Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

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Heather McPherson is living her dream career. A multi-passionate entrepreneur, she has incorporated all of her loves into her business and is having the time of her life! A licensed marriage and family therapist supervisor, a licensed professional counselor supervisor, an AASECT and SHA certified sex therapist, the CEO and Founder of SHA (Sexual Health Alliance), the CEO of Respark Therapy and Associates, and a podcast host of Practice Outside the Lines, Heather is doing it all! In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, she talks about her career path, how it all started and what she is doing today to help other sex therapists get the training they need and deserve. That is why she started the Sexual Health Alliance, which offers online certification trainings. The field is exploding, she finds, as a whole evolution in sexual mental health is emerging. 

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Marriage and couples therapist Lynda Spann, PhD, knows firsthand the struggles two women may face in an intimate and romantic relationship. She also knows how to love in a way that frees her to be her true self, and, today, she works with all couples – different sex and same sex – to improve their relationship. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Spann talks about how different sex couples can learn from same sex couples how to have a healthy, loving relationship. 

Women traditionally are trained to take the role of nurturer, and when two women in a relationship are focused on that, “they can create an amazing relationship,” she finds. Women are people pleasers, they are peacemakers, they are accepting and supportive. Intimacy comes naturally. Same sex relationships not only are legitimate, but they also are worth emulating. So, how can a couple move into a place where they can be their own unique secure self and still be together as a couple and maintain a supportive, loving connection?

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Your child comes home from school angry and upset. He throws a temper tantrum for seemingly no reason at all. You respond with the same anger and send him to his room in frustration. His bad behavior is not tolerable, so you punish him for his outburst.

You and your daughter spend a fun day at the beach. When it is time to go home, she protests and starts screaming at you. She is not ready to leave and is not going to leave. The louder she yells, the angrier you get. By the time you are able to drag her to the car, you are emotionally exhausted and tell her this is the last time you are ever taking her to the beach.

As a parent, is there a way to manage emotional outbursts successfully in our kids? Do our kids understand their emotions? They probably don’t even know the words to describe feelings such as nervousness, anxiety, fear or worry.  

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Mina Blatt, a therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, provides some strategies and advice for parents to help their kids understand and manage their emotions effectively.

Grounding, breathing techniques and time outs are three of several ideas Mina explores during the podcast. She also talks about how parents can manage their own emotions better when their kids have uncontrollable outbursts. Remember, we are role models for our kids. They are always watching and learning from their parents’ behaviors, Mina points out. To hear the entire Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast and pick up a few valuable tips on helping your kids manage their emotions 

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Couples often are so focused on lasting long enough in bed that they end up experiencing performance anxiety and the shame and worry that accompanies those feelings. The result: a bad bedroom outcome. But this can change! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort talked with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, who offers some advice for lasting longer in the bedroom and having better intimacy. Anxiety is the number one reason therapists see individuals dealing with sexual dysfunction, and many express their worries about premature ejaculation. The bedroom experience should be stress-free, romantic, empowering, safe and full of explosive happiness. Sometimes, couples need some additional tools to make that happen. 

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Crossdressing is not a gender; it’s an action! Savannah Hauk, author, speaker and podcaster on the subject of demystifying the crossdressing experience, shares her thoughts and experiences as a crossdresser on a Smart Sex Smart Love episode. Savannah is a male-to-female dual gender individual supporting and promoting non-binary visibility. Her focus is letting every crossdressing person find their own confidence, expression, identity and voice. She frequently is asked why she chooses to crossdress … for kicks, as a hobby, to attract attention? “It is part of who I am,” she explains. It’s time to plant new seeds, she adds. What we learned 20 years ago is old thinking. “We have lived with stereotypes that have defined us for years. We’re supposed to be a man or a woman, not both, our society continues to tell us. I’m very comfortable being a man six days a week, but on Sundays, I go to Starbucks for coffee and work as Savannah.” In this podcast, she talks about how her life as Savannah impacted her relationships, what the new normal is for her, and how she finally discovered her true identity … and happily. To hear Savannah’s story and her advice on living proudly and confidently as a crossdresser, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast 

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Vulnerability in men can lead to isolation, depression and suicide. In fact, the suicide rate in men is four times more than women, and suicide is the seventh leading cause of death in men.

