Recovery Elevator

Today we have Sara, with 5 months and 10 days of sobriety.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[9:21] Paul introduces Sara

Sara has been sober for 5 months and 10 days, or a total of 163 days. Sara is feeling better than she has ever felt, which is a common response in early recovery. Sobriety has not been all wonderful colors, tastes, and smells. Sara's experience so far has been overall great, but not without challenges; she has had to overcome some adversity. Which is a very big foundational pillar of life, as nothing comes easy in sobriety, and getting sober is a blind leap of faith. Sara is originally from Louisiana, currently living in New Jersey, she is a psychiatrist who is married with no children. For fun, she does everything she used to do but is learning to do it sober. One of her best sober activities she has enjoyed was attending a Coldplay concert, in which she remembered every single minute. The concert was amazing, as was Sara's first sober football game, feeling every emotion so much more. One not so cool activity in sobriety was joining friends bar hopping after a football game. Sara struggled, but realized she is no longer "that guy" and could drive home sober.

[13:21 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?

Sara made small attempts to stop two years prior to her sobriety date. During that time, she read a book titled "Freedom from Addiction," which inspired her; only until an invite to socialize and drink. She would start again and not be able to stop. Eventually, Sara was at a happy hour followed by dinner with lots of drinking. She thought she was good to drive home. She ended up in an accident after which the entire night was a blur. Realizing that she could lose her life and career, even though there were no legal ramifications involved. Sara realized how lucky she was to come out of that situation safe and not in a legal battle. Paul shares his driving while intoxicated experiences. Sara woke up the next day and through the next week she was dazed and confused her memory was foggy as she was self-blaming herself. Everting in her life was going well other than drinking, she questioned why she was sacrificing everything for drinking.

[16:27] How much did you drink?

Sara drank vodka in airplane size bottles, they were easier to consume, leaving no evidence. She would usually drink a few throughout the day, over time it progressed. Her consumption amounts were often up and down, Sara was never one that could have just one or two at dinner, she would always continue drinking through the night. When she decided to stop drinking, she was up to 6-7 drinks per night, and was starting early in the day. For Sara, her disease progression was more about the time of day she started rather than the amount. Usually a couple glasses of wine and some shots of alcohol. Sara tried to put multiple plans of control in place; only drink on the weekend, only after work, no hard liquor. Paul realizes the question of control is a dumb question. The thought that one day we can drink normal must be dismissed.

[19:38] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

Sara's first week she doesn't remember much, but had a lot of family events and weddings with open bars where she was put to the test. After she got through all the events without a drink, she wondered why she drank when she was loving everything she was doing sober not understanding why she ever started in the first place. Sara's first few months have been filled with new activities; biking, hiking, gym. She has replaced drinking with trying new things.

[21:00] Tell us about your program.

Sara didn't enlist any kind of program. Yet, even before the accident she was listening to sobriety podcasts, as she was contemplating sobriety. Sara then found RE which became her program. While doing her morning routine she has the podcast playing as her preferred recovery resource, along with fitness and other new routines. Paul reminds us that willpower is exhaustible and finite, eventually running out, leading to relapse. We need a daily affirmation to remember why you don't drink.

[24:07] Sara shares her fears about being "found out" on the podcast: Being a psychiatrist and worried about people learning of her addiction. A lot of friends still don't understand, and see alcoholics as worst case scenario. Images of bums is the picture normal people have. Sara knows that is not alcoholics are like, but struggles with the stigma even though she knows that is ridiculous. Paul sees Sara's alcoholism as an untapped asset in her career. Sara chats with addicts face to face in a hospital setting and listens to their struggles. Many of her patients have been through been recovery. Sara's advice to her patients is to take it one day at a time, she tells them about podcasts as many haven't found a program. She is also able to offer resources that she uses herself. Paul suggests she uses her own experiences. Sara hopes to get to that point. She remembers to focus on the similarities not the differences. She is just not realizing that she has a problem. Paul is curious when she will get there. Sara realizes she needs to get rid of the fear of judgement. Paul shares how he came out as an alcoholic. Everybody knows somebody in recovery. Paul feels within time her superiors will admire her strength. What if she tells her first patient tomorrow? Sara was trained to never put focus on yourself, but you make exceptions to help with the rapport of the patient. How prevalent is addiction in the ER? Most of the ER is filled with intoxicated people, or those who are experiencing withdrawals; mostly in the evenings on weekends, and during the holidays. Paul knows counselors who have succeeded because they are also in recovery. Sara feels like telling Paul was her first big step going out into the digital world. Sara wants to connect with more people, and thinks she is in the right direction to come out of the closet about her sobriety.

[32:02] How do you stay sober today? Sara is awake at 5 AM does yoga, meditation, and plans her day. Sometimes she works out. After work Sara comes home and starts her evening routine: working out, meditation, and/or some planned quality time with friends and family, tennis lessons, or something new. Sara hopes to try out martial arts. She plans to do something new every few months to continue to grow and bring happiness to life.

[33:00] What is on your bucket list at one year? Sara hopes that after one year she is more involved in the sober community; she doesn't have any support right now. Besides Cafe RE. She plans to surround herself with more people like her.

[33:57 ] What have you learned about yourself through sobriety? Sara learned that she doesn't need alcohol to have a good conversation with people, she is OK just being herself. That has been the most intoxicating thing about being sober. Everything is even better without alcohol.

[34:41] What are your plans to stay sober during the holidays?

Sara thought the holidays would be hard, luckily for her she has a lot of family functions that were once her crutch, have become growth experiences. She doesn't even think about drinking anymore; she auto looks for non-alcoholic beverages. While she misses the one glass of wine once in a while, she is content with beet juice now in a wine glass.

[36:01] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? Night of car accident and the day after; blackout
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Sara has had a lot, mostly waking up not remembering what she did
3. What's your plan moving forward? Using Recovery Elevator and other podcasts. Paul recommends the Bubble Hour podcast
4. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Taking it one day at a time
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Stop trying to define if they are an alcoholic or not, wasting too many thoughts. Not drinking makes your life better

"You Might be an Alcoholic If…" Your idea of dieting is doing straight shots instead of mixed drinks.

