Are you monogamous? Consensually non-monogamous? Ambiamorous? Polyamorous? Have you explored all of your options? And what can you learn from relationship types that are different than your own? Kevin Patterson joins Jess & Brandon to talk about his open marriage of 12 years and counting. He shares some of his mistakes and lessons as well as insightful advice on jealousy for people in monogamous relationships.

Follow Kevin on...

Instagram

Facebook

Pick up your copy of Kevin's book, Love is Not Color Blind here. Also check out For Hire: Operator here.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Ambiamory, Polyamory, Open Relationships

00:00:05 - 00:05:09

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sex and relationship advice, you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr jazz podcast. Brought to you my our friends at desire resorts in cruises. I'm Brandon wear your unofficial sexologist. And I'm just so Riley a soon to be retired sexologist. Oh, that sounds amazing. I gotta say love what we do have a lot of fun. But the idea of kicking back and travel in the world for six months sounds pretty amazing right now. So it's a six month retirement to six months sabbatical. I think so I think we'll go on a sabbatical in the next few years, we go pretty hard. We do. Actually, I'm letting out a big X hail this week because I handed in a book transcript on Monday, I filmed an entire video course yesterday. So I'll have a new book coming out next year co authored by the fabulous Marla, Renee Stewart, and our book is called the ultimate guide to Saddam and foreplay. And yes, foreplay counts as sex and. Is really about all things sexual? It's really not just seduction four play and Marla is getting married this weekend in Atlanta's so shout out to Marla and her partner. Esther I'm heading down in the morning for her wedding arm, nor growing, but I want you to tell us a bit more about the fem- of their wedding. 'cause it's pretty unique. Yeah, I'm pretty excited. First of all, I can't wait to see Marla dress. Because I've heard it's going to be read. And because it's Marla it's going to be fun Bula space. Fabulous. And I've been told as a guest that we are to wear bold colors with a military sexy theme. Why didn't we do this for our wedding? I don't know because I didn't wanna see you in like military military boy shorts. I look back at the photos of our wedding. And it was one of the best days of my life. But my attire is very different than what Iraq today. Yeah. You wore a white suit that wasn't skin-tight like the clothes. You wear today. Such tight clothing. Let's see it's form fitted. All right. Okay. Let's talk right now who's t-shirt is tighter. Yours are not a fair comment were at home. We're working out of our office our studio, and I was out I was running around so latex convention. Yeah. That was pretty good. Pretty good. My jeans have stretching the Manley Malone any short too, so Marla and Esther shadow to them big. Congrats coming up for this weekend. I don't know what to wear because we've been told to wear bright red, bold, blue or yellow and make sure it's military sexy. Now as a Canadian, I'm not even sure what military sexy is I how ever have number of neighbors who are quite into the ...

Naturopathic doctor, Dr. Olivia Rose, shares insights on how diet, supplements, herbs, acupuncture and sleep affect your sex drive and overall health. She reveals what foods you should eat in the morning, what substances you should avoid at night, and how hormones play a role in libido.

Follow Dr. Olivia on...

Twitter 

Instagram

Facebook 

Have a question about naturopathic treatments, clinical nutrition etc.? Join Dr. Olivia every Thursday on Vitarock's Facebook page for her weekly 'Ask Me Anything' Facebook Live broadcast.

You can find a quick summary of the episode below. (Thanks to Dr. Olivia for providing these notes!)

1. What is naturopathic medicine? Tell us about your practice.

Naturopathic medicine is a health care system that blends modern scientific knowledge and evidence with traditional and natural forms of medicine. As NDs, we assess the whole person by providing physical examinations, nutrition, lifestyle and mental health assessments and we refer for blood work at our local labs when necessary.

I have a general practice, however, I do tend to focus on women and men’s health, gastrointestinal health, immune, skin and children’s health. Lifestyle, nutrition, herbs and acupuncture are the modalities I use the most.

2. What is the most common sex-related problem patients present with? (We're assuming low libido is up there.) What are some lifestyle causes of low libido?

Low libido is common, especially in women. At least women tend to talk about it more, vaginal dryness, pain during sex and erectile dysfunction in males come up frequently.

