Recovery Elevator

Today we have Tricia, with a sobriety date of November 14, 2016.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Sometimes we reach a moment in our journey where we say, "what's next?". Paul discusses what he would recommend when you reach this moment. Do not go 'seeking', that reinforces a mind state that we are lacking something. Instead, listen to the body. The body is going to tell you where to go next.

SHOW NOTES

[7:30] Paul Introduces Tricia.

Tricia with a sobriety date of November 14, 2016, is 37 years old and lives in Dallas, TX. Tricia is a chef by trade, a business owner, and has a few side hustles. She is divorced and does not have kids, but has a 'manfriend'. For fun Tricia likes to do crafts and puzzles, and enjoys live music.

[8:40] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Tricia grew up around alcoholism and addiction. She had her first drink at 16 years old, getting drunk at a party to get back at a boy who had hurt her. She says she always drank to get drunk. Blackouts started in her early twenties and she started to try to moderate by her mid-twenties. Tricia was always a high achiever and she soon became a high achieving, high functioning, alcoholic. The hard part was coming to terms with the fact that she had a problem when she was sure everything looked fine from the outside.

[15:10] Did you have a rock bottom moment, or was it an accumulation of many moments?

Her drinking took a turn for the worse when she got divorced at the age of 34. She was blacking out every time she drank, waking up with injuries and didn't know where they came from. Tricia says at a certain point you can no longer negotiate with alcohol. After a 3-day physical detox she decided to keep the dry spell going.

[20:22] Why do you think it's so hard to quit drinking?

We love to get in our own way. Alcohol is highly addictive. Our egos get in the way.

[26:16] What got you from the beginning of your sobriety to where you are now?

First and foremost, she had an open mind. Tricia stopped doing what she wanted to do and started doing what other people told her she should do…and she tried everything. She started attending AA regularly. She was open and honest, and she started doing the things that were uncomfortable.

[30:20] Is RECOVERED a thing?

She says it depends. In Tricia's opinion, alcoholism isn't about the alcohol it is about the stuff you are drinking over. She says you (she) can be recovered from the alcoholism while at the same time not be recovered from the stuff you (she) drank over.

[34:00] With 2 years and 3 months, what are you working on in your recovery now?

She says she's in some transition right now. Being patient with the things that are out of her control is something she is working on, on a personal level. She is also trying to bring more sober events to the forefront, such as the Sober by Southwest event she is bringing to Austin, TX on March 16th.

[40:00] Paul and Tricia talk about the RE events and her podcast, Recovery Happy Hour.

[46:00] What are some themes you are seeing in your podcasts?

Grey area drinking is a big one. People are over the label 'alcoholic'. Sober dating is another one.

[53:00] Paul and Tricia talk about how things have changed since the beginning of their sobriety to now.

[56:20] Rapid Fire Round

1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners?

You do not need to be an alcoholic to decide to change your relationship with alcohol.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

You wake up and you plan your entire day around accommodating your drinking or your hangover.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside."

Today we have Steven with a sobriety date of August 7, 2016.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Paul talks about courage. Courage is being OK with not knowing what is happening next. We don't know what's going to happen when we quit drinking. This can be frightening. In recovery we don't need to be at level 10 courageousness at all times. Paul's advice is to listen to your body, it will tell you when it's time to be courageous or time to go a little slower.

SHOW NOTES

[7:36] Paul Introduces Steven.

Steven, with a sobriety date of August 7, 2016, is 30 years old and is from Bakersfield, CA. He works for a utility company. He has a beautiful girlfriend. Steven has always enjoyed outdoor activities and since being sober he has added reading and meditation to his list of things he enjoys.

[10:00] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Steven had his first few beers at the age of 13, but didn't start drinking heavily until his senior year of high school when he started binge drinking on the weekends. That mind-altering feeling, that that first drink at the age of 13 gave him, filled a void that he always felt he had. Steven was kicked out at 18 and got his first DUI/wreck at 19. He continued to drink and 8 yrs. later he got his 2nd DUI with a BAC of .29. This 2nd DUI was an eye opener for Steven, and walking out of jail after it he decided to take a break from alcohol…that was August 7, 2016.

[18:30] What would you say to listeners that are trying to "think their way" through sobriety?

He would tell them it's not going to happen.

[21:22] Walk us through what happened when you walked out of jail on August 7, 2016.

