Recovery Elevator

Today we have Stephan with 10 months since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Harm Reduction - The feeling of constantly downgrading addictions. Most of us address one addiction at a time, and usually tackle what we perceive to be the most harmful addiction first. Things improve with each hurdle. The lessons we learn from each stage strengthen our ability to move on to the next stage. Often at the root of many of our addictive behaviors is essentially an addiction to thinking. The majority of our thinking is unnecessary and just causes mental noise. The thinking brain can take us to the worst case scenario in a matter of moments which can cause the body to respond with fight or flight. If adrenaline becomes the main fuel that we use to get through our days, over time we will find ourselves with sickness and disease. The key is to find a way to shut off the monkey mind without resorting to extreme activities like skydiving, etc. Practices that cultivate inner harmony like meditation, yoga, playing a musical instrument and a myriad of other endeavors that cultivate mindfulness can slowly calm the mind and switch off the incessant chatter.

SHOW NOTES

[10:15] Paul Introduces Stephan.

Stephan is 33 years old and lives in Denver, Colorado. He's married with a daughter. He owns a music school and is a freelance musician. He also plays golf.

[12:40] Give us a little background about your drinking. He started after high school. He started to drink when he began working as a musician. He liked drinking at first. He tried to quit a few times along the way and began to suspect that he was an alcoholic pretty early. "Alcohol is the glue that binds phony friendships". He would exercise and reward himself with alcohol. He used to live behind a bar and there was a crew of people that would go to the bar regularly. For a few weeks he only drank on Sunday. He began to feel a rift between the man he knew he was and his behavior. It was exhausting. His wife became pregnant and he used that as an excuse to drink every day. His wife would say "Do you remember what you said to me last night?" She knew he wouldn't remember. He felt shameful that he couldn't remember. There was a difference between what he knew he could be and what he was doing.

[20:58] How did you ultimately end up quitting? He had several failed attempts. He stayed up at a wedding drinking by the fire. He woke up and he had bitten off some of his dental work. He felt like he was self-sabotaging. He had some oral surgery to get his wisdom teeth removed, and his first question was about alcohol. It all began to slowly add up. Then he found the Recovery Elevator podcast. He became mentally exhausted.

[23:58] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? It all began to slowly add up. He became mentally exhausted. He knew he needed to be there for his new daughter. He couldn't imagine being still drunk or hungover as a parent. There were complications with the pregnancy and he decided he was going to quit so he could be present while at the hospital.

[25:00] How did the birth of your daughter affect your attempts at sobriety? No magic recipe. There was a decade of noise in his head already. He began to lean in to the new role. The birth of his daughter changed him, as well. He feels like he has a huge gift that he has a daughter and that he has his wife. He also visualized his daughter and his business as his purpose in life and his responsibility. He is proud that he's been sober everyday of his daughter's life.

[27:26] Have you experienced any cravings? How did you navigate them? He had a family trip planned to New Zealand. He didn't drink and he felt like a small kid with parental restrictions. Then on another vacation, everyone else was drinking but he stayed sober. The big challenges were easier, but the small situations were where he almost caved. He doesn't keep alcohol in the house. His wife is really supportive. He also eats a lot of ice cream.

[31:25] Is there anything you would have done differently? The next step is to reintroduce some fitness. In the past, exercise was motivated by rewarding himself with drinking. Now he wants to try it with a different intention with more longevity.

[32:44] Tell us about the vision board. He was in a business development group. They had an exercise where they passed around a tin of dominos. The domino represents the one thing you need to change in your life/business. The one domino that will knock over all the other dominos. He put it on his vision board. He realized that his domino was sobriety. Since then he's accomplished so much. He believes in himself again. Part of the static in his head was not believing that he could follow through on the commitments that he makes to himself. When he finally "knocked over the domino", he began to see other things fall into place.

[37:06] Walk us through a day in your recovery. Take it a day at a time. Today is all that matters. Don't overthink it. Stay in the moment. He is looking into attending AA. He will reach out to people. He's been making some sober connections. He wants to give his songs to other artists.

[39:23] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? He was at his best friend's wedding. He tried many new kinds of alcohol. They were driven to stay at a houseparty. He outdrank everyone. He slept out in the grass. He woke up with people taking pictures of him asking if he knew where he was. He wandered into the neighbor's house and used their toilet. He fell asleep on a stranger's couch. She woke up and came down and found him there. He was mortified.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Realizing that there is no controlling the beast, it needs to be slayed.
3. What's your plan moving forward?
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? His wife, and the Recovery Elevator podcast.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Faith, belief, and action. Have faith that you will have the circumstances and the tools you will need. Believe that you will be able to do it, and take the action that needs to be taken. A recipe for success.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just do it! The other side is much better.
7. You might be an alcoholic if… "If you rotate the liquor stores you stop in on the way home so none of them realize you have a problem."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Kelly with 8 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

"Addiction gets harder and harder and ends in death. Sobriety is hard work too. But it gets easier and easier and ends in life." - Andy Ziegler In this passage to sobriety, expectations do not always line up with reality. In reality, it takes years for an addiction to take hold. The healing process takes equally as long. The negative thinking and behavioral patterns didn't set in overnight, and won't be lifted overnight. It's like turning a battleship. We let go and reprogram gradually, a little bit each day, and that happens by making daily decisions that lead us down the road of self-love and health.

