Recovery Elevator

Today we have Kelly. she took her last drink on October 27, 2017. This is her story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today's episode Paul talks about his idea of opening an in person, wellness retreat center in Costa Rica. And while he has been working to create space for this idea and concept, and believes that the body is on board, there is still some discomfort getting out of his comfort zone.

The fact is, we all have rough days, including Paul. He says it's important to give the body permission to feel the feelings, and also to give the body permission to allow them to go.

Paul also addresses the question of, when do you know it's a good time, after quitting alcohol, to start tackling other substances, behaviors, thought patterns, etc.? Paul's advice is to go slow and to be patient, your body will know when it is time.

SHOW NOTES

[15:15] Paul introduces Kelly.

Kelly is 54 years old. She is married and has 2 adult children. Kelly is a full-time social worker at a hospital, and she speaks Spanish. For fun Kelly would like to get back into collecting vintage clothing. She likes to read and is looking forward to getting into outdoor activities.

[19:30] Give us a background on your drinking.

Kelly started drinking in 9th grade, just your average high school drinker. By her 2nd year of high school she feels she was drinking more regularly. She didn't think she has a problem with alcohol because she wasn't like her father. In 1987 she moved, thinking that that would fix any drinking issues she had.

[31:05] What happened right before you quit drinking?

There were a lot of stresses going on. She was constantly afraid of being pulled over to started to us LYFT. There was a lot of risk taking. She started buying bigger bottles.

Her son started to go to meetings for his own addictions. One nigh he told Kelly he didn't feel it was safe for him to live at home, because of her drinking. That was the last night she drank.

[39:15] Talk to us about how you are embracing AA and the other side?

For the first 18 months Kelly was only doing AA. But she was also reading a ton of books by/or about women alcoholics. She says the AA meeting have been helpful but that she is bothered by some of the steps.

[53:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What's a lightbulb moment you've had on this journey?

That I am as strong as I am.

1. What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I like kombucha, and I like coffee.

1. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

I like Russel Brands' Recovery on CD. I listen to him in the car. AA meetings, I do like 3-4 a week, and the Big Book.

1. What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

Eventually liking the outdoors. Getting outside more.

1. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Listen to any voice inside that is telling you that something is wrong.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You are 23-year-old woman that has gout.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – We took the elevator down, we have to take the stairs back up."

Today we have Dan. He took his last drink on July 28, 2018. This is his story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

On today's episode Paul talks about how we need to read his book, and others like it, with pride. We have to shred the shame and ditch the stigma.

He shares a letter he received from someone that attended the Recovery Elevator Retreat in Bozeman recently, and as she was reading Alcohol is Sh!t on the plane the lady sitting next to her asked about the book. And she was able to share. Turned out the lady was on her way to help her daughter who had relapsed and needed to hear everything she had to say.

SHOW NOTES

[10:10] Paul introduces Dan.

Dan is a father of 3, has a daughter in college and the youngest is 14. He works as a retail executive. He lives in New York and enjoys cycling.

[12:45] Give us a background on your drinking.

Dan says he started drinking in high school and drank all through college. He says that drinking is a big part of the business world and he fell right into that. He didn't realize he had an issue, but his wife did. He said he was drinking 5-6 drinks a night.

[15:35] Talk to us about how you asked yourself, "how can I quit?".

Dan says he called a hypnotist to get some help, but after his initial call to her he never followed up. About a month later, on July 29, 2018, he was in a bad bicycle accident. His doctors took great care of him and he hasn't had a drink since.

[18:10] What happened after the accident?

He had a bad brain injury so was told that he should not drink, if he did, he could have a seizure or a stroke. After 10 days Dan came home from the hospital only to find out that his wife had removed all the alcohol from the house. Dan says that was like being asleep and thrown into an ice-cold pool. His brother told him he needed to go to AA so he walked into one only to feel like he didn't belong. He left that meeting angry and determined to show everyone wrong.

[24:05] How are you feeling now?

Dan says it's a little bit of 'he's going to show them (his friends and family)' and it's a little bit of he likes the way he feels and he looks.

[26:47] You were told by your doctor not to drink for a year, because of the chance for a stroke…did you ever have the thought when that year was up to pick up a drink?

Dan says no, in fact he went to the conference he was supposed to be at the year before and never thought about it.

[28:17] At your yearly physical you asked your doctor if you could now have a glass of wine, and he asked you, "why would you?", can you answer that question?

Dan says because of the social aspect, he admits to missing it.

[39:20] Dan talk to us about that connected feeling.

Dan is feeling connected to life and not the alcohol. He is feeling more connected to his family.

