Recovering Out Loud

Your gut feeling and your addiction can sound exactly the same. Here's how to tell them apart.

That little voice saying "maybe don't go to that party" is intuition. The voice saying "you've earned one, nobody will know" can feel like intuition too, and it's the addict brain. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony talks through the "vital sixth sense" from 12-step literature: conscious contact with something bigger than yourself. You can call it God, the group, Good Orderly Direction, the ocean, or nothing at all.

This is not an episode about religion. Here's how Anthony puts the difference: religion is for people afraid of going to hell, and spirituality is for people who've already been there and don't want to go back. If the word "God" makes you flinch, this one is still for you.

In this episode:

• Why conscious contact is a sense you train, not a belief you hold
• Practice first, belief later: "You don't believe your way into conscious contact. You practice your way in."
• Prayer is talking, meditation is listening
• What the research found: spiritual practices partly explain better drinking outcomes in a 1,726-person study; mindfulness-based relapse prevention beat standard approaches at 12 months; body-awareness training reduced substance use and craving in women in treatment
• When the addict voice disguises itself as a gut call, and the justification test that exposes it
• Coming back after a relapse at seven and a half years, and why there's no moderation for Anthony
• Plus a new mocktail: jalapeños in soda water 🌶️

Try this week:

1. Pause and say the Serenity Prayer (or any line that grounds you) before you act when you're agitated
2. 3 minutes of breath focus every morning. When your mind wanders, notice it and come back. The noticing is the rep.
3. 30-second body scan before big decisions: what's my body telling me?
4. Two filters: Is this pulling me toward people or away from them? Would I say it out loud to someone I trust?

Recovery is simple, not easy.

Studies mentioned are linked in the show notes on YouTube. This podcast shares lived experience and peer perspective. It is not medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling, please reach out to a professional or a recovery community near you.

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📚 STUDIES MENTIONED

• Kelly et al. (2011). Spirituality in recovery: A lagged mediational analysis of AA's principal theoretical mechanism of behavior change. Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, 35(3), 454–463. 1,726 adults, 15 months. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21158876/
• Krentzman et al. (2013). Multiple dimensions of spirituality in recovery. Substance Abuse, 34(1), 20–32. 364 adults; only private practices (e.g., prayer, meditation) mediated the effect. https://doi.org/10.1080/08897077.2012.691449
• Bowen et al. (2014). Relative efficacy of mindfulness-based relapse prevention, standard relapse prevention, and treatment as usual for substance use disorders. JAMA Psychiatry, 71(5), 547–556. 286 adults, 12 months. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24647726/
• Price et al. (2019). Longitudinal effects of interoceptive awareness training through Mindful Awareness in Body-oriented Therapy (MABT). Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 198, 140–149. 187 women, 12 months. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30928884/
• Study on prayer, meditation & the Serenity Prayer as spiritual "active ingredients" linked to abstinence: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5293659/

#RecoveringOutLoud #Sobriety #AddictionRecovery

How do you stay sober and at peace when the news, your feed, and the world feel like they're on fire?

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk about what I call the pocket of recovery. That's the protective bubble I get to walk around in when I'm connected, current, and working the principles. I also talk about what happens when that pocket collapses: when I'm doomscrolling at 6:30 a.m., arguing in the comments, refreshing my metrics like I'm waiting on a dealer, or letting a headline hijack my whole day.

This isn't about becoming a hermit or pretending the world isn't happening. It's about staying informed, staying kind, and staying sober without handing your mood over to an algorithm. In recovery, a disturbed mind isn't just an inconvenience. It's a risk.

In this episode:

• Why the Serenity Prayer was written for a world on fire, not a calm one (it dates to the early 1930s)

• The three-pile sort: can I change it, influence it, or do I need to let it go?

• What happened when researchers asked people to quit social media for one week (a 2022 randomized trial)

• Why around 4 in 10 people worldwide now avoid the news, and why the top reason is mood

• The perception gap: why we assume the "other side" is about twice as extreme as it really is

• Why your feed is a using environment, and how to change people, places, and things online

• KMS, restraint of tongue and pen, and why I've never once regretted the comment I didn't post

Try this week: write down what's disturbing you and label each item change, influence, or let go. Pick one news window, one trusted source, and a 15-minute cap. Spend five minutes inventorying your feed and mute anything that leaves you clenched. Before you post or argue, wait an hour.

Serenity isn't a quiet world. It's knowing which part of the noise is yours.