SHOW NOTES

[07:03] Paul Introduces Kelly.

In Fort Myers, Florida, 32 years old, sober for 8 days. Happily divorced. She is a mother, has a 4-year-old daughter. She is learning who she is as a sober woman and mother.

[9:06] What lead to your decision to do the interview? She wanted to keep trying different things until she found something that worked. She wanted to step out of her comfort zone, not feel ashamed, and not keep it from people. She wanted to share her story. She wanted to face her fear of vulnerability. She's nervous, but ok.

[11:32] Give us some background about your drinking. Her issues with addiction started quite some time ago. She started as a smoker at 15. Her first drink at 21. She dabbled in some other drugs. She was in a toxic relationship and she started to drink more to cope. She went on antidepressants. They got married and they started to do other drugs as well. They started doing heroin daily. She stopped two years ago. She got divorced and moved out. She moved into her own place. She started to feel lonely and began to drink more. She switched to liquor. She drank a lot during hurricane Irma. She would tuck her daughter in and wouldn't remember. She gained about 35 pounds. She almost got evicted from her apartment because she used some of the money for alcohol. She found herself hiding in her bathroom doing shots one night. She was ashamed of her behavior. She realized that she and her daughter deserved better and she got clean for almost a month. On the 23rd day, she thought she would reward her sobriety with a drink then found herself back in the grips of alcohol.

[21:50] Did you attempt to moderate? She did. She tried to limit her drinking to Friday happy hours. When she tried to stop and moderate, she realized that it was difficult. She realized she was craving alcohol.

[23:38] Have you explored the deeper causes of your drinking? She had a crutch in life. Some sort of substance has helped her get through the difficult parts of her life. She thinks her life hasn't even been that terrible. She's been relying on substances. Her deeper issues are struggling to be a single mom, dealing with stress. She is trying to get to the root now and to find healthy ways to deal with life. Deep breathing helps. She listens to audiobooks and podcasts. Previous attempts at sobriety felt like giving something up and this time feels different. She isn't going to "white knuckle" it. She realized that she doesn't need it.

[28:17] How have you gotten through the tough times without alcohol? She talks about it. She reaches out before she reaches for the bottle. She just has to tell someone how she's feeling. She's used a 20 minute timer. Just take a minute, be present, breathe, set a timer, listen to 5 minutes of something else. Just stop the impulse. Easier said than done, but trying to turn off the quick impulsive thinking that has led to trouble in the past.

[30:24] Walk us through a day in your recovery. She wakes up early. She is trying to not put too many expectations on too early. She'd like to start meditating or doing tai chi in the living room. She listens to a podcast on the way to work. She does about 10 minutes of reflective meditation and keeping a journal. She goes to weekly meetings on Wednesdays. She will exercise on her lunch breaks.

[33:03] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? She wants to get to 30 days. She feels like one month is a good marker. She wants to lose some weight, and be there more for her daughter. She would like to be able to attend happy hour and be okay with not drinking. She looks forward to waking up and getting through the day before with no crutch.

[35:49] What would you consider your rock bottom moment? She's never been arrested, and she hid it well. The night where she hid in the bathtub and drank shot after shot. She felt taken over.

[36:30] Rapid Fire Round

1. What's the best advice you have ever received regarding sobriety? One day at a time. Just worry about the now.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? The night when she could not remember putting her daughter to bed and she woke up on the couch.
3. What are your thoughts on relapse? Forgive yourself. It's a normal part of recovery.
4. What's your proudest moment in sobriety? Making it a full week without drinking.
5. What's your favorite resource in sobriety? Cafe RE!
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Today is the best day not to drink. Don't wait, don't put it off, just begin. It's a journey.
7. You might be an alcoholic if… "You're pounding shots alone in the bathroom before company comes over because you're scared of them seeing you drink."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Jamie with 93 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "No amount of alcohol is safe for your overall health." "Alcohol was the leading risk factor for disease and premature death in men and women between the ages of 15 and 49 worldwide in 2016, accounting for nearly one in 10 deaths, according to the study…" A recent article released by CNN presents scientific studies that show the negative effects of alcohol consumption on one's overall health.. delivering an opinion contrary to the largely pro-alcohol messages one typically finds in mainstream media.

SHOW NOTES

[9:15] Paul Introduces Jamie. Jamie is 39, from Alberta, Canada, and has been sober for 93 days. She works in the school system and teaches fitness. She is single, with two boys and dogs and cats.