[40:25] What's on your bucket list for an alcohol-free life?

Going to a sporting event AF and seeing what that's like and racing again.

[43:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What's a lightbulb moment you've had on this journey?

When I was at my physical and I asked my doctor if I could have a glass of wine and he leaned across the table and asked, "why the F would you?".

1. What's a memorable moment a life without alcohol has given you?

A better connection with my children and my wife.

1. What is your favorite poison free drink?

Diet Coke, I drink too much of it. I also like a nice latte.

1. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

My favorite resources would be my family, cycling, I have a lot of resources at work too.

1. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

It's not all about work, life is a balance, and the more pressure you're under you need a release and a hobby.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You're a business person that the alcohol is incorporated into the fabric of your life.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside out."

Today we have Rose. She took her last drink on March 12, 2019. This is her story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your copy on Amazon here!

On today's episode Paul talks about Recovery Elevator Bozeman Retreat that took place this past August. One of the speakers at the retreat was a spiritual teacher that Paul has worked with, Elaine Huang, you can find out more about her here.

And a BIG thank you to the sponsors of the retreat.

SHOW NOTES

[22:20] Paul introduces Rose.

Rose is 37 years old. She is from New Zealand but is currently living in France. Rose is a physiotherapist by trade, but her degree is not recognized yet in France so she is teaching English. She is a newlywed and they have a 3-year-old son. For fun Rose likes to cook, sing, be outdoors, and go to gigs.

[25:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Rose started drinking as a teenager. She says she grew up in a loving family but that everyone was a boozer, that it was normal. At 18 she went off to university but dropped out after 2 years because it was getting in the way of her drinking. She moved cities in search of new drinking friends and for the next 5 years was in an abusive relationship. Rose says she spent a good chunk of her 20's getting out of, and recovering from, that relationship.

Rose then spent time on a friend's large sailing boat and sailed to Fiji, continuing her drinking. She then went home and started studying to become a physiotherapist. Rose says she slowed her drinking down while she was studying.

[28:25] What happens next?

Rose got her degree, got a great job in a hospital where she wanted to work. In 2016 she had her son. She says after the birth of her son she fell into the 'mommy drinking' culture. Rose also started to feel like an imposter. Promoting health at work but doing the very opposite personally.

[32:20] Was there anything in particular that led you to ditch the booze?

Rose says a big part of it was moving to France in 2017. She found France's drinking culture to be the polar opposite of New Zealand's which made her feel out of place. Even though she knew she needed to stop her drinking ramped up at the beginning of this year after the death of a close friend.

[35:15] What happened on March 12th?

Rose says she had started to drink during the daytime, when she wasn't on pick-up duty with her son. She also started smoking cigarettes. She started feeling guilty about not being present as a parent. She reached out to an American friend she had met on that sailing ship that was posting about being sober. This friend led her to Café RE.

[38:50] How did you do it?

Rose says she told her husband, creating some accountability. Her husband was very supportive. The removed all the alcohol from the house and Rose declined engagements for a while. She joined Café RE and jumped in and starting participating and getting involved.

[48:50] How have things changed in an alcohol-free life?

Rose says she's a better mother, she's present. She has an increase in self-love and self-worth.

[55:05] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Pineapple and lime sparkling water.

1. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

I loved The Joy of Being Sober book. I also really love Josh Korda's Dharmapunx podcast. There is a New Zealand woman named Lotta Dann and she has a book, and blog, by the same name called, Mrs. D is Going Without.

1. What's on your bucket list now that alcohol isn't part of your life?

A lot more travel, I love to travel. To be able to help someone else get sober.

1. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Connect, connect with people. Look for the similarities and not the differences.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You're drinking wine out of a coffee mug just so the neighbors won't know because it's 11 AM on a Monday.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up."

Today we have Dan. He took his last drink 370 days ago. This is his story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your copy on Amazon here!

On today's episode Paul talks about how this journey into a new life without alcohol can be fun. In fact, he says, it must be fun. If you're not having fun right now that is ok, you are not doing anything wrong. Recovering your true self, a life filled with inner joy and abundance, can only be done with love. You can't fight darkness with darkness.

Here are some strategies to invite love into your life…stop comparing yourself to others, get off social media, tell yourself 'I love you', listen to your body, put on headphones and dance.

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul introduces Dan.

Dan celebrated 1 year of sobriety on July 28, 2019. He is 37 years old and lives in Cottage Grove, MN. He is a teacher and teaches middle school math. He has 5-year-old twins, a boy and a girl, and a 10-year-old daughter. Dan is married and they just celebrated 13 years. For fun Dan likes to exercise and hike.

