Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

In this insightful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, host Dr. Joe Kort welcomes Dr. Ronald Hellman, a distinguished psychiatrist and pioneer in LGBTQ+ mental health advocacy. Together, they delve into the concepts of "homosexism" and "sides," challenging longstanding cultural assumptions about gay male sexuality.

Dr. Kort and Dr. Hellman discuss the evolution of the term "side"—coined by Dr. Kort to describe gay men who prefer sexual activities other than anal intercourse—and how it has gained acceptance across dating apps and the broader LGBTQ+ community. Dr. Hellman shares his academic perspective on homosexism, a form of prejudice that narrowly defines gay male sex as exclusively involving anal intercourse, while invalidating other forms of erotic intimacy. He emphasizes that research spanning over a century shows that oral sex and mutual masturbation are actually more common among gay men than anal sex.

The conversation also explores how media portrayals, outdated medical assessments, and a lack of proper education reinforce these misconceptions, negatively impacting self-esteem and sexual identity within the gay community. Dr. Hellman calls for more accurate representations of male intimacy and greater awareness across all spectrums of sexuality.

Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the diversity of sexual expression, the importance of validating different experiences, and the need to dismantle cultural biases in both popular media and healthcare. Dr. Hellman also hints at his upcoming book, Loving Arrangements, focused on open relationships, due out from Rutgers University Press in 2025.

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In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort interviews Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, and Dr. Jennifer Vencill dive into the complexities of sexual desire discrepancies between partners. They discuss the differences between libido, sexual desire, and sex drive, emphasizing that sexual desire discrepancies are common and should be normalized rather than pathologized. The episode highlights two types of libido: spontaneous and responsive, and how cultural narratives often misrepresent sexual experiences. The experts provide insights on how partners can navigate these discrepancies, focusing on communication, understanding individual motivations, and exploring pleasure beyond traditional scripts. Listeners are encouraged to embrace diverse sexual experiences and to seek resources that reflect their unique situations. The episode aims to educate and empower individuals and couples to foster healthier sexual relationships.

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In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love's fifth season, Dr. Joe Kort talks with Jay Kaplan, an attorney for the ACLU of Michigan’s LGBTQ+ Project. Jay shares insights on the Trump 2.0 administration’s executive orders affecting LGBTQ+ rights, particularly policies targeting transgender individuals.

They discuss the removal of LGBTQ+ references from federal websites, restrictions on gender-affirming care, and the reinstatement of the transgender military ban. Jay explains the legal challenges being filed to stop these policies and how they impact civil rights.

The conversation also covers how the LGBTQ+ community can respond, the importance of unity, and the broader impact of these policies beyond transgender individuals. Jay encourages listeners to stay informed, speak up, and support advocacy efforts.

🎧 Listen now at  JoeKort.com or follow Dr. Joe Kort on Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook @DrJoeKort.

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“For a while, we thought we were a fluke in the system,” announces Samantha Wynn Greenstone, a social media influencer and actor who “came out” less than two years ago about her unconventional marriage to a gay man. Through social media communications with Smart Sex, Smart Love host, Joe Kort, Greenstone and her husband, Jacob Hoff, finally were able to “label” their relationship as “mixed orientation.”  

The couple fell in love, were married last November, and have been talking about their monogamous relationship – a “soulful connection” – as Hoff describes it, in People Magazine, The New York Times and social media. 

“It was a pivotal moment to finally take the leap and decide to share our story,” says Hoff during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. 

It’s natural for the couple to be under critical eyes when they chose to go public with their story. Greenstone is straight, and she knew Hoff was gay soon after their friendship began eight years ago. 

People don’t believe they can be monogamous; they suspect Hoff will be (or has been) unfaithful, they label him bisexual and not gay, they say the marriage is a sham, they believe conversion therapy is involved, they assume Greenstone couldn’t find a straight man to marry … and the theories go on and on because most people are skeptical that a straight woman and a gay man can be in a loving, monogamous relationship. 

The reality of this mixed orientation marriage is that it is working very well, and the couple is in love, happy, content, secure and completely committed to each other. “Jacob shows up for me more than anyone has ever shown up for me in my life,” Greenstone says. “He makes it clear how important I am to him every day and how much me being in his life means to him. Any doubt in my head is gone. He is in it for the long run.” 

Listen to my podcast to learn about the “pure love story” of Samantha Wynn Greenstone and Jacob Hoff and how mixed orientation marriages can be successful. 

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“I remember my dad telling me when I was 12 or 13 that I was too old to play with toys,” reports internationally known Barbie collector Jim Taylor. He opened Season 4 of Smart Sex, Smart Love by talking about why he began collecting Barbies, and now is the proud owner of more than 3,000 dolls. 