Paul's Life Hack: ?

7:10-8:40 PM 11/17/2016 - - - 6:10 - 6:50 AM 11/19/2016

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Today we have Sasha, who has been sober for just over 5 years. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. SHOW NOTES

12 ways to help you stay sober through the holidays. Last year, in Episode 43, I introduced a long list of ways to stay sober, and now, it's a year later. This holiday season, don't beat yourself up! Maybe you only get 1 day, but shoot for all the days, and if you miss a day, get back on the wagon without beating yourself up... Be kind to yourself. The holidays are about giving, give yourself kindness.

12 Ways to Stay Sober Through the Holidays:

1. Meditation - All of the following activities have a meditative and creative quality; guitar, piano, painting, woodwork, organizing, stuffing envelopes, whatever it is for you.
   • Set a timer and chill-out for 10 minutes
   • Headspace App
2. Water - Hydrate! First thing I do in the morning is drink about 35 oz of lemon water.
3. Give yourself a Hall Pass! I plan on eating 70% of the pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving Dinner this year
4. Exercise for 10 min during the first hour of the day. I stretch, do band work, and pushups.
5. Practice visualization. I practice saying no to drinks and practice making good decisions in my sobriety.
6. Tell someone no and put yourself first, i.e. "I will not be driving your ass around on NYE."
7. Shovel snow or push dirt around. Think, "Service, service, service."
8. Talk to yourself.
9. Start doing something small and then in two years tell me how much of a difference that has made in your life.
10. Turtle and not the hare. I'm playing the long game.
11. Connect with your Community daily - Café RE.
12. Share!

[ 12:34 ] Paul introduces Sasha.

Sasha's last drink was a couple days before Sept. 2nd, 2011...Sasha is from Washington D.C. She is 31 and has her own coaching business. For fun she likes to hangout at home in her pajamas, being a mega-introvert!

[ 14:38 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?

September of 2011 was the culmination of a long summer of heavy partying. "I was sitting in my therapists office with my head in my hands trying to recap my summer which I couldn't remember. My therapist handed me an AA flyer and slowly I started going to a weekly meeting."

[ 17:01 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits.

"I was an all or nothing binge drinker. I probably partied one night on, one night off. When I went out, I drank as much as I possibly could. As soon as I had 2 or 3 drinks there was a switch, there was no off button."

[ 27:17 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

"I dropped into an AA meeting to listen. I heard stories of human suffering, pain and joy. It was like a humanities class. People were honest and really told the truth about how they were feeling." Sasha talks about how isolating alcohol is and the antidote was really learning to connect and let her walls down. Sasha was going to one 'speaker' meeting a week. She got a sponsor after 10 mos.

[ 30:43 ] Sasha talks about her experience as a 'dry drunk'.

[ 31:07 ] Tell us about your program.

"Principles of recovery flow throughout my day. I like to let things flow. I wake up with a prayer. I have daily readers (an app and a book) that set the tone for my day. I make several 12-step meetings a week and try to meditate for 10 mins. a day." Sasha also does yoga. Yoga has been crucial to her recover journey, connecting mind, body and soul.

[ 40:02 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "The summer before my freshman year of high school. I drank 2 beers and passed out."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "Chronic stress from acting so poorly."
3. What's your plan moving forward? "Sit with my self. Sobriety is all about staying with myself."
4. What is your favorite resource in recover? "The Hazelden App. The books "The Language of Letting Go" and "Journey to the Heart," both by Melody Beattie. Yoga and 12-step meetings."
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "When in doubt sober is always a better choice. Sobriety never hurt anyone."

"You Might be an Alcoholic If…"

"You spend an inordinate amount of time trying to convince yourself that you're not an alcoholic."

Resources mentioned in RE 91:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/

Connect with Cafe RE

• For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
• First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Connect with Sasha:

www.sashaptozzi.com

Hazelden App

The Language of Letting Go - by Melody Beattie

Journey to the Heart - by Melody Beattie

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/

Today we have Christine, who has been sober for 129 days... This is her story…

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

SHOW NOTES

What is a dry drunk? It is someone who just doesn't drink anymore, who has 'quit' using sheer willpower... ***Spoiler Alert*** Willpower eventually runs out. We need a program, something and someone to fall back on to support us. Your program can look completely unique to yourself and doesn't just have to be AA (although many do recommend it).

When you quit using sheer willpower, sure, you become healthier, physically feeling like you've been born again and the memory of passing out in a Cracker Barrel buffet line begins to fade. You'll start to gain confidence in your recent found 'sober' success and you say to yourself, "I did this. I quit. I got this." (Uh-oh, those three little words, think RE #86... Problem right there!) Eventually, we will forget entirely about the Cracker Barrel buffet line, which is a problem because, A – their cornbread is fantastic and, B – that was the reason you quit drinking. That was not a highlight in your life. Studies show that humans have selective memory and we tend to remember the good things (i.e. the Cornbread) and not the bad things (i.e. the Ambulance, the Buffet Line, and the Cracker Barrel experience).

As a dry drunk, when we quit drinking, our genius plan is to simply not drink, thinking that one day we'll be able to drink normally again. If you have this thought, don't worry, every alcoholic has, but the dry drunks don't ever address this or relinquish the thought. The key is to surrender.

This is what I call 'white knuckling it'. I think everyone is white knuckling it when they quit drinking but the dry drunks keep white knuckling it. Right about the time when all the physical healing has taken place (for me, it took over a year), is when the true white knuckling takes place. It's when Gary (Paul's alter-ego) starts to make an appearance. It's when 'we' start having the internal dialogue of justification. It's when our unconscious minds have seen the barrage of alcohol adds on social media, television, and everywhere else our open eyes and ears look. This is when the cognitive dissonance starts to take place... Translation, we need help! We can't do this alone...

[ 08:12 ] Paul introduces Christine.

Christine's last drink was June 13th of 2016, about 129 days ago. She has been sober for just over 4 months. Christine grew up in a small town in central Michigan. She is now studying chemistry at Montana State University and is almost finished with her Ph.D. She loves hunting, fishing, camping and anything else outside...

[ 09:23 ] Paul talks about first meeting Christine in 2011 when he was a dry drunk and how she helped him in 2014 to make a change after hitting his bottom.