Lifestyle causes of low libido include poor diet (e.g. not enough or an excess – too much alcohol, caffeine, sugar, fat, processed foods, and also eating too little – not eating frequently enough, not having enough of the key micronutrients such as iron and B12 and macronutrients (missing healthy fat, protein etc.) which are important for blood circulation and hormone health; metabolic syndrome is a condition characterized by high blood pressure, central obesity, elevated blood sugar and abnormal cholesterol and triglyceride levels that increase your risk for stroke, heart disease and diabetes, inactivity – being active maintains good circulation to your pelvic floor and genitalia. Regular physical activity also helps to balance your hormones and maintain healthy testosterone levels. Stress – relationship, workplace, environmental – can play a role.

3. How does diet affect libido?

Your diet can play a huge role in sexual desire. Going back to the not enough or too much diets – both can affect libido. Your libido relies on circulation and if your diet isn’t conducive to promoting healthy circulation, your libido will be affected.

4. How does diet effect mood and relationships more generally?

Diet and digestion are closely tied to mood. Certain foods and additives in our food supply can have a negative effect on your mood such as MSG – some people are sensitive to MSG and report feeling sluggish, depressed or angry after consuming it. However, the first thing I do before even changing anyone’s diet is to make sure they are eating regularly. Eating at regular intervals can make a huge difference in regulating your mood. It also helps to balance your blood sugar and insulin. I emphasize a diet that contains enough protein with each meal because protein gets broken into the amino acids we require to make our hormones.

5. Can herbs/supplements be used to address libido? Can herbs/supplements be used to improve mood (and relational interactions)?

There are many herbs that have traditionally been used for sexual enhancement and mood stabilization for centuries.

Fenugreek is a popular culinary spice in South Asian dishes and in Ayurvedic medicine. It’s backed by promising research that it can increase sexual arousal and orgasms. It’s thought to contain plant chemicals that serve as precursors to estrogen and test...

How do you deal with a defensive partner? How do you manage a partner who lashes out in arguments? Is shrinkage real? What are some signs of a toxic relationship? Do I get a say in my partner’s porn habits? Jess and Brandon answer your questions in another rapid fire round.

Please see a rough list of the questions that were addressed on this episode:

I followed your 3-step approach on how to have difficult conversations with your partner, but I have some follow-up questions.

78. What if your partner gets defensive?

79. Lashes out?

80. Or simply withdraw or refuses to talk?

81. What if they refuse to go to therapy?

82. I want to go one of those nude beaches you talk about, but I'm afraid I will get a woody. Brandon, has this happened to you?

83. Can you make my penis bigger?

84. Is shrinkage real?

85. Does my partner get a say in my porn habits?

86. Is it your right to tell your partner that you'd prefer they didn't watch porn if it makes you jealous or you aren't comfortable with it?

87. Where is the line for advocating for what you want, and being controlling?

88. What about telling them not to watch certain kinds of porn that you're ethically opposed to? Like free porn which is often exploitative, or porn scenes that are degrading towards women?

89. If your partner has an issue with your porn habits, would you change them or tell them it's your choice?

90. Does Brandon have a brother?

91. What if my wife has a small clitoris?

92. Why does my penis keep dripping after I pee?

93. Can semen clog your drain?

94. How do they know it's semen, did they have to clean out their pipes?

95. I just started dating since graduating college and being with a not-so-great boyfriend for four years. I'm not sure what a healthy relationship should really look like. Can you tell me some signs of a toxic relationship? I want to know what to look for, to make sure it's not an unhealthy situation.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Defensive Partners, Toxic Relationships, Shrinkage and Porn Habits

00:00:05 - 00:05:01

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sex and relationship advice, you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr just podcast. I'm your unofficial sexologist. Brandon wear, and I suppose I'm the official sexologist title that I will never be able to escape Jessore eilly here before we get started a big thank you to desire resorts, they have clothing optional paradises on the Mayan Rivera as well as clothing optional. Couples only cruises. We are heading to Europe to the south of France Italy Spain, I know we're going to my arc. Baby. Valencia. Are you taking me on the next round and taking guess guest? Your plus one I'm taking a plus one. Are you coming? I would love to come. I just hope that it's me that's on the ticket. You're good bag carrier. I am very good at carrying bags. I don't know. What else? I'm very good. At you. Bring a lot to the Taylor a friend, and I will be on their upcoming cruise and be sure to check out their resorts at desire experience show. Let's jump right into the questions. Two hundred episodes one hundred. Questions where did we leave off? I think we left off at seventy six or something like that.