[10:51] Give is a bit of background on your drinking. She started drinking when she was 12 years old. She wanted to fit in with the bad kids. Once she became old enough she drank much more. She got married and had a child. She lost her husband in a car accident, and her drinking increased. During her idle time she would drink heavily. She met someone who drank like she did. Her social circles also drank heavily. When she had large stretches of idle time she would drink a lot. One particular summer was extra heavy.

[16:55] Did you experience a rock bottom moment? Her social circle was large, so there was always someone to drink with if she needed a new drinking buddy. She kept saying yes to drinks with people. She would get wasted 3, 4, 5 days in a row. She began to track her drinking on her calendar. She realized she was only drinking and recovering. She tried to join a fitness program but only lasted two weeks. She got another two weeks free and she drank the whole time. She tried dry January but only lasted 23 days. She began to moderate by saying no beer. She booked a vacation, and got blackout drunk the first night. She drank the entire trip and cried the whole way home. She tried the fitness program again. She tried dry January, in which she tried to quit smoking, drinking, and begin a healthy diet at the same time. She began bullet journaling. She went to see Tony Robbins. She created a program to keep herself in check, then she would binge on the weekends. She had a horrific morning after a night of binge drinking. She met a sober mom, and immediately didn't want to hang out with her. She called her and she recommended a counselor. She went to see an addiction counselor. She didn't want to stop drinking. He mentioned the word "alcoholic" and she denied it. She went to her first meeting and she had a breakthrough.

[33:25] How did you quit? She went to her first meeting, and it was full of influential AA people. Lots of milestones, and she figured out she belonged there. She experienced a myriad of emotions. She knew that her life was going to change forever.

[34:58] What happened after that meeting? She was embarrassed about going to the meeting. She realized her girlfriend was an addiction counselor. She found the strength to go. She discovered she was battling a brain disorder and that it wasn't her fault. She still battled the stigma of being labeled an alcoholic.

[39:27] Did you have cravings? She was ready. She finally wanted to be good to herself. She was done hurting other people, and herself. She wanted to be there for her children, but she wasn't really there for herself. She knew that if she didn't deal with it, she would have been dead within 5 years.

[42:28] What's working for you? How are you staying sober? She listens to the podcast. She is now choosing to user her free time to work on herself. She's established her community. She has a big list of phone numbers for support. She's told all of her friends. She can call her sponsor about anything. She leans on her sponsor quite a bit. She didn't give herself a choice. She "gave it all away". It's been working wonders.

[45:45] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? The anxiety the morning after, or waking up in the middle of the night in a panic. Not being comfortable in her own skin. Setting herself back.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? When her friends asked her to go out and she needed to drink a case of beer. She lied to her friends.
3. What's your plan moving forward? To be kind to herself. To remember how far she's come. To stay connected. To develop her relationship with her higher power. To work her program wholly.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery?
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? That it isn't a moral defect. It's not her fault. To get out of her head. To eat the ice cream, it's ok.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Sobriety is awesome. You're not missing out on anything. You're gaining! The sponsor, the accountability, the community has been number 1.
7. You might be an alcoholic if... "…if you bring six pack when you walk your dog. Every time he pees, you have a drink."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Sarah with 162 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "When this happens, then I'll be okay." You may already be living the live you have been dreaming about. Try not to fall into trap of "when this happens, I'll be okay." "When I get another month of sobriety", or "when I move to another town", or "when I get the right X" are all common examples of not living in the present moment. Stop for a moment, take stock in the good things you have around you and try your best to find the magic and happiness you seek in the moment you're in, right now. Once you bounce back from the effects of alcohol, you might just notice that you already have enough.

SHOW NOTES

[7:50] Paul Introduces Sarah. Sarah has been sober for 162 days. Sarah is from England. She is divorced, with two kids. She is still figuring out what she does for fun. She loves camping, nature, the outdoors. She has a sober boyfriend. She recently quit her job in retail management and is now running her own little cleaning business.

[11:15] Give us a little background about your drinking. She didn't realize she had a problem until recently. She grew up in a drinking family. She feels that people who don't drink are a bit of an outcast. Her drinking got out of control as an expat. She lived in a dry state in India, and drinking became something she could obsess over even more. She had her two children and quit for those pregnancies. Straight after they were born she returned to the wine. It escalated slowly and she was blind to how dangerous it had become. She was having 5 glasses of wine most evenings. She bought into the "mommy needs wine" culture. She looked at it as a daily reward. There were several red flags over the past few years.

[15:50] What were the red flags that popped up? She was suffering from bad anxiety. At the time she didn't realize it was from her drinking. None of her doctors would diagnose her with anxiety, despite her asking them to. One doctor probed into her drinking and figured out it that her drinking was the root of her anxiety. The idea of stopping drinking was crazy to her at the time. She received a solution to her problem but it wasn't the solution she wanted at the time.