The first few weeks were tough. Nobody knew about his 2nd DUI because he was too embarrassed to tell anyone. For a few months he went into hibernation mode, only going from home, to work, and back home. He met, and started dating a girl at about the 4th month mark and that lasted until he had a year of sobriety. That breakup did not go well and he started obsessing about drinking again. He went as far as pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels, but because he had a healthy fear of alcohol, he played the tape forward and called a sober friend instead of drinking it. The next night he went to his first AA meeting and has continued to go ever since.

[26:10] Talk to us about your experience with AA.

Because Steven's mom was in NA he knew that there was something out there that could help. He didn't know what to expect when he walked into his first meeting, but he knew he needed some help staying sober. When he left that first meeting he wasn't sure if he would go back. A man at the meeting followed Steven outside to talk to him and invited him to a meeting the following night. That man became Steven's sponsor. He had a willingness and felt hope in the rooms of AA.

[35:54] Are you open about the fact that you are in recovery?

At first he wasn't, he was still worried about being judged. After 6 months of AA he realized that he shouldn't be ashamed of this part of his life. He is now very open about it and feels that that helps him. He also hopes that by being open about it he will be able to help others.

[38:20] What is on your bucket list in sobriety?

He just wants to live the best life he can live. He wants to get out there and travel the world and be able to remember it.

[40:30] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

Waking up out of a blackout after I wrapped my truck around a power pole, took out a tree, a no parking sign, and went through a brick wall.

1. Apart from AA what are some other resources you can recommend?

The book This Naked Mind, the Recovery Elevator podcast and other podcasts.

1. In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have ever received?

A lady once told me, "everything is going to be OK and you never have to drink again if you don't want to," and that just burned in my brain.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Get honest with yourself and give yourself a chance to be that person that has been locked up inside of you all this time.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

You wake up 2 hours from your hometown, at a train station, you don't have the slightest clue how you got there, with a massive headache, a massive hangover, and without a shirt.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside."

Today we have Juan, with a sobriety date of May 29, 2018.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

After the interview with Juan, Paul will discuss detoxing from alcohol and how dangerous it can be.

Paul talks about cravings. What they are, what they represent, and what to do when we experience them. Also, are all cravings the same? In simple form, a craving is a desire to regulate our inner state with an external substance or behavior.

SHOW NOTES

[9:25] Paul Introduces Bill.

Juan, with a sobriety date of May 29, 2018, is 32 years old and is from Los Angeles, CA. He is a personal assistant, and single. For fun Juan likes to play music (he is in a band), go to the movies, hike, workout.

[10:25] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Juan started drinking at the age of 19 to 'fit in'. He had recently come out as a gay man and drinking helped him feel more confident and comfortable in his own skin. Touring with his band all over the country and world, drinking was the way he got rid of his performance anxiety. Around age 25 things started to get messy. Towards the end of his drinking his anxiety was through the roof.

[13:25] Tell us more about your anxiety.

At first drinking would calm his anxiety, but once he 'went over the threshold' he would start to get paranoid. The worst part was the fear he would have when waking up in the morning. His self-esteem was at an all time low. In May of 2017 Juan hit this internal rock bottom, got into a horrible physical altercation with a friend and knew something had to change.

[18:35] Walk us through what happened after May 27, 2107.

He went through a 'dry drunk' stage. He just stopped drinking, started avoiding going out, avoiding certain people and situations. It wasn't easy and he was not feeling the benefits right away. He felt like he was on a diet and depriving himself. He did this for about 4 months and then felt like his relationship with alcohol had changed, and he decided to drink again. By his birthday in February his drinking was back to where it was when he quit.

[22:15] Continue from where you are back to drinking and your anxiety is back.

On May 28, 2018 he decided to try sobriety again. This time he would do it differently. He started to read books and watch movies about alcoholism. After about a month and a half, and at a friend's suggestion, he went to his first AA meeting. Although he was nervous and uncomfortable, he immediately felt like he found what he needed. He got a sponsor and attends about 4 meetings a week.

[25:20] Tell us about your first AA meeting.

His first meeting was very small and intimate. It was a lot to take in and he left thinking he would go back, but still feeling confused. He continued going once a week for a while, ducking in and out, until it felt more comfortable.

[26:40] What advice do have for someone that is saying there is no way they could go to AA?