How should you adjust your body language during an argument with your partner? What strategies can we use to become active listeners? What role does body language play with single daters? Tune in now to learn from Body Language Expert, Karen Donaldson as she shares her advice and insights with Jess and Brandon.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

 

 

 

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Body Language in Dating & Mating

00:00:00 - 00:05:09

On. You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks. And relationship advice. You can use tonight. Hey, hey, this is just a rally your friendly neighborhood sexologist here with the love of my life. Mr. Brendan wear the love of your life. We're gonna be talking about body language and the way body language shows up in dating Brennan is currently doing martial art moves its body language. The way body language shows up in in dating and in relationships in times of heroism and in times of conflict, and I was thinking about my own body language, and I appear very fam-. I I wear heels I wear dresses. I have long hair I wear been a makeup. And if you look at my Instagram photo feed, you describe me as feminine, but interestingly, I was looking through some of the photos from. My recent speaking engagements, so onstage speaking to crowds. And I noticed something totally different. So these more candid shots that are not curated like my Instagram feed. I stand with my legs wide apart. My hips are really opened my shoulders are back and wide and broad and. I look dominant and is interesting because people comment on on my confidence on my supposed- masculine energy. So on one hand, I know I convey femininity in the way, I dress in the way, I pose for photos, but when I'm in real life like I think I really feel like myself on stage. I'm somebody entirely different or I'm conveying something different. Now, I'm not a gender, essentially. I I totally realized that nurture plays a role in the way I adjust my body language. So when I'm on stage, I want to feel powerful. And I wonder if there's a part of me that wants to be perceived as masculine to de sexualize myself because I'm talking about this topic that is so sensitive, and sometimes it's just relationships, but still people know him a sexologist I fear being harassed because even when ninety nine percent of the audience is totally cool. It only takes one guy to sexualize me to really kinda squash me like a little bug. And so I wonder if I changed the way I speak the way I stand the way I move my body and assume these power poses to detract from the possibility of being sexualize. Sd? I'd just like you said power poses makes me think of Amy senti going book nine nine course on power pose it, and so I was thinking about you and body language, and I was thinking that sometimes when we fight. My body language is not good when we fight. I crossed my arms my close up. I know that I do because I paid attention to it. And I've made the effort to try to seem more open in arguments. But it's my default is to kind of close up to not allow you in into allow you access, but I do notice that when I'm walking I made a conscious attempt to have better posture because you just have the best posture were sitting at a table.

Jess and Brandon answer your questions: Is it normal to want your wife to be a hot-wife? Should I use an enema before anal? What should I do if I can’t get it in? Can a sexless marriage work? Can a couple really recover after cheating? How do I know if I should call it quits on a relationship? And many, many more.

Please see a rough transcript below.

Thank you to Desire Resorts & Desire Cruises for their support. Be sure to check them out because they offer a clothing-optional couples experience that is unlike any other.

To celebrate our 100th episode, we started answering 100 of your questions last week and we continue this week:

39. Is there really a way to move past a cheating partner?

Yes. If the one who cheated is not making excuses and is willing to do the work. And if the one who didn’t cheat agrees that they’ll be vulnerable and honest about what they feel AND not use the cheating as a weapon moving forward (e.g. in arguments unrelated to cheating).

40. How can you introduce compromise to a partner who always believes their way is the right way?

You compromise first. It’s disarming. If you take an issue that you’re fighting about and say mea culpa - I need to change. The angriest, most stubborn person will likely follow suit.

41. How do you know enough is enough, and you’re just running your own race?

If your partner isn’t willing to put in effort to make the relationship work - this might be a sign that you’re not able to become compatible. Having said that, just because they won’t put in the same type of effort you put in doesn’t mean it’s on them to conform to your expectations. But if you’ve tried to work on the relationship from multiple angles - by talking, by arguing, by going to therapy, by completing self-help programs together, by carving time out and you’ve tried a variety of approaches and asked them how they’d like to work on it AND they’re open to none of them, you’re in a relationship with yourself. Try asking them: do you want to work on this relationship and make it better? If they say yes, ask them how they’d like to work on it.

