Radical Candor: Communication at Work

Kim, Amy and Jason discuss Praise, Recognition, Appreciation and Gratitude. Kim also takes on the role of Don Draper to act out a scene from Mad Men's beloved episode "The Suitcase." Listen to learn why — in most cases — "that's what the money is for" is not sufficient recognition or appreciation. (A deep dive into Peggy and Don's complicated relationship is a whole other glass of whiskey not covered in this episode — but if you haven't watched "The Suitcase," it's a must-see. Listen to our bonus episode about the writers and actors strikes.)

Read the show notes and find the bonus episode at RadicalCandor.com/podcast

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Bullying at work is real. We're dropping a bonus episode from Kim's Just Work podcast featuring a conversation about bullying at work, in Hollywood and within our greater society with co-host Wesley Faulkner and guest Eric Deggans. When someone is bullying you, the person’s goal is to harm you. Telling the person you are being harmed is just going to result in more bad behavior. Ignoring bullies doesn’t work, either. The only way to stop bullying is to create negative consequences for the people doing the bullying.

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Kim, Amy and Jason discuss feedback sandwiches. These are not the tasty sandwiches beloved by Joey Tribbiani on Friends. While these sandwiches look delicious on the outside, inside they’re stuffed with something you can’t quite identify. But, the sandwich maker hopes the two pieces of artisan bread that hold the mystery meat together will make you accept what’s inside without too many questions. This false promise of emotional novocaine is better known as the feedback sandwich. Here's why you should avoid the feedback sandwich, which Jason calls "the beautiful lie."

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Do you trust your employees? Kim and Jason reach into the Radical Candor digital mailbag to answer a question about what to do when an employee starts calling in sick on the regular. Kim and Jason roleplay the situation to get to the bottom of why someone might be pulling a disappearing act.

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Kim, Jason and Amy discuss the difference between feedback and nitpicking. Kim says, "There is one rule of thumb that applies to criticism in general but is especially good advice when you’re really busy and nerves are frayed. It’s best summed up by advice a friend’s godfather gave her at her wedding. 'If it’s brown flush it down. If it’s yellow let it mellow.' She got married on an island with a poor septic system, and this was a sign by all the toilets. But as her godfather said, 'These are words to live by. If there’s a big stinking problem talk about it before it fouls your relationship. But if it’s a small thing, let it go.'"

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What's the most important leadership skill? Kim and Amy welcome C-suite advisor and executive coach Muriel Wilkins to the first Radically Candid Conversation episode of 2023. Kim and Muriel discuss how keeping it real at work can go wrong, what employees want from their leaders today, and the difference between performance and behavior.

Muriel Wilkins is a C-suite advisor and executive coach with a nearly 20-year track record of helping senior leaders and teams take their effectiveness to the next level. She is the host of the Harvard Business Review podcast, Coaching Real Leaders and the co-author of Own the Room: Discover Your Signature Voice to Master Your Leadership Presence.

Fun fact — Kim, Amy and Muriel all attended Harvard Business School at the same time but did not know each other. Read the show notes >>

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The team delves into a mash-up of Ruinous Empathy and Manipulative Insincerity. Ruinous Empathy—being “nice” but ultimately unhelpful and unkind—is rampant among new managers, including this new manager who wrote to us asking for advice about how to break out of a Ruinous Empathy rut. This new boss also veers into Manipulative Insincerity when they become too tired to care or argue anymore. This person dreamed of being a boss and now realizes it’s nothing like they imagined. Kim and Jason role-play how this new manager could approach a Radically Candid conversation with a direct report. View the show notes >>

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Clean escalation dictates managers not allow people to talk about one another to them behind each other’s backs and not engage in office gossip. Kim, Amy and Jason discuss how to make work less like junior high by implementing something Fred Kofman's clean escalation.

The opposite of clean escalation is Manipulative Insincerity — talking about people instead of talking to them. When you triangulate, you end up creating politics. Each side becomes suspicious that you’re talking behind their back (which you are). The two begin to distrust each other and a toxic relationship develops.

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Kim, Jason and Amy discuss another upsetting trend in the workplace — the “oops, just kidding!” job offer. The team emphasizes the importance of remembering that the people you are hiring are real human beings with loved ones, bills and responsibilities. You’re not trying them on like a pair of shoes you can discard later if they’re not the right fit. It’s important to get hiring right and Radical Candor has a 5-step strategy to set you up for success.

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Kim, Jason and Amy discuss how the fundamental attribution error makes us more likely to use personality attributes to explain someone else’s behavior rather than considering our own behavior or situational factors that were probably the real cause of the behavior. This is where the "not about personality" part of Radical Candor comes into play. Plus, Jason introduces us to the little evil translator inside his head that makes him hear feedback as: "You're terrible. You're completely incompetent. There's no possible way you're going to succeed. It's a miracle that you managed to tie your own shoes to the office this morning." Same? Listen and nod along.

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