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The better your self control, the more successful you'll be. It's people who are good at delaying gratification that end up more successful, happier, better off and wealthier, compared to people who have low self control and act impulsively.

Common sense, right?

Well, it turns out that almost everything you've ever been told about self control is actually a misunderstanding. Many studies have shown that people with "high self control" do indeed end up healthier, happier and better off... but when you look closer, "self control" is actually a mis-labeling. What from the outside might look like self control is actually a combination of completely different characteristics.

What's worse, if you want to join this group of successful individuals, trying to exert more self control is actually making things worse, not better.

So let's dig into it and see how this applies to building habits, breaking bad habits and addictions and being smart about improving your life.

Chapters:

00:00 It all started with a marshmallow

02:20 False Conclusions

03:17 Delayed Gratification = Success?

04:59 "Self Control" is the wrong label

07:29 Trait vs. State

09:40 Self Control is for Losers

11:21 Key to Success 1

14:26 Key to Success 2

17:56 Key to Success 3

21:40 Summary

22:51 Believe Your Own Experience

Sources:

- https://docs.iza.org/dp14920.pdf

- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39096668/

Footage from:

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8M7Xzjy_m8

- https://youtu.be/4L-n8Z7G0ic

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Men nowadays grow up without anyone teaching us how to become real men. We stay stuck in boyhood for far too long and it's a painful experience! But if you feel lost and confused like many do, it's not your fault. For some reason, you were not given the guidance and life skills that you deserved!

In today's podcast episode, I have a conversation with a friend of mine who had exactly this problem in his life - and then solved it in a very short amount of time. Darriall is someone I've personally known as he rapidly went through the stages of development for healthy masculinity (https://youtu.be/nLsEGUF3JUg).

You can find Darriall here:

In this episode:

00:00 The guidance we aren't getting

01:18 A real life example of breaking free

03:26 Literally leaving the comfort zone

07:41 Fake adversity doesn't work

09:05 What if you can't afford to leave?

14:44 Going Ghost Mode (the wrong way)

19:39 Why you should have a 💩 job

24:18 Get yourself unhooked (or you'll never succeed)

25:42 Why the 🤬 did no one tell you this?!

33:27 The advice you need to hear (not what you WANT to hear)

35:26 Don't get stuck in the trap

37:34 It's still your comfort zone (even if you hate it here)

42:34 Building mental fortitude

44:35 How to meet billionaires

50:04 Do it like a rapper

52:02 Conclusion

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The goal is not just to quit porn, it's to become completely uninterested in porn. And yes, that is possible, no matter how severely addicted you are right now.

Today, we look at a story that explains this. It can be hard to imagine that you'd literally become 100% addiction free, for most people. But once you understand the "alternate reality" that I explain in this video, you'll have a new perspective. This story will show you the true roots of addiction and the mental health issues that are closely tied to it. And it also shows you the way out.

This is about how to become the man who is completely uninterested in porn and other addictive stuff.

Quit porn addiction in just 21 days: https://quitbyhealing.com/program/

In this episode:

00:00 Intro

00:44 Coping Early On

01:45 Managing vs. Healing

02:06 Once an Addict Always an Addict?

02:52 What Causes Addiction

04:05 An Alternative Scenario

04:33 Early Experiences

05:41 Why We Have Dysfunctional Families

06:33 Negative vs. Positive Imprint

07:58 A Healthy Exploration

09:54 The Unhealthy Reality

11:11 Boys and Girls

13:19 Our Culture Creates Addicts

14:44 Become Immune to Addiction

16:48 The Man Who is Uninterested

17:01 This is Not Just About You

18:05 What to Do Next

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Could it be that using pornography while in a relationship is actually WORSE than cheating? That sounds like a crazy claim, but there are at least 2 ways in which it is indeed worse.

We live in a world where it is normalized to watch porn. Even in a relationship, many people wouldn't be surprised that one partner (or both) still watch porn in secret. It's easy to dismiss this and assume it's harmless. Maybe even a good way to balance out mismatched libidos between the partners!

Unfortunately, this is not the whole truth. And when you look more closely at the long term effects and at the causes underneath, a very different picture reveals itself.

00:00 Could it really be worse than cheating?

00:58 Reason Nr. 1 - Brain Health

01:37 Evolutionary Perspective on Infidelity

02:48 Ethics vs. Health

03:33 Casual Use

05:04 What's better for the relationship?

05:29 The Long Term Harm

06:12 How it all goes wrong

06:29 The "Mismatched Libido" Excuse

07:50 Do women really have lower libido than men?

08:55 Using porn in a "healthy" way?