“I played with traditional boy toys growing up,” he points out. “I loved transformers.” As he got older, his desire to play with toys never diminished. Finally, when Taylor was well into his 20s, he decided, “I can do what I want, and I’m going to buy toys if I feel like it.” 

He has no “scientific” process for doll collecting. “Some people collect celebrity dolls; others collect ball gown dolls or Kens. Buy what you love, and you will love your collection,” he announces. “It’s what makes me happy.” 

He urges others: “Follow your bliss. I no longer say to myself, ‘you’re a grown man, you can’t buy that.’ Buy yourself a doll if it makes you happy!” 

Learn more about doll collecting and Jim Taylor’s story in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. 

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“I wanted to call my book, Go F**** Yourself, but I didn’t think the publishing world would accept it or get it,” laughs Eric Sprankle, PhD, author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. The professor of clinical psychology and co-director of the sexuality studies program at Minnesota State University in Mankato was a guest on my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. He talked about his DIY book, which debunks dozens of century old myths about masturbation that many still believe today. 

Here's a glimpse into his book and my podcast:

• The devil tempts people to masturbate. These sexual black magic demons enter your life and influence you to masturbate, which is a sin. Not true.
• Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real diagnosis. Not true.
• Masturbating will bring you to an early grave. Also not true.

Dr. Sprankle discusses these myths in detail and shares a lot more on the subject of masturbation, jackoff clubs, safe anus insertion practices, and enjoying masturbation moments without shame or guilt. 

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“If suffering is at the very core of the trans experience, what do we have to look forward to?” questions Rae McDaniel, a non-binary, therapist, coach, and transgender diversity and inclusion educator. “I think the world is better when we all get to be our authentic self, free from shame and guilt.”

McDaniel is the author of a book, “Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim your Joy and Step into your Most Authentic Self,”a first-of-its-kind practical guide to achieving gender freedom with joy, curiosity and pleasure for transgender and non-binary individuals, gender explorers and those who love them.

Born a girl, McDaniel found this identity was too limiting, but they didn’t identify as a man either. “I identify very much in the middle. Everyone has their own way of defining their gender, and everyone deserves to find their authentic self with joy, not suffering,” they announce in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. 

“It’s not about gender transition; it is about gender freedom,” McDaniel discusses. The book is relevant for trans, non-binary and cisgender individuals who want to understand what gender freedom is, and live the life that truly is authentic to them.

To hear McDaniel’s story and what you can do to live with gender freedom, listen to this podcast.

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Christine DeLozier, a food expert, research scientist and licensed acupuncturist, combined all of her talents to produce a book entitled, “Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health.” You can have great sex if you eat certain foods and reduce consumption of other foods, her research shows. During my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, DeLozier talks about how great sex is much more than being with the right person and being in the right mood. Throw in the right foods and watch your sexual pleasure skyrocket, she finds. Sex is better when we have good blood flow, which generates strong and rapid nerve conduction to our genitals, her research reveals. Our goal is to awaken our sexual health pathways by achieving the trifecta, DeLozier calls it. Improved blood flow, hormonal balance and nerve condition are the great sex trifecta, she has learned. Spinach operates on all three of these. It is one of the best foods for great sex, she tells her clients. To learn what you can eat to pump up your sex drive, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

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“When I was in my first year of medical school, I finally came out to my homophobic dad and it did not go well,” announces Ron Holt, DO, a board certified psychiatrist, author and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. “I never want anyone to go through my traumatic experience,” and that is why Dr. Holt is such a relentless champion for the LGBTQ+ community. He has presented talks nationally for more than 15 years on the consequences of bullying, suicide risk reduction, access to quality health care for the LGBTQ+ population, and how to provide a safe and welcoming clinical and mental health environment for his community. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Holt shares his personal story of growing up as a closeted gay man and the mental health issues resulting from no support, how rural and religious communities often do not provide an accepting environment for the LGBTQ+ population, how this population can find quality health care, and opening doors to help the LGBTQ+ community. I call Dr. Holt “Mr. Resource” because he knows how to find resources for every person and every issue. Listen in. You will find our conversation fascinating, educational, informational and emotional. 

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Professor Eric Schrimshaw has conducted extensive research on a variety of topics related to the LGBTQ+ population, including HIV prevention and treatment, the use of pornography by gay and bisexual men, men involved in sex work online, and most recently, on behaviorally bisexual men, a topic we discussed in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. In this particular study, the research team focused on men who identify themselves socially as heterosexual, but they reported in the study that they are having sex with men and women, including their wives and girlfriends who do not know they are having sex with men. These behaviorally bisexual closeted men have made a conscious decision not to disclose. Listen to my podcast to learn more about behaviorally bisexual men and how their secret can affect them. 

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