We pick right back up in the middle of our session with Rachel and Mike. After Rachel courageously bared her soul, the energy in the room is incredibly heavy. Now, we turn our focus to Mike. When you look at an Avoidant partner in moments of high emotional stress, the assumption is often that they come across as cold, detached, or simply don't care. But the reality is entirely different.

Today, you are going to feel the suffocating wave of failure that crashes over Mike. We take a magnifying glass to his internal world and see how his tendency to justify, reason, and over-explain isn't him trying to be dismissive. It is actually his desperate, panicked attempt to regulate his own immense shame and manage the paralyzing physical tension of failing his wife. Witness what happens when the "fixer" finally puts down his tools, stops explaining the situation, and instead explains himself.

This Week's Homework: I want you to think about the word failure. When you feel like you're letting your partner down or when they come to you with a complaint, what is your immediate reflex? Do you go on the defensive? Do you over-explain your intentions to prove you're a good partner? Do you withdraw completely?

So this week, try to catch yourself in that protective reflex instead of just justifying your action. See if you can take a breath, drop the shield, and simply say, "I'm feeling really scared that I'm failing you right now". Notice how that vulnerability can change the energy in the room.

As always, we want to hear from you. Send your questions, your breakthroughs, or a voice note to [email protected].

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.