[18:05] Had the idea of stopping drinking ever cross your mind? No, but it planted a seed in her brain that started to grow. It took her two years to get the point of stopping. Before that she was having a whole bottle of wine every single night. She knew there was a problem but deep down she didn't know what she could do about it.

[20:42] Was there a specific time where you knew what to do but couldn't do it? Many times. She felt like she was stuck down a hole and someone had removed the ladder. She had these feelings daily. She was feeling physical symptoms of drinking in excess. She knew it was inevitable that she had to stop.

[22:45] How did you break the cycle? She just decided to quit drinking. She had been listening to recovery podcasts for a few weeks and she just knew she had to do it. She knew the path was only going to lead to everything she cared about getting hurt. She became very stubborn. She hadn't told anyone about it and it felt empowering. It keeps getting better and better as time goes on.

[24:17] What were you thinking when you had that moment of clarity? She had more of a feeling. She had a lot of self-loathing and low self-esteem. She realized that she was worth it. She began to talk back to the internal dialogue trying to keep her in the same place. She's been enjoying the community in Café RE.

[26:21] Did you experience any cravings? Yes. It was a roller coaster at first. She threw herself into the internet group and began talking to people. She began to learn and research. She began to invest in her own self growth. It felt good and she started to get excited for the next chapter of her life. She found the idea of rewiring her brain and making it more able to resist alcohol quite attractive. She began to focus on self-care. She went to bed earlier. She bought some nice deserts. She watched movies with the kids. She was gentle with herself. It does get easier.

[29:30] Tell us about Sarah 2.0. She wants to work in recovery. She wants to live the life and help other people to live it as well. She is in the early stages so she's being careful. She thinks she has found a new purpose. [31:30] What does it mean to you to get out of your own head? Calming down her mind and understanding that she is not her thoughts. She just steps back for a minute and observes. She's making better decisions. Life makes more sense. She has a clearer understanding of what is important. She can't wait to learn more. You have everything you need. If you stop and just be in the moment everything else just falls away. She stops her brain from spinning out to negative thoughts and stories. She has learned to recognize the addictive voice. [36:00] Do you feel like an outcast now that you don't drink? She hasn't told everyone yet. She just has lime and soda or non-alcoholic beer and no one has asked her about it. No one cares. She people that care are close to you and they know you have a problem anyway and they're going to be relieved that you stopped drinking.

[37:40] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? A fancy ball she attended with her boyfriend. She blacked out and went missing. They found her curled up in a ball in the corner and she has no recollection.

1. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? When her boss told her she could smell wine on her at 9am.. the second time.
2. What's your plan moving forward? Keep doing what I'm doing. Gratitude. To remind herself that her life is great.
3. What's your favorite resource in recovery?
4. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? One day at a time. It's easy to overthink.
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Make it your priority. Do whatever it takes to get sober. Decide, stick to it, and be stubborn. Make it the core of who you are. Take care of yourself. Have some cake.
6. You might be an alcoholic if.. "…You examine and study everyone else's drinking habits to get a better perspective on your own… and that includes looking in the fridges and their cupboards to see how much wine they've got."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Tamara with 88 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "There is only one line we can cross that we can't come back from" The National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255

SHOW NOTES

[4:20] Paul Introduces Tamara, and she recaps her experience with relapse and suicidal thoughts. Tamara had a relapse after 48 days of sobriety. She just moved to a new apartment. She started the day running errands, then had a conversation with her sponsor. She was alone, felt lonely and bought vodka. She started to drink by herself. She felt guilty because she is aware of the support structures that are in place, but she still witnessed herself resorting to alcohol to try to soothe her emotional pain. She thought she had exhausted all of her options. She began to have suicidal thoughts. She recorded a goodbye message to her family. She cut her wrist and sent the message. Her parents received it and tracked her down. They got in tough with her roommate. Her roommate and her mother stopped her bleeding. She went to the ER, and a mental hospital. She realized she didn't want to die, and that she had to change something. She found a treatment center. She stayed there for 4 weeks. Reliving it, she is reminded that she isn't broken. She realizes how powerful alcohol is and it will take you if you let it. She didn't know what she was living for. In the treatment center, she worked through her life experience. She didn't consider herself a trauma victim, but then realized that she had just been ignoring some things from her past. Her pride crumbled. She was able to see just how loved she was. She was able to see the role of God in her life. She finally saw her love and worth. She felt like she came out of hiding. She doesn't have to hide parts of herself that she struggles with. There are people in her life that accept her exactly as she is. She had to rebuild her self-image and identity. She wants to come out of her shell and live her life out in the open. She didn't know who she was anymore. The emotional rawness from her experience enabled her to open. She realized that she is not the orchestrator of everything in her life and that there are parts of her life that she can not control. She began to focus on the present moment and not worry beyond that.