[16:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Dan had his first drink in high school and bartended through college. He says his drinking just carried over into what he calls 'his adult life' and it just stuck with him. He wasn't a binge drinker; it was more of cracking a couple beers open every night after work.

Dan started to become depressed, getting anxious if he couldn't drink his beers each night. He says he had some suicidal thoughts.

[20:45] What did that depression feel like?

Dan got to the point where he was finding no joy in anything, including alcohol, his job or his family. He confided in a friend about his depression and that was the start of his journey into sobriety. When he confided in his wife, he felt that he was surrendering and ready to get help.

[24:00] When did you tell your wife and what happened after that?

Dan says he made the commitment to stop drinking last summer and told his wife after about a week in. Dan says his wife overheard him listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast and that was the beginning of their conversation about his drinking and depression.

[26:35] Talk to us about the 1st week, the 1st month.

Dan made a doctor's appointment a couple weeks in to talk about his depression and was prescribed anti-depressants/antianxiety medication. He was worried about how he would feel once taking the medication but says it has really helped him. Dan listened to the RE podcasts daily and would reach out to his wife when he was struggling at all. He also told his oldest daughter that he was quitting drinking alcohol.

[35:30] With a year away from the alcohol how has the depression been?

Dan says it has gotten better. He is going to sit down with his doctor and discuss if he should come off the meds, he says he was scared to go on them in the beginning and is now a little worried about coming off them.

[37:25] What's on your bucket list now with a year of sobriety?

Next summer he's going to finish up the Superior Hiking Trail and possibly do a ½ marathon.

[38:44] You haven't mentioned AA or 12-step, did you not go to AA during this last year?

Dan says he never put it out of his mind or took it off the table, and that he even looked up when and where meetings were; but that he never went to a meeting.

[40:40] Rapid Fire Round

1. What's a lightbulb moment you've found on this journey?

My lightbulb moment was that I needed to fail a few times before I was actually able to be successful with it.

1. What is a gift that sobriety has given you?

The biggest gift is time.

1. What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Well my beer fridge has now became a sparkling water fridge.

1. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

I definitely have to say Recovery Elevator, plus my friends and my family.

1. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

It would have to be that there is so much freedom once you have given up alcohol.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You have a fight with your girlfriend, decide to move out, and realize that you have only packed a camera and a swimsuit.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside out."

Today we have Brandi. She took her last drink on July 17, 2019. This is her story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book was released 2 days ago! Pick up your copy on Amazon here!

On today's episode Paul talks about one of his pet peeves…the word "ONLY". For example, when someone says they have 'only' been sober for 3 days, 10 days, 2 weeks, etc.… We need to change this way of thinking, any amount of time away from alcohol is a major win.

The word 'only' equals limited, represents a lack of, and we want to be careful with this idea and energetic vibrations that encompass the word.

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul introduces Brandi.

Brandi is from Franklin, TN. She is 48 years old and works in healthcare. She has a 12-year-old daughter and for fun Brandi likes to make her own greeting cards, write poetry, and ride horses.

[14:50] Give us a background on your drinking.

Brandi says she drank some in high school and college, but that she didn't really enjoy it. She says it wasn't until she was 33-34 years old that she started to see alcohol as a problem.

In 2012 she started to notice how alcohol was impacting her life, her physical wellbeing, her job, and the people around her. 2 years ago, she was drinking about 2 bottles of wine a night, every day.

[23:00] Where do you think your self-loathing came from?

Brandi says it came from a lot of things; missed moments with her daughter; lost time; missed conversations.

[33:30] Tell us how the last 2 weeks have been?

Brandi says they have been good. She felt a little of the pink cloud. She's been trying to do things differently, like getting up earlier. She started a morning routine that includes her affirmation books.

[39:00] What's your plan moving forward?

Brandi says she is going to be better at reaching out to people. She plans on getting back to some meetings that she has gone to in the past. Getting back to her morning routine. She wants to slowly get back to the things she enjoys doing for fun. Brandi says a big one for her is stepping outside her comfort zone.

[40:40] Rapid Fire Round

1. What's a lightbulb moment you've found on this journey?

How many times have I thrown wine glasses away.

1. What is a memorable moment that sobriety has given you?

Sitting with my daughter, watching Disney movies, just being goofy and she put on Elton John and we just started dancing.

1. What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Unfortunately, it's Diet Dr. Pepper, but lemonade takes a close 2nd.

1. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

My friends that know me, my affirmation books.

1. What's on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I used to travel; I want to go find a really cool place to take my daughter. I want to do the things I used to do with her and start making memories. Also, to get back into making my cards again and moving forward with dreams I had at making that part of my lifestyle.

1. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Even if it's hard to step out, to reach out, it doesn't have to be huge, just that one little thing that will change your path.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

Before you buy that next bottle of wine you have to figure out where you are in your rounds through your wine stores so you don't hit one too soon.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – Alcohol is shit…and we both know it."

Today we have Aisha. She took her last drink on July 28, 2017. This is her story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

On today's episode Paul talks about celebrities that have ditched the booze and why this group of the population is affected by addiction way more than the average population.

SHOW NOTES

[9:30] Paul introduces Aisha.

Aisha is 42 years old and lives in Atlanta, GA. She is a lawyer, married and has a 10-year-old. Aisha enjoys reading recovery/addiction memoirs along with fiction.

[14:50] Give us a background on your drinking.

Aisha says that a big part of why she drank was that she was trying to fit in. Both of Aisha's parents were alcoholics. She is African-American and Hispanic and was raised in rural America where she didn't see a lot of people that looked like her.

Aisha didn't really start drinking until she started law school and she started drinking alcoholically after she started practicing law. There were a few months when she had the FBI watching her house because of a threat she had received, during those months she was so scared that she was drinking every day. Because of her experience with alcoholics in her family she knew where her drinking was going, and she knew she needed to quit.

[22:34] Did you have a rock bottom moment?

Aisha says her bottom was when she "missed the toilet", literally. She knew she needed help then, but didn't stop drinking at that time. She did however go to an AA meeting.

[26:15] Tell us more about your AA experience.

Aisha says when she went to AA, she was legitimately looking for help. After listening to the speaker share, she felt like she could not relate. She didn't let that stop her from going back, but after some condescending comments at another AA meeting she went back to drinking.

[28:15] What do you think finally pushed you over the edge to start logging in the time?

Aisha didn't let the bad experiences she had had at AA stop her from trying other meetings. She went to a lot of meetings and finally found one that she felt loved and welcomed at.

[40:55] How has the wanting to fit in changed since getting sober?

Aisha says she is much more purposeful. She is much more focused on the whys of doing things. She is also much more open to feed back from others.

[46:30] In the last 2 years have you had a difficult moment where you thought you were going to drink and how'd you get through it?

Aisha says she has not, and she know she is very fortunate. She says that the smell of alcohol disgusts her now. She has, however, had moments of fomo and has wished she could drink with friends at times.

[51:20] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?

Going on vacation with her family and her daughter and waking up early with her and remembering everything.

1. What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Mango Bubly

1. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

The stories in the back of the AA Big Book; A Girl Walks Out of a Bar; and people…I really enjoy the Café RE Facebook group.

1. What's on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

I have a lot of changes that I am in the process of making in my life personally, I don't want to put them out on the podcast. But I think that in the next year there are some things in my life that are going to look very different.

1. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

This is truly life and death, but it is also one day, one moment, one second at a time.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You're dropping a deuce, and you think you're on the toilet, and when you get up, you're not even close to the toilet.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – Alcohol is shit…and we both know it."

Today we have Sarah. She took her last drink on June 13, 2019. This is her story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! Pick up your copy on Amazon September 7, 2019!

On today's episode Paul talks about how there is always a 'plan B'. Plan A…aka the way we want life to work out, the way we hoped things were going to work, actually work out 0% of the time. Everyone has these hiccups.

The fact that you are listening to this podcast means you are already into plan B. Most people that have a goal to move into an alcohol-free life have a plan A, which looks something like this…quit drinking and never look back. It doesn't matter how many plans you have because we now have hundreds of plans to chose from.

You don't have to go out looking for your plan, schedule some down time and let the plan come to you.

SHOW NOTES

[8:33] Paul introduces Sarah.

Sarah is 44 years old and is from Vancouver, WA. She is engaged to be married and has no kids. Sarah is a chiropractor. For fun Sarah loves anything that has to do with health, she loves to exercise and go on long walks with her fiancé.

[10:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Sarah had her first drink when she was 12 years old. She didn't drink heavily from that point on but her drinking really escalated when she started working in the restaurant business while attending the University of Texas. She was 22 years old at this time. At the age of 17 Sarah got a DWUI.

From the age of 22 her drinking got worse. When she was 30 years old, she found herself calling in sick to work because she was hungover.

[12:00] So you decided to have a change of location and profession?

Sarah says it was one of the best decisions she made, but that looking back it was her thinking that she needed to get out of her current environment. She started chiropractic school and took her drinking right along with her.

Her drinking continued to escalate and she ended up missing a really significant clinical entrance exam. She drank too much the night before and slept through it. She wasn't allowed to take a makeup exam and had to wait to take the exam. This is when she first tried AA.