This is lived experience and peer perspective, not professional or medical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to someone you trust or a local support line.

Sources:

• Lambert et al. 2022 (full paper)
• Reuters Digital News Report 2025 (Statista)
• More in Common perception gap (VOA)
• Shapiro on Serenity Prayer authorship (Yale Alumni Magazine)
• Schüll on gambling design in social media
• Instagram “Your Algorithm” (Metricool)

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If no one has told you this yet today: I love you. Recovery is simple, not easy.

Triggers don't mean you're failing at recovery. They mean you're a person in recovery. At a wedding last night, a table conversation about ADHD meds lit my brain up instantly — and it made me want to come back to triggers, one of the most underrated parts of staying sober.

In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk from lived experience about what a trigger actually is, how it's different from a craving or an obsession of the mind, and why a trigger is a cue, not a command.

By the end, you'll know how to:

• Spot your triggers — including the sneaky ones like sunny days, celebrations, and "I deserve one after a long day"
• Tell a trigger from a craving, an obsession, and a relapse
• Ride an urge out instead of running from it

We also get into why cravings can feel louder a month or two into sobriety than in week one. There's a name for it — incubation of craving — and it doesn't mean you're going backwards.

What the research says (sources below):

• A 2022 meta-analysis in JAMA Psychiatry found cue exposure, cue reactivity, and craving all predict later use and relapse — triggers are real, not a character flaw.
• The relapse prevention model treats negative emotions as a near-universal high-risk situation, and notes triggers vary person to person and change over time.
• In a 286-person randomized trial, both mindfulness-based and standard relapse prevention reduced relapse risk vs. usual aftercare; the mindfulness version held up best at 12 months.

Practical tools from this episode:

• Map your triggers in four columns — people, places, things, feelings — and redo it every few months
• Name it out loud: "My brain is doing that thing again"
• Surf the urge — notice it, breathe into where it sits in your body, watch it rise, peak, and fall
• Plan the good days: your drink in hand, your exit line, and one person who knows you're going

This is peer support and lived experience, not medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to someone in recovery, a professional, or your local support line.

Tell me in the comments: what's one thing that helped you get through a trigger in early recovery?

🎧 Follow Recovering Out Loud and leave a rating — it helps other people in recovery find the show. 📲 DM me on Instagram @[handle]

Sources:

• Vafaie N, Kober H. Association of Drug Cues and Craving With Drug Use and Relapse: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis. JAMA Psychiatry. 2022.
• Hendershot CS, Witkiewitz K, George WH, Marlatt GA. Relapse prevention for addictive behaviors. Substance Abuse Treatment, Prevention, and Policy. 2011;6:17.
• Bowen S, et al. Relative Efficacy of Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention, Standard Relapse Prevention, and Treatment as Usual for Substance Use Disorders: A Randomized Clinical Trial. JAMA Psychiatry. 2014;71(5):547–556.
• Snelleman M. Exploring factors related to craving and relapse in alcohol-dependent outpatients (doctoral thesis). Erasmus University Rotterdam. 2017.
• Parvaz MA, Moeller SJ, Goldstein RZ. Incubation of Cue-Induced Craving in Adults Addicted to Cocaine Measured by Electroencephalography. JAMA Psychiatry. 2016.

#RecoveringOutLoud #Sobriety #AddictionRecovery

Do you have to call yourself an addict to stay sober? Here's what the label means to me.

A listener sent me a DM that stuck with me: after years sober, calling herself an addict felt like it was keeping her stuck in a victim mindset. Did the label matter in my healing? Do I still need it?

So this episode is about identity and the words we use — addict, alcoholic, in recovery, person with a substance use disorder, or nothing at all.

I share the first time I said "I'm an addict" out loud (and why I mostly did it to fit in), why a relapse after years of sobriety ended my negotiation with the word, and why "alcoholic" can be true and still be the least interesting thing about you.

In this episode:

• The difference between saying the label out loud and actually accepting it
• "I'm an alcoholic" vs. "I'm alcoholic" — a small word shift that helps some people
• Choosing where the label belongs: a recovery room vs. an HR office or a medical chart
• A name you claim vs. a name that gets thrown at you
• What a national US survey found about people who resolved alcohol and drug problems — and how many never identified as "in recovery"
• The social identity model of recovery: why the people you belong to matter more than the word
• Two things to try this week: the "and" sentence, and mapping your groups

This is my lived experience, not professional advice. I'm not here to tell anyone what to call themselves. The label is a tool, not a verdict — own it where it helps you heal, and don't let anyone else pick it for you.