Christine remembers that Paul was hurting so badly and she was so glad that Paul gave her a call. There were lots of tears, lots and lots of tears (and it wasn't just the horses and pastures they were passing causing an allergic reaction) as they drove down canyon from Big Sky Ski Resort where Paul was DJ-ing a wedding. Christine urged Paul to call his mom, dad, and brother, to seek support... Christine has been an integral part of Paul's sobriety.

[ 14:03 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What was your bottom?

"Bottoms are always defined differently... I had decided back in December of 2015 to quit drinking. I stopped drinking for 2 weeks before deciding that I wasn't a 'quitter'! I picked right up where I left off. I wasn't fully committed, I hadn't taken the steps I needed." In June, Christine had a "what am I doing with my life" moment on her way to fishing... She had a couple beers on the road and stopped to let the dog out before getting to the fishing spot, where she realized that her bottle of whiskey had spilled everywhere. "I was horrified, my heart started to flutter and I started to panic..." On the way back from fishing, Christine smacked a deer. This really opened her eyes as so much more could have gone wrong... Christine took this as a sign that it was time to make a change.

[17:51 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

"Those first few days were such a blur. I started intensive outpatient therapy (IOP)... I was a wreck. The IOP really helped. I had a friend in West Yellowstone who I relied on heavily during my early days of sobriety. I spent a lot of time on the fishing boat out in the middle of nowhere."

[ 19:36 ] Christine comments on how important it is to get outdoors...

"Fly fishing has just become my absolute passion. To this day, anytime I feel wrong, or off, or I have cravings, I throw whatever I'm doing to the side and head to the river." Since being sober, Christine has not torn any waders or taken any 'accidental' swims in 43 degree weather! Fishing has taught Christine the beauty of being totally present.

[ 22:51 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits before you quit.

"I was on an exponential curve downwards... That last month of drinking was just sliding... I was finishing almost a bottle of whiskey a day."

"I'd use booze to handle work, to handle stress, to handle literally everything..."

[ 24:31 ] Christine talks about her bipolar diagnosis.

Christine is diagnosed with bipolar II, which is an elevated state of mood... "My doctors and counselors kept telling me that I drank too much... They told me that my moods, the ups and downs, would improve if I stopped drinking. Alcohol would just make the highs higher and the lows lower... I could just drink and drink and drink when I was in a mania state, but when I was depressed, it would drag me down and down and down..."

Christine got honest with herself and those around her...

[ 29:40 ] What changes did you see?

"The biggest part was telling people about it. When I didn't have the strength, I had other people to keep me in line. I don't think anybody can do it alone." Christine lost 25lbs. just from quitting drinking. Going to bed at night is still challenging for Christine, but it's a lot better than pounding shots to blackout. "Some days are still absolute hell, my emotions get the best of me... These are the hardest. Sometimes I head into work at 3am to keep me from drinking."

[ 33:29 ] Walk us through a day in your life and how you stay sober today.

"I don't really have a day to day sobriety plan. I haven't fully gotten on board with AA, but I do go to a Friday and Saturday AA group at 9pm. I have a bunch of friends there. I listen to this podcast and participate in the Facebook Group... So many times I have looked at that and have been so thankful. I see two different counselors, an addiction counselor and a mental health counselor. Honestly, I'm so busy that I just dig my head into what I'm doing and be there and be present."

[ 35:38 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "I was 16 and I was binge drinking. I pounded 8 shots of UV-Blue and 10 minutes later was puking blue... My mom was not so thrilled."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "When I smacked into that deer... I realized it was time."
3. What's your plan moving forward? "To keep sober. I consider future events that could be triggering and talk out a plan to stay sober, making sure that I have an out."
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? "My group at the Alcohol and Drug Services here in Bozeman, MT."
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Get an accountability partner, giving them permission to call you out on your crap!"
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Dive in. Do it. Don't give up. It's going to suck at first, but a week from now it'll be better, just keep going."

"You Might be an Alcoholic If…"

"If you try to drink the split whiskey in the bottom of your cooler that's mixed with the water...." (Thanks Paul!)

"If you start selling your fly rods so you can buy another bottle of whiskey." - Christine

Resources mentioned in RE 90:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/

Connect with Cafe RE

• For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
• First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Today we have Zach, who has been sober for 3.5 years... This is his story… Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. SHOW NOTES

"You gotta get through it to get to it..." Open your eyes and start to notice those around you. Often, you'll find others who don't drink. Talk to them, discover why they don't drink... Some of these people quit for religious reasons, some for health, and others for personal reasons. Some are able to just quit on the spot, others not so much. Yeah, not all of us are so lucky to just suddenly decide to quit drinking... These individuals who do own up to their problems and the fortunes in their life. They take ownership. There are tons of studies highlighting different stats on sobriety (check out the links in the show notes below).

[ 10:53 ] Paul introduces Zach.

Zach has twin boys and has been sober for 3.5 years, his last drink was March 9th (4 years ago) at about 3am. Zach is 27, and born and raised in a small city just North of the Atlanta area. He has been married for two years. By day Zach is a marketer and by night he is a self-proclaimed beat-boxer for his kids.

[ 13:28 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to you quitting drinking?

"I quit 1,000 times in my own head... It's a revolving circle." Zach started drinking when he was about 12 years old, when he had about 3 Budweisers and remembered waking up in the pool. "I remember at that point wanting to make my life all about drinking." Zach continued to drink all through high school... Zach got expelled from school for the last half of his senior year due to drinking. "That's kind of where I kick-started my 'drinking career'." Zach was 19 when he got his second arrest due to drinking and had to spend 30 days in jail. This was the first time when Zach thought, "Ok, this is me, this is alcohol."

[ 18:25 ] What were your drinking habits like?

The second Zach got out of jail he found a Bud Ice in a friend's fridge and was at the bar that night, still underage. Zach usually took Mondays and Tuesdays off... In his early 20s it shifted to needing a drink to feel calm. "I started buying airplane bottles of rum. I was living with my girlfriend at the time and she knew I drank often, but I would drink all day long when she was gone and then pop a beer open when she came home in the evening, acting like it was my first drink."