[13:15] What were your initial thoughts about AA?

Initially it was awesome. Sarah still has some really great feelings about AA. She says she'll never forget when she walked into her very first meeting and a man telling her she never had to drink again. Sarah says that was a lightbulb moment for her.

[14:00] Bring us up to speed from 32 years old to 44.

Sarah had on and off sobriety attempts during that time, ranging from 6 months to 2 years. And she says that, of course, her life always got better.

She was questioning if she was an alcoholic because she could stop at a couple drinks, sometimes. But she realized that her drinking always had consequences. She decided, along with her fiancé, to quit drinking.

[16:40] What do you think you started back up after your 6 mo., 9 mo., 2 years?

Sarah felt like she would hit a wall, that she couldn't label herself a full-blown alcoholic so she would find herself going back out. She would always end up back at the same place, lack of motivation, sick, tired, depressed, and a chaotic life.

[18:40] What effect has not drinking had?

By day 3 Sarah noticed she was sleeping better. She enjoys her work and being with patients. She has her motivation back. She isn't waking up with guilt and shame anymore.

[22:00] What are some of the obstacles that you have overcome in the last 41 days?

Sarah says that around day 13 and a couple weeks ago she was hitting a wall emotionally.

[25:17] How has it been to have a fiancé as an accountability partner?

Sarah says it's been really amazing. She had to tell him a number of times that drinking was a problem for her, and when things got really bad, he finally got it. He was willing to go on the journey with her. It wasn't just 'her' drinking, it was 'their' drinking.

[28:00] What have been the challenges to do this with a significant other?

Sarah says the first challenge was that she wanted to make sure he wasn't stopping to drink just for her. She says she needs the support but that she didn't want to feel responsible for that decision. The challenge was making sure that they both had their own 'whys'.

[29:00] What is something you didn't think you'd have to work on?

Sarah thought that the problem her and her fiancé had with communicating would go away and she learned that they still needed to work on those skills.

[29:40] Have you explored why you drank?

Sarah says she drank because she wanted to feel included and connected to other people. She says she also drank because it got her attention.

[30:30] What is something memorable that you have been able to do in a life without alcohol?

She has noticed that she is way more invested in her life and in her chiropractor practice. She cares about her patients.

[32:20] What's your plan moving forward?

To continue on this journey. Sarah also says her love for reading has returned.

[33:30] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is a lightbulb moment you've had on this journey?

All of a sudden, I'm noticing the world around me.

1. Is there anything you would have done differently when quitting drinking?

This time, no. It has all gotten me here.

1. What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Lately my fiancé and I have been making virgin Bloody Mary's.

1. What is your favorite resource in recovery?

As of now it is Café RE. It really is a safe environment for me to connect with people.

1. What's on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

We want to travel to Germany. I have never really wanted to travel and now I do.

1. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

The biggest thing I was afraid of was that I was going to miss out on something, and none of that is true.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You wake up somewhere that you never would have been if sober.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out."

Today we have Joy. She took her last drink on July 12, 2014. This is her story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

On today's episode Paul talks about the phrase 'spontaneous sobriety'. What is it? What does it mean?

Spontaneous sobriety means quitting drinking without any formal treatment such as rehab, inpatient treatment, or out-patient treatment. 12-step programs are not formal treatment due to the fact you can go when you want, work with, or without, a sponsor, and there is not a formal way to work the steps.

The majority of people get sober without formal help. According to the NESARC about 50% of all people that recovered from alcohol dependence did so completely on their own.

So how does one spontaneously ditch the booze? The listen to their body, read books, listen to podcasts, attend 12-step meetings, read blogs, talk to their therapist, join online recovery groups (like CaféRE), etc.… You talk about it; you burn the ships.

SHOW NOTES

[10:40] Paul introduces Joy.

Joy was born and raised in the suburbs of southeast Michigan and she moved to Connecticut about 15 years ago. She is 42 years old, has been married for almost 15 years, and has 2 sons. For work Joy is a holistic nurse practitioner, sober and grey area drinking coach, and a dance teacher. She enjoys dancing, yoga, being outside, and reading.

[17:40] Give us a background on your drinking.

Joy started drinking pretty regularly in her teenage years. There was drinking in her household so it felt like the natural thing to do. During high school there were binging and blackout moments. Before college she had a rock-climbing accident, where alcohol was involved, which resulted in her having to change her direction in college from dance to healthcare. She continued to drink heavily in college and got a DUI when she was 20.

[18:35] Whne you got that DUI was there a concern?

