Develop unfakable masculine integrity: https://shanemelaugh.com/integrity/

Everyone who gives advice about how to become a better man is parroting the same checklist:

• Get ripped
• Get rich
• Cold showers
• Wake up at 5am

But here's the problem: if you do this, you're not becoming a man, you're becoming a clone. What's worse, you'll probably FAIL at the attempt to become a cookie-cutter alpha male clone.

In this video, I break down why most masculinity advice is just projection from guys who happened to be good at something. And how blindly following them is not only ineffective, it's unmasculine.

Then, we look at exactly what you can do to avoid the "template masculine" trap and forge your own path instead.

• How to find what actually works for you
• Why real confidence comes from mastery, not mimicry
• The 3 domains every man should develop (and how to do it with 100% authenticity)
• Why all of this makes you WAY more attractive than the average man

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:00 Copy-Paste Masculinity Advice

01:32 What Makes it Un-Masculine

02:26 The Archetypal Masculine

04:00 What Gymfluencers Don't Tell You

06:04 Bodybuilding vs. Public Speaking?

08:39 It's About Affinity

09:02 Become the Explorer

09:49 Physical Mastery

10:39 Follow Your Curiosity

11:18 Try and See What Sticks

12:29 The Truth About Physical Attractiveness

13:50 Doing Your Own Thing is Attractive

14:28 Intellectual Mastery

15:15 What Fascinates You Makes You Fascinating

16:51 How to Stop Having NPC Vibes

17:24 Develop an Awareness/Vibes Skill

18:49 Warning - this makes you extraordinary

20:02 Stop Being Needy

Stop wasting your life, follow your curiosity: https://youtu.be/SnR38xy10fI

Do this if life feels totally meaningless: https://youtu.be/o9hM7s7xzG0

Do you crave real, deep friendship in your life? Do you want to have men around you whom you can trust, who've got your back, who help you grow and challenge you to keep going? In other words: do you want high quality friends?

Let's talk about exactly what it takes to make this happens. In this video, you'll discover why building this kind of friendship requires leadership. And why the world needs men like you to step up into greater social leadership.

You'll see what's been going wrong in the world that leads to such loneliness and disconnection as we're experiencing now and we'll go into the practical steps and tools you can use to change your own social life and the social lives of everyone you touch. By the end, you'll know exactly how to change your social life and you'll understand how this topic relates to the deeply masculine qualities of taking leadership and responsibility.

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

00:54 I had to learn this from scratch

01:45 Relational Leadership

03:05 Overstimulated & Addicted

04:21 Get clear about what you want

05:43 Apply the Filter

07:58 Where to Find the Right People

08:38 Be Proactive

09:06 The Texting Rule

10:11 Create the Perfect Meetup

11:40 Activation Energy

14:10 A Matter of Practice

17:35 Cultivating Deep Connection

19:23 The World Needs You More than You Know

Related videos:

- Honesty & Courage: https://youtu.be/Tv10XZXwMy4

- Communication skills every man needs: https://youtu.be/u4kOqFU7oj0

- Communication skills, part 2: https://youtu.be/ijVGplE45gI

Also, check out this article I co-authored about how I quickly gather awesome people around me when I arrive in a new place: https://thisistbh.substack.com/p/more-friends-wont-make-you-less-lonely

Get the QuitByHealing Program: https://quitbyhealing.com/program/

Join the newsletter: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

There's a lot of talk about semen retention in the men's advice and nofap worlds. Unfortunately, almost everything people are saying about this is plain wrong. Really just entirely missing the point and probably doing more harm than good.

If you're going to do this, do it right and avoid the pitfalls and mistakes that I explain in this video. Here, you'll learn about the Taoist and Yogic roots of the idea of semen retention, why there are stories of people gaining superpowers from not nutting for a while and what you should and shouldn't do if this is a path of spiritual development you want to take.

Chapters:

00:00 We need to talk about this...

00:41 A quick disclaimer

02:01 What semen retention is NOT about

03:42 What semen retention IS about

04:50 "Moving Energy"

05:58 Okay, but how?

07:56 The Real Thing vs. The Side Effect

09:43 Why it does more harm than good

11:19 Don't Abstain(?)