Research mentioned:

• Kelly, Abry, Milligan, Bergman & Hoeppner (2018). On being "in recovery": A national study of prevalence and correlates of adopting or not adopting a recovery identity among individuals resolving drug and alcohol problems. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors.
• Best et al. (2016). Overcoming alcohol and other drug addiction as a process of social identity transition: The social identity model of recovery (SIMOR). Addiction Research & Theory, 24(2).
• Buckingham, Frings & Albery (2013). Group membership and social identity in addiction recovery. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, 27(4).

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Recovery is simple, not easy.

Shame about your past doesn't keep you sober — research says it predicts relapse instead.

If you've struggled with addiction or alcoholism, you've probably done things you're not proud of. Drove drunk. Stole from family. Said things to a partner you can't take back. In active addiction I pawned priceless family jewelry for cocaine and stole from my own sister. The question isn't whether it happened. It's what you do with it now.

In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk about forgiving yourself — and why that's a completely different thing from letting yourself off the hook.

In this episode:

• Guilt vs. shame: "I did a bad thing" vs. "I am bad" — and why only one gives you something to fix
• A University of British Columbia study of 105 newly sober people: the shame they showed in their body language predicted relapse and how heavy it was, while the shame they reported didn't
• The three ways people respond to their past — self-condemnation, pseudo self-forgiveness ("it wasn't that bad"), and genuine self-forgiveness — and why only one works
• Amends, living amends, and how 12-step work (steps five and nine) clears the wreckage of the past
• Why self-forgiveness is a process, not a breakthrough day

Try this:

• Catch a shame sentence ("I'm a terrible father") and rewrite it as a guilt sentence ("I missed his games for two years")
• The four-line write-up: what I did / who it affected / the value I broke / what I'm doing now that honors that value
• A living amends list for the amends you can't make directly
• The sponsor test: if a newcomer told you your exact story, what would you say to them? Say that to yourself.

You don't have to forget what you did. Own it, repair what you can, and stop paying a debt you've already started paying back.

This is lived experience and peer perspective, not clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to someone.

Research mentioned:

• Randles & Tracy (2013), Nonverbal Displays of Shame Predict Relapse and Declining Health in Recovering Alcoholics — Clinical Psychological Science: https://www.psychologicalscience.org/journals/clinical/2167702612470645/
• Woodyatt & Wenzel — self-condemnation, pseudo self-forgiveness and genuine self-forgiveness (overview): https://www.psychologytools.com/articles/self-forgiveness-what-it-is-why-it-matters-and-how-it-can-be-addressed
• Wenzel, Woodyatt & Hedrick (2012), No genuine self-forgiveness without accepting responsibility — European Journal of Social Psychology, DOI: 10.1002/ejsp.1873
• June Tangney — guilt vs. shame research, popularized by Brené Brown

Need support in Ontario? ConnexOntario — 1-866-531-2600, or text CONNEX to 247247 (free, 24/7). Thinking about suicide? Call or text 9-8-8 (Canada).

Content note: discussion of drunk driving, violence, theft, overdose deaths and grief. Strong language.

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Real stories. 🧡

Denial is a closed mind pointed inward — and nothing in recovery changes until it cracks. I was absolutely certain I could handle it. Certain I wasn't "as bad as those people." Certain I could take ADHD medication and still call myself sober. Certain, years into recovery, that I didn't need the things that got me sober anymore. That certainty is how I relapsed after seven and a half years.

In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk about the one thing I had to give up to get sober and stay sober: my own judgment. Open-mindedness isn't one skill on the list — it's the door every other recovery skill comes through.

By the end of this episode, you'll know how to catch your mind closing — and what to do in that moment.

In this episode:

• Why denial is a closed mind pointed inward, and recovery as unlearning old ideas
• The stages of change (Prochaska & DiClemente) — and how to tell which one you're actually in by watching your feet, not your intentions
• Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness: why 12-step literature calls them indispensable
• Being open to discomfort: letting cravings in without acting on them
• What the research says about psychological flexibility and substance use
• Why rigid, black-and-white thinking is part of the illness, not a character flaw
• More than one path: 12-step, SMART Recovery, medication, therapy and harm reduction
• Being open to feedback, and to a new sober identity ("sober people are boring" is a closed mind protecting the old self)

Four tools to try this week:

1. The ten-minute wait — name the urge, notice it, wait ten minutes. Don't fight it, don't feed it.
2. The swap — catch "always" and "never" in your head and change them to "sometimes."
3. Go once as a tourist — try a recovery format you've written off. Go more than once before you decide.
4. Ask "What am I not seeing?" — ask one trusted person, then just say thank you. No defending.