Joy says it was a terrifying experience. She had to spend the night in jail, in a very big correctional facility. After the DUI Joy felt like she could still continue to drink, she just needed to be smarter about it, like not drive.

In her 30s it became more apparent that her drinking was a problem. There was more morning after conversations with her husband. She tried moderating, only drinking on the weekends, but was unsuccessful.

[19:50] You mentioned that your husband commented that your drinking doesn't make sense, can you explain that?

She says here she was, done with graduate school to be a nurse practitioner, she was a yoga teacher and really holistically health minded, but at the same time drinking heavily. She also would smoke cigarettes when she drank. It was like the two Joys didn't compute. There was the highly functioning Joy going to her job at the hospital and teaching yoga classes, and then there was the Joy that was drinking everyday and smoking.

[22:15] Bring us up to speed, did the other shoe drop?

Joy says it did. She was 30 pounds heavier; her health was not doing well; her depression was not being treated. But Joy says it was really when she was home with her two young children and one of them asked her to hand him his toy. She asked him what one and he said, "It's the one behind your wine glass.". This rocked Joy's world. It was one thing for her to be home drinking wine while taking care of her young children, it was something else that one of them knew it.

[24:35] What did you do after that?

Joy says she did what everyone thinks they have to do; she went to AA. She was 37 years old. She says she had issue with when you go to AA you have to stand up and introduce yourself and proclaim that you're an alcoholic. At this time Joy wasn't sure she was an alcoholic, but she knew she had to do something and AA was all she could think of. Standing up and admitting that she was an alcoholic in front of a group of strangers was cathartic for Joy. It allowed her to take the next step forward which was addressing what she was going to do next.

[27:00] What happened after that?

Joy went to AA for a little while, got a sponsor that was really helped her get through the first few weeks of being AF. But Joy wasn't drawn to AA, she didn't find the positivity, or forward movement, she was hoping to find.

So, Joy turned to the internet and started looking for other recovery avenues that were geared towards women. She found Woman for Sobriety, which is a different self-help program. There weren't any meetings local to Joy so she started participating in online chat meetings. After she had a year of sobriety she applied and became a moderator of meetings for them in her town.

[30:30] What was it like going through the first couple social events alcohol free?

Joy learned that she definitely had some social anxiety, it was stressful, and she felt awkward. She says she took a lot of things off of her social calendar. She instead filled her time with other things, and instead of focusing on what she was not doing anymore she was focusing on what she was doing.

[34:20] What are some of the things that have been removed from your life since you quit drinking?

Joy says that there have been some friendships and there were some activities, such as concerts, that she gave up for a while, but has since returned to enjoying in sobriety. She has been careful with what she has allowed back into her life with her main focus now being a parent and her family.

[38:10] What are some of the themes you have encountered in the last 5 years?

The first year Joy was just dedicated on getting the moments. Year two was being OK with things as they were. Year 3 and 4 were similar to year 2, but Joy was stepping out more into experiences that may have been a little scarier, being a little more daring and finding great encouragement through those accomplishments.

[41:20] Talk to us about being a grey area drinking coach.

Joy says the grey area is the area between rock bottom and not drinking at all.

[46:50] Rapid Fire Round

1. Worst memory from drinking?

Having my friends stay home with my kids while I drove myself to the hospital because I thought I had given myself pancreatitis because I drank too much.

1. What is your plan moving forward?

My plan is to continue to find great connection with other women similar to me and offer them resources and tools to help them create a new life doing what they love without alcohol.

1. What is your favorite resource in recovery?

Women for Sobriety and Yoga of Recovery.

1. In regards to sobriety what's the best advice you've ever received?

Just take a moment and breathe and know that this too shall pass.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

If you are questioning, at all, if you need to take a break then I invite you to give it 30 days.

1. If listeners want to find you, do you have a website?

www.joyherbst.com http://purnimawomenshealth.com/

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You are constantly thinking about when you're going to get your next drink.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out."

Today we have Tiffany. She took her last drink on July 14, 2018. This is her story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

On today's episode Paul talks about the DUIs he didn't get. For those of you that may not know what a DUI is…it is Driving Under the Influence, with a BAC that is higher than .08.

Those missed DUIs, going all the way back to one in 2006, in which he was following behind a friend that was drunk behind the wheel, rolled his vehicle and passed away with a BAC of .33…were a contributing factor in Paul telling himself he didn't have a drinking problem.

He told himself he didn't have a drinking problem because he didn't have any DUIs. Paul has said, 'the only line you can cross, but cannot come back from, is death'. He hopes that Adrian's story can help save the life of someone listening to this podcast.

SHOW NOTES

[16:05] Paul introduces Tiffany.