10:26 What happens when you keep numbing

10:39 Scenario 1

12:07 Putting your life back together

12:43 No longer the man-child

13:41 Scenario 2

14:19 The slow death of a relationship

14:49 Stuck in the same cycle

15:16 Sadly, I speak from experience

16:08 None of this means cheating is good

16:24 The third option

17:23 Make the honest choice

18:12 Set a High Standard

20:26 This is Why You Need to Step Up

21:30 How to Do the Honorable Thing

Quit porn addiction forever, in just 21 days: https://quitbyhealing.com/program/

Sources:

- The Evolution of Desire by David M. Buss

- The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

- Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan

Related videos:

- The 5 levels of porn addiction: https://youtu.be/yLnDilkqGQA

- How to quit while in a relationship: https://youtu.be/F28Rnel63xY

- Fake desires caused by porn consumption: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzPCWITx0GQ

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Quitting porn is often seen as the solution to many problems, but what if it makes intrusive thoughts worse during recovery? Intrusive thoughts are a withdrawal symptom that can be very frustrating to deal with, when you're quitting a bad habit or addiction. Unlike other withdrawal effects, many people find that intrusive thoughts actually get WORSE, the longer you stay clean.

Why does this happen and what can you do to eliminate these unwanted, unwelcome thoughts that pop into your head, once and for all? That's what we're examining in today's video, including a practical case study and the one key insight you need to never have this problem again.

If peace of mind has been difficult for you to get after you quit your addiction, this video contains the knowledge you've been missing.

Chapters:

00:00 This gets worse instead of better?

01:19 Part of the solution is not skipping

01:44 Why do intrusive thoughts happen?

03:21 Normal part of the recovery process

05:05 The crucial difference

06:40 It’s just how the brain works

09:18 Negative emotions are a strong signal

10:18 Your response to intrusive thoughts

11:37 The “emotional charge” model

12:20 How it all connects

13:03 Solutions, Part 1

14:23 Solutions, Part 2

15:15 Solutions, Part 3

17:45 A case study

18:52 How to never have intrusive thoughts

20:36 A new perspective on intrusive thoughts

21:44 One more thing

Discipline and hard work are the keys to success, right? It's how you accomplish your goals and create the life you envision... at least, that's what we're constantly being told.

But while discipline is a useful tool, it's not useful in every situation. And when it comes to achieving your goals, discipline can actually end up slowing you down rather than getting you there faster.

In today's episode, we unpack this unusual idea, so you can know the pitfalls of being overly reliant on discipline and you can detect the opportunities where there is an easier way to get better results.

If one of your goals is to overcome p*rn addiction, sign up for my new, free newsletter here, to get access to my best tools and strategies: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

To become a man, you must progress through a natural process of maturing: from boy to Knight, to Prince to King.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where this natural progression is denied to most of us. And instead, we have social media, OnlyFans, vapes and junk food to keep us stuck in boy mode...

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The result is clear: we've got a lot of boys walking around in adult bodies, these days. We've lost and forgotten all the tools our ancestors had, to help in the difficult transition, the teach a boy how to become a real, complete man.

Nowadays, we get stuck in childhood in many ways. We become passive consumers of entertainment media and entertainment goods. And yet, no matter how comfortable we are or how much we entertain and stimulate ourselves, we never actually feel good in a lasting kind of way.

The solution to this is to get unstuck and progress through the stages of development that, as a man, you have a natural inclination to go through.

In this episode of the QuitByHealing Podcast, you'll discover the 4 stages of development that every man must go through, how to go through them and where it typically goes wrong.

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:00 The 4 Stages

01:08 The Page - looking up to his heroes

01:51 The Knight - adventure calls!

02:23 Play and skill development

05:11 The Prince - time to build

07:19 The crisis at the end of the Prince phase

08:41 Multiple attempts as a Prince

10:05 The King - the mature man, in service of others

11:27 How to apply this to your life

12:25 How we get stuck

13:57 Addiction is seeking a substitute for real development

15:22 The eternal Page

16:24 A world designed to keep you immature

17:40 Getting stuck in the Prince stage

19:12 Avoiding failure is overrated

20:36 You can’t skip to the King stage

22:08 Which stage are you in?

24:00 Observe the stages in others

25:19 How you can progress to become The King

The stages of development presented in this episode are based on Alison Armstrong's work "The Amazing Development of Men" and I highly recommend you check it out.

In this episode, we're looking at the surprising and powerful benefits of... doing nothing.

Phone addiction, doomscrolling, social media dopamine traps, p*rn... everyone's addicted to digital stimulation these days. And it's causing a lot of suffering.

I know how bad this can get, both from personal experience and from the people I've worked with to overcome their addiction. When you're in the middle of a personal mental health crisis, everything feels overwhelming and hopeless.

00:00 Intro

00:29 The Spiral of Suffering

01:27 The Thing Everyone Misses

03:27 Example: Curing Disease

04:33 Removing Interference

05:45 What (not) to DIY

07:07 What About Mental Health?

08:49 A Message of Hope

10:04 Don't Believe Me

11:45 A Fact of Life

12:03 Why this is a "Secret"

13:04 You Have the Power

The fastest way to quit: https://quitbyhealing.com/program/

https://quitbyhealing.com/links/

Do you ever feel like you're trying so hard to improve yourself and improve your life... but you're not making any progress? You're watching all this self help content, reading books, learning strategies, trying new things but you're just not sure if any of it is working.

Learn my system here: https://quitbyhealing.com/links/