42. Can a man’s semen stink if they drink beer? Is there something that causes women to have a funny smell?

Yes. We don’t have scientific evidence that what you eat and drink changes your taste or smell, but we have so many anecdotal reports that I simply can’t ignore. Diets high in fruits and veggies and supposed to increase sweetness and preservatives, smoking and alcohol have been said to change the taste so that it’s more bitter. And when someone ejaculates inside of you, it can absolutely change the way you smell, but the self-cleaning oven will clean it out. And again, always get tested — regardless of whether or not you’re using condoms.

43. How tall are you?

5’4"

44. How do you get brave enough to try new things in the bedroom?

Start slow and small. Try it next to the bed instead of in the bed. Then move to the shower and add silicone based lube because you’ll need it in there. Try whispering a few words right before orgasm when your inhibitions are lower. When you get more turned on, the chemical shifts in your body help you to be less self conscious and more confident. And don’t feel pressure to do everything. The tiniest change can have the biggest impact.

45. Can sex still be healthy if it is quick, under 15 minutes all the time?

That’s way longer than average. Porn sex lasts so long that our expectations become unrealistic. But if it’s not long enough for you, think about other things you can do - with your hands, your mouth, your toys. Don’t get hung up on intercourse. There is a reason lesbian women have more orgasms that straight women - they’re not hung up on the D.

46. How can you tell if your husband’s sex drive is going down?

Ask them! And be supportive. It’s okay if your interest in sex declines. It’s normal. You often have to get in the mood for sex rather than wait for the mood to strike you.

It’s our 100th episode! We’re answering rapid-fire questions on everything from jealousy, uneven breasts, and birth control to penis flavours, positions and sex toys. Tune in and keep the questions coming. Thank you so much for supporting us by using our discount code DRJESSVIP when shopping with our affiliate partners. We appreciate you.

Code DRJESSVIP

THANK YOU! 💜 (for real)

Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us!

No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win!

LOVEHONEY.COM

WE-VIBE.COM

This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!

 

Sex Questions Answered: Rapid Fire Round

It’s our 100th episode! Yay us!

Thanks so much for listening and for sharing with your friends. If you like the podcast, please do share it and write us a review online.

And thank you to Desire Resorts for being our headline sponsor - you know we love their clothing optional beaches and cruises and we welcome any questions you might have about their vacations since the concept is so unique.

And speaking of questions, we’re going to be answering 100 sex and relationship questions to celebrate our 100th episode. We’ve been collecting so many questions from you and we want to answer as many as possible so we’ll be doing a rapid fire round today and I’ll do my best to answer as many as possible. We’ll probably have to continue in next week’s episode.

Some of these questions come from teens and some come from grandparents, so it’s quite a wide range.

TL;DR - 38 Sex Questions Answered

Pre-cum & pregnancy – Yes, it can cause pregnancy.

Birth control & weight – Temporary for some; options exist.

Penis size & vaginal fit – The body adapts; cervix “tents” during arousal.

Uneven breasts – Totally normal (like sisters, not twins).

Jealous kids – Normalize feelings, focus on behaviour.

Orgasms & positions – Try stomach grinding or positions with clitoral contact.

Vaginal douching – Skip it! Your vagina is self-cleaning.

Discharge & clots – Know what’s normal; check with a doctor if it changes.

Period pain relief – Explore hormonal & non-hormonal options.

Emergency contraception (Plan B) – Works best within 72 hours; no long-term effects known (but always consult with your doctor).

Mucky penis? – Skip oral & see a doctor. Could be an STI.

Scent, taste, and self-consciousness – Bodies vary and many love natural scent.

Virgin at 26? – Totally okay. There’s no timeline.

Sex after breastfeeding – Prioritize you, build anticipation, and receive more.

Swinging? – Jess & Brandon don’t, but they’re open and nonjudgmental.