[29:45] Talk to us about the letter you received from your employer right before you left. She had been feeling a bit out of place at her job. She took on and internalized expectations and pressure. She was open to changing everything else but she wanted to try and apply herself at her job. She received a package from her employer, and it turned out to be a letter of termination. She felt hurt. She cried but realized that she had to rebuild completely from scratch and feels like it was a gift from god.

[36:30] Tell us about what you found that can never be taken away. She realized that no matter what is happening around her, it doesn't have to wreck her world internally. She's still standing, and losing her job is now empowering. She has an opportunity to rebuild her life in a way that is more authentic and meaningful to her. She wants to do the next right thing. She built her life around things that are true to her. She realized that she's had it the entire time. She realized that she's been loved the entire time. She feels God's love now. She believes that we all have a purpose. She saw something in the people around her and she felt like she didn't have it, or couldn't grab it. After treatment, she feels more in touch with it.

[39:19] Am I right in saying that you had a full spiritual awakening? Yes. Giving herself and life over to God has been the most liberating experience. She has faith that after the first step, the next step will present itself.

[40:53] Does one have to be religious to be spiritual? Not at all. It's all about one's own personal relationship with God. Previously she felt that God's love was punitive and based on how good or bad she had been. She was trying to achieve her way into earning love. Religion is an outward expression of the internal spiritual relationship. Religion is a practice. She loves encouraging people, cooking for people, and sharing what she's been through. What's changed is her feeling of spirituality.

[44:00] What advice would you have for someone that's struggling? It starts with openness. She thought she was open, but she was frustrated. Look at the people in your life who have something that you think you want or need. Be open to hearing what they're doing and what they've been through. Humble yourself enough to be open to the idea that things are bigger than you. Be open to exploring those ideas. We're all bonded by the desire to be loved. Tunnel vision leads to the path of pain in addiction. Open your mind to the fact that you may not see the whole picture. It's not your fault if you can't, but at least be open to the possibility of more.

[46:44] With 88 days in sobriety, what's next for you? She has no idea what's next and that's ok. She has some short term plans. She will continue to embrace her spirituality and be excited about her future.

[47:25] Is there anything else you'd like to add? She believes that people are the best thing about God's creation. If you are struggling, reach out to people. Some not conversations may not take you to anywhere but listen to people. Ask the meaningful questions and don't fear judgement. Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have John with over 1 year since his last drink. The Journey

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice – though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do – determined to save the only life you could save.

By Mary Oliver

SHOW NOTES

[8:45] Paul Introduces John.

John is a musician from Helena, Montana. He's been sober for over 1 year. He's 41 years old. He's married with two sons. For fun, he likes to turn his obsessive side toward healthy activities. He's exploring moderation. He stopped drinking after a horrible hangover. He tried to have a beer after some after about 6 months of sobriety. He realized that everything kicked back in. He got sober with willpower but realized that he can't stay sober with willpower.

[17:09] At what point did you realize that you had a problem with drinking? He has alcoholism in his family. When he started to perform in bands at 19, he refused to drink. When he moved to Montana, he discovered craft beer and the surrounding culture encouraged him to drink. In 2011 he quit drinking for 14 months. He considers himself an extrovert and gets charged up by talking to people. He realized that his drinking was an extension of his lack of emotional intelligence. He got tired of playing "hide the bottle". He began to go to bed drunk every night. Hid digestion was a mess.

[25:13] What did you find was at the root of your decision to quit? His body hurt. He was sick and tired of sick and tired. Telling people that he was sober was strange because he had histories with his bandmates. He changed his internal dialogue to harness his stubbornness, so he could use it to stay sober.

[28:07] Tell us more about the moment where you felt the weight drop off your shoulders. He felt like he was coming to terms with the loneliness in his own heart. He began to explore the religious side of his life. He addressed his conflicted religious beliefs, and once he felt better about it he found the strength to quit drinking. He thinks addicts share the bond of the unquenchable thirst. We're always trying to overdo it.

[33:00] Tell us more about not wanting to drink but wanting to be drunk. As soon as the alcohol hits the brain, it kickstarts a physiological craving that can be shut off only by the removal of alcohol from the system. He realized that a lot of the bad behavior in his life was dictated by his addiction. He wants to meet the emotional needs of others. He wants people to know that they're not alone. He believes there is freedom in commitment, but it has to be all in.

[39:06] How do you plan on addressing the excess? He is in the process of addiction whack-a-mole. He switched to Adderall. To counter it, he's now taking cannabis. He is dealing with the shame of wanting a buzz. Alcohol works until it doesn't. He quit Adderall. He keeps looking for the next magic pill.

