What's the difference between perfectionism and healthy striving? 

It appears that there is a narrow line that separates the two, and many mothers have asked the same question. This is a great question because I have yet to meet a female athlete who does not suffer from perfectionism in some way. And a lot of athletes mistakenly believe that perfectionism is the reason they are good at their sport, but this is a myth. Perfectionism does not make anyone great at their sport since it always comes at a price.

Yes, it can lead to some positive outcomes, but it always comes at the expense of their mental, emotional, and long-term development. And we see so many athletes who self-identify as perfectionists burn out in their sport.

In this episode, we'll discuss the differences between them.

Many of these principles are based on Brené Brown's study. She spends a lot of time discussing the distinction between perfectionism and healthy striving.

It's the same framework that The Elite Competitor Program uses. Perfectionism is the topic of module seven. We work with athletes to figure out what they're going through and where they stand in terms of perfectionism and healthy striving. Then we provide them a framework for shifting toward healthy striving and letting go of perfectionism as a safety net.

Moving towards healthy striving

As mothers, we can do a few things to assist athletes in their pursuit of a healthy lifestyle. Athletes are very aware of what you pay praise and acknowledge. As a result, we must ensure that we are not solely focused on outcomes and that we distinguish between who they are and what they perform in their sport.

They must be assured that you love them and that they are deserving of your affection regardless of their performance. They may put on the best show of their lives or fail, but it shouldn't affect how much you adore them.

And your daughter must be able to detect perfectionism in herself and have the resources she can use to make the switch to healthy striving.

That's exactly what we teach athletes in The Elite Competitor Program, we teach them how to recognize this in themselves and then shift their focus to healthy striving rather than perfectionism. They are free to let go of their safety net.

When they have the tools to shift, to assist these drivers, that's when it really, truly comes together. I hope this was useful in distinguishing between perfectionism and healthy striving, as well as ideas to help your athlete achieve that healthy striving.

Perfectionism is something that focuses on “others” and the outcome. It often leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem, and depression.

Healthy striving is focused on the “self”, the process, and how to enhance the athlete’s abilities rather than the outcome.

Help your daughter move towards healthy striving, it doesn’t only help her develop in sports, but in all aspects of her life as well. 

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Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on 

What words do you say to your athlete after a long game? What words do you say to yourself throughout your daughter’s sports journey?

Truth be told, it’s not the BIG wins that are going to be ingrained in your daughter’s memory, it’s the little moments. Looking back at my experience with my mom, I hardly remember those wins. I always remember the car ride to the tournaments with my mom and stopping for a meal at McDonald’s'. And that car ride home when I’m exhausted. Those talks with my mom were my comfort and my safe place

And it's those little moments that you think don't matter at all. Those are the ones that are going to stick out to your daughter the most.

That is just one of the 7 daily reminders I want to discuss with you in this episode. So if you're a sports mom, you have to take note because here are the 7 daily reminders that you might want to get tattooed on yourself!

These seven reminders might be the ones you need to better support your daughter and give her the opportunities she needs. 

So, let’s start!

1. Her sport is what she does, not who she is. Make sure she understands how much you care about her, regardless of how well she performs.

2. Walk beside her on the path. Don't shape the path. We like being able to 'control' and 'correct' things, and that’s not gonna work. Our role is to walk beside our daughters on the path, not to shape it.

3. Let her fight her battles, but give her the tools to do it. Give her the tools she needs to overcome the obstacles she faces in her sport. You can only say and do so much, but it will never replace the job she must complete on her own.

4. It's okay for her to be disappointed or any other emotion she's experiencing. She will not always be victorious. Allow her to feel what she feels, and validate her feelings.

5. The little moments are actually the big moments. It's the moments on the journey to the tournament that count. The car journeys. The food. The room you provided for her. I'll be your shoulder to cry on. These are the memories that will stick with your daughter.

6. Remember the end goal.  The purpose of athletics isn't for her to win everything (though that would be lovely!) but to help her achieve her goals. It's helpful in shaping her, allowing her to fail while also instilling confidence in her.

7. You need support too. This is her story, but it might be yours as well. 

Make sure you have intentional support to aid her because she is observing you and modeling her confidence after you! 

We can't expect our daughters to know what to do if we don't provide them with the necessary tools. You are in the same boat! Perspective, support, community, and coaching are all things you'll need. Athletes who have mothers who do this have an advantage.

Keep in mind these seven reminders that you’d want to get tattooed in you!

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Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

Elite Athletes use performance anxiety to their advantage!

A lot of moms are stating their girls are having trouble with performance anxiety, whether it's overthinking, not performing at their best, hesitating, or just having that overpowering feeling. of being nervous. Performance anxiety can be seen as a problem, but it can also be used to the athletes advantage. 

Elite athletes have pre-programmed methods to use these feelings to their advantage. On the other hand, the average athlete may only hope that the sensation will pass.

So, if you’re one of the moms who’s worried about performance anxiety, then this is the episode for you.