Sex drive mismatches – Aim for mutual satisfaction, not compromise or control.

Same fight over & over? – Change the how, not just the what.

And so much more...

Toy picks:

We-Vibe Touch X – silky, rumbly, powerful.

Womanizer Duo 2 – unmatched suction.

We-Vibe Pivot – Brandon-approved.

Use discount code DRJESSVIP to save on all affiliate purchases.

Listen to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast for Q&As and the science of sex and relationships. Subscribe to the newsletter for tips, toy discounts, and travel tips.

1. Can pre cum get you pregnant?

Yes - it can. If there is sperm present in the urethral tract, pre-cum can carry this sperm into the vagina and it can eventually meet with an egg.

2. Does the birth control pill make you gain weight?

People report that it does, but research from 44 studies suggests that it’s temporary — perhaps a side effect of fluid retention. But ultimately, you know your body so if hormonal birth control is affecting your energy, sleep, mood,

Dr. Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about swallowing, squirting, nervousness, physical affection and sex dolls.

Today we’re talking physical affection, sex headaches, semen swallowing, FMF fantasies and squirting. You know, those questions you quietly search for at 2 a.m. because the closet’s just for actual clothes, not our desires.

Thank you for engaging with our content and listening to our podcast. We appreciate you. Don’t forget to explore our affiliate links and save with the code DRJESSVIP.

Code DRJESSVIP

THANK YOU! 💜 (for real)

Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us!

No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win!

LOVEHONEY.COM

WE-VIBE.COM

This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!

Sex Doll Smuggling

But first…Sex doll smuggling. A Trinidadian man had his sex doll seized at the border after being in­formed that it con­tra­vened sec­tion 45 (l) of the Cus­toms Act as it has hu­man gen­i­talia. He is now suing Trinidad’s Cus­toms and Ex­cise Di­vi­sion and while I can’t comment on Trinidad’s import policies, I’m always concerned when the government steps in and ultimately dictates what you can and can’t do as consenting adults in the privacy of your bedroom.

I ran into this in the UAE when I was working in Dubai. My clients got in trouble for trying to import sex toys and they taught me an important lesson about how to take vibrators in to countries where they’re prohibited: put them next to your hair curler or straightening iron because then they look like they’re part of the same electronic components. And so far it has worked for me.

But I just thought this story offered a good reminder that we should talk about sex dolls because there are now sex doll brothels in Canada, Europe, Asia and they must be coming soon to the US - like a boy band, they’re always big in Europe, Asia and Canada first and then they hit the US. And I’ve seen so many lifelike sex dolls on display at trade shows and in sex clubs.

Our listener questions are piling up and it’s stressing me out a bit because I don’t like to leave you hanging, so we’re going to address a series of questions today.

Physical affection fatigue and boundaries

1. A 'buddy of mine' is worried that something is wrong because he doesn’t always want to be touched - especially right after work or when he’s watching the game. His girlfriend gets mad because she wants to kiss or cuddle and he just feels smothered and guilty for not wanting to touch her. Is this a psychological issue? How should he deal with it?

Just as some people crave touch constantly, others abhor it. Wherever you fall along the spectrum of desire of physical touch, you’re perfectly normal. As long as you can function (i.e. go to work, maintain relationships), I wouldn’t worry about how little or how much touch you desire.

In your friend’s case, it sounds as though he simply wants some space and needs to clearly communicate his boundaries to his partner. He should let her know when and how he wants to be touched and clarify that there are simply times when he wants physical space. He shouldn’t feel guilty.

Many mothers complain about feeling “touched out” at the end of the day; their kids have been all over them all day and they just don’t want anyone else (i.e. their partners) to hug, kiss or initiate sex. Your friend may be experiencing something similar.

Compatibility in relationships isn’t rooted finding someone who wants the same things as you (e.g. you don’t have to share a mutual love of cuddling); compatibility involves working together to meet one another’s needs and accepting that one person cannot fulfill all of your needs everyday for the rest of your lives.

How much should appearance matter in dating? How do you overcome fears of rejection and develop high self-worth? How do we address racism, colorism and discrimination in dating? Dr. Donna and Jess share their experiences and perspectives to help you feel better in your own skin and address your own biases.

