Students refusing school isn’t new... but what’s happening now is different.

Across the country, nearly one in three students is missing ten percent or more of the school year.

And while everyone’s blaming “attendance apathy” or “bad parenting,” the truth is a lot more complicated.

In this episode, I talk about what school refusal really is- and what it’s not.
You’ll learn the four hidden drivers behind school avoidance, how to spot them, and exactly what school counselors can do (without becoming the attendance police).

We’ll also talk about the conversations no one wants to have, like what to do when it’s the parent keeping the student home, or when a student says flat-out, “I just don’t want to go.”

This isn’t another pep talk about attendance incentives.

It’s a grounded, evidence-based roadmap for helping kids come back to school- and want to stay there.

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us!  As mentioned in the episode, use code OCTOBER 25 for a limited time.⭐️

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Where to go next, depending on what you need today...

NEW → Grab my free ​Secret Series for School Counselors​- Six short stories about what no one’s willing to say in school counseling

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October hits different, doesn’t it? One week you’re flying high after a student breakthrough, and the next- you’re wondering if you can even make it to Friday.

In this episode, I’m talking about the rollercoaster of school counseling: why it feels impossible to stay grounded this time of year, what’s really fueling the highs and lows, and three sanity-saving ways to keep your footing when everything around you feels like too much.

We’ll get real about the myths we’ve bought into (like thinking we’re supposed to “fix” everything or perfectly follow the ASCA model) and what it actually looks like to stay centered when the job gets heavy.

If you’ve been questioning whether you’re cut out for this work… this conversation might change how you see yourself (and the season you’re in).

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

The radio call comes in. A student’s refusing to move, and suddenly, everyone’s looking at you to fix it.

Here’s what nobody ever told us in grad school: defiance and dysregulation can look the same from the outside, but they require completely different responses.

This episode gives you a clear, evidence-based way to figure out the difference, match the right tool to the right circumstance, and keep your cool when the pressure’s on.

References

Corrigan, F. M., Fisher, J. J., & Nutt, D. J. (2011). Autonomic dysregulation and the window of tolerance model of the effects of complex emotional trauma. Journal of Psychopharmacology, 25(1), 17-25.

Lebowitz, E. R., Panza, K. E., & Bloch, M. H. (2016). Family accommodation in obsessive-compulsive and anxiety disorders: A five-year update. Expert Review of Neurotherapeutics, 16(1), 45-53.

Shahan, T. A. (2022). Explaining extinction and relapse. Journal of the Experimental Analysis of Behavior, 117(3), 360-375. 

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

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All names, stories, and case studies in this episode are fictionalized composites drawn from real-world circumstances. Any resemblance to actual students, families, or school personnel is coincidental. Details have been altered to protect privacy.

⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

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You’re not a behavior specialist. You’re not a Tier 2 team of one. And you’re definitely not the defiance whisperer.

But… if you’re stuck dealing with behavior anyway, you might as well make it worth it.

In this episode, I’ll show you how school counselors can actually win the long game with behavior intervention—without losing time, credibility, or your mind in the process.

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All names, stories, and case studies in this episode are fictionalized composites drawn from real-world circumstances. Any resemblance to actual students, families, or school personnel is coincidental. Details have been altered to protect privacy.

⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

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PBIS is implemented in over 25,000 schools. Your district swears by it. But does it actually help kids- or just make the data look better? 

In this candid episode of my Graded series, I'm giving PBIS the report card it deserves... and it may not be what you expect. 

What you'll learn: 

• The gaps in the research that nobody seems to mention 
• Why equity matters, and how it isn't automatic in PBIS (with studies to prove it) 
• The "invisible kids" PBIS never identifies 
• Real strategies for counselors working inside PBIS systems 

By the end, you’ll know what PBIS can do for your campus... and where you’ll need to step in.

⚠️ This episode challenges the status quo. If you're ready for real talk about what's really happening in PBIS schools, press play.

This episode is highly researched: email for reference citations

Are calm corners helping students regulate... or just giving them a softer way to opt out? 

In this episode of Graded, I take a hard look at one of the most popular SEL approaches in schools today: calm corners. You’ll hear what the research says, what most campuses are getting wrong, and what grade calm corners really deserve.

Plus, I respond to a one-star podcast review that called me condescending and gave me a D-minus.
(I could NOT be more grateful! Listen to find out why.)

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

Annotated References

Brasfield, M., Elswick, S., Raines, S., Peterson, C., & Mboge, S. (2025). Classroom calming corners: Peaceful spaces for times of transition. International Journal of the Whole Child, 9(2).
Mixed-methods study with 1st and 6th graders showing improved coping skills when corners were properly implemented with teacher training.