[ 21:31 ] Did you ever try to moderate?

"I'd kick liquor away and just focus on beer. I'd binge drink real hard on the weekends. Right at the end of 22 I started diving into other substances... I got into meth and then I didn't have to drink. Once I made that leap I felt really defeated." Zach's own father introduced him to meth. (Unfortunately, his dad is still walking that story.) Thankfully, Zach didn't get addicted to meth and was able to back off of that substance, which let the drinking pick back up.

[ 25:02 ] Alcohol is an extremely addictive substance. How do you feel about that?

"I completely agree. It was like relearning to walk and talk (on choosing sobriety). Everything used to spike my interest in drinking... It's so highly addictive."

[ 26:36 ] Zach talks about his father and living with a family of addictive patterns.

[ 28:56 ] How did you do it? Talk to us about how you got sober.

"It was just an ordinary night... I got home at about 3am. I had to crawl through the window because I couldn't find my keys. I slept in 'til about 10am and awoke to missed calls from my girlfriend..." Zach had missed her Crossfit competition, something that was extremely important to her. "It was like the 10th time I had missed something. She was broken... Mentally, I couldn't tell another lie. I was exhausted." When she came home later Zach broke down and asked for help.

Those first few months were tough. "I was trying to fit in, I was not answering any phone calls. I was rationalizing it... I was white-knuckling it for about 2 mos. I was just a dry drunk..." Zach ended up at an AA meeting on his way to the liquor store... He was blown away by the diversity of the room and yet everyone was telling 'his' story. Zach discovered his first glance of hope at this AA meeting. "You can have a better lifestyle, a better life."

[ 35:23 ] Zach talks about getting a sponsor and working his program. Buddy, from RE #67, became Zach's sponsor.

[ 37:53 ] How do you stay sober today?

"I try to get up earlier than my kids so I can read... If I meet with Buddy we go through the step work, the stories or just kick it and drink some coffee... I try to hit 3 meetings a week, it allows me to share. It helps me hold myself accountable. I'm involved in a non-profit, Orphan Aid Liberia. Humility has been a big word in my recovery... Now, I can actually look outward and give back."

[ 41:23 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "Blue light. Anything to do with a cop."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "Woke up one morning, my head was hurting so bad and I couldn't find a bottle opener to open a Corona, so I smashed the bottle on the counter to get a drink."
3. What's your plan moving forward? "To do daily amends, doing the next right thing day after day and just trying to give back."
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? "Besides Buddy, is having AA to fellowship with."
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Let go or get dragged."
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "There's nothing quite like the experience of sobriety... Sobriety has given me so much more than I ever thought. You deserve this. You deserve to live whatever life you want to."

"You Might be an Alcoholic If…"

"Your job gets in the way of your drinking."

Resources mentioned in RE 89:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/

Connect with Cafe RE

• For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
• First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Recovery & Rehab Links:

• WebMD
• The Atlantic

• NIAAA: "Alcoholism Isn't What It Used To Be"

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Today we have Val, who has been sober for 6 months... This is her story… Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. SHOW NOTES

If you drink enough alcohol over time our brains will change due to the response to alcohol. Some of the damage is irreversible, thus proving that you can pick up right where you left off (upon relapse). This is because there is still a dopamine hypersensitivity. Relapse is part of Paul's story… After being sober for 2.5 years, Paul got another 8mos. of drinking under his belt, picking up right where he left off. There was no ramp-up phase because Paul's brain is hyper-sensitive to alcohol. Good news! Even though in the brain there is this environment where dopamine hyper-sensitivity still exists, if you don't drink then it's not activated. This change is irreversible, but, if you don't drink then it doesn't react… Check out RE 87 for more detailed info on dopamine and our crazy brains.

[ 06:34 ] Paul introduces Val.

Val took her last drink on April 8th, 2016, just about 6 months ago. She is 44, married, and has 3 kids and one grandchild. She is originally from Billings, MT and has lived in the Big Sky area for 20 years. She loves to bake, knit, garden, camp, hike and just be outside.

[ 09:25 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?

"Well, I've hit many bottoms in my life, but I finally reached that point where I knew I needed to change or else I was going to lose everything." This was not Val's first attempt at quitting drinking. She first tried to quit in her mid-20s when she decided to start having kids. Val quit drinking for 8 years, but was miserable. After owning a restaurant and dealing with the stress of that, Val broke down and started drinking again… After 8 years of sobriety! "That's just how I dealt with stress. (Drinking) was the only way I knew how."

[ 11:03 ] What is a dry drunk?

"I was not drinking, but my mind was still crazy. I was still trying to control everything around me, I didn't understand life and I always felt that life was out to get me, that I was the victim." Val explains her unhappiness as afraid of people, not being comfortable in her own skin, not having a higher power and trying to do everything herself… Now, Val is asking for help. "Before, I felt that I was a failure if I had to ask for help. My expectations that I held were so high and I could never meet them."

[ 12:57 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits.

Val was drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, and more like two bottles a night. "Because I was drinking wine, I thought it was not a big deal, that it wasn't a problem." Val tried every rule in the book: just on the weekends, or only in the evening... "When I started drinking during the day, that's when I started having oh-shit moments." Val always used the stress of work to qualify needing a drink.

[ 14:30 ] Val talks about losing her restaurant and the feelings of failure and stress that accompanied the experience.

[ 15:48 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.

"The first day was a morning that I was so sick that I couldn't go to work. I was so sick, sicker than I had ever been. It was a Tuesday night, and I was just sitting at home watching Netflix." Val was watching Amy (the Amy Winehouse documentary) and discovered that Amy had died from alcohol poisoning… Val had a huge wakeup moment, realizing that the same thing could easily happen to her. Val white-knuckled it for about 30 days before she started drinking again. After connecting with Paul on a webinar, she accepted help and went to her first AA meeting.

[ 18:59 ] Tell us about your program.

"I read in the Big Book everyday if I can, usually before bed. I know a lot of people try to start their day with a reading, but I have a kid to get ready…" Val goes to her home group meeting every week, has a service position, meets with her sponsor every week and she is on a committee. Val chooses to stay involved.