Follow Dr. Donna Oriowo on...

Twitter

Facebook

Instagram

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Dating Advice with Dr. Donna

00:00:05 - 00:05:00

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sex and relationship advice, you can use tonight. Hey, hey, your friendly neighborhood sexologist here. Jessica O'Reilly getting ready to talk about dating self worth self esteem body image and how to feel better about yourself. Whether you are single dating partnered or somewhere in between. I I wanna give a big shadow to desire resorts, they have clothing optional. Couples experiences in Mexico and in Europe, and Brandon, and I will be joining them on their Mediterranean cruise this September and the desire red carpet cruise in may twenty twenty I am not gonna complain about that. Joining me today to discuss dating in the age of social media in the age of left, and sometimes writes swipes and the age of filters, and heavy editing on just about everything is Dr Donna Oreo will a sex and relationship, educator and therapist and an international speaker located in the Washington DC metro area, thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. Now, you are a therapist. Why do clients come to you primarily, oh, there's so many reasons, but the main one is that I actually see a lot of single people and they're concerned about how they've been in these sort of repeat relationships again and again worried about having a little bit of anxiety. Maybe some depression around what it's like today and what it's like today now. Now, and what it's like to date in their individual bodies, so working on some some level of body satisfaction. But then there's also the color is that dealing with so discrimination based on their skin tone, as well as texture isn't that they're dealing with which is the same before hair this commission against a hair texture. And so how does that discrimination? How's it manifested are people being overt about it? Are they small microaggressions? Oh, it's a little bit of everything. It's it's such a joy how people can find different ways the compliment slash insult each other. So though here things like you're pretty dark skin. Like, I've never I've never been with you. You know woman like us, and like, okay will what do you mean? Oh, I've never dated a big girl. And just you know sort of. Yeah. I hear that's islands. And when people say things like this are they looking for cookie. Are they saying, well, you know, I'm here, and I'm doing a good thing. Charity dating. I'm doing you of favor by being seen out in public with you. And it just like this is ridiculous. The toll that this must take on your self esteem must be so significant how how do you work through that? So those aren't even what I was thinking of with regard to microaggressions. I was quite blatant. How do you work through that the fear 'cause we all face a fear of rejection when we go on a date, but that fear is intensified?

How important is oral sex? Is it okay to have a crush on a co-worker if I’m married? Are ‘cheating clauses’ healthy for relationships? How do I get over a crush? Why does sex education matter? Jess and Brandon chat sex, love and relationships addressing these questions and many more.

Check out the rough summary notes from the podcast below:

We’re in south Florida this week - I’m working on a new book all about seduction and foreplay along with my co-author Marla Stewart and we are enjoying the sunshine. But it has been a stressful week - with Lido.

And I just found out that I’m shadow banned on Instagram because my account gets reported all the time - I don’t post provocative or even sexy photos. It’s mostly my face, Brandon’s and my pup Lido’s, but because people don’t like that I talk about sex, they report me and Instagram has shadow banned me. Now they can send me harassing messages and Instagram doesn’t do anything about it. I reported a dick pick on FB the other day and FB said that the person’s account doesn't violate their terms. But somehow because I talk about sex and relationships, none of my hashtags show up in feeds or searches and my content is hidden from many people’s feeds - even those who follow me. So if you follow me on Insta - it’s SexWithDrJess - please take a moment to head over to my account. If you can comment on a photo or two it should help me out - and Insta doesn’t like one word comments because they think they’re bots.

It’s a struggle working in this field because even though we’re here providing education and trying to help people to feel better about themselves, we face judgment and pushback at every turn. We live in a culture that is okay with depictions of gruesome violence or extreme risk taking and dangerous behaviour like shootouts, or high speed car chases, or war, but the mere mention of sex — which by the way is a the life-force that keeps our planet populated — freaks people out. I had a post reported on FB entitled 5 conversations to deepen the bond and connection in your relationship. FB said it violated their community standards. Yet I see posts that promote homophobia, transphobia, racism and misogyny every time I open my feed.

Without sex you wouldn’t be here. Without sex, we wouldn’t have computers, we wouldn’t have surgical developments that save lives, we wouldn’t have the internet that keeps us connected. People developed these technologies and people are here because their parents had sex.

