I am good or okay if I get what I need."
3. "I am good or okay if I can impose my will and be strong and just."
4. "I am good or OK if everyone around me is right or OK."

When do Inner Critic's get the loudest?

Positive:

• In uncharted territory
• During times of growth and break through (they're the emergency break)
• Shining "too" bright

Uncomfortable:

• Awkward moments
• Shame
• Embarrassment
• Failure

The gals share phases of life & experiences that brought about these critical narratives

How can we invite our inner critics to the table?

I used to think I had to "tune the negative voices out"

Now I realize that they're trying to get my attention

What does it look like to give the critical parts of yourself loving attention?

Have you ever seen a photo of yourself that ruined your day? Why do we do this? In this episode Georgie & Engrid are diving deeper into what's triggering this, so we can deal with those deeper issues instead of getting stuck on the photo.

CONNECT WITH US

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Join: Gal Pal Corral

ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

Website

GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

Website

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IN THIS EPISODE:

This episode focuses on our individual perception of ourselves.

What makes you see a photo of yourself and not like it?

A bad photo is not a representation of YOU as a person

What does my mind tell me, when I see a "bad" photo of myself?

The gals each share their "rough draft" thoughts of what their inner critic says when they've seen a photo they didn't like of themselves

Georgie: My deepest desire is to be seen and heard (clearly) How can I see myself clearly first?

Engrid: I feel less worthy (I have no value if I'm not pretty/attractive)

Are we trying to recreate or match a feeling we've felt before (likely in childhood)?

Body image noise gets louder anytime we're trying to EXPAND

We often put a lot of pressure and have high expectations on photos

What's Really Going On? (Beyond The Photo)

Sometimes time can be helpful before revisiting a photo

Garry Winogrand:

• A photograph is the illusion of a literal description of how the camera 'saw' a piece of time and space.
• Photography is not about the thing photographed. It is about how that thing looks Photographed
• If you think about it based on everyone's life experience we're all seeing through completely different lenses - you'll never know how

Engrid: I've come to realize that my body dysmorphia may apply to more than just my body. I'm in the process of learning how this critical lens may be affecting other areas of my life

Georgie: I don't think I see myself clearly - what lens am I bringing? What about that lens is positive? What is negative? Can I change my lens (or upgrade it)

In this episode Engrid and Georgie unpack this idea of perfectionism, self sabotage, trying (too) hard, and having desire.

CONNECT WITH US

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Join: Gal Pal Corral

ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

Website

In this episode:

The Gals share the messages they adopted while growing up:

Engrid:

• "You're not naturally gifted, but you're a really hard worker"
• "Trying hard gets you noticed "
• Your work ethic is what you bring to the table
• You prove your worth by how hard you work
• Work hard to make sure you're as prepared as possible
• "Good" isn't good enough, you need to be exceptional

Georgie:

• "It's not okay to look like you're trying "too hard"
• "Don't be too obsessive, don't be too much"
• Dont say what you want outloud, you'll look stupid if it doesnt happen
• "Wanting too much is selfish"
• "Trying too hard looks desperate"
• The price of failing is too high, so don't do something unless you can 100% control the outcome
• Being told "Why do you care so much?"

We get a lot of messages from society that ambitious women are too much, they are annoying, aggressive, bitchy, too loud, & bossy etc.

Are you a person who needs to know the plan? For example, are you someone who needs to know the workout ahead of time so you can conserve energy?

I'm supposed to excel but not LOOK like I'm trying

Felt tremendous pressure to be a high achiever and "good girl"

Fear of success and sabotaging yourself by getting trapped in a "working hard" loop

"If I'm bad at this why try? If I'm good at this why try?"

Having an aversion to trying harder than you have to

Quitting on things you actually really love

The gals share personal experiences that shaped these beliefs

We have the most perfectionism around the things we feel the most shame about

It's okay to like yourself more than other people like you

Messages around what it means to be "cool"

____

How These Beliefs Have Showed Up in Our Life & Work

Engrid:

• Unsustainable behaviors: owning my own business + working so hard that I burned out
• Fear of success
• Perfection to the point that things aren't fun anymore
• Fear of being my FULLEST self, fear that I won't know what to do once I'm there
• Fear of letting myself dream of the future (because if I don't get it I can't be disappointed)

Georgie:

• Quantity over quality
• Having a quandary of interests + being multi-passionate
• What happens when I fully commit to something? If I prepare?

To give it your all is to believe you can succeed (and if I don't think I can succeed then I'll never be disappointed).

____

Mantras/Reminders we use to challenge these old narratives:

• Your best is going to be different from one day to the next
• When perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun, and fear is a backseat driver.
• We strive for perfection where we have the most shame *yaaaas*
• My identity is no in perfectionism
• Failure is just the first act (in a play) & a setup for a comeback
• Failing doesn't make you a failure

____

Questions we're asking ourselves:

How does the phrase "what will people think" - how does living by this, ultimately shackle you?

