November 12, 2025

Shocking Surprises Living with a Dismissive Avoidant

1 hour

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Moving in with a dismissive avoidant partner can be both exciting and surprisingly challenging. In this powerful episode, Thais Gibson and co-host Mike reveal the five biggest (and most unexpected) things that happen when you start sharing a home with someone who struggles with emotional closeness.

From the retreat for space that often follows big steps forward, to fears of losing autonomy or conflict avoidance, this conversation dives deep into how dismissive avoidants process intimacy—and how you can build understanding, connection, and balance instead of frustration.

Through personal stories and professional insight, Thais and Mike share practical strategies for communication, conflict resolution, and emotional safety—so you can navigate cohabitation with compassion and clarity.

You’ll Learn:

The #1 reason dismissive avoidants retreat into their own space after moving in

How to discuss space, boundaries, and routines before issues arise

Why dismissive avoidants equate comfort with love (and how that affects dating effort)

How to avoid the “roommate trap” and keep the spark alive

The importance of acceptance and autonomy for both partners

Why DAs often struggle with conflict, change, and vulnerability

How to communicate needs without triggering shame or withdrawal

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 – Intro & Why Moving In Can Trigger the Power Struggle Stage

03:16 – 1 — DAs Retreat to Their Own Space to Create Emotional Distance

07:16 – How to Navigate Space & Routine Discussions

09:16 – The Role of Acceptance & Allowing Autonomy

13:30 – 2 — How Cleanliness, Habits, & Personality Types Impact Living Together

17:10 – Creating Shared Routines and Avoiding Misunderstandings

21:31 – PDS 7-Day Free Trial & Membership Overview

22:36 – 3 — DAs Equate Comfort With Love (and Why It Leads to Complacency)

25:41 – Why You Should Always “Date” Your Partner

31:11 – 4 — Why DAs Feel Trapped or Pull Back Emotionally

35:28 – Communication Scripts for “Recharge Time” & Emotional Safety

43:29 – 5 — When Conflict Arises: How to Handle It Without Triggering Shutdown

47:18 – The Long-Term Benefits of Secure Co-Living

51:10 – Bonus: Acts of Service, Self-Consideration & Learning True Partnership

56:14 – Rumi’s Quote on Growth & Healing in Relationships

59:09 – Final Reflections and Listener Tips

Key Takeaway:

When you understand a dismissive avoidant’s wiring—fears of loss, shame, and autonomy—you can transform potential friction into deeper connection. Secure relationships aren’t about avoiding conflict—they’re about communicating through it.

🎙️ Meet Your Host

Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory™. With a Ph.D. and over a decade of experience helping 70,000+ students, she specializes in attachment healing, subconscious reprogramming, and secure relationship building.

📚 Helpful Links:

🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=attachment-quiz&utm_medium=organic&el=podcast

🎧 Listen to More Episodes

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast?page=1

📘 Read Learning Love by Thais Gibson

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love

📝 Read the PDS Blog

https://blog.personaldevelopmentschool.com/

📱 Connect with Us:

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TikTok: @thaisgibson

LinkedIn: The Personal Development School

YouTube: The Personal Development School Channel

#DismissiveAvoidant #AttachmentStyles #ThaisGibson #EmotionalIntimacy #RelationshipCommunication #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #AttachmentHealing #ConflictResolution #SecureAttachment #EmotionalGrowth

Moving in together doesn’t have to mean emotional distance. Learn how to communicate, compromise, and stay connected—no matter your attachment style. 💗

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By Thais Gibson

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