This erotophobia not only affects my day-to-day life - I see it when people judge me when I walk in a room because of my work and I can’t wait until the day I stop caring and speak up, but more importantly our fear of sex affects the health and safety of every one of us. Because we don’t talk about sex with young people, we’re putting their lives at risk.

Because research shows that sex education - talking about sex - is associated with improved academic achievement, greater gender equity, higher school attendance rates.

Research shows that sex education is associated with suicide prevention.

Research shows that sex education can dispel misinformation about sex spread by popular media. Done right, it can address the misogynist, ableist, ageist, classist, racist depictions of sex and relationships we see in popular media.

Research shows that sex education can improve confidence, decrease abuse, and help people to live more fulfilling lives and have happier relationships.

It reduces STI transmission and unplanned pregnancies by increasing the likelihood of delaying sex, using condoms and communicating about what you want and what you don’t want.

But somehow, sex ed is framed as a controversial issue. A divisive issue. A political issue. But it’s not a matter of politics or opinion or religion — sex ed is a matter of life and death.

So please support sex ed. Speak up. Follow and support sex educators. Help us get un-shadow banned. Rant over.

***

How do you talk to your kids about porn? How do you teach consent from a young age? How do you have awkward conversations about sex? What does it mean to be a sex-positive parent? Melissa Pintor Carnagey joins Jess and Brandon to share her advice and insights on these topics and more.

You can find Melissa online at sexpositivefamilies.com. They have downloadable guides, resources, podcast episodes and blog posts that offer education to help families raise sexually healthy children. One of their most popular resources is our Sex Positive Families Reading List with over 100 curated books about sexual health topics for children and adults of all ages.

Follow Melissa on...

Instagram 

Twitter

Facebook

***

Check out Jess' thoughts on how to talk to your kids about porn below:

The landscape of sex has changed since we were kids with sexting, mobile porn and social media shaping the way young people learn about sex.

With explicit content at their fingertips, talking to our children about sex and porn is more important than ever. And as uncomfortable as a conversation about porn may be, there is no avoiding it if we want to support our children in developing healthy attitudes toward intimacy, sexuality and relationships. While there is no perfect formula for addressing such a sensitive and subjective topic, we have a few tips for making the conversation count:

Ask questions without judgment

Parents often wonder how to start a conversation about sex and it is common to have serious concerns with regard to exactly how much information they should reveal. One of the best ways to address these concerns is to ask questions to help understand what your kids have seen, learned and heard about sex and porn. Ideally, you’ll want to address the topic before your child is exposed to the material, but many young people click on adult content inadvertently.

If your young child has clicked on a porn link accidentally, you might want to ask him what he saw and what he thought of the images, language and content. By remaining neutral in tone, language and facial expressions, you can encourage your child to express himself without fear of judgment.

If you’ve found adult links on your child’s computer, you might ask her what she felt when viewing the videos and emphasize that both positive, negative and conflicting reactions are normal. Other questions to guide your discussion might include:

What do you know about porn/sex?

Do your friends ever talk about porn/sex and if so, what have you heard?

How did you feel about what you saw?

When your child presents you with a question about a sex term or sex act (e.g. What is intercourse?), you can turn the tables and ask him/her what s/he already knows. This is the perfect teachable moment to dispel any misinformation and learn a bit more about your child’s sources of sex information which may range from schoolyard friends and older siblings to the internet and television programs.

Fill in the blanks with age-appropriate information.

Depending on your child’s age and your comfort level, you can fill in as much or as little information as you deem suitable. Sex education is most effective when it is age appropriate; for example, a four year old can understand the basics of reproduction (a man and a woman are needed to create a baby), whereas a 7 year-old can grasp the basic concepts of intercourse (the penis goes in a vagina). Answering your child’s questions about sex and porn from such an early age may seem counterintuitive, but research continues to confirm that learning accurate information about sex (including both positive and negative outcomes) does not lead to an increase sexual activity; accurate sex education, however, does lead to positive sexual interactions and relationships in the future.

Though experts can offer guidelines and tips with regard to how to approach this sensitive topic, as a parent,