Tiffany is originally from Connecticut but has been in Maryland for the last 10 years. She is a property manager and a licensed captain. She is 35 years old, single and has no kids. She enjoys hiking and recently has discovered she likes to macramé, and has been doing a lot of that. DIY crafts and projects around her house bring her joy.

[18:15] Give us a background on your drinking.

Tiffany started dinking when she was in 7th grade. Drinking was the not the norm for her family or in her household growing up. It wasn't until she was in junior high and spending more time at friends' houses that she was exposed to drinking being the norm. Jr. high and high school was a lot of binge drinking on weekends. Towards the end of high school Tiffany was more interested in being at work, she was working at a horse farm, and partying with her friends than being at school. Work and partying became her priority and school was at the bottom of the totem pole. She says she was a big pothead and felt that she could take, or leave, alcohol.

[20:50] When did you reach the moment when you couldn't take it, or leave it?

In 2006, when Tiffany was 21, she left everything behind and moved to New Zealand to work on a schooner. She says that is when the switch happened. Wine was everywhere. She started to think of drinking as a reward for having a hard day, rather than just something she would binge on.

[22:45] Talk to us about the years between 21 and 34.

While on the schooner they went through a bad hurricane during a voyage. Tiffany says it was terrifying, and it was at that time her drinking shifted from drinking as a reward for a hard day, to drinking to get out of her head. She says she came home from that experience different, and that it is still something she is working through.

It was at this time she was drinking to not feel her feelings, and she started to isolate rather than drink socially. In 2007 she moved to Baltimore and moved in to a neighborhood that was filled with bars, making it easy for her to drink and not be questioned.

[26:00] Get us up to speed closer to your sobriety date.

Between 2009-2012 not a lot really happened. Tiffany says her drinking stayed about the same, she was still isolating amongst her group of drinking friends. In 2014 she got into a relationship, that didn't work out, but it was the first time she had ever heard someone refer to her as an alcoholic.

[26:45] What was it like hearing that?

Up until that time she says she had had a lot of nights that she regretted but that this was the first time she felt embarrassed. This prompted Tiffany to lean into her isolation and she let all the self-negative talk that she had for herself beat her down.

In 2017 she was so depressed and isolating that she was afraid to leave her house unless it was for work. Because she couldn't control her drinking, she felt like she was failing in everything other than work.

[28:44] You said you knew you didn't want to drink, but that all you knew was a life with drinking…talk to us about how that felt.

It was insanity. A snapshot of what felt like a normal day for Tiffany involved her waking up with a hangover, feeling like hell, getting herself together for work and then crying the whole way to work because she did not want to go home, because she did not want to drink again that night. Her anxiety was crippling and things just didn't get any better. She lived like that for 3 years.

[30:20] What tipped the scales?

November 2017 Tiffany says she was at her bottom and she came across the Recovery Elevator podcast. She hit play and binge listened to the episodes for a solid 2 weeks.

[33:55] What happened between November 2017 and July 2018?

Tiffany signed up for the RE Facebook group in June 2018 and made it 30 days AF. On day 31 she walked into a store, thinking, "I got this", and bought 5 bottles of wine and drank for 5 days. She then decided she was done, drank all the alcohol in her house, and on July 14th 2018 had her last drink.

[44:00] So you got sober outside of AA?

Tiffany says that 12 step meetings are not for her, at least not right now. She finds her peace and healing when she is outside of the rooms. Knowing that she does need to talk to people and dive into some things

she did start talk therapy.

[45:56] What's on your bucket list?

The Asia trip is definitely being added. Tiffany says she just wants to be happy.

[47:47] Rapid Fire Round

1. Worst memory from drinking?

My 18th birthday. I got so drunk I fell down the side of a mountain and my friends had to drive me home.

1. When was the moment you knew you needed to quit drinking?

That is a toss up between when I heard my ex say I was an alcoholic and when I started listening to this podcast.

1. What is your plan moving forward?

Keeping connection and staying social. I'm making the point to keep networking.

1. What is your favorite resource in recovery?

Definitely Recovery Elevator podcast and the Café'RE group.

1. In regards to sobriety what's the best advice you've ever received?

That it's ok not to have perfect day.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

If you think you have a problem you probably do.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

At the age of 15 you realize that if you only take shots, you don't feel full, so you can drink more.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out."

Today we have Daz. He took his last drink on November 5, 2018. This is his story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

On today's episode Paul discuses the double negative, not failing. If you find yourself struggling to say no, to picking up a drink, you are not failing. If you are not failing you are succeeding, accomplishing, flourishing, overcoming, conquering, thriving, winning, realizing your goal to become alcohol free.

