Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

Yet, it feels real, and you SO want it to be real. There's where the manipulation and confusion sets in. In this episode, I let you in on the secret that, much as you want it to be real, it isn't. (Did I mention that?) You need to see that clearly to keep from being hurt further!

Empathy is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary this way:

"the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner."

Wow! That would be great, however, that's not what you get when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal--a narcissistic, anti-social, or borderline personality. They are emotional empathy deficient but usually rely on cognitive empathy. That's a darker kind of empathy that is constructed in the mind, but doesn't much touch the heart.

Hijackals use cognitive empathy as a tool to love-bomb you, to encourage you to be vulnerable with them. Then, what do they do with those vulnerabilities? They turn them on you later like stored ammunition, or they use the information to benefit themselves in other ways. Nasty!

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• What cognitive empathy is
• How cognitive empathy is different from emotional empathy
• Why cognitive empathy is unsatisfying...and unsettling when you actually see it for what it is
• How Hijackals use cognitive empathy to make you feel safer for a bit and why they do it
• Why it's important to recognize the differences between cognitive empathy and the emotional empathy you are wanting but won't arrive

Are you being used and confused by a Hijackal demonstrating cognitive empathy? I'm here to help.

Let's talk soon.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#cognitiveempathy #emotionalempathy #lackingempathy #unsafetobevulnerable #exploitingmyvulnerabilities #hownarcissistsusecognitiveempathy #cognitiveempathycanbemanipulation #lovebombing #gettingmetotalk #pretendingtocareaboutme #pretendingtobeinterestedinme

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

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Clearly see how narcissistic people try to control information flow by going through other people, their desired "flying monkeys."

Are there other people in your relationship with the Hijackal who are being approached by the Hijackal to serve their purposes? Do they engage them? Learn how to think about all that!

SO important to recognize triangulation when it is happening! If it's already happened, you can benefit from seeing the interactions and taking action, too.

The point of triangulation by a toxic person in a relationship is to create stress, confusion, anxiety for others while creating a sense of collusion with the narcissist, anti-social, histrionic, or other Hijackal. It works. It particularly works on you, the target, because you have learned to second-guess yourself and even question your sanity, in some cases.

Hijackals use triangulation because it makes them feel important and in control of the relationships, the one with you and the ones with others colluding with them.

Triangulation is when a toxic person brings a third person into a relationship so that the toxic person can remain in control and manipulate the situation. The whole strategy is toxic, too!

Why they do it, how they do it, and how to recognize it while it's happening is the topic of this episode.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• What triangulation is and its purpose
• Why Hijackals feel powerful using triangulation
• How unsuspecting people get taken in by the Hijackals manipulations
• What flying monkeys are
• How flying monkeys play into triangulation and are seduced by a false sense of loyalty

Not sure how to begin setting boundaries with a toxic person in your life? I'm here to help.

Let's talk soon.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#manipulation #triangulation #narcissistictriangulation #creatingconflictthroughtriangulation #creatingconflict #nastythingsnarcissistsdo #whydomyparentsagreewiththenarcissist #flyingmonkeys #flyingmonkeysandtraiangulation

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Setting Boundaries. Calibrating Results. Making Decisions. No matter what the Hijackal thinks they are entitled to you need to set, express, and hold boundaries. In this episode, I'll give you effective ways to begin, or continue, setting clear boundaries and staying strong. Oh, and, what to do when those Hijackals trample them, too! 

Yes, Hijackals are boundary bulldozers. They don't like boundaries...unless they are their own. Then, of course, everything is different!

Hijackals are definitely not interested in your boundaries in the way you want them to be. Listen in, though, to find out one way that Hijackals REALLY like to hear your boundaries. You don't set boundaries for them,. though, you do it for yourself. You want to be Emerging Empowered and knowing your boundaries, being willing to express and maintain them, is part of that practice.

You previously may have made requests of the Hijackal in your life. How did that work? Did you get the results you wanted? Boundaries are another step beyond requests. Knowing what your boundaries are in the first step. Then, being willing to speak up about them comes next. You do well to know the steps. That's what I'm outlining for you in this episode, so you can feel more confident.

How Hijackals respond to boundaries is good to know these seven responses you may receive. That helps so you won't be surprised when it happens!

After you set and express your boundaries, you need to know how to maintain them, how to keep them non-negotiable. That again will help you with emerging empowered!