All athletes can relate to that feeling of nervousness and NOT wanting to be in the game at the moment even though they love the sport. It’s very common to have those nerves and anxiety before a game starts. And based on experience, the feeling stays in every competition you take part in. 

Part of that feeling is actually normal for athletes.

Oftentimes, what people mistake for performance anxiety is really athletes' natural nervousness. Because feelings of nervousness are our body's way of preparing us for the task at hand. It's a natural reaction to something important to us.

And so when your athlete starts to talk about butterflies in their stomach, dry mouth, sweaty palms, fast-beating heart- it’s a sign that they’re READY to go. 

And it takes self-awareness to make an athlete’s pre-game nerves work for them.

• Pre-game nerves can actually help an athlete perform better, as long as she reframes it to make sure it's working to her advantage. It is normal for an athlete to feel it and it’s a sign that her body is getting ready to play.

To strike a good balance of pre-game nerves, and to avoid excessive anxiety; 

• First, they need to know what their optimal zone is. They have to know their hype number. 
• Second, they have to have a routine to get them there and it has to be consistent. So we teach athletes in our programs a routine that they do the night before, and then also a routine that they do leading up to their competition. 
• Third, they need to have strategies to maintain the right amount of hype that works best for them.

We  teach those techniques in our Elite Competitor Program and we hone our athletes to be more self-aware. Your daughter can have everything it takes to be her BEST, she just needs to learn how.

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Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

Elite Competitor Society member,  Alexanne Hendrick  asks:

My daughter plays on a highly competitive team where playing time is hard to come by. She's playing more timid because of this. Any tips to help? 

For an opportunity to have your question answered, make sure to submit it in the Elite Competitor Society!

What is the most important step that all athletes and parents must take to get recruited to college?

 I know a lot of athletes in our community want to embark on this journey.

And there are a lot of sports moms out there who are thinking, "I don't even know where to start in this process," and it can be overwhelming. But there are steps you can take to get the process right.

Together with Tonya Sims, we'll discuss when athletes should start applying. What's the deal with recruiting platforms? How important is the FILM — what should be included in it? And resources for parents to know how they can continue to set their athlete up for success on this recruiting journey.

Tonya Sims is a former division one student-athlete. She assists parents in getting their children recruited by college coaches. She is the founder of the Upper-Level Sports Academy, and she works with our dream team athletes, our small group coaching program that helps athletes get recruited. Tonya is extremely knowledgeable in this area, as well as for parents dealing with the initial steps in connecting with college coaches. 

So, prepare your notes because here are some recruiting tips for parents who are just starting! 

• The top three things to consider during the recruiting process are: (1) determining where your child would fit best. (2) Academics. (3) Establishing contacts with college coaches.
• Recruiting begins at a young age.
• Rather than using these recruiting platforms, it is preferable to do the work yourself.
• Having a highlight reel or competition film has become important because it may be the first thing that college coaches look at right now.

Tonya's website can be found at www.upperlevelsportsacademy.com. And if you go to that website, you'll find a link to her Facebook group. It's a free organization called college recruiting secrets for athletes' parents. 

Her website also offers three freebies. (1) The college recruiting secrets cheat sheet, in which she reveals nine secrets of the college recruiting process; and (2) The perfect email guide, which is a step-by-step guide that explains what you need to write in an email to a college coach. (3) And the Twitter recruitment checklist, which will assist your daughter in getting started on Twitter to reach out to college coaches.

Tonya will be joining our sports LEMS inner circle in the coming month. And she'll be addressing a lot more questions from mothers of athletes in our program.

That's it! Your athlete may aspire to compete at the next level. And if she's just starting, make sure to assist her with these tasks. As mothers, you can help your children achieve their goals and pursue their passions.

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Helpful Links:

• Hang out with Tonya Sims and learn more about working with her!
• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on 

If you want better results for your athletes, forget about setting goals. Instead, concentrate on your system. That's what James Clear meant when he said that we don't rise to our goals, but instead, fall to the level of our system.

Parents frequently believe that their athletes will "figure it out" and achieve whatever goal they set. Yes. The goal is critical. It is critical for athletes to have goals. In fact, that's one of the most important things we do within the competitor programs.

However, we must develop systems to support that goal. And this is where habits come into play. 

Time widens the gap between success and failure. Whatever you feed it will multiply. And time becomes your ally when you have GOOD habits. 

We can’t assure our daughter’s destiny. Our daughters have to choose their habits, and their habits choose their fate.

So, here are some WINNER habits our daughters can fall for to map out their destiny.

• They require a daily mental routine. It doesn't have to be outlandish or intense. Mental training on a daily basis does not require a lot of time. We teach them in our program to give at least three to ten minutes of their time each day.
• They must be deliberate with the remaining 22 hours. Your daughter spends two to three hours per day on average training for her sport, which leaves plenty of time. She has 22 hours where she is not actively training. Elite athletes who are reaching their full potential are deliberate in their use of those 21 to 22 hours. What your athlete prioritizes during those 22 hours will have an impact on how she performs. It is during the non-competition period that thoughts, vision, and planning take place.
• They must take ownership of their training, and they must be given the opportunity to do so. It is a habit for them to take ownership and decide to prioritize what they are focusing on. Keep in mind that moms play a role in this. Your job is to shape the environment through how you present yourself, what you say to yourself, and what you say to her. You must give her the opportunity to do those things, and you must relinquish some control in order for that to happen.