If you are open and ready AA can work for you.

[29:10] Walk us through a typical day in your recovery.

Juan wakes up earlier, prays, makes a gratitude list, goes to work, 4 evenings a week he catches an AA meeting. Everyday in sobriety is different but he tries to something of service for someone every day. He always tries to keep connection with someone throughout the day.

[31:40] What has been the biggest hurdle you have had to overcome in the past 7 ½ months?

It has been in just that last few weeks, he is transitioning out of his job that he has had the 9 years. It's the first time in 9 years he is unsure about where he will be working. Although it is a scary time for Juan, he feels a lot calmer than he thought he would and is taking it one day at a time. He doesn't think he would've been able to handle this situation before sobriety.

[35:05] What was harder, coming out of the closet as a gay man, or coming out of the closet as an alcoholic?

Definitely coming out of the closet as an alcoholic.

[37:15] What is it like playing music and being on stage in sobriety?

At first it was difficult because of stage fright. But now being nervous and being in the moment is a good thing.

[40:08] What have you learned about yourself in this journey?

He is more confident and enjoys people more.

[41:15] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is your favorite guitar rift to play?

The intro rift in Smashing Pumpkin's - Today

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

The fight he got into with his friend.

1. Did you have an 'oh-shit' moment?

Coming home with friends in an Uber and feeling so alone and desperate.

1. What is your plane moving forward?

Continuing with his step work, finding new sober friends and hopefully finding a whole new career.

1. What is your favorite resource in recovery?

AA is the go-to for me.

1. Regarding sobriety, what is the best advice you have ever received?

Letting go of control.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Contrary action, doing what you don't want to do.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

Your bandmates on tour lock you in a basement because you are that out of control and everyone is scared of you.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside."

Today we have Bill with a sobriety date of October 8, 2018.

Paul shares the news he is writing a book, which he hopes to launch by July 1. As that date gets closer, he will be asking for volunteers to be part of the launch team so be on the lookout for that opportunity if that is something you would like to be a part of.

After doing something long enough some trends start to appear. In Ep. 52, after 1 year of podcasting, Paul did a summery of what he learned during the 1st year. In this episode he will cover the 4 themes that people successful in sobriety have fully embraced.

1. Community
2. Accountability
3. Thinking
4. Trust

SHOW NOTES

[10:15] Paul Introduces Bill.

Bill, with a sobriety date of October 8, 2018, is 49 years old and is from northern New Jersey. He does investment research for an insurance company. Bill has been married for a little over 20 years and has two kids. Bill finds fun in outdoor activities such as camping and fishing.

[12:56] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Bill started drinking at an early age and drank all throughout college and through his 20s. He got married, finished grad school, their daughter was born, and things seemed fine. Although he was drinking during this time there was nothing significant that made him feel as if he had an alcohol problem. His son was born in 2005 and there were complications. They soon realized his son was not meeting his milestones or developing like their daughter had. When his son was 14/15 mos. old, after watching a Home Improvement episode about a family with 4 autistic children, they just knew what their son's problem was. The day that the doctor confirmed their fears is the day that Tom feels he became an alcoholic. That was in 2006 and when the progression started.

[18:53] When did you decide you needed to evaluate your alcohol consumption?

Things started to unravel for Bill in April of 2017. After a mini-breakdown and a call to a sister, who called their father, an intervention was set up. He started seeing a counselor who was the only person he was honest with, including himself. At this time, he was not drinking, but white knuckling it. By May he was drinking again. He tried moderation and no matter what he tried it always failed.

Fast forward to October 8, 2018, at the gym Bill pulls up podcasts, types in alcohol addiction and finds the RE podcast for the first time.

[29:30] When did you finally get honest with yourself?

The point of surrender was driving home the evening of Sunday, October 7th. He finally said he had had enough.

[32:34] Who are the first 3 people you "burned the ships" with?

The first person he told was his best friend. The second person he told was his cousin, who actually confronted him about his drinking. The third person was the most difficult. That was his wife and that was just two weeks ago.

[38:36] Back to October 8, what were the things you put in place to get you to 90 days?

The first few weeks he broke his days into 3 parts, the mornings, the afternoons, and the evenings. All he was wanting to do was make it through the day to make it to bed. The biggest differentiator is instead of pushing the cravings away he acknowledges them.