[45:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? Arguing with his wife in the car. They weren't married yet and she asked him about his drinking. He made his wife cry and felt terrible.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment?
3. What's your plan moving forward?
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? The recovery elevator podcast. Also, his sober friends. "Connection is the opposite of addiction."
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Use the obsessive part of addiction as a superpower. Apply your obsession to something positive.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Ask for help. If it needs to be private, that's ok. Ask people to help you stay sober. Don't be afraid.
7. You might be an alcoholic if... "…you play hide the bottle. If you're drinking privately, it isn't normal. Lots of people do it, but you can be free from that if you choose to be."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Angie with 146 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "Alcohol gave me the wings to fly, then took away the sky"

SHOW NOTES

[5:30] Paul Introduces Angie.

Angie is 36 years old, lives in Atlanta, GA. She has been sober for 146 days and is the proud owner of 2 dogs. She loves live music, the theater and the movies. She enjoys cooking. She now enjoys her own company.

[7:06] Give us some background about your drinking habits. She never drank in high school or college. She started when she was in her early 20's. Drinking gave her confidence. After a divorce in 2012, she attempted suicide and her drinking also ramped up. She was having between 6-10 drinks a night. She felt like she was barely surviving. Her move to Atlanta did not cure her drinking, but it helped her to realize she had a problem.

[10:25] Did you ever have a rock bottom moment? She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She never really wanted to stop, but she had a rock bottom moment when she drank before work. She was blacked out drunk and spoke with two of her bosses. She realized that she didn't have it under control. She would attempt sobriety and then crash into relapse. She associated alcohol with love. She wrote a goodbye letter to alcohol.

[16:05] What did it feel like to formally say goodbye to alcohol? She felt empowered. She spent a lot of time wishing things in her life would be different. She realized that she had all the tools she needed within her. Her life got a lot easier. She changed her relationship with her internal dialogue.

[18:15] How did you quit? She wanted to change but wasn't really searching for community. She struggled with sobriety on her own. She relapsed and thought it was the end of the world. She finally realized that she can't do it alone she began to connect with people. She went to AA. She went to Smart Recovery. She organized a sober meetup. Letting people in to help her has been her 146 days.

[21:16] Talk to us about why you were unable to attend the Dallas meetup. She relapsed right before and felt like she couldn't go. She felt like she wasn't worth it. She kept drinking for two more months.

[23:02] Talk to us about your relationship to self-loathing. She has often struggled with self-loathing. She has always felt like she wasn't good enough. She experienced a lot of self-hatred after relapse. She realized she wasn't going to change or grow. She realized drinking was a symptom. She drank because she hated herself. She realized that she had to love herself in that moment. She had a new story to write which looked nothing like her past. She has started to meditate. She decided she needed to go to therapy and talk it out with people. She wanted the outside voices.

[27:31] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What tools are you using? She meditates first thing in the morning. She focuses on taking care of her dogs. She journals and tries to take it one day at a time. She breaks it down further to one thing at a time. Her life feels a lot slower and more peaceful.

[30:10] What's your proudest moment in sobriety? She went to see a musical recently and didn't drink. She turned down a drink after a friend pressured her. She went to the bathroom, struggled, cried, but ended up texting her other sober friend to get through it. [31:25] What are your thoughts on relapse? Anything we do in life, we fail at. Success is built on failure. Failure aka relapse is a part of life. The less you beat yourself up, the better you'll be.

[32:54] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? Her failed suicide attempt. She found out her husband was cheating on her and she tried to take her life.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Going to her part time job completely drunk with no memory of the conversation.
3. What's your plan moving forward? Taking it one day at a time. Try to not isolate herself. Maintain sober relationships
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? I'm worth it. It's worth it to do hard things and she's worth it being sober.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just give it a shot. Give it 90 days and see how you feel. If the idea of 90 days feels overwhelming, that's just another reason to give it a try. Don't listen to the shitty voice in your head. Reach out to a community. People understand what you're going through.
7. You might be an alcoholic if... "You're an avid Office fan, but you have to skip the episode with the intervention because it hits too close to home."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Jennifer with 568 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. Tracking your sobriety time – Do the numbers matter? To begin with, know that it's not a competition. We're going for quality over quantity! We quit alcohol because we want to improve our lives. The end goal isn't in the numbers, but in the increase in one's quality of life. Removing alcohol was the first step in a journey of getting to know ourselves, finding out what we really want from life and making the best of each and every day. The real tracker is how you feel about who you are, where you're going and what is meaningful in your life.

SHOW NOTES

[9:52] Paul Introduces Jennifer.

Jennifer is 36 years old from Cleveland, OH. She has 3 cats and runs a business walking dogs.

[11:52] Describe to us your background with drinking. She started drinking at 15. She always thought it was normal to binge drink. She thought it was a part of youth. Her drinking held pretty steady until her mid 30's. She realized that we live in a drinking culture. She has often struggled with codependency. She never thought she was the problem. She always thought it was other people.