Then, as a bonus, they must be surrounded by encouragement, accountability, mentorship, and an easy-to-follow plan.

We can't just expect our athletes to sink or swim because she will almost certainly sink. But if we surround them with people like in the elite competitor programs, with Kristina and I and other athletes doing similar things, she will be held accountable. She's checking in and sticking to her plan. She is not required to come up with ideas on her own.

That is a winning formula!

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Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

Elite Competitor Society member, Jennifer asks:

How I do prepare my 9 year old for a less successful season? She was top if her age group in swimming last year and she'll be at the bottom this summer. I don't want to make her feel like what's the point if I'm just going to lose, but I don't want her completely devastated either.

For an opportunity to have your question answered, make sure to submit it in the Elite Competitor Society!

Do you think there’s a difference between a female and a male athlete in terms of speed and strength? 

To answer that, we are thrilled to have these professional insights from Conditioning Coach Erica Suter, a female athlete performance coach. She’s experienced in training young soccer players, both female and male athletes. And she went to graduate school and studied exercise science. Erica got her Master's in performance and injury prevention. And she loves to give back and educate parents on what their female athletes need to stay healthy, get faster and get stronger.

Erica Suter’s insights:

There's not too much of a difference between the male and female training because everyone overall has the same needs to meet. The training is overall similar but the biggest difference I've seen with girls is the emotional and hormonal changes. Especially during the growth spurt. Female athletes go through their menstrual cycle, and that can change how we talk about recovery, and how much extra they need to focus on during certain phases of life. 

That is why it is important to focus on the right way for female athletes to stay in shape.

The key to performance training is:

• Consistent training year-round.
• Building up focus on strength and speed. 
• Rest recovery.
• Avoiding red flags.

So if your daughter looks out of shape or is becoming slower in their game avoid rushing them into extensive physical training.

 Consider these factors.

• Are they eating right?
• Are they having enough sleep?
• Are they breathing right?

Look at these things first, before running her to the ground and potentially giving her overuse injury or just making things way worse when there are other solutions that you can focus on.

Erica has some awesome resources for moms with female athletes to read on. You can find her on Instagram and Twitter @fitsoccerqueen. You can find a ton of free content, tips, and videos on her social media accounts. 

I recommend starting with her Strong Female Athlete book if you want to start your journey toward improving your daughter’s strength and speed. It outlines things that you could do at home. And some of the basic everyday workouts for your daughter. There's also a fitness test in the book for you to see how fit your daughter is. 

And if you want to reach out on Instagram or Twitter, send Erica a DM. She does remote coaching as well! 

I hope this blog encourages more moms to support and help out their daughters. Inspire them to work on their health and strength both physically and mentally. 

Your daughter needs your full support to reach her full potential.

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Helpful Links:

• Hang out with Erica on social @fitsoccerqueen and learn more about working with her!
• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating

Your athlete daughter is likely busier than ever before. School, practice, social life, work. 

You see the importance of mental training, but there are a lot of things to be done. How do we fit it in? Your daughter trains four days a week, and you know she needs mental training but would she be able to squeeze her time without outdoing herself?

Thankfully, there are ways to get a "bang for your buck" when it comes to mental training.

Why spend time on mental training in a busy schedule?

Mental training needs a little initial investment but provides benefits over time. I like to think of it in the same way that I think of meal preparation.

I spend a little effort at the start of the week preparing my meals and gathering supplies to SAVE time afterward. It saves me time from rushing around and getting worried. Plus, it saves me money by not having to dine out.

Investing a little time now saves time later. Mental training operates in the same manner.

Athletes must devote some time NOW to pre-load certain abilities to save time afterward. Either way, the time will be spent.

These three things will significantly increase her performance in her sport. They require very little time and produce enormous returns.

In the Elite Competitor Program, we teach athletes how to perform these things through a tried-and-true system.

• Breathwork
• Mantras
• Visualization

ECP's doors are currently open till April 1st. We already have a fantastic group of mothers and athletes on board. 

Athletes who are currently enrolled in or have graduated from the competitive program managed to fit it into their schedules by using some of these strategies:

• Time blocking
• Fun date night
• Listen to modules like a podcast
• Do one thing a day
• Do a challenge together

Hundreds of athletes who have finished the Elite Competitor Program have found a way to fit it into their super busy schedules. We have alumni insiders ranging from Division One players to fifth-graders. 

We know that mental training enables your daughter to attain her full potential and create confidence in her life. We must prioritize it.  We must dedicate time to it.

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Helpful Links:

• Join us inside The Elite Competitor Program today!
• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

Elite Competitor Society member asks:

How can I help prevent burnout in my athlete? She trains year-round. I don't want to be pushy, but also know she has big goals she wants to achieve.

For an opportunity to have your question answered, make sure to submit it in the Elite Competitor Society!