Rebranding Middle Age

Spring reminds me to hold everything loosely and live open to change. It reminds me that I can only see so far - there is so much more beauty and joy ahead. And each seasonal shift also prompts me to notice that feeling uncomfortable is not the same as being unsafe.

You'll learn four ways I'm caring for myself right now - they will likely serve you too. And I have a free spring self-care guide that you can use to support your mind-body-spirit health in the months to come.

Spring self-care guide: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/spring-guide/

Autumn self-care guide: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/autumn-guide/

Don't forget to register for the Befriend Yourself Workshop next week. Its free and I'm giving away free coaching sessions to two people who show up live: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/befriend-yourself-workshop/

I had a breakthrough this weekend and it felt like 50 lbs were released from my chest. I could breathe deeply and exhale fully again in a way I had not been able to for months.

In this episode I share more about this but one part of this breakthrough was realizing that I'd been feeling conflicted internally because ... well, this is NOT the life or family I wanted or dreamed of. Family was my first and primary dream and family has also been a source of incredible pain. Beauty too but the beauty, joy, and love do not cancel out the pain, fear, grief, and trauma. They simply coexist.

We can tell the truth about the incredibly painful parts of life and also continue handcrafting a brave and beautiful life. It may not be the life we wanted or dreamed of but it can still be good. Deeply imperfect and good.

Resources

Your relationship with yourself impacts every area of your life. And constantly judging, comparing, speaking to yourself unkindly… this is like walking around with a 200 pound backpack on your shoulders, all day, every day. It’s time to let this go!

Join the free Befriend Yourself Workshop: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/befriend-yourself-workshop/#sign-up

Join the Brave + Beautiful Community: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/community/

As a young parent I heard the phrase "relationship over rules." As a young parent I heard the phrase “relationship over rules” as it pertained to parenting.

This idea encouraged me that the whole reason for having a rule or boundary was to protect and love my child. Authoritarian parenting was about me feeling in control, showing up from fear, and/or avoiding doing my own emotional regulation work.

We can also think of ‘relationship over rules’ in terms of our relationship and friendship with ourselves. No matter what, safety and compassion need to come first. Without safety we cannot grow, heal, or learn. And we deserve kindness always, no matter what.

We are always simply practicing – always in progress. And life is always changing. No matter how hard we work or how wonderful our life plans, we'll go through days or seasons when we need to flex and adapt due to illness, lower energetic capacity, or other unexpected circumstances.

This idea of relationship over rules reminds us that our self-imposed rules and boundaries are there to serve us. Not the other way around. So when life doesn't go according to plan, don't tip into judging and criticizing. Be adaptable. Take good care of yourself. Be on your own side, always, no matter what.

Join me for the free Befriend Yourself Workshop, March 24 or 25: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/befriend-yourself-workshop/

Have you ever tackled a decluttering project in your home? What motivated this decision? How did it feel once you got the extra stuff out of your life?

Decluttering our inner lives is just as important. But it can feel even more vulnerable than letting go of physical things. Learning to let go of old stories and patterns that no longer serve us is brave and stretching. And it is essential for an intentional, values-aligned, soul-honouring life.

For fun, I use a blog post by Jennifer Burger to walk you through some of the powerful benefits of decluttering both externally and internally.

Resources

6 Powerful Benefits of Decluttering Your Home + Life by Jennifer Burger: https://www.simplyfiercely.com/benefits-of-decluttering/

Rewilding in Midlife: Say Yes To Becoming Your True Self (get the free training): https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/rewilding/

So many midlife women approach their healing and growth work from the root belief that they are not good enough, they are bad, wrong, or broken, or that they need to find a "fix" outside of themselves. And then they will feel kinder to themselves, more at peace, or everything in life will fall into place.

All this does is reinforce your old self-protective patterns and gives you more of the same. More of what is NOT working for you.

If you want to create loving, positive, healthy, sustainable change in your life, in your relationships, in your relationship with yourself, then you need to change a fundamental belief.

You don't need fixing. You are already whole.

You don't need to do better and be better. You need to BE your True Self and learn how to BE on your own side.

In this episode I walk you through a process of growth and becoming that I call Old Self - New Self - True Self.

Women arrive at my work at the New Self phase. I take them through this vulnerable, messy stage of becoming and help them meet and befriend their True Self. This is where they learn to lead from their Wise, Healthy, Brilliant Self more and more of the time.

The New Self phase is hard work. It's important to know that and normalize it. You will need to shed, strip away, question, decondition... and this can feel unmooring and destabilizing at first.

But - this is also where freedom and joy really begin to grow in your life.

You learn to receive what you truly want and need. You learn to be on your own side and really trust yourself. You learn to pause between impulse and response. You learn how to be with discomfort and show up through it vs quitting or hiding under the covers. And you put down deep, hardy roots of self-awareness and self-compassion.

If there is a part of you that recognizes a desire to say YES to more freedom and joy and self-kindness, then after listening to this episode, I invite you to listen to a free training about Rewilding in Midlife.

Rewilding in Midlife: Say Yes To Becoming Your True Self. Get the free training: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/rewilding/

Or if you are ready to work with me, reach out and we can book a free 25 minute call: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/schedule-a-free-chat/

If you're like most of the women I work with, you are already fairly self-aware. You've already done quite a bit of internal growth work or inquiry. You may have done a lot of therapy, you've read books, you've gotten degrees. You know how to work hard. You know how to do hard things. You know how to show up for people.

But you don't show up for yourself.

You devalue your own wants and needs and you don't really know what to do about this problem.