[43:00] Talk to us about the progress you have made in accepting your son for who he is.

He has gone from the feelings knowing that his son wasn't going to be the baseball star to now recognizing the potential he does have. His son has made great strides. He tries to live in the present and not look too far into the future and celebrates his son's accomplishments daily.

[46:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

When his daughter wanted to watch the first Star Wars with him one Sunday night and he drank so many Vodka Cranberries during the day that he got violently ill after the 1st five minutes of the movie.

1. Did you have an "Ah-Ha" moment?

The mini-breakdown I had in April 2017.

1. What is your plan moving forward?

Reminding myself that I need to make progress each week and I can't be complacent.

1. What is your favorite resource in recovery?

Recovery Elevator podcasts.

1. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)?

Burn the ships.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Alcohol is but a symptom.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

Your 14 year old daughter says to you, at 10:45 in the morning, "Hey Dad, aren't ya hitting the bottle a little too early?", and you simply ignore her and walk away with the glass of wine in your hand.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside."

Today we have Crystal with 84 days of sobriety.

This is a special podcast episode! It marks 4 consecutive years of podcasting…208 straight Mondays in a row.

Paul talks about how Recovery Elevator and the RE community has saved his life, and shares ways we can all help others stop drinking.

SHOW NOTES

[11:00] Paul Introduces Crystal.

Crystal has been sober for 84 days and lives in San Antonio, Texas. She is a life style/transformation coach. She is 30 years old and recently single. For fun Crystal likes to workout.

[12:56] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Crystal considered herself a binge drinker. She tried to moderate her drinking by only drinking on the weekends, as her drinking was starting to affect her work and relationships, but that led to going hard core on the weekends.

[15:00] When did you first realize you had a problem with alcohol?

That was a couple of years ago when she realized she didn't drink like other people. She always wanted more to drink, always wanting to be buzzed or drunk. One drink was never enough. It was in 2018 that she realized that she really had to make a change.

[19:38] You started your sobriety journey in January 2018, walk us through that.

She became sober curious in January 2018, but feels like it didn't stick at that time because she wasn't doing it entirely for herself. She was sober for a few months but eventually lost her "why" and fell back into her old habits. There was a moment in 2018 that she felt like she had no control and that was a scary moment for her.

[21:33] Do you feel like there were times in the last year that you were running on willpower alone?

She definitely thinks it was on willpower alone and was trying to do it on her own.

[24:04] You mentioned when you first got sober you didn't think of it in terms of being sober the rest of your life, talk about that.

She thought it was going to only be a temporary thing and that she would learn how to moderate it. She realized that she couldn't moderate it, that only having a one or two drinks would never be enough.

[26:13] What did you change 84 days ago?

The first couple weeks were difficult for her. She got connected with friends at church and let her family know. She shifted her focus and became really honest with herself.

[30:11] What have you learned about yourself in these last 87 days?

She learned she could have a personality without being drunk. She learned that she could have fun and accomplish a lot more without being drunk.

[31:48] Why do you think you drank?

She thinks she started drinking because it gave her liquid courage in the social scene and then it just turned into a habit. She feels it was a coping mechanism this last year as she was dealing with her breakup.

[33:43] Walk us through a typical day in your sobriety.

Working with her clients daily helps her as well. Working out, meditating, staying in the Word, staying connected helps her on a daily basis.

[39:20] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

The moment when she realized she could not control her drinking.

1. Tell us about a time when you could not control your drinking.

Just having the feeling that she couldn't stop was definitely her A-ha moment that she realized that she needed to make a big change.

1. What is it like being 30 and getting sober?

It's a challenge but what she has found that helps her is connecting with other sober people.

1. What is your favorite resource in recovery?

The community aspect, podcasts like Recovery Elevator, filling my mind with positivity and being around like minded people.

1. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)?

Being reminded that her feelings were valid, and so is her story.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Stay connected, embrace the journey, and know that there are going to be good days and bad days. Know that being sober is not weird.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

You're downloading multiple sobriety trackers trying to decide which one works best for you.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside."

Today we have Tom, with a sobriety date of June 6, 2018.

We've all heard of FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out. Today I want to talk to you about JOMO – the Joy Of Missing Out. The Joy Of Missing Out is the emotionally intelligent antidote to FOMO, and is essentially about being present and content where you are at this moment in life. Instead of constantly trying to keep up with the Jones', JOMO allows us to be who we are in the present moment, which is the secret to finding happiness.