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• Why Hijackals--narcissists, anti-socials, histrionics--are not interested in respecting your boundaries
• Why Hijackals like to hear your boundaries (confusing, right?)
• Why set boundaries
• When boundaries need consequences
• Why boundaries cannot be threats
• The necessity for boundaries to be non-negotiable

Not sure how to begin setting boundaries with a toxic person in your life?  I'm here to help.

Let's talk soon.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#fboundaries #settingboundaries #expressingboundaries #maintainingboundaries #settingboundarieswithanarcissist #needforboundaries #cognitiveempathy #whynarcissistslikeboundaries

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

No one likes to be rejected. It's uncomfortable, painful, and a blow to the self-confidence and self-esteem.

What can you do about it? How do you think it through? It's more difficult in a relationship with a Hijackal, Listen in to understand the dynamics and know what steps to take to quell the fear of rejection. 

if you had a Hijackal parent, you may well have developed a fear of rejection very early in your life. Living with a Hijackal parent or two creates a demand from them that they always have the upper hand and discard you at any moment, for any reason. That taps into a basic fear of being abandoned, and as you get older that can develop into a fear of rejection once you understand language and have a sense of your family dynamics.

Many people strive for perfection in the hopes of meeting the parents' expectations and receiving their validation. Conversely, I think that that striving for perfection is more motivated by a fear of rejection. Unless you address this in your life, you cannot find and live your own personal power. Hijackals will rule your life, even when they are not around, because you have internalized their unrealistic expectations of you. This is SO work thinking through and working through.

Rejection happens. You'll have feelings about it and they may not be pleasant, maybe even painful. You'll live through it. When you liberate yourself from the FEAR of rejection, you set yourself free.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• Why the fear of rejection is too common--more common than you think
• How the fear of rejection is developed
• How narcissistis and other Hijackals use fear of rejection as a tool to control you
• Who is most likely to have a fear of rejection
• Why recognizing a fear of rejection is the beginning of setting yourself free

If you recognize that you have a fear of rejection,  I'm here to help.

Let's talk soon.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#fearofrejection #perfectiontoavoidrejection #notspeakingup #fearofnotbeinggoodenough #hijackalsuserejection #narcissiststhreatenrejection #threatofrejection #whydoIhaveafearofrejection #tyrannyofrejection #tyrannyofnarcissists

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Even perfection won't and can't cut it if you're in relationship with a Hijackal of any stripes. This episode will help you understand this cycle, how it works, why it won't work, and why it needs to stop. These concepts can spell R-E-L-I-E-F for you!

If you had a narcissistic or Hijackal parent, you were pre-conditioned to accept the poor treatment of a Hijackal. That's difficult enough! Then, you may find yourself in a supposedly romantic relationship with one, and eventually it starts to resemble the one with your parents, right? No accident!

Hijackals are particularly interested in people who have been "pre-groomed" to accept their sad, frustrating, and infuriating shenanigans. So, if you did have a Hijackal parents (or, like me, had two of them), you are set up to be Hijackal Bait by that experience.

You may not have felt good enough with your parents, at school, in a sports situation, or with friends. Then, the Hijackal--that person who is supposed to love you in every way--takes over the abusive behaviors. You may think that it is your job to please the Hijackal, to make them happy. NO! It isn't your job. But, a Hijackal will certainly turn those tables on you, leaving you feeling as though you can never be good enough.

This has to change. This episode will help you start that journey, or accelerate it.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• Two kinds of people Hijackals and narcissists look for
• Why you may never have felt good enough
• How Hijackals, narcissists and anti-social people control you
• Why perfection will never be enough
• How to break the cycle

These things can be difficult to change and integrate without professional help.  I'm here to help.

Let's talk soon.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#notgoodenough #tryingtopleaseanarcissist #stoptryingtopleaseanarcissist #perfectionisnotenough #perfectionismisparalyzing #nevergoodenough #strivingforperfection #wantingtobegoodenough #narcissistswithholdapproval #fearofrejection

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A whole chicken and egg thing! Anger and anxiety are closely related, and it's essential to see how. Hijackals in the mix create a whole other level of mess! Listen in for help to clarify what's happening IN you and TO you.

If you were raised by, live with, or have left a Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult, toxic person, you know what it is to live with anger and anxiety. Sometimes, at the same time, too! Internal anxiety can shift to externalized anxiety which shows uip as anger. It can leave you wondering if you're the Hijackal, right? Yes, it can, but that's not an accurate conclusion to draw. Hijackals are crazy-making, and when anger and anxiety enter the picture, your ability to think straight dulls.