Budiman, M. E. A., Yuhbaba, Z. N., & Cahyono, H. D. (2023). Calming corner therapy in an effort to increase mental resilience in adolescents. Blambangan Journal of Community Services (BJCS), 1(1), 8–16.
Four-week adolescent study finding that resilience improved only with consistent, well-facilitated spaces—structure and follow-through mattered.

Ewert, C. (2023). Influences of privacy on emotional regulation in elementary classroom calming corners [Master's thesis, Trinity Western University]. Trinity Western University Digital Commons.
Study with 15 second-graders over 4 months. Found 81% success rate, but 7% of uses increased dysregulation due to embarrassment and visibility issues.

Thompson, C. (2021). The impact of a classroom calm down corner in a primary classroom [Master's thesis, Northwestern College]. NWCommons.
Action research with 23 second-graders showing decreased negative behaviors, but only when paired with daily mini-lessons: the space alone wasn't enough.

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All names, stories, and case studies in this episode are fictionalized composites drawn from real-world circumstances. Any resemblance to actual students, families, or school personnel is coincidental. Details have been altered to protect privacy.

Ever walked out of an “advocacy meeting” with your admin and thought, Is anything ever going to change?

You brought the data. You showed the charts. You quoted the position statements. And still, you walked away with the same ridiculous caseload, or worse- another responsibility placed on your shoulders.

All that effort doesn’t move the needle. It just keeps you running in circles.

In this episode of the School for School Counselors Podcast, I’m grading advocacy as it stands in our profession right now... and let’s just say the report card isn’t pretty.

I’ll unpack why the version of advocacy we’ve been handed sets us up to fail, the traps that keep us stuck shouting into the void, and four strategies that actually move the needle.

If you’ve ever wondered why “advocating harder” hasn’t worked for you (and what you can do differently), this episode is your permission slip to stop playing small and start leading with influence.

References (Annotated)

American School Counselor Association. (2017, December). Advocating for your school counseling program using visibility strategies [Online newsletter]. Advocacy Everyday. https://www.schoolcounselor.org/newsletters/december-2017/advocating-for-your-school-counseling-program-usin?st=nj
This piece includes ASCA’s suggestion to print business cards and introduce yourself with the correct title, examples of the “visibility” strategies counselors are told to use.

American School Counselor Association. (2019). ASCA National Model: A framework for school counseling programs (4th ed.). Author.
The central framework promoted by ASCA, often positioned as the path to respect and clarity for the profession.

American School Counselor Association. (2019). The school counselor and ratios [Position statement]. https://www.schoolcounselor.org/About-School-Counseling/Position-Statements/ASCA-Position-Statements
States the well-known 250:1 ratio and is often used by counselors in advocacy conversations with administrators and policymakers.

American School Counselor Association. (2019). The school counselor and the role of the professional school counselor [Position statement]. https://www.schoolcounselor.org/About-School-Counseling/Position-Statements
Outlines the 80/20 direct vs. indirect services expectation, another widely circulated talking point in counselor advocacy.

American School Counselor Association. (2023, July–August). Advocating for the ASCA National Model. ASCA School Counselor Magazine. https://www.schoolcounselor.org/Magazines/July-August-2023/Advocating-for-the-ASCA-National-Model
Reinforces the idea that promoting the Model itself is advocacy, often suggesting visibility strategies like correcting titles or distributing materials.

Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (2011). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in (3rd ed.). Penguin Books.
Classic text on principled negotiation. In this episode, it supports the idea of “interest-based framing”- aligning your advocacy with campus goals, not rigid positions.

Lewicki, R. J., Barry, B., & Saunders, D. M. (2020). Negotiation (8th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.
Contemporary negotiation and organizational change research. Cited here for the evidence that small, repeated asks layered over time create lasting change.

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mas

What if the tools you’ve been told to use as a school counselor are actually working against you?

In this highlights reel, I’m recapping eight of the field’s most popular practices and giving you the real verdict on each.

You’ll hear the truths nobody disputes, the traps that keep counselors spinning their wheels, and the takeaways you can actually use on a real campus. 

I’ll even hand you the one-liners and micro-actions you can take straight into your next meeting.

But this isn’t just a recap. It’s a truth bomb episode. 

By the end, you’ll know what to keep, what to ditch, and how to defend those choices when the pressure to “do more” shows up.

Hit play and let’s level up.

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

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All names, stories, and case studies in this episode are fictionalized composites drawn from real-world circumstances. Any resemblance to actual students, families, or school personnel is coincidental. Details have been altered to protect privacy.

"What you say in here, stays in here…” 

We’ve all said it, but it’s a promise that never came from schools, and it’s costing us trust with students, parents, and administrators. 

In this Graded episode, I examine how near-absolute confidentiality has been implemented in school counseling, the fallout it’s created, and why the grade I’m giving it might surprise you.