12:27 Mistake Number 1

14:57 Mistake Number 2

16:17 What it SHOULD Feel Like

18:33 Do this instead

19:39 My personal experience

20:32 Get out of the Struggle Cycle

23:26 The World Needs Good Men

Related videos:

- Why it's harmful to expect benefits/superpowers on a specific timeline: https://youtu.be/bIdb60GrI18

- Don't get stuck in your masculine development: https://youtu.be/nLsEGUF3JUg

- How to develop a healthy masculine communication style: https://youtu.be/u4kOqFU7oj0

Join the newsletter: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

Get my Introspective Writing Course: https://shanemelaugh.com/iw/

How do you build self respect? The only good answer to that question is: become a man you respect. Change your behavior so that it is in line with your values.

But how exactly do you do that?

Unfortunately, most guys do this wrong. Especially young, ambitious men tend to fall into the "trap of perfection". That's why I've come up with a simple tool you can use to build your habits and build self respect much more effectively. Use this approach to outperform all the average guys around you (who are constantly aiming for perfection and always falling short).

00:00 Simple But Powerful Question

01:20 How You're Doing it Wrong

02:26 The 3 Questions

02:59 Example 1: Gym

05:21 Example 2: Dating

08:14 Example 3: Relationship

10:25 How You Will Outperform

12:10 The Exception: When to Aim for Mastery

13:30 How Generalists Win

14:52 Try this Challenge

Join the QuitByHealing newsletter: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

What do you do when you are struggling with addictive urges? How can you stop yourself from compulsively doing things you later regret and falling back into bad habits?

The most effective tools I've found to deal with these issues are the 2 awareness tools I'm presenting in this video. I call them Spotlight Awareness and Embodiment.

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

00:49 When your bad habit have the most power over you

01:26 Tool 1 - Spotlight Awareness

02:11 Checking in with Thoughts and Emotions

03:09 Keep following the thread

04:23 Underlying emotions leading to addictive behavior

06:03 Arriving at resolution

06:48 Turn it into a new habit

07:20 Tool 2 - Embodiment

07:50 How it Works

08:30 What to do if embodiment feels difficult to access

09:06 Focus on what is most noticeable

10:13 Learning to drop from your mind to your body

11:42 Rest your awareness with sensations

12:28 Why resistance doesn't work

14:30 How to combine these tools

15:37 Practicing awareness

15:58 Use these tools to make real progress

17:22 Conclusion

Join my newsletter: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

The better your self control, the more successful you'll be. It's people who are good at delaying gratification that end up more successful, happier, better off and wealthier, compared to people who have low self control and act impulsively.

Common sense, right?

Well, it turns out that almost everything you've ever been told about self control is actually a misunderstanding. Many studies have shown that people with "high self control" do indeed end up healthier, happier and better off... but when you look closer, "self control" is actually a mis-labeling. What from the outside might look like self control is actually a combination of completely different characteristics.

What's worse, if you want to join this group of successful individuals, trying to exert more self control is actually making things worse, not better.

So let's dig into it and see how this applies to building habits, breaking bad habits and addictions and being smart about improving your life.

Chapters:

00:00 It all started with a marshmallow

02:20 False Conclusions

03:17 Delayed Gratification = Success?

04:59 "Self Control" is the wrong label

07:29 Trait vs. State

09:40 Self Control is for Losers

11:21 Key to Success 1

14:26 Key to Success 2

17:56 Key to Success 3

21:40 Summary

22:51 Believe Your Own Experience

Sources:

- https://docs.iza.org/dp14920.pdf

- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39096668/

Footage from:

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8M7Xzjy_m8

- https://youtu.be/4L-n8Z7G0ic

Join the QuitByHealing newsletter: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

Men nowadays grow up without anyone teaching us how to become real men. We stay stuck in boyhood for far too long and it's a painful experience! But if you feel lost and confused like many do, it's not your fault. For some reason, you were not given the guidance and life skills that you deserved!

In today's podcast episode, I have a conversation with a friend of mine who had exactly this problem in his life - and then solved it in a very short amount of time. Darriall is someone I've personally known as he rapidly went through the stages of development for healthy masculinity (https://youtu.be/nLsEGUF3JUg).

You can find Darriall here:

In this episode:

00:00 The guidance we aren't getting

01:18 A real life example of breaking free

03:26 Literally leaving the comfort zone

07:41 Fake adversity doesn't work

09:05 What if you can't afford to leave?

14:44 Going Ghost Mode (the wrong way)

19:39 Why you should have a 💩 job

24:18 Get yourself unhooked (or you'll never succeed)

25:42 Why the 🤬 did no one tell you this?!