[ 19:49 ] Do you feel more confident with 6mos. of sobriety?

We are all shaky when we step onto new foundations. "It is getting better, but I know I have work to do. I need to keep working on my program. I'm on the 4th step right now… Writing stuff out has been very helpful." Val shares one of her resentments which is part of the 4th step, taking responsibility for her actions, emotions and experiences. "You need to forgive yourself in order to let the anger out… It feels awesome. I look at the world in a different way."

[ 24:39 ] What have you learned about yourself through sobriety?

"I've been very dishonest with myself throughout life and I don't want to be that way anymore. I just want to be who I am… I always felt that nobody would want to know the real me, but that's not true, that's the disease speaking."

[ 25:46 ] What are your thoughts on relapse?

"Well, I'm only a drink away from relapse. It can happen so easily. I have to be sure to always call my sponsor if I have that urge to drink. I'm not hiding anymore… I'm interacting and asking for help when I need it."

[ 26:24 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "Not having a memory… Blacking out and not remembering what I did."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "That morning I woke up so sick that I couldn't go to work."
3. What's your plan moving forward? "Continue working my program, make the relationship with my higher power stronger (accepting that I have a higher power) and I also think that I need to start worrying about what I think about myself instead of worrying about what others think."
4. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "You can't fix it right away, it's going to take awhile."
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Just do it. Just get yourself to a meeting."

"You Might be an Alcoholic If…"

"You pass out before the Amy Winehouse movie is over."

Paul's Life Hack:

Play the long game…

Resources mentioned in RE 88:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/

Connect with Cafe RE

• For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
• First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Sobriety Tracker

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

The Compound Effect

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Today we have Kenny, who has been sober for 1 & 1/2 years... This is how he quit.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

SHOW NOTES

Why did alcohol stop working for me? (***Spoiler Alert*** If it still works for you, IT WILL STOP working.) I needed more and more of it to fill the same effects, a.k.a. the pleasure… We know that alcohol increases cravings in the brain by releasing dopamine… But, dopamine is actually the LEARNING chemical in the brain. Thus, it teaches us where to find pleasure… After we have found pleasure, i.e. tipping a bottle back over and over again, the body will eventually turn down alcohol to protect itself. Our brain is a beautiful system that has kept us alive for millions of years… How does it do this? The brain produces another chemical, which turns down the stimulation. I've learned that I have enhanced dopamine receptors. Now, if we lived in the age of saber-toothed tigers and always having to fight for our food, this would have kept me alive, however, not now and no longer! Over time, I needed more and more alcohol to get to the point of stimulation, of pleasure, I even needed it just to feel normal… This is an evolutionary mechanism built inside of us. However, the pleasure that we should be seeking is food, water, shelter, and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts! Not alcohol!!!

[ 06:18 ] Paul Introduces Kenny.

Kenny has been sober since April 3rd, 2015, about one and a half years. Kenny is 27 and grew up in a small farm town in California. He spent some time in Riverside, CA before moving to Montana to attend grad school. He is a PhD student, studying statistics. Kenny loves to work on his truck, build bikes and computers and wander around in nature, getting lost in the wilderness.

[ 07:30 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to your desire to stop drinking?

"It was a long, slow descent with a lot of bumps towards the bottom." Kenny's roommates started to notice and comment on his drinking habits. "Last March I missed classes because I was too drunk to get to class, this had never happened before… I had a BIG eye-opening experience and realized that this wasn't just about me. I had to take responsibility."

[ 10:02 ] How much did you drink? Did you ever try to put rules in place?

"It started when I was 21… I realized that it kind of helped me get my Math homework done. I'd have a gin and tonic or two, nightly or whenever I needed to get stuff done and then from there I was drinking like half a ⅕ of brandy in one afternoon." This gradually progressed to being hungover or still drunk the next morning. Eventually Kenny was blacking out and waking up on a strange couch… "I came up with some schemes. I was supposed to call my best friend to stay accountable, which just led me to lying to her about how much I was drinking, which made me feel worse. My next scheme was that I got a little notebook, thinking that I could be accountable to myself and do it on my own…" This turned into Kenny tearing himself down and feeling guilty.

[ 15:33 ] Kenny talks more about his Elevator...

"I started talking to my new roommate who's father had turned his life around after connecting with AA. She suggested that I give him a call, which I did. He completely understood the craving and how when I drank it was just never enough…"

[ 17:05 ] Kenny discusses "that feeling in your head."

[ 18:08 ] What was it like when you quit drinking?

Kenny checked out a few AA meetings after talking to his roommate's Dad… It took a couple times before he was ready to change his life. Sometime around April 3rd, 2015, there was a party… Kenny went to it having decided that he would try to drink just one drink and then go home. Kenny nursed that one drink for 1 ½ hours and was so proud that he took the opportunity to do shots with a buddy, waking up the next morning on a couch and not remembering anything from the night before… That next morning Kenny decided to give AA a shot.

[ 21:15 ] Kenny talks about his first experience at an AA meeting...

[ 22:00 ] Walk us through a typical day and how you stay sober.

"I usually get up at 4:00 or 4:30 am, I realized I'm a morning person! I make a nice big breakfast, take a shower and then head to school. I ride my bike and get to see the sun come up… In the evenings I try to meditate for 15 minutes or so and play my guitar." Kenny has been working on mindfulness, trying to clear and calm his mind, becoming more aware of what's going on inside his body. "I just close my eyes and focus my breath, just acknowledging what kind of breath I'm taking, just trying to pay attention to what's going on inside."

[ 35:17 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "When I was visiting my mom for Christmas and I got a call from my housemates saying that they couldn't put up with my drinking any longer and that I needed to find a new place…"
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "That morning that I realized I was still drunk and didn't make it to class, not only letting myself down but other students as well…"
3. What's your plan moving forward? "Keep doing what I've been doing, fitting in a meeting or two on the weekends and staying involved…"
4. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Just don't drink."
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Go connect with someone. Find someone else who has struggled with drinking and get to know them."

"You Might be an Alcoholic If…"

"You've almost fallen in a campfire and didn't know about it until the next morning when your friends tell you about it!"