Anger is usually an antagonism for one person who you think is causing your suffering. Maybe, is even responsible for it. Anxiety is a build-up of tension and worry because you don't feel in control of yourself, the situation or the future. That's why you can feel anxious and find yourself expressing anger, and you can feel angry and know that it is an outlet for pent-up anxiety.

Oh, and remember that episode I did on Reactive Abuse? That's a good example of this crazy-making cycle of anxiety and anger. If anything I've written so far makes sense, you'll find even more understanding in that episode. Add that to this one, and you'll clearly see the cycles and why they need to end.

Learn more about how anxiety takes you out of the present and disconnects you from your present reality. Anxiety is usually about something that hasn't happened yet, but you're worried it might. Both anxiety and anger are rooted in fear. That takes some work to recognize, claim, and change. This episode is a good start!

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• How anger and anxiety are different
• Similarities between anger and anxiety in the body
• How anxiety can turn to anger and anger can generate anxiety
• How anger and anxiety show up in a toxic relationship with a Hijackal or a narcissist
• Why understanding anger and anxiety in these ways can help you make decisions

Want to know how to handle your anger and anxiety in a toxic relationship? I'm here to help.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#angerandanxiety #anger #anxiety #anxietywithnarcissist #angerwithnarcissist #angerarousal #anxietyandfear #angerandfear #hijackalsmakemeanxious #hijackalsmakemeangry #angryandanxious

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you've suffered trauma, it can have a long term affect. Long-term trauma is different. In this episode, you can learn about the attributes, traits, and causes of C-PTSD to help you understand what may be lingering in your body/mind system, and what you can do about it. 

How you were raised creates the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and the world. If you've had dysfunction and abuse in your early life, your views of these may be warped. You may experience heightened emotional distress, feel overwhelmed, anxious, helpless, or hopeless. Certainly, you can feel disempowered.

Understand the undepinnings of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can uncover the places in your life that may have set you on a difficult path. When that happens in your family or origin, you can expect it to be highly likely that you'll attract a difficult relationship, two or ten, into your adult life. It's not what you want, but it's what you know. You don't do it on purpose, but it happens all the same.

Often, that leads to feeling stuck. Then, you may also have difficulty controlling your emotions, or feel angry or distrustful towards the world. Maybe, you feel empty or hopeless.

"Why is this happening to me? I've been a good, caring, giving person, and yet it's never enough."

Have you had that thought? Or, have you become so exhausted from being worn down and torn down that you simply give up and give in?

How about the feeling that you are completely different than other people, and nobody understands what's happened to you.

Or, do you avoid friendships and relationships, or at least, find them daunting and difficult?

These things can be symptoms of C-PTSD, Complet Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Knowing what to look for can set you on a corrective path that can lead you to a healthier, happier life. Lean in and listen to see which, if any, of this episode can provide you with a new understanding of yourself, and your relationships.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• What Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, C-PTSD, is
• What situations and relationships can lead you to suffer from C-PTSD
• What C-PTSD can cause you to experience in life...especially what you may never have recognized before
• 5 major things that are great first steps toward healing C-PTSD, putting it well in the background of your life...and leaving it there

Wondering about the pathway to healing once you've recognized C-PTSD? I'm here to help.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#complexptsd #emotionalflashbacks #childhoodabuse #childhoodneglect #abandonment #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder #causesofcptsd

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don't Hijackals love to stir the pot and keep it swirling? They definitely have goals in mind and one is to keep you spinning and the relationship unstable. You want that to stop. Get insights into stopping the spinning and instability in this episode.

When a Hijackal wants power over you--and they all do, one of the most likely ways they go for it is to catch you off-guard, keep you uncertain, and be contradictory. You've likely noticed that. They think that allows them to operate somehow undercover if they keep you off-center. And, many times it works. After you listen to this episode, if it was working, it won't anymore!

I've covered a lot of the wily ways of Hijackals in other episodes - you can search my archive for:

• gaslighting
• blameshifting
• pastcasting
• moving the markers
• lying
• dismissing you
• discounting you
• isolation
• triangulation
• threats to abandon
• The Silent Treament
• threats to hurt you, your children, your property, or your reputation

...and those are only some!

A toxic person's (Hijackal) intention is to keep you off balance. While you are second-guessing yourself or questioning your sanity at their instigation, they are undercutting your confidence and undermining your certainty. And, all to have a continuous advantage over you! Nasty.