Take away: Trying isn't bad & trying also isn't going to save you

In this episode George and Engrid unpack this idea of embodying a persona. There are many terms for this idea: sending up a representative, wearing a mask, code-switch, shape shift, chameleon, or the "space suit" self as Tara Brach calls it. Brene Brown refers to it as wearing armor. In this conversation the gals discuss how and why this happens, as well as the risks of living as a persona.

_______

ADDITIONAL EPISODES YOU MIGHT ALSO ENJOY:

From Over-Exercise To Restorative Movement with Kara Duval

Jealousy

Taking It Personally

Reacting vs. Responding

_______

IN THIS EPISODE:

• How and why we may develop a persona
• Somehow we learn that showing up as our full self isn't safe
• The gals share personal examples from their childhood that contributed to developing a persona
• Contributing factors: How young you are & the frequency with which you receive these messages that how you are isn't okay
• Living only within your persona is "energy expensive"
• Where DO we feel comfortable to NOT be the persona
• We are different versions of ourselves in different parts of our lives
• THINK: Is my response: thoughtful? Honest? Intelligent? Necessary? Kind?
• Long term effects/risks of living in a persona
• Engrid shares her personal experience of long-term abandonment of herself
• The guilt that can come with fully being ourselves
• Judgement towards others for being happy (proportionate to how happy you allow yourself to be
• Being hypersensitive reading people vs. being oblivious (both are protective strategies)
• Social media is a chosen representation of who we are, influencers run the risk over-identifying with their persona
• When you show up, what are your intentions?
• The risks of personas in intimate relationships
• When we exploit our imperfections to appear relatable
• Telling a story three times: relate, understand, gift it (so we don't become overly identified by a story we are telling about ourselves)
• Not becoming overly attached to a struggle we've experienced by not sharing about something ad nauseum
• Addiction to the healing journey
• Becoming trapped by a our healing journey, if we believe it's what makes us relatable
• The risks of trauma bonding

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CONNECT WITH US

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ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

Website

THE BIRTHDAY EPISODE

What kind of birthday dessert do you like?

So your sun sign is a ______ do you relate to the typical characteristics of this sun sign?

What's your type:

Myers Briggs:

Enneagram:

4 Tendencies:

If you had to change careers to something totally different and your education was paid for what would you train to do?

What is something that most people assume about you that isn't true?

When do you feel the most like the most confident badass version of YOU?

What is one item of clothing that makes you feel YOU?

What is something you've recently discovered or re-discovered that you really like?

What is a part of your daily routine that you are loving right now?

I know you feel a deep connection with trees which is so beautiful- tell me about how that's unfolded for you?

What are some lessons you've learned from trees?

What is a favorite birthday memory?

What's one of the best gifts you've ever received?

What's the best compliment you've ever received?

Biggest lesson you learned from __ ?

What is something you've gotten better at this year?

What is something you still want to work on?

Imagine the best version of YOU - you're doing all your self-care, you're feeling good, you're wise AF - what words of wisdom would you have for us?

If you could sit down with 10 year old self and tell her about your life now what would you be excited to tell her?

What are you most excited about this year?

What's bringing you joy lately?

CONNECT WITH US

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Join: Gal Pal Corral

ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

Website

"A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there". In this episode Georgie and Engrid challenge this idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone, in order to grow and evolve.

Additionally, this binary thinking can send us into a shame cycle, with beliefs such as: "If I don't push myself then I am lazy" (which can discourage you from trying something new at all). As well as: "I'm either uncomfortable and a GOOD person or comfortable and LAZY". We're asking ourselves:

• Are there things that are easy that are also fulfilling?
• Can you grow when things are easy?

In this episode:

• What do our comfort zones look/feel like?
• The powerful concept of "both/and"
• The idea that we can dip in and out of our comfort zone in life depending on our needs and desires (both serve each other)
• Examples of how comfort zones show up with exercise, personal growth, & learning a new skill
• How to know how much is too much? (unsubscribing from the belief that you need to suffer in order to grow)
• Learning from your mistakes
• Deciphering the right kind of "hurt/pain"
• Asking ourselves "is this action/behavior realistically sustainable?"
• Does this practice ultimately bring me joy? (independent of my ego)
• What is the context of your situation?
• Is this ultimately going to serve me in the long run?
• Is this true, that I can't grow unless I "step outside my comfort zone"? Can I absolutely know this is true?
• Unsubscribing from pain/suffering as a badge of worthiness
• Examples of what we gain, not at the cost of feeling pain

____

CONNECT WITH US

Instagram

Join: Gal Pal Corral

ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

Website