Paul's Life Hack:

Making decisions whether big or small is tough, so just eliminate a lot of the small decisions… Examples of stressful small decisions: "Should I drink tonight?" "How many drinks?" "What liquor store do I go to now?" "How do I sneak booze into the movie theater?" "How do I control my f****** drinking?" I no longer have to struggle over these small decisions because "I DON'T DRINK." Make this one decision and the others are no longer relevant.

Resources mentioned in RE 87:

Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:

www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/

Connect with Cafe RE

• For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
• First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.

Sobriety Tracker

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

Dr. Wolfram Schultz

Dr. Daniel J. Levitin

• Dr. Levitin's Ted Talk

Pop-Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Toaster Pastries

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!" Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

Today we have Jenny, who has been sober for 13 months... This is how she quit. Resources mentioned in RE 86:

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

SHOW NOTES

Ok, so you're doing a pretty good job of following your rules, your systems, or you're experimenting with sobriety… Have you ever said the words "I got this"? "I would say these words over and over again while putting these rules, systems, games, etc. in place when trying to get sober on my own…" Paul was sober for over 2 years when those mean little words came back, "You know what Paul, we got this… We're totally good." And, DAMN IT! After two years of sobriety, we drank (me and Gary)... "We didn't got this…" If you ever catch yourself saying, "Hey, you got this…" be very cognizant, very aware, and very, very cautious... "I got this," the three most dangerous words an alcoholic can say.

[ 05:33 ] Paul Introduces Jenny.

Jenny has been sober for just over a year, since August 25th, 2015. "My life is better than it was when I was drinking." Jenny grew up in Helena, MT and currently lives in Bozeman, MT. She is married to an amazing man and has 4 kids, ages 4-14. She loves to run, workout and go to the gym. "If it involves exercise, I love to do it!"

[ 06:59 ] Jenny speaks about her drinking history.

The alcoholic tendency has always been there for Jenny… "I don't think that ever in my life I had just one drink. It was always like game-on. In High School I was "the party girl." Jenny knew she had to stop before she hit the absolute bottom.

[ 10:46 ] What was it like drinking and taking care of 4 kids? (Paul openly admits that he could barely take care of Ben, the Standard Poodle, when he was drinking…)

"When the drinking started to escalate, it was sort of the perfect storm. My husband is a firefighter and started working 24-hr. shifts… Things really started to get out of control. When I was drinking, I felt like I was the best mom in the world… But, I was really checked out. I was selfish. In the back of my mind I was always concerned with refilling my glass." Saying those words, "Yes, I am an alcoholic," was the scariest thing Jenny has ever said… "Admitting that I didn't have all of my shit together…"

[ 14:06 ] Jenny talks about how admitting "I am an alcoholic" is liberating.

"That dirty little secret I had been carrying around... I had been doing all of these things to convince myself that I didn't have a problem. I was volunteering, doing insane workouts at 5am (sometimes still drunk)... After, a lot of moms came to me and said, "Hey, I think I have the same problem."

[ 16:43 ] Talk to me about Run for Recovery.

Run for Recovery is a run supporting Alive Again Life Recovery Mission which exists for the purpose of creating a safe Christian environment for individuals of all ages to fellowship, learn and heal from addiction and addiction-related effects. Running and exercising has helped Jenny so much through this process (choosing sobriety).

[ 18:39 ] How did you do it? What was Day 1 like?

"I just did it. I just quit. I went moment by moment, minute by minute. I binge listened to Recovery Elevator. After about a week I got into my crying phase. I was ashamed. I beat myself up over poor choices and poor parenting…"

[ 20:20 ] What other methods besides running do you use?

"Reading a lot, educating myself, and sometimes just forcing myself to sit still. Forcing myself to feel those feelings." Jenny has found that her athletic performance has increased since being sober. "I feel one million times better than when I was drinking." Working out is definitely an outlet for Jenny. "It's definitely better than vodka."

[ 29:06 ] What's on your bucket-list?

"Half marathons, Spartan racing, keep volunteering, discover more about myself, and to be a little kinder to myself…"

[ 30:02 ] What have you learned about yourself?

"I'm a type-A, over-achieving, control freak, and working on being a little nicer to myself… We need to be nice to ourselves. We need to talk to ourselves like we talk to a friend. We really beat ourselves up." Jenny has learned about what triggers her and how to manage cravings (they do come). She finds other things to do, like playing with her kids, going for a run, or just sitting with the craving and letting it pass.

[ 35:17 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "4 or 5 months before I quit drinking, my husband and I went to Las Vegas. My husband went to bed and I went to the "gift shop," which just meant that I went drinking. I couldn't get the key to work to get back into the room and I ended up passing out just outside of our bedroom. My husband found me at 3am."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "That panicky feeling that would come when there were only a couple of drinks left in the vodka bottle, and over-thinking my kids activities because it was going to affect my ability to drink."
3. What's your plan moving forward? "Continue to volunteer and be of service. Get more involved with RE and really staying accountable."
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? "Cafe RE, the Bubble Hour, going to the gym, getting out of my own head, staying in the moment…"
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "You can do anything, you just can't do everything."
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Set yourself up for success. Cut yourself some slack. Make sure you have a plan."
7. "You might be an alcoholic if you go to the liquor store and browse around, ask some questions, yet know full well that you're going to go to the vodka section and buy something from the bottom shelf."

Paul's Life Hack:

Take your ball and go home. You don't have to put yourself in precarious situations. You don't have to drink just to appease others. Just take your cell phone and go home. Be kind to yourself. Take your ball and go home. Take your beach toys, your camper, your R.V., your whatever… Take it and go home.

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Today we have John, who has been sober for 5 years... This is how he quit. Resources mentioned in this episode:

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

AA

Recovery Elevator Episode #1: Do You Have a Drinking Problem

SHOW NOTES

"In Episode 1 of RE, we (the human Paul & the dog Ben) do a test to determine if I am an alcoholic. The results… Blatantly clear. Yes, I am an alcoholic." Paul found it extremely difficult to stop drinking after having just one drink. For about a decade, he lived in the pickle of "one drink was too much and 1,000 drinks was just not enough." How the hell do you navigate that? Well, the answer is definitely, "Don't drink." Now, at Episode 85, Paul has an even better test to determine if you've got a drinking problem.