[16:29] Where was your lightbulb moment indicating you had to stop? 4 months before this recent attempt, she appeared on a podcast about addiction and codependency. She grew up with addiction in her family. She had to be the parent as a child. She had a negative image in her head of what an addict was, and because she wasn't close to that image, she wasn't able to see the progression of her own addiction. She began to realize that addiction has many forms by listening to other people's stories and it gave her permission to acknowledge her own addictive behavior.

[21:52] How were you able to finally make the change when the time came? She was exhausted by the idea of continuing to drink. Her own drinking behavior started to wear her out and she became tired and resentful. She wanted to be able to enjoy activities without alcohol. She went through a breakup and had to seek out grounding. Her hangovers were getting darker and more difficult. She began to fear the impact it was having on her health. She couldn't handle the shame and embarrassment. She found Recovery Elevator and it helped give her the confidence to try and quit. She realized that she's not alone. She didn't really connect with AA when she tried it. Her first year of sobriety she kind of transferred her alcoholism to workaholism. She didn't realize there were options other than AA. She didn't realize how much she needed people until she started talking to other people about being sober.

[31:30] How did you manage your early recovery? She became hyper focused on her work. She tried to avoid social situations so she could avoid alcohol. She lost some friends.

[35:05] What are you working on now in sobriety? She is working on maintenance. She wants to achieve big things in life but she's trying to keep simple and to focus on taking care of herself and relaxing. She's learning how to be kind to herself. She's working on being able to regulate her emotional life. She realized that she used to be too focused on what others thought about her. She feels transformed on the inside, even though there is little change on the outside.

[41:00] What is the "Shift Doughnut"? She used to work at the doughnut shop in Cleveland. She would just get a doughnut after her shift. She called them "shift doughnuts" but her coworker helped her realize that she was just stealing doughnuts.

[42:10] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? Shortly after her 30th birthday, she went home with a lover and was raped after she blacked out. She tried to ignore it for a long time but in sobriety it bubbles up to the surface.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? She invented the Triple Pipe Classic, which is when you lose control of all bodily functions.
3. What's your plan moving forward? Learning to like herself, love herself, deepening her meditation practice. Learning to go slower and relax. She's looking forward to the Café RE trip to Peru. She wants to travel more and do more things with her life.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? An app called Marco Polo. It's like having a little therapist in your pocket. She feels like she is able to see thought patterns that she missed before. It's easy to connect with people.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Early in sobriety, someone said "You know you can start your day over at any time.."
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don't compare yourself out of recovery. Your recovery is your own. The only opinion of you that matters is your own. Alcoholism is a symptom of things not going well. Be grateful for the opportunity to sort yourself out. Also, be open to the idea that you may not know yourself like you think. What if you're wrong about yourself? The story tape reel repeating in your head about yourself might be completely wrong. Be open to a new and better and you.
7. You might be an alcoholic if... "you post a video on your social media channels of you home alone, drunk, dancing to Lady Gaga and juggling cigarettes." Or "if you complete a Triple Pipe Classic"

Resources:

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck – A book by Mark Manson Marco Polo (Android) (iTunes) – An video chat app

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Paul with 28 days since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. The article mentioned in the episode introduction: Science Increasingly Makes the Case for God - Wall Street Journal

SHOW NOTES

[10:57] Paul Introduces... Paul.

Paul is from St. Paul, Minnessota. He's 67 years old, retired. He is married with 2 kids, and 2 grandchildren. He hosts an internet radio show. He enjoys cooking and films.

[13:18] Describe your drinking history. In his 20s, he feels that he was a normal drinker. Sometimes to excess with a bad hangover, but usually a moderate amount. During his first marriage, his wife didn't drink as much. He started to experiment with stronger mixed drinks. His second wife died of breast cancer, and he was a caretaker for her. He used drinking to deal with the pain. He married again a third time and didn't feel compelled to drink too much. It started to creep back in. His office culture encouraged drinking after work. He gradually switched from beer to whiskey. He tried to moderate but not drinking during the day. He began concealing his drinking from his wife. He's tried to quit a few times in the past few years. His habits got progressively worse.

[19:10] What was different about this last attempt to quit? After a doctor's appointment, he was shocked at his high blood pressure. He kept drinking. He started to suffer from diabetes. His doctor said it was okay to drink a little bit each day. He used that as an excuse to ramp back up. He had quit before with determination, but this time it felt different. He is exploring the painful periods of his past, and trying to find out the connection to his drinking. He thinks it has something to do with being verbally abused as a child. The alcohol has helped him relax. He thinks his anxiety is wearing off gradually.

[28:00] Describe your present relationship with anxiety. He feels as if something bad is going to happen, irrationally. He feels an unease, an inability to relax. A few months ago, he was going to go on a trip to Ireland. He had a lot of anxiety about the trip and it worried him. He just started drinking again to manage the anxiety.