33:27 The advice you need to hear (not what you WANT to hear)

35:26 Don't get stuck in the trap

37:34 It's still your comfort zone (even if you hate it here)

42:34 Building mental fortitude

44:35 How to meet billionaires

50:04 Do it like a rapper

52:02 Conclusion

Join the QuitByHealing newsletter: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

The goal is not just to quit porn, it's to become completely uninterested in porn. And yes, that is possible, no matter how severely addicted you are right now.

Today, we look at a story that explains this. It can be hard to imagine that you'd literally become 100% addiction free, for most people. But once you understand the "alternate reality" that I explain in this video, you'll have a new perspective. This story will show you the true roots of addiction and the mental health issues that are closely tied to it. And it also shows you the way out.

This is about how to become the man who is completely uninterested in porn and other addictive stuff.

Quit porn addiction in just 21 days: https://quitbyhealing.com/program/

In this episode:

00:00 Intro

00:44 Coping Early On

01:45 Managing vs. Healing

02:06 Once an Addict Always an Addict?

02:52 What Causes Addiction

04:05 An Alternative Scenario

04:33 Early Experiences

05:41 Why We Have Dysfunctional Families

06:33 Negative vs. Positive Imprint

07:58 A Healthy Exploration

09:54 The Unhealthy Reality

11:11 Boys and Girls

13:19 Our Culture Creates Addicts

14:44 Become Immune to Addiction

16:48 The Man Who is Uninterested

17:01 This is Not Just About You

18:05 What to Do Next

Get my free Introspective Writing crash course: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

Could it be that using pornography while in a relationship is actually WORSE than cheating? That sounds like a crazy claim, but there are at least 2 ways in which it is indeed worse.

We live in a world where it is normalized to watch porn. Even in a relationship, many people wouldn't be surprised that one partner (or both) still watch porn in secret. It's easy to dismiss this and assume it's harmless. Maybe even a good way to balance out mismatched libidos between the partners!

Unfortunately, this is not the whole truth. And when you look more closely at the long term effects and at the causes underneath, a very different picture reveals itself.

00:00 Could it really be worse than cheating?

00:58 Reason Nr. 1 - Brain Health

01:37 Evolutionary Perspective on Infidelity

02:48 Ethics vs. Health

03:33 Casual Use

05:04 What's better for the relationship?

05:29 The Long Term Harm

06:12 How it all goes wrong

06:29 The "Mismatched Libido" Excuse

07:50 Do women really have lower libido than men?

08:55 Using porn in a "healthy" way?

10:26 What happens when you keep numbing

10:39 Scenario 1

12:07 Putting your life back together

12:43 No longer the man-child

13:41 Scenario 2

14:19 The slow death of a relationship

14:49 Stuck in the same cycle

15:16 Sadly, I speak from experience

16:08 None of this means cheating is good

16:24 The third option

17:23 Make the honest choice

18:12 Set a High Standard

20:26 This is Why You Need to Step Up

21:30 How to Do the Honorable Thing

Quit porn addiction forever, in just 21 days: https://quitbyhealing.com/program/

Sources:

- The Evolution of Desire by David M. Buss

- The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

- Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan

Related videos:

- The 5 levels of porn addiction: https://youtu.be/yLnDilkqGQA

- How to quit while in a relationship: https://youtu.be/F28Rnel63xY

- Fake desires caused by porn consumption: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzPCWITx0GQ

Get the introspective writing course here: https://quitbyhealing.com/newsletter/

Quitting porn is often seen as the solution to many problems, but what if it makes intrusive thoughts worse during recovery? Intrusive thoughts are a withdrawal symptom that can be very frustrating to deal with, when you're quitting a bad habit or addiction. Unlike other withdrawal effects, many people find that intrusive thoughts actually get WORSE, the longer you stay clean.

Why does this happen and what can you do to eliminate these unwanted, unwelcome thoughts that pop into your head, once and for all? That's what we're examining in today's video, including a practical case study and the one key insight you need to never have this problem again.

If peace of mind has been difficult for you to get after you quit your addiction, this video contains the knowledge you've been missing.

Chapters:

00:00 This gets worse instead of better?

01:19 Part of the solution is not skipping

01:44 Why do intrusive thoughts happen?

03:21 Normal part of the recovery process

05:05 The crucial difference

06:40 It’s just how the brain works

09:18 Negative emotions are a strong signal

10:18 Your response to intrusive thoughts

11:37 The “emotional charge” model

12:20 How it all connects

13:03 Solutions, Part 1

14:23 Solutions, Part 2

15:15 Solutions, Part 3

17:45 A case study

18:52 How to never have intrusive thoughts

20:36 A new perspective on intrusive thoughts

21:44 One more thing