At the end of the episode I have a bunch of "You might be an alcoholic if…" lines. Listeners I would love to hear your own "You might be an alcoholic if" lines. Email them to [email protected] and put YMBAAI in the subject line.

SHOW NOTES

[6:55] Paul Introduces Tom.

Tom, who considered himself a high-functioning alcoholic, is 50 years old, lives in Seattle, Washington, and has a sobriety date of 6/4/18. He is married, has two children, and a pug named Violet. He works in the high tech field.

[10:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He had his first drink when he was 14, and although he didn't really like it his friends were doing it, so he kept doing it. Drank a lot in high school, it was almost like a sport. The first 10-15 years he feels he was a regular drinker, that he could take it, or leave it. He began binge drinking in college. The last 20 years he was drinking every day, but didn't think he had a problem.

[16:50] When did you know that something was not right with your drinking?

That started about 2 years ago when he started getting numbness in his fingers, enough times that he went to the doctor about it. The doctor asked him what his drinking was like. About a year ago he had a major stressor in his life and the way he dealt with it was by drinking. Up until that point he always thought he drank for relaxation.

[24:30] Walk us through your early part of sobriety.

Tom says the first 4-5 were hard and talked about the drinking dreams he had. He changed his whole routine and became what he called a "sobriety savage". He attends AA at least once a week but is not sure it is something he wants to continue to do for the rest of his life.

[35:25] What have you learned most about yourself in these past 7 months?

That you are never too far gone.

[38:50] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

When he went on a church camping trip and he got so drunk that he packed up the family early and snuck away the next morning.

1. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment?

He had never told anyone this; about a year ago he went out driving at 3:00 AM and was driving in a manner that he was basically putting his life in God's hands. He spun out, the car stopped, and he finally came to his senses and balled like a baby.

1. What's your plan in sobriety moving forward?

Keep it simple. Live in the moment. Continue going to AA. Really connect with people.

1. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)?

His son telling him to go to AA.

1. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?

Do what you need to do to keep yourself sober and keep yourself safe. You don't need to know everything at that moment.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

You can't recall which Netflix shows you have binged, or plan to binge, even as you are possibly watching them.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

Today we have Dusty, with a sobriety date of 9/21/15. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

I recently finished reading the book The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. The book isn't specifically a recovery book, but some of the ideas and themes can be applied to getting sober and staying sober. When it comes to the journey into sobriety there are 2 tipping points I want to cover in this episode. The first one happens when you start to question whether alcohol is serving a positive purpose in your life and the second one occurs when you quit drinking.

At the end of the episode I will talk about a third tipping point, one to avoid.

SHOW NOTES

[6:55] Paul Introduces Dusty.

Dusty is 38 years old, lives in Bozeman, Montana, and has a sobriety date of 9/21/15, just over 39 months since his last drink. He is an accountant. He loves playing recreational sports, just started playing hockey this year, after learning how to skate.

[10:30 ] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He started drinking when he was in high school and fell in love with it. Same thing through college, but once he finished college that is when his drinking progressed. It was at this time drinking was no longer fun and started to get out of control. He was drinking alone in his apartment.

[11:43 ] Did you ever try and put any rules into play, or try and quit?

He would try and only drink on the weekends, try and cut out beer, try to regulate. It never worked.

[15:01 ] What was your rock bottom, or your tipping point?

After going on a 10 hour bender, watching college football one Saturday in the downtown bars of Bozeman he was informed the following day that he had kicked a girl that night before. He had no recollection of doing that. Running into the girl on Sunday and seeing the look on her face was his rock bottom.

[24:52 ] How did you stay sober after the first month?

He has a great group of friends that once he shared that he was an alcoholic they gave him 100% support. He also got really involved in the RE Facebook group.

[30:35 ] Referring to the quote, "drinking is but a symptom", do you know why you drank?

Probably genetically predisposed to it, it's on both sides of his family. And like he stated earlier, he started drinking for fun in high school and then it turned into more of pity drinking in his late 20s.

[38:50 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. True or False, love is the answer…and why?

Absolutely! Love conquers all.

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

After moving back from Kentucky he was living with his Mom for a couple of months. She came into his room asking if he was going to work and she screamed after discovering a puddle in the middle of his room. She blamed it on Buster the cat but he was sure it was from him.

1. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment?

Probably the look on Buster's face.

1. What's your plan moving forward?

Staying involved with the CaféRE community and creating those relationships. Going to Nashville. Getting out of his comfort zone.

1. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)?

Get some sober friends.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

You pee on the floor in the middle of the night and blame it on your cat.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Kane, with 49 days of sobriety.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Recover Who We Were Meant To Be

Tony Robbins and Russell Brand recently did a podcast titled Recover Your True Self. In this episode there are two value bombs I want to talk about. The first is Russell Brand's definition of recovery, and the other is his idea of the main intention of the 12 steps.

At the end of the episode, I share a story about letting go.

SHOW NOTES

[6:49 ] Paul introduces Kane

Kane is 45, lives in Adelaide, Australia, and has 49 days of sobriety. He is a government worker. He loves hiking and doing yoga in the mornings. He is also a birdwatcher. He likes socializing, and has been doing more social events since he's been sober.

[ 11:00 ] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He started drinking in late high school, and quickly progressed to "drinking for drunkenness." In college, alcohol became an escape from "this busy brain." He surrounded himself with friends who drank like he did.

[31:40 ] What does a typical day in your recovery look like?

He gets up early, does yoga and goes to work. After work, he takes his dog Rusty for a walk, and spends time with his wife (without fighting). He has been surprised by how much he enjoys socializing in sobriety

[40:39] What's on your bucket list in sobriety?

First and foremost, to continue to improve his relationship with his family. He wants to keep expanding his honesty. He is looking forward to eventually getting a caravan (camper) and going on road trips with his wife, birdwatching along the way. He also looks forward to continuing having good times without alcohol.

[44:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

Not being as good a father as I thought I was.

1. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment?

Waking up after a blackout, and finding a misspelled note on his phone that he'd written to himself telling him where he'd parked his car after trying not to drive while drunk.

1. What's your plan moving forward?

Socializing, yoga, taking responsibility.

1. What's your favorite resource in recovery?

The Recovery Elevator Podcast. He also has gone to an AA meeting, and enjoyed it. Learning to be able to be honest with others about not drinking.

1. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)?

Asking "Is this working for me?" and if the answer is "no" change it.

1. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?

Take responsibility for how you act.

1. You might be an alcoholic if...

you ask your mother for a lift to your car, because you'd been drinking the night before. When you get to where you think you left your car, it's not there. You then remember that you'd driven it home drunk. You then ask your mother to drive you a little past your home where you had parked your car so your partner didn't know you'd driven home drunk.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Tony Robbins and Russell Brand Podcast, Recover Your True Self:

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Lucy, with 65 days of sobriety.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Do I need to avoid social situations where alcohol will be present?

The answer is yes, then no, then yes. Sorry if that's confusing. I explain better in the episode.

[8:40] Paul introduces Lucy

Lucy, with 65 days of sobriety, lives in London England. She is a freelance makeup artist, which she loves doing. She is single, likes walking, hiking, cooking, and drawing.

[11:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.

Lucy had her first experience with alcohol at age 12. Her drinking kicked into full swing after she was 18, when she began working in bar and nightclubs. She feels that it was a very quick descent into binge drinking and blackouts. By the time she was 21 she found herself drinking alone more and more. She lost every bar job she had because she would not show up for work because she was hungover.

[17:34] Lucy's first venture into sobriety.

At age 26, after moving to London to be a full-time makeup artist, Lucy realized that she might lose the career she loved if she continued to drink. She tried AA, but it just didn't resonate with her. Within a year, after white knuckeling sobriety, she went back to drinking.

[20:01] Her rock bottom.

Lucy had a suicide attempt at age 30, which she feels was a cry for help. She regrets what she put her family through at that time.

She then had a second try at sobriety, and found that she had a lot of anger and resentment toward drinkers.

[23:40] Since then, Lucy has realized that each relapse has taught her something. She cannot moderate her drinking at all.

[27:50} Did you attempt to moderate your drinking?

Never doing shots.

Having three blood alcohol calculators on her phone.

Avoiding going out as much as possible.

[44:28] What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

Not drinking, staying connected, putting sobriety first.

[45:04] Rapid fire round.

1. What is your worst memory from drinking?

That night in the hospital after her suicide attempt.