[32:10] How did you achieve 28 days this time around? He did some research. He found an article by Roger Ebert about his struggle. He did more research and found Cafe RE. He's learning new ways to deal with his emotions that don't involve drinking.

[34:53] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He would like to travel. He wants to learn how to ride horses. He wants to take some guitar lessons. He wants to put more work into his radio show. He plays vintage and eclectic music.

[38:32] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? He was surprised to have blackouts. He found it unsettling and scary.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? His wife mentioned something he said and he didn't remember saying it.
3. What's your plan moving forward? He wants to follow up with smart recovery and AA. He will continue to journal. Continue to engage with Cafe RE.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery?
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Today is the best day to quit."
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Share it with someone. Make yourself accountable. He shared with his wife and his kids and it's made a difference. Be kind to yourself. Don't believe what other people tell you about yourself unless it's good.
7. You might be an alcoholic if... "..if you're researching whether or not you're and alcoholic."

Resources:

Science increasingly makes the case for God – An article in the Wall Street Journal

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Jason with 178 days since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." – Robert Collier

"It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you." – Russell Brand

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." – Henry Ford

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." – Zen proverb

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." – Agnes Repplier

"If things go wrong, don't go with them." – Roger Babson

"Recovery is not for people who need it, but for people who want it" – Anonymous

"When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. Believe me, it has nothing new to say." – Unknown

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one." – Elbert Hubbard

"If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime." – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." – Oscar Wilde

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear." – Rosa Parks

"When was the last time you woke up and wished you'd had just one more drink the night before? I have never regretted not drinking. Say this to yourself, and you'll get through anything." – Meredith Bell

"The Pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow" – Anonymous

"The best way out is always through." – Robert Frost

"Your heart is leading you in the right direction. Quiet the mind and follow. " – Paul Churchill

"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run." – Babe Ruth

"Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it." – J. Petit Senn

"Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit." – Bernard Williams

"What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood." – Alice Miller

SHOW NOTES

[11:50] Paul Introduces Jason. Jason is 46-year-old social worker from Connecticut He's married with two children. He likes the outdoors, soccer, kayaking, fishing,and hiking.

[14:00] Give listeners an idea of your drinking background. He started drinking in high school. It escalated when he went into the navy. After the navy, his drinking settled into a regular pattern which slowly escalated as well. In mid 30's his drinking started to feel like it was getting to be a problem. He had a previous 5 year period of sobriety. He was trying to be health conscious. He has heart disease in his family. He tried to stay on top of it. Around 38, his physical wasn't so great. He was referred to a cardiologist. He thought cutting alcohol out would improve his health. He stopped on NYE of 2010. He felt a lot better so he kept going. He did not work a program. He was hung up on the stigma of being an alcoholic. He thought that after 5 years he didn't have a problem, and he was feeling healthy and he thought that maybe he could be a normal drinker again. After relapse, he kept it under control for a while, but shortly thereafter it started escalating again quickly and he began to fall back into the same patterns. He had a difficult summer, drinking most days, and he realized that he was a better person during his stint in sobriety and decided to go back to being sober.

[27:38] Did you find it difficult to stop the second time? He could see how bad it would get if he didn't stop. He was hiding drinks, and every week seemed to get worse. He knew he was worse than he had been previously. He thought that his previous bout of sobriety meant he could do it again. He just had to get back to sobriety. He feels our society surrounds you with pro-drinking messages.

[32:07] How were you able to quit this time around? The first few weeks were difficult, more difficult than he remembered from before. This time it felt more ingrained into his routine, making it more difficult. This time he is consuming more sobriety media and it helps him keep his mind right.

[34:00] Do you think you are addressing more dimensions of sobriety this time? Last time he was too focused on the physical part. This time he's addressing the mental and spiritual sides of his life. He's building a meditation practice and doing yoga. He he has more tools this time than before. He's trying not to think about the time line as much. He's trying to stay in the present and focus on what's right in front of him.

[36:37] What's something that you've learned about yourself in sobriety? Honest really helps. Also, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Dependence happens to some people quicker than others, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. He's taking things more gradually and slowly.

[37:22] Have you experienced any cravings? Definitely, in the first few months. He just tries to ride it out. They're only about 20 minutes long. He tries to distract himself realizing that they will pass.

[38:56] If you could go back and change anything about your getting sober, what would it be? He thinks he could have talked to and with more people.

[39:20] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He wants to travel more, and spend more time with his kids.

[40:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? When he was in the navy, he blacked out and had to walk around ashamed.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? It's a cumulative thing. His many mornings feeling terrible. Hearing about conversations he didn't remember.
3. What's your plan moving forward? To keep taking it slowly. To focus on his meditation and yoga practice. Be open and honest with people in his sobriety.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator podcast. On Instagram: Drybe club.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? You do not have to drink.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If it's something that's on your mind, just do it. Reach out to people, be honest and find resources.

Resources:

Drybe Club – an Instagram page about sobriety

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"