You have inner wisdom calling you forward, towards something positive for your life. But you don't know how to get across that bridge. How to take that first step, or how to pick yourself right back up when you fall down. And you struggle with staying focused on what you want and need when other people want your attention, or they are unhappy with you, or the world is noisy.

You get pulled off track or distracted very easily.

So this episode is about why it is so important that you stop deprioritizing your own wants and needs. Why you need to learn how to not just have good intentions, but how to follow through when life is noisy or messy.

I share 7 common reasons why you get so easily distracted from your own wants and needs. My guess is that you'll recognize yourself in more than one.

And I mention 4 skills that you need to build in order to show up consistently to your own priorities, goals, or dreams.

Resources

Episode 11, How and Why to Shore up Leaky Boundaries: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/shore-up-leaky-boundaries/

Learn how we can work together: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/work-with-me/

Are you somebody who needs ample time alone? Time alone in your own house? But you judge yourself for having this need?

Are you somebody who can feel or sense when somebody else is present in the home, even if they're not making any sound? And even though you love "your people" this takes a toll on you?

In this episode I talk about giving yourself permission to tend to your own needs by giving yourself alone time. Or permission to give yourself the spaciousness or the rest that you require in order for you to process inwardly and thrive in the season of your life.

This is particularly relevant, I find, for HSPs, neurodivergent folks, strong introverts, people who identify as empaths, or deep processors and big feelers.

And when the world is screaming for your attention, and everything feels urgent, this need for alone time or inward listening and processing becomes even more critical.

You can give yourself permission to respect and trust this aspect of your wiring. And even if circumstances are less than ideal, you can get creative about meeting this need.

Letting go of judgment and honouring your wiring in this way will help you feel healthier and happier which will then benefit every other area of your life. AND it will allow you to more effectively use your voice or areas of strength/gifting to advocate for the world you want to live in.

Resources

Learn to trust your creative process or your pace: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/trust-yourself-and-your-unique-creative-process/

Free for the month of February - The Make Space for Joy Workshop: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/joy-workshop/

Stop outsourcing your wellbeing, happiness, and even value as a person. Stop putting your life in someone else's hands.

Midlife women often do this around holidays or "special days" like Valentine's Day, their birthday, or Mother's Day.

Instead of waiting for other people to fill you up or make you feel loved, YOU need to get clear on what you want and need and take responsibility for filling yourself up.

You have PERMISSION to claim your wants and needs and figure out how to give yourself the experience you desire, or how to help yourself feel how you want to feel in your body and life.

If you want to invite someone else to be a part of your plans (and you may not), I recommend that first, you get honest about your expectations on that person.

We often have unspoken or undefined expectations and then feel hurt, disappointed, or resentful when people don't show up according to our imaginary ideals. This hurts us and it hurts the relationship.

You need to own your expectations and desires. If you don't get clear on this for yourself, how could someone else ever live up to this expectation? And even when you do identify your expectations on others, I recommend that you examine them in this season of your life.

Where do they come from? Are you comparing your very real, messy and beautiful life, to an imaginary ideal you picked up in a past season of life? Do you want to carry your old expectations or imaginary ideals forward? If not, let them go for your own freedom and joy. And if they do still matter to you, are you willing to communicate them to your partner, friend, or adult child?

Unless you are willing to clearly communicate your wants and needs to other people, you're setting everyone up for disconnection. Unless you are willing to be vulnerable and have the conversation, you need to release them from the expectation.

Imagine filling yourself up. Imagine no longer waiting for someone else to help you feel loved or wanted. Imagine making your own plans and then joyfully inviting others to join you in your plan, if desired, but knowing that your happiness and wellbeing is not determined by another person.

Being honest about the days and events that feel meaningful to us and giving ourselves permission to meet our needs and fill ourselves up is beautiful and freeing.

In this episode I also talk about other ways to give ourselves permission as midlife women. When we give ourselves permission, we model this to others as well. We offer up a new, joyful possibility to others.

The Joy Workshop - enjoy this FREE for the month of February: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/joy-workshop/

Having a vision for where you are heading, what you truly desire, and the world you want to help build, can increase your happiness and help you flourish.

But you don't live in the vision. You must live fully present and awake in this day. This is where you commit to the brave and vulnerable work of daily practice. It's only with daily practice that you bring your vision to life.

But also this day is a gift. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. How you use today is how you show up tomorrow. How you treat yourself today impacts the fruit you grow 3 months or 3 years down the road.

Looking back to witness your progress and be proud of yourself is healthy and wise. Looking ahead to map out where you're heading or to get honest about who you are becoming and what you truly desire is also healthy and wise.

But the hard part - and the most important part of all of this - is coming back and living heart-open and awake in this day.

Because this messy practice is how you bridge the gap between what is and where you are heading. What are you committed to practicing?

I will help you craft a life vision and bridge the gap between current reality and what you want to bring to life:

Goal Setting Workshop: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/goal-setting-workshop/

Life Visioning Course: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/life-visioning-course/

Build your muscle of daily imperfect action: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/how-to-practice-imperfect-action/

We're still on the topic of beginning your year on purpose by building a solid foundation of health before you ask yourself to jump into creating/producing/achieving.

Have you ever heard the term "Joy Snacks"? This was coined by science journalist, Richard Sima. Joy Snacks are little bites of joy that, when mindfully savored, boost life satisfaction and wellbeing.

In this episode, I share 7 Joy Snacks from my life. And I encourage YOU to pause throughout the day to notice, savour, receive pleasure, feel awe, or otherwise enjoy the simple pleasures of each ordinary day.

This will support your resilience and it will help you feel more rested and present in your messy and beautiful life.

Learn about 7 types of rest and which ones you most need right now: https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/true-rest-through-the-seasons-resources/