1. What was your "oh shit" moment?

My 10th blackout in a row, and a four-day hangover.

1. In regards to sobriety, what is the best advice you've ever received?

Find your tribe.

1. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners?

Believe in yourself, you're stronger than you know. There's a way out for everyone.

[46:45] You might be an alcoholic if . . .

You factor in an extra 100 pounds ($150 US) for every time you go out drinking

Because you never know in what part of the city you'll wake up, and you might

need to call a cab.

Today we have Jeff, with over 2 years since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. That could never happen… Analysis of the famed James Bond movies reveals that James Bond is a full-blown functioning alcoholic living on borrowed time. "There is strong and consistent evidence that James Bond has a chronic alcohol consumption problem at the severe end of the spectrum… His workplace, MI6, needs to become a more responsible employer and refer him to support services and change their corporate drinking culture." The amount of alcohol that James Bond is consuming in the films is enough to leave someone far too disabled to engage in any kind of crime fighting.

SHOW NOTES

[7:07] Paul Introduces Jeff. Jeff has been sober just over two years. He's 43 years old and lives near Denver, Colorado. He is married with one adult son. He and his wife enjoy Netflix, boating, and writing. He is the same guest as a previous guest, episode 104. He is a genetic researcher. He is extremely busy, with three jobs. He found that most people just drink in their downtime. He went from habitual drinking around age 34 to a downward spiral once his wife left him. There was a DUI, and a crash. It enabled him to reboot.

[12:20] What happened during that five year period where you drank normally, but the obsession was still there? He was still micromanaging the quantities of alcohol that were available to him. He was constantly making sure that consuming alcohol was going to be part of the plan and available just in case. Even though he found like he had a new life, he included alcohol in his activities.

[14:00] Did you try to moderate your drinking with rules? Definitely. Switching from hard alcohol to beer, or only on the weekends. They seemed to break all the time. Other parts of his life were great at the time. His step daughter had a stroke, but when those three days were up he craved alcohol. He realized he was using alcohol to take a break from difficult emotions and he figured out that he needed to try and find a better way. He realized that he wanted someone else to step in and help him control his drinking. He emptied a bottle and kept it around as a reminder of his efforts to get sober. He discussed it with his wife, and they had a great conversation. He's grateful that she met him in the middle of his struggle. She knew who he was and what he was dealing with. She agreed to get sober with him to help him along, even though she didn't have a problem.

[22:50] How important is it to have your significant other or spouse on board with your decision to get sober? Incredibly important. There were times when he wanted to crack, but she was there to support him. They agreed to find alternative ways to get through the holidays, etc. It is better, to be honest than to be hiding it.

[24:21] What is it like for you in the different stages of sobriety? In the first 90 days, everything is new. He binge listened to podcasts to help him rewire his thoughts. He spent the first six months just learning. In the first year, you are testing whether or not you can do things without drinking. He was surprised at how much his brain came back online. He found himself to be highly creative. Sobriety has been a surprise. The second year found him being a lot more available in his business. He found surprising success in his business. One never stops growing. He began to look at his priorities. He had to decide which areas of his life needed growth. The second year is way more empowering. You start hitting your stride and liking yourself more as a person.

[33:06] What's the most challenging thing you've encountered in sobriety? The lake trip was the most challenging. He was isolated on a boat, and everyone was drunk. He would climb up to get cell reception and check in with his internet support group. He felt incredible when he made it through without drinking.

[35:09] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He's working on a book that involves sobriety. He wants to learn how to schedule unproductive time. He feels too busy. He feels like he's still learning. He isn't involved with formal recovery groups. He's still trying to explore the depths of who he is.

[39:28] What are your thoughts on relapse? It's all an experiment. How would it feel to spend a long time away from alcohol? The results have been that sobriety is the way for him. He feels better, more empowered.

[42:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? Not officiating his friend's wedding. He was trying to prepare the wedding, and he was in a dark place and dreaded the whole process.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment?
3. What's your plan moving forward? He is excited to live one day at a time.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator, and Cafe RE. They are his support group.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "And remember, you don't drink anymore."
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just keep at it. It takes grit. You can't think your way into sobriety.. you have to act your way into changing your thinking. Be patient; it takes time.
7. You might be an alcoholic if… "...you stash shooters in your friend's son's coat while going to a football game because he's less likely to be searched than you are."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down; we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"