Research mentioned:

• Ii, T., et al. (2019). Psychological flexibility-based interventions versus first-line psychosocial interventions for substance use disorders: Systematic review and meta-analyses of RCTs. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 13, 109–120.
• Regier, P. S., et al. (2024). Factors associated with cognitive flexibility in people with opioid-use disorder: A pilot study. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15. doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1505391
• Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. — Stages of Change (Transtheoretical Model)

Difficult people aren't going anywhere. The resentment you carry about them is optional. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk about dealing with difficult people in addiction recovery, and why acceptance doesn't mean approval, putting up with mistreatment, or becoming a doormat.

We start with a question: who have you argued with most this week who wasn't even in the room? The rehearsed argument in the car or the shower. You win it every time and still feel worse. That's the part I want to look at.

In this episode: • Why a disturbance is information about me, not a verdict on them • The resentment I carried for years about people with money, and how I finally saw it was mine • The famous "page 417" acceptance passage from 12-step literature, and how it gets misread as "just put up with it" • Acceptance vs. approval: swapping "the way it's supposed to be" for "the way it is" • Radical acceptance from DBT (Marsha Linehan), and a quick note on the God word for secular listeners • The Serenity Prayer as a sorting tool, not just comfort • Boundaries as acceptance in action: accepting someone doesn't mean handing them a key to your house • What the research says about acceptance-based approaches to substance use • The uncomfortable one: sometimes the difficult person is me

Try this after listening:

1. Mine / Not Mine: two columns. Their tone, choices and opinion of you go under Not Mine. Your response goes under Mine.
2. "Is" not "should": swap "they shouldn't be like this" for "this is how they are right now."
3. Boundary script: "When you ___, I'm going to ___." It's about your action, not their behaviour, and it can stay internal.
4. Pause when agitated: create space between the feeling and the decision.

This is lived experience and peer perspective, not clinical advice. If you're struggling, talk to someone you trust, a recovery community, or a professional.

Research mentioned: Lee, E. B., An, W., Levin, M. E., & Twohig, M. P. (2015). An initial meta-analysis of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for treating substance use disorders. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 155, 1–7.

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Recovery: simple, not easy.

• AA Grapevine – Talking with Dr. Paul

• Recovery Answers – ACT meta-analysis summary (Lee et al., 2015)

• Lee et al. (2015), Drug and Alcohol Dependence 155

• AA Agnostica – critique of the acceptance passage

Perception vs. perspective in addiction recovery: why your gut read isn't the truth — and how to change where you're standing.

Someone doesn't text back and your brain has the whole movie written in half a second: they're mad, they're talking about you, it's over. In early sobriety, those stories feel like facts — and a lot of us have relapsed, or come close, over stories exactly like that.

In this solo episode, Anthony breaks down the difference between perception (the fast, automatic read — often wrong) and perspective (where you're looking from — slower, and something you can choose). Perception is the picture. Perspective is the camera angle.

From lived experience in recovery since 2015, Anthony shares the night in treatment he was certain his wife had crashed her car, the elevator conversation where his addict brain decided a stranger was high, and why his mentor almost always takes his wife's side — and why he's grateful for it.

What we cover:

• Why addiction tilts your attention toward triggers — what researchers call attentional bias — and why the liquor store seems to glow in early sobriety
• Feelings aren't facts: how resentments, paranoia and "everyone's judging me" start as a guess that feels true
• The CBT move of catching an automatic thought and testing it
• A self-talk trick using your own name that research suggests can calm emotional reactions with little extra effort
• Borrowing someone else's eyes — sponsor, mentor, coach, friend
• Changing the time angle on problems, cravings and urges
• Why perspective isn't denial

Four tools to try this week:

1. Say your own name — "Why is Anthony so angry?" instead of "Why am I so angry?"
2. Ask two questions — What's the actual evidence? What else could this mean?
3. Borrow someone else's eyes — "Here's what happened. How does it look from where you're standing?"
4. Play the tape forward — Will this matter in five days, five months, five years? With a craving, picture the next morning, not the first drink.