Preliminary steps before taking this self-assessment:

1. Make sure you are hydrated. Drink lots of water (if you are already drinking a beer during this portion, then yes, you too are an alcoholic).
2. Stretch out. Loosen up. Maybe even do some burpees!
3. Make sure you've got enough lead in your pencil and ink in your pen!
4. Take some deep breaths.

Paul's Self-Assessment Test:

(***This is going to be the new metric moving forward, I guarantee it! No need to go spend a ton of money on any other tests...This assessment is free and accurate.***)

1. Have you ever wondered, "Do I have a drinking problem?" YES or NO

***FEEL FREE TO PRESS PAUSE, GRAB A GLASS OF WATER, SHARPEN YOUR PENCIL, ETC., AS THIS IS THE HALF WAY POINT OF THE SELF ASSESSMENT TEST***

1. Have you ever asked yourself, "Would my life be better without alcohol?" YES or NO

CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have just finished the Recovery Elevator self-assessment!

Answer Key: Listen to Paul on RE 85 @ [ 5:11 ]

"Quitting drinking isn't easy, but my life is exponentially better since I've quit drinking." In the previous 84 podcasts, there's a pretty good roadmap already laid out for you… Not only will your life improve (yes, there will be speed bumps), but the lives of those around you will improve too! In all honesty, these self-assessment tests are this simple. It's not easy, but it's better.

[ 10:25 ] Paul Introduces John.

John was born and raised and lives in Wichita, Kansas. He has a 3-year old son. He enjoys working on his car, experimenting with cooking, and comic books… He is engaged to be married to a woman who is also in the program (AA). John's last drink was August 28th, 2011…

John kept trying to do it (quit drinking) on his own, but time and time again, it just didn't happen! After telling himself, "I'm just going to have two beers..." 3 or 4 beers, a few mixed drinks, sake for the whole table (they were going to a bar after dinner) and a $400 bar tab later… "I woke up on the floor in my undies, covered in puke (puke in the hallway, puke in the bathroom)... I just felt that someone was telling me to get help." John realized he just couldn't do this alone.

[ 20:29 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?

"I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I kept trying to do it myself, but I'd always find a "special" occasion to drink." This is one of those things (choosing sobriety) where you actually have to do the work!

[ 22:19 ] "I think I got this." John explains what this means for him...

To John, this phrase means that he's letting his ego tell him how to run things. "I tried on my own without a program, guidance or a schedule and it just wouldn't stick. Ever." When John got his 2nd DUI, he knew something was up… John knew that if he drank again, he would get behind the wheel.

[ 24:15 ] Talk to us about Alcoholics Anonymous.

John was completely blown away by the spectrum of diverse people that made up his first AA meeting, which was quite contrary to what he "knew" AA was going to be!

[ 31:08 ] John discusses weight loss, cooking and what he does with all his booze-FREE time!

[ 32:59 ] What's your favorite dance move?

Thanks Paul for getting in some humor! In his sobriety, John has really enjoyed running, but he does not prefer the "Running Man," and claims that the "Robot" is more his style...

[ 35:48 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "I had the DUI 50-moped (the scooter I rode when I had my license suspended) and I had been drinking. I got on the moped… I just could not stop myself from drinking and driving."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "That day that I swore to myself that I'd only have 2 beers at the restaurant and ended up wondering, "How the hell did this happen?"
3. What's your plan moving forward? "Keep going to meetings, keep being thankful for my sobriety, keep asking for more sobriety, keep being honest with my sobriety, and keep reaching out to people."
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? "Right now, it's the podcasts. I can take them anywhere. I can listen to it and nobody even knows." John listens to Recovery Elevator, SHAIR Podcast, and the Bubble Hour.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Look for the similarities. We all want to stay sober."
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Just do it. You're going to want to find a reason to not start, to give it one more day. Just do it. Just stop. Today. Right now. Just stop."

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Drop us a line: [email protected]

Today we have Elaine, who has been sober for 15 days… This is how she quit. Resources mentioned in this episode:

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Sobriety Tracker

AA

Elaine's podcast: Throttle Podcast

• Instagram: @throttlepodcast

SHOW NOTES

"Today, I want to talk about feelings…" Feelings. Fun, right? We often hear that "drinking is but a symptom…" But, what the hell does that mean? It means we have feelings, experiences, and other life situations that we don't want to deal with, so we choose to cover them up with distractions, like drinking… "Two years and one week ago I used to drink all of these emotions away." Through some serious research, Paul has discovered that dogs (thanks to Ben for being part of this study) can teach us something about these feelings. Ok, so it's obvious that humans and dogs are different, but dogs can actually teach us how to lean into negative sensations and feelings… Take riding in a car for example, a dog (like Ben) will actually lean into uncomfortable sensations like curvy roads and the blowing wind. We can learn from our four-footed friends.

5 Strategies for Leaning Into Emotions:

1. When you feel that negative emotion, lean into it.
2. Don't categorize emotions as good or bad, just notice that the emotions are here.
3. Breath and count to 10.
4. Recognize where these feelings come from and begin to let-go. Let-go of the sensation, let-go of the experience.
5. Know yourself. Begin to observe yourself from a 3rd-person point of view. Just watch.

[ 09:24 ] Paul Introduces Elaine.

Elaine's last drink was 15 days ago! Elaine has lived in a number of cities across Canada. She's in her 40s and does freelance work. She has been happily married for 25 years. She loves practicing karate (green belt), archery and riding her motorcycle. She is an introvert and an atheist. Elaine loves karate because of the mental part. "You really have to be focused and mindful."

[ 13:44 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?

"That's a long road…" This time around, Elaine has joined AA. "My husband came home one day and told me a story about a great friend who was doing AA and it completely changed my view of AA." Elaine didn't feel that she had a rock bottom, but really resonated with the group the first time she joined an AA meeting. "I just couldn't fool myself any longer. It's a really open and honest group and I am an alcoholic."

[ 17:31 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?

It was a Wednesday, the day before we were leaving for a trip to my husband's family cottage, typically a long-weekend that involved drinking. "It was a white-knuckle weekend. I wasn't really sure what to do with myself." Elaine realized that in prior years the cottage was always an excuse to drink.