We’ll trace how confidentiality migrated from clinical counseling into schools without informed consent, why the line we were trained to use is misleading at best, and how it has fueled parental distrust, administrative micromanagement, and even new state legislation.

If you’ve ever felt caught between protecting student privacy and keeping parents informed, this episode will give you the clarity- and the courage- you need to move forward differently.

References (Annotated)

American Counseling Association. (2014). ACA Code of Ethics. Alexandria, VA: Author. https://www.counseling.org/resources/aca-code-of-ethics.pdf
The foundational ethical guide for all counselors. Section B.1.b. and A.2.d. directly address confidentiality with minors and the need to explain limits clearly.

American School Counselor Association. (2022). ASCA Ethical Standards for School Counselors. Alexandria, VA: Author. https://schoolcounselor.org/ethics
School-specific ethical standards. Section A.2.a. emphasizes protecting confidentiality “to the extent possible,” while A.2.d. requires informing students upfront about its limits.

Harrichand, J. J. S., Knight, A. M., & Captari, L. E. (2021). Moral injury among mental health professionals: Risk, impact, and recovery. Counseling and Values, 66(1), 1–16. https://doi.org/10.1002/cvj.12155
Explains how moral injury—acting against one’s ethical compass—contributes to counselor stress and burnout. Directly ties to the personal cost of impossible confidentiality decisions.

Isaacs, M. L., & Stone, C. B. (2001). Confidentiality with minors: Current views and practices of school counselors. Professional School Counseling, 4(4), 258–265. https://doi.org/10.1177/2156759X0100400405
A classic study showing how school counselors navigate confidentiality with students. One of the earliest peer-reviewed examinations of the real-world gap between ethics and practice.

Remley, T. P., & Huey, W. C. (2002). An analysis of legal and ethical issues in school counseling. Professional School Counseling, 6(1), 33–39. https://doi.org/10.1177/2156759X0200600107
An overview of common legal/ethical dilemmas in school counseling, including confidentiality, and strategies for reducing liability while maintaining professional integrity.

Stone, C. (2017). School counseling principles: Ethics and law (4th ed.). Alexandria, VA: American School Counselor Association.
Widely used textbook by Carolyn Stone, the leading voice on legal and ethical issues in school counseling. Offers detailed guidance on confidentiality and parent rights.

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

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All names, stories, and case studies in this episode are fictionalized composites drawn from real-world circumstances. Any resemblance to actual students, families, or school personnel is coincidental. Details have been altered to protect privacy.

Minute meetings look great on a spreadsheet. But do they actually help kids? In this episode of Graded, I dig into where this practice really came from, the myths we’ve built around it, and the risks nobody’s talking about, and I’ll share what to do instead.

Minute meetings have taken on near-folklore status in school counseling. They’re all over Pinterest, pushed in Facebook groups, and praised as the “must-do” way to reach every student. But here’s the problem: they didn’t come from research. They came from a 2011 blog post that went viral because it looked proactive and admin-friendly.

I’ll unpack why so many counselors have latched onto them, and the real costs hiding under the surface: wasted time, shaky privacy practices, legal risks, and the illusion of equity. 

Most importantly, you’ll leave with stronger, evidence-backed alternatives- systematic data analysis, teacher consultation, and SEL strategies- that replace documentation theater with practices that actually change outcomes.

If you’ve ever wondered whether minute meetings are helping or quietly hurting your program, this episode is for you.

References (Annotated)

American School Counselor Association. (2005). The ASCA National Model: A framework for school counseling programs (2nd ed.). Alexandria, VA: Author.
This framework formalized the profession’s shift toward “comprehensive, data-driven” programs. Its expectations created pressure on counselors to prove contact and impact—conditions that made quick-fix strategies like minute meetings appealing.

Dahir, C. A., & Stone, C. B. (2006). The transformed school counselor. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.
Captures the post-ASCA Model climate of accountability and data demands. This context helps explain why counselors gravitated toward visible, trackable practices like minute meetings, even without research support.

Kathuria, T., & Pandya, A. (2023). Can a five-minute meeting improve the wellbeing of students? The Indian school experience. Journal of Psychologists and Counsellors in Schools, 33(2), 1–11. https://doi.org/10.1017/jgc.2023.12
The only peer-reviewed study even remotely related to “minute meetings.” Though conducted in India and using a different model (five minutes, not one), it highlights how little empirical research exists to validate this practice in U.S. schools.

Schultz, D. (2011, December 28). Got a minute? School Counselor Blog. https://www.schcounselor.com/2011/12/got-minute.html
Earliest known mention of “minute meetings” in the school counseling world. 

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

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All names, stories, and case studies in this episode are fictionalized composites drawn from real-world circumstances. Any resemblance to actual students, families, or school personnel is coincidental. Details have been altered to protect privacy.