I offer you eight steps you can take immediately...and they don't involve getting the cooperation of the Hijackal. That's ideal! You want to get back to your own center, live your own values, and establish yourself in a relationship that offers equality and equity, reciprocity, and mutuality. Of course, those are things that Hijackals shy away from, if not run screaming from. Unfortunately, though, they won't run off without a mega effort to have power over you and run you down.

Now, you can begin with the eight steps in this episode. Yay!

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• Why Hijackals think they have the right to shape the relationship
• How Hijackals create chaos and confusion
• Why Hijackals work to keep you in uncertainty and, preferably, instability
• Hijackal moves to exert power over you
• 8 steps to stop the spinning and the instability they want to create

Do you need help to stop the chaos and confusion? I'm here to help.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#narcissistscreatechaos #keepingyouconfused #underminingmyconfidence #havepoweroverme #controlissues #controllingpeople #manipulativepartner #mypartnerwantstocontrolme #mypartnerdoesntcareaboutme #myrelationshipisunequal

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

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You could be suffering from enabler's guilt without knowing what is causing your fear, anxiety, or depression. THE GOOD NEWS: It doesn't have to be that way. Once you recognize what's going on, you can take steps to change it, reclaim your power, and rebuild your life.

Do you ever feel that, somehow, it's your job to make other people happy? Where do you think you got that idea? Who taught you that?

Those answers are a good start on how you may have come to have enabler's guilt. In episode 196, I talked about people pleasing in depth. That's part of it. Add to that the concept of The Fawning Response and you'll understand more fully the underpinnings of my concept of "Enabler's Guilt."

You've likely heard of Survivor's Guilt which happens when people believe they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic or tragic event when others didn't. Think of that as a parallel concept to Enabler's Guilt....especially if you have already determined that you have, at times at least, been an enabler of a Hijackal, a difficult, toxic person. Here's my definition of enabling to help:

"Enabling is when you usually step in to fix, solve, excuse, rationalize, justify, or make the consequences go away for the poor choices of others." Familiar? Do you know an enabler? Are you one?

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• What enabler's guilt is
• How enabler's guilt is similar to survivor's guilt and witness guilt
• Why guilt and feeling guilty are not the same
• How you came to believe other people are more important than you are
• Steps to rethink your guilt and reclaim your power

If you are experiencing enabler's guilt, or need insights and strategies to handle a relationship with a Hijackal, I'm here to help.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#enabling #enablersguilt #guiltfornotbeinggoodenough #guiltyoffailing #survivorsguilt #witnessguilt #guiltyfornotpreventingabuse #guiltfornotstoppingabuse #feelingguilty

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Enmeshed, Entrenched, and Emerging Empowered! Know the Differences so YOU can Make a Difference!

You know that being enmeshed or entrenched with another human is unhealthy, right? You may not recognize just what's happening right now, though. This episode will help you see what's unhealthy and how to move towards Emerging Empowered.

Hijackals want you to become enmeshed and entrenched, along with a host of other things they want that are designed to give them power and control over you. They want to be able to manipulate you. You know how they love to blame you for everything. Keeping you enmeshed makes Hijackals happy. They can play with your emotions like a cat with a toy. Nasty!

Difficult situations are part and parcel of life with a Hijackal. If you become worn down enough because they have torn you down by putting you down, they think that makes you easier prey. They hope that you will allow them more and more power and control. Sometimes, you do, just to keep the peace. Sometimes, because you're afraid of them!

That's why it's important to recognize the distinctions I'm making in the episode. It will help you gain clarity, and see where you can regain some strength.

Do you ever feel like you might just as well give in and stop resisting their manipulations? I'm sure you do. It's exhausting and you end up picking your battles carefully. Then, things begin to wear away further, and there may be little left of you. Not good. So, listen in.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• What it means to be entrenched in a relationship
• Why being enmeshed can keep you stuck
• 5 Steps to Emerging Empowered
• Announcing Dr. Shaler's new Emerging Empowered Community
• How to move towards empowerment and away from enmeshment with a Hijackal

If you know that you need some insights, strategies, and support to arise from an unhealthy relationship, I'm here to help.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 

#entrenchedbehavior #enmeshedwithanarcissist #enmeshedwithmypartner #whatdoesitmeantobeenmeshed #recognizinghijackals #howcanichangeanabusivepattern #feelingempowered

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.