[ 21:26 ] Talk to me about depression?

Elaine has lived with depression since her teens. "When you mix alcohol with depression, it's never a good thing." During bouts of depression, everything becomes very arduous. Elaine now has the awareness to notice when depression is creeping up on her. "I used to start off with a couple of cocktails, have wine while making dinner and during dinner, and then finish off the night with a few night-caps. I would wake up the next day and feel terrible and would spend the whole next day beating myself up about it (the depression and the drinking). It was a vicious cycle."

[ 26:44 ] What have you learned about yourself in the last 15 days?

Elaine has learned that it is okay to feel really vulnerable and that it can be really hard to ask for help, but that she is also stronger than she thought and can do this and ask for help often.

[ 27:56 ] What is your plan moving forward?

Elaine plans to continue going to AA meetings where she finds a lot of strength in sharing stories with others and building camaraderie. "I really value their honesty. I find that alcoholism is like depression in a toolkit sense. I make sure that I get enough sleep, and I incorporate meditation and mindfulness. Fortunately, I have built these practices up in dealing with depression."

[ 29:47 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "The things that I don't remember due to blackouts."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "So many! Waking up from being asleep and rather than going back to sleep I got up at 3am and made myself a vodka tonic…"
3. What's your favorite resource in recovery? "Other alcoholics, the Recovery Elevator podcast, and going to meetings."
4. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Stand up and take the 24-hour sobriety chip at the AA meeting."
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Get help today. Tomorrow things aren't going to change. Don't delay, just go get help today in whatever form that means to you."

Life Hacks from Paul

• You know that voice inside your head? - Change the way it speaks to you.

• Replace "I'm an idiot" with "Oops, I made a mistake."

• Take responsibility for your actions. That alone can get you sober.

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Drop us a line: [email protected]

Today we have Kendall, who has been sober for 130 days… This is how he quit.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Sobriety Tracker

SHOW NOTES

Paul on Lowering the bar… "I have a podcast about being okay with the way things are, and I'll admit, this episode is not perfect, there are some things left out." Paul has been sober for 730 days. "Life at two years sober is better than life 730 days ago… My anxiety, that has pretty much gone away. But, on day 729, I had a near meltdown… The bar of expectations I had put in place for myself, had slowly risen up over the past 1 ½ years. On day 730, I realized that I needed to be kind to myself, to be patient and to get realistic. 2 years is not a long time, I still have so much more to go. On day 729, self-loathing showed up… again… I was so far out of my comfort zone, but that is where the growth happens, and that is where I have been for the past year and a half. So, I'm lowering the bar, I'm going to take the time to observe what I've done, what's going on around me and enjoy the moment. What's my plan moving forward? Well, I'm not going to change a darn thing." Paul is taking this one day at a time… One day at a time…

[ 10:16 ] Paul Introduces Kendall:

Kendall is 28 and has been sober for 130 days. "It feels great, I'm free. I don't have to carry the weight of being drunk." Kendall is from Lawrence, Kansas and moved to Montana 5 years ago as a professional painter, in his free time he likes to head up into the mountains.

[ 11:25 ] What made you want to stop?

Kendall surrendered to alcohol on the anniversary of a death of a best friend who died from a drunk driving accident. Kendall reset his sobriety date after smoking a bowl after attending another funeral of a close friend.

[ 13:42 ] What were your drinking habits like?

"I would drink at least a 12-pack if not more. I'd start in the morning just to calm the jitters, then the moment I got off work the fun began." Kendall used rules like "no hard alcohol," "just O'Douls," anything to maintain his sanity. "I got to drinking on the job, anything to keep my mind on alcohol." After being dismissed from a family Christmas dinner, Kendall knew something was up.

[ 16:28 ] How did you do it? (on choosing sobriety)

Kendall utilized the rules of AA. "They spoke my language, they have a plan and they know how to do it." Kendall felt connected once he got a sponsor, a home group and started doing service. "It works if you work it."

[ 17:55 ] "Drinking is but a symptom…" Kendall dives into this idea.

[ 18:32 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?

"Oh boy, was that something else!" Kendall's brain was so hard wired to drink. "The people in the world aren't the problem, I always played the victim… It was all me. Selfish and self-centered."

"The moment that you're able to accept some humility, that's when the freedom begins." Now, in sobriety, Kendall feels like the world is brighter and clearer. He can focus, eat and sleep, and do the things we do to be able to take care of ourselves. "It's crazy how I'm now able to read a chapter and comprehend what I'm reading… It's a gift."

[ 23:36 ] What have you lost to alcohol?

"I'd say I lost my job, an education, an opportunity for an education, family, friends, relationships…"

[ 24:50 ] Have cravings come and what do you do to move forward? Kendall will pray and utilize his sponsor. "One time I went to the Wal-Mart parking lot and pushed carts back just to do something, to get out of my head."

[ 27:34 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today?

"The moment I wake up, I pray. I have gone through "the big book and the 12 & 12". The first 30 minutes of my day are all geared towards AA. I use the serenity prayer. The moment I get off work I go to a meeting, come home, cook dinner and go to bed. I like to keep it simple."

[ 28:37 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? "Christmas dinner when I wanted to see my family but I couldn't because I had been dismissed because of my habits."
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? "The morning after I had been fired for drinking on the job and I had to go meet with my boss… I just couldn't."
3. What is your plan in sobriety moving forward? "To serve others and keep going to meetings."
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? "My sponsor."
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Keep coming back. It works if you work it."
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? "Keep your head out of the clouds and feet on the ground. Go to your local AA meeting."

QUOTABLES

"Sobriety is just straight up nothing." - Paul

"Deep down I needed an answer, I needed a solution… Really, I needed to check into reality…" - Kendall

"I'm able to be Kendall, the Kendall that everybody knew that I could be when I put the bottle down." - Kendall

"What is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular." - Kendall

"You might be an alcoholic if after your 3rd DUI and losing 2 best friends to alcohol, you think you still don't have a problem with alcohol." - Kendall

"You don't have to hangout with people you don't like." - Paul

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!"

Drop us a line: [email protected]