Think about an accomplishment in your life that you are proud of. Did that come without a struggle? Most likely it did. That struggle did not represent failure. Growth is a big part of that struggle.

SHOW NOTES

[10:30] Paul introduces Daz.

Daz is 43 years old, has been married for 5 years, and has 2 beautiful little girls. He is from Vancouver Island and has lived in Vancouver for the last 17 years. For fun Daz plays guitar, writes and records a lot of music, and his latest addiction is knowledge in recovery.

[13:31] Give us a background on your drinking.

When Daz was 13 he had his first drink, and first drunk. At the age of 15 he was introduced to smoking pot which very quickly became a daily thing. An honor roll student until his senior year of high school, when other drugs were introduced, and things really started to nosedive.

Daz didn't start drinking regularly until he was 19. It then quickly became a daily thing, helping him come out of his shell and be more social. It became a staple that stuck with him through his 20s.

Daz hit his rock bottom on April 20, 2005. He had gone through a really dysfunctional relationship and his life had completely veered off the path that he had expected. He was ready to throw in the towel on life. Daz called his parents at 2AM and told them he didn't know what to do, that he thought he wanted to just go and finish it off. His parents got him to come home and that was his first attempt to get sober. It lasted a couple weeks, through the Christmas holidays, and he attended his first AA meetings while there.

When he got back to Vancouver things went back to the way they had been for about another year. He was struggling to get by, working in bars and drinking on the job. Found himself in legal trouble and soon couldn't pay his rent. Daz says he was one step away from living on the street.

[19:00] That was early 2007, bridge the gap for us.

Daz entered a 2-month treatment center and says that was the beginning of him starting to stand up and dust himself off. It gave him time to think about what he was going to do with his life. He worked in the fitness industry for a couple years.

He started to slide back into drinking but had enough of a foundation at this time, and had left some of the other drugs behind, that things were starting to get on the right path.

He moved from the fitness industry into the software business and started performing music in the evenings. This gave him something to be excited about and even though he was still drinking he now felt he had a purpose.

Daz met his wife 7 years ago, 1.5 years later they had their first baby, and 2-3 years ago he went to the doctor and was told he had a fatty liver.

[21:55] What happened next?

He now has his 2nd baby and a fatty liver. His doctor told him if he didn't stop drinking, he would be dead in 10 years. That was the motivation Daz needed. He had gone through the 12 steps of AA while in the treatment center but just never felt like that was for him. What he found was something called, Neuro Recover, which is an IV treatment where the person is hooked up to an IV for 8 hours a day, for 10 days. He says he soon realized that being sober is not just about not drinking, it's about rebuilding your body.

After a few months Daz went back 'out'. When he was ready to try again, he came with more of a plan and was going to include community. He did the IV treatment for 3 days.

On day 5 he was having back and leg pain, anxiety, and feeling frustrated. Daz says he was almost ready to go get alcohol. Instead of going to the store for alcohol he recalled reading that L-glutamine can help with alcohol cravings. Having some in his cupboard he drank some and says that instantly the craving was gone. Daz started attending SMART Recovery soon after.

[32:32] What are your qualms about AA?

Daz says his biggest qualm is the powerless aspect. He feels to overcome addiction you need to be empowered.

[39:16] What would you say to someone looking to get sober, that has tried AA, and is looking for something else?

Daz would suggest the SMART Recovery community, RE Café' Facebook groups, L-glutamine. He would tell them to stay connected with people, and that diet is important.

[44:14] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Daz says he doesn't think relapse is a bad thing, that it is just part of the process. He says people shouldn't be too negative about it as long as you are continuing on and learning to understand yourself, the body, and how it works.

[47:41] Where does spirituality come into play on this journey?

Daz is not a religious person, per-se, but he thinks it's really important for people to stop and look inward, and turn other things off.

[48:50] Rapid Fire Round

1. Worst memory from drinking?

Driving down the road and not being able to keep his hands on the steering wheel because he was shaking so badly.

1. What is your plan moving forward?

My plan moving forward is to finish my website that I have been working on, like I said, it's EmpoweredNotPowerless.com. Continue going to SMART meetings and I have some people that I am close to and to just continue to help each other. To continue to lead by example.

1. What is your favorite resource?

Get yourself some glutamine, don't leave out the supplementation part of recovery. You've been killing yourself for years and your body needs to heal itself. I would also shout out Omar Pinto and the SHAIR podcast. Another book I would recommend is Addicted to the Monkey Mind.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

When it feels like it's impossible, it's not.

1. You might have a drinking problem if...

You need to pull over on the side of the road because you can't control your shaking.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out."