Why are men afraid to share their vulnerability? And what can they do about it so they will feel empowered to lead a life of connection, openness and honesty? As young boys, males are taught not to shed tears because it is a sign of weakness. It is unmanly and unattractive, they’ve been told. It’s time to break this cultural context! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Love and Leadership Coach Shana James, talks about how men can create more balance in their life so they will feel free to share their vulnerability and feel less isolated and alone. She explores vulnerability as a strength in men, not a weakness. Men need to feel safe to explore and express their vulnerability, she asserts, but we’ve created a world that won’t allow this to happen. Listen to Shana’s podcast with Dr. Joe Kort on how men can begin to share their vulnerability and feel confident and powerful for expressing their feelings. 

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Sensate focus isn’t a new technique, however, do you know how to use it effectively to truly reconnect to your body and your sensual self?

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Linda Weiner, certified diplomate in sex therapy and author of a book entitled, “Sensate focus in sex therapy: The illustrated manual,” explains this mindful touching technique that can enhance your sex life. “You can turn off the chatter” in your mind and tune into your body to improve your sex life, she finds. The technique especially is beneficial for sexually distressed individuals. 

Sensate focus is a series of touching experiences that people can use for themselves to reconnect to their body and calm themselves or use with a partner to reduce pressure between the two and improve their sexual health. Deepening a sexual connection with your partner may mean focusing less on sexuality and more on the sensuality of touching. Turn off the thinking brain and turn on the primal brain, she asserts. In this podcast, Linda explains how to focus on mindful thinking to relieve anxiety, worry and sexual tension. She discusses the three components of sensate focus: temperature, texture and pressure, and how to use each to help with self-love and body acceptance. 

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How do I know if I’m asexual? Do I even understand the word “asexuality?” 

During the Season 3 opening podcast of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Cody Daigle-Orians, an asexual writer and educator, shares his own personal experience of discovering his identity as asexual in hopes of helping others who are confused about finding the “label” that bests fit them.

When you are not sure of what you are feeling, be sure of what you are not, he asserts.

Cody came out as gay at the age of 18, but he knew that label really wasn’t the right fit for him. He chose “gay” because at the time that was the recognized language. “I didn’t understand what I was, but I clearly could see what I was not.” He knew he didn’t relate to sex the same way as other gay men; in fact, he thought he was a broken gay man. Cody didn’t experience sexual attraction, but he still wanted sexual pleasure. 

Three years ago, when he was 42, Cody came out again – this time as asexual. 

“It was such a wonderful moment for me to find my true, authentic self,” he announces.

The language of asexuality, the labels, the definitions and the terms are tools, not tests, he emphasizes. These tools help you explain yourself to yourself and explain yourself to the rest of the world. 

 You also can learn more about asexuality by listening to Cody’s Tik Tok messages under the name of @acedadadvice.

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Approximately 84 percent of gay men say they feel under intense pressure to have a good body. Only one percent stated they were “very happy” with their appearance, and as they grow older, the body image struggles seem to intensify. 

Why are gay men hyper-focused on body image?

Objectification, mattering, minority stress and gay ageism are contributors to a gay man’s dissatisfaction with his body, studies have shown. In addition, Apps like Grindr only make it worse. Gay men are shamed, humiliated and discriminated against, and this can lead to mental health problems. 

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Greg Johnson, therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, talks about the issue of poor body image and low self-esteem that many gay men are living with. He offers advice on how to overcome these issues – which often are rooted in their childhood, and how to start valuing and validating yourself as a gay man. He also will discuss objectification, mattering, minority stress and gay ageism and their contributing role in body image perceptions. 

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