How willing are you to be wrong about one more thing? Pick one tool, try it, and tell us how it went.

This is peer support and lived experience, not clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to a professional, your local crisis line, or someone you trust in recovery.

Research mentioned:

• Field, Munafò & Franken (2009), Psychological Bulletin — attentional bias and craving meta-analysis
• Field, Marhe & Franken (2014), CNS Spectrums — clinical relevance of attentional bias in substance use disorders
• Magill & Ray (2009), Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs — CBT meta-analysis of 53 trials
• Moser, Kross et al. (2017), Scientific Reports — third-person self-talk and emotion regulation

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Recovery is simple, not easy.

"I've got this" was my problem for years: I've got it under control, I'll figure it out on my own. Before my relapse after seven and a half years sober, it was the same voice: I don't need to tell anyone. This won't blow up in my face.

In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk about cutting your ego down to size without cutting yourself down, and about keeping the part of your ego you actually need.

We get into:

• What the ego really is: the part that says "I can handle it," "rules are for other people," and "I'm different," and how it showed up for me at my third treatment center
• Surrender vs. compliance: being a member, an attender, or a pretender, and why the only thing an alcoholic has to surrender is their judgment
• Humility vs. humiliation: why "tear them down to build them up" backfires, and a study that found shame, not guilt, predicted relapse in early sobriety
• Right-sizing: "I'm the worst person in this room" is still ego, just upside down. You're not God, you're not the sheriff of the universe, and you're not garbage either.
• Why you need some ego to stay sober: the difference between "I've got this" and "I can do this," and building a proof list of hard things you've done sober (David Goggins calls it the cookie jar)
• How the ego comes back in long-term sobriety. I never relapsed when things got bad. I relapsed when I got cocky.
• Service as daily right-sizing, and the best high in recovery

The takeaway: you don't want a big ego or no ego. You want one that's the right size, humble enough to ask for help and strong enough to believe you're worth it.

This week: start your proof list. Write down one hard thing you've done sober and DM me what it is on Instagram @recoveringoutloudpod

Shared from lived experience and peer perspective, not clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to a doctor, a treatment provider, or someone in your recovery community.

Research mentioned:

• Harry Tiebout, "Surrender versus Compliance in Therapy" (1953) and "The Ego Factors in Surrender in Alcoholism"
• Randles & Tracy (2013), "Nonverbal displays of shame predict relapse and declining health in recovering alcoholics," Clinical Psychological Science
• Kadden & Litt (2011), "The role of self-efficacy in the treatment of substance use disorders," Addictive Behaviors
• Research on service, humility and relapse in adolescents in residential treatment
• "Humility and 12-Step Recovery," Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly (2016)

Getting sober doesn't fix your life. It gives you a chance to fix it. Ten harsh truths from 11 years in recovery.

Nobody really tells you about the hard parts of addiction recovery — or if they do, you're not ready to hear them. In this solo episode, Anthony shares ten truths he's learned the hard way across 11 years in and out of recovery, including a relapse after seven and a half years of sobriety. None of it is meant to shame anyone. It stings first. Then it sets you free.

This is lived experience, not a rule book — and definitely not everybody's experience.

In this episode:

- Why getting sober turns up the volume on the problems drinking and using were covering

- Why not everyone will be happy you're sober — and grieving the old drinking buddies

- Amends: clearing your side of the street without expecting a result

- Relapse is common, but it isn't the end (and it isn't a license)

- Why most people take more than one serious run at recovery

- When the pink cloud ends and the boredom shows up

- Dry vs. recovered: you can be sober and still miserable

- The paradox: nobody can do it for you, and you can't do it alone

- Feelings coming back — sitting with them, not in them

- Why recovery has no finish line, and why that's a gift

Numbers mentioned:

- Relapse rates for substance use disorders: 40–60%, comparable to hypertension and asthma — National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), Drugs, Brains, and Behavior.

- Serious recovery attempts before resolving a substance problem: median 2, mean ~5 — Kelly et al. (2019), Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research.

- ~22 million U.S. adults (9.1%) report having resolved a significant alcohol or drug problem — Kelly et al. (2017), Drug and Alcohol Dependence.

If this one landed, follow Recovering Out Loud and leave a rating — it helps someone else find it. Real stories.

Recovering Out Loud is a peer-led podcast sharing lived experience. It is not medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to someone you trust or a local support service.