Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

Alex de la Cruz started his career in advertising and moved into product design, specializing in drinkware and dinnerware for some of the largest retailers in the country. After 15 years, he felt stagnate and needed a change. His creativity, innovation and own traumatic personal journey led to the beginnings of Bator Balm, a men’s edging lubricant that enhances the bating experience and has strengthened a sense of community among bators. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Alex tells his story of masturbation shame, how he overcame it, how Bator Balm has become a household name among bators, and why he organizes the annual Sausage Fest in Las Vegas. 

Support the show

Sex, romance, death and divorce are just four of the subjects the Old Gay Guys explore during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Bill Lyons, 79; Jessay Martin, 70; Robert Reeves, 80; and Mick Peterson, 67; like to call themselves the “Old Gay Guys,” but that doesn’t even come close to describing who they are and the impact they have made on literally millions of lives! The four friends modeled for Men’s Health, and “we dropped our pants” when we were asked,” they all laugh about their first “exposure” to celebrity status. They were introduced through Grindr and then began TikTok messages in late 2021. Today, they log some 10.5 million followers on TikTok and close to one million on Instagram. Their audience is mostly women under the age of 35. Asked why they think their biggest fans are the younger generation, they responded, “young people look up to us; they understand our struggles and what we’ve been through and how it affects their own future.”

In this podcast, the Old Gay Guys tell their story, freely discuss their sex lives, help dispel the myths of aging, and talk about their recently released book, “The Old Gays’ Guide to the Good Life.”

Support the show

Since the pandemic, sexual empowerment has increased 30 percent and sexual self-esteem now is 50 percent higher. Why the change, and is this good? Searah Deysach, a sex educator and owner of Early to Bed and Trans Essentials, answered those questions and many more in my recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. 

“COVID changed our lives quickly and abruptly,” she begins. “Suddenly we were forced to spend time alone, or alone with our partner. “We were talking about our relationship more and what we wanted; we had to verbalize our thoughts, feelings and desires more often.”

Deysach owns a sex toy shop, and she saw a huge surge in sex toy purchases during the pandemic, she reports. People were exploring and accessing new avenues of pleasure, she found. “This can’t help but build self-confidence.”

How can couples keep open communication going? Dr. Kort asked her. “Practice. We are taught not to talk about sex, so start small, and be specific about what you like,” Deysach says. “Most people who are worth having sex with should want to communicate and want feedback,” she notes. 

In the podcast, Deysach also shares her advice for helping people feel more comfortable in the bedroom. To hear her tips and more about Deysach’s background and why she opened a sex toy store, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

Support the show

Conventional wisdom tells us it takes two people with an equal commitment to save a marriage. Winifred Reilly does not share that way of thinking, and she can prove it. Living in a 10-year static marriage, she applied her therapeutic skills to her own relationship journey. More than 35 years later, her marriage is stronger than ever, she continues to use these techniques very successfully in her therapy practice, and she has written a book, “It Takes One to Tango,” which demonstrates how to rescue a marriage with almost no help from your spouse. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Reilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist for the past 40 years, talks about helping couples build strong, loving relationships – no matter how frustrated they are, or how long they’ve been stuck. One partner can lead the necessary steps to achieve far-reaching positive and sustainable change, even when the other partner does not join the effort. Once you let go of the “two to tango” paradigm, you are in a much more powerful position to affect change. Stop trying to change your partner and focus on what you can change about you that will make a difference in your relationship. To gain an in-depth understanding of “it takes one to tango,” listen to this podcast.

Support the show

In my first Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast for Season 4, I opened it quite explosively with featured guest, Boyslut Zachary Zane, as he likes to be called.

At the young age of 32, Zachary is quite accomplished. He is a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, author and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, culture and the LGBTQIA community. Recently, he wrote a book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, and we talked about it – very openly, candidly and explicitly.

Bisexuality has had very little visibility over the years, Zachary notes. “I felt so alone and so isolated; I didn’t think bisexuality was real.”

When Zachary started learning he was not alone and there was a huge, unnoticed community of bisexuals, “it was a voice not represented, and that is why I wrote the book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto,” which describes his journey and how he was able to overcome his sexual shame.

“If talking about sex is uncomfortable, good! It’s time to start unpacking these feelings and talk about the subject … graphically and explicitly,” he announces.

“Get loud and obnoxious about your bisexuality! We are real, we exist, and we are not alone! Shout it out! Sex can be so much more fun if we can reduce sexual shame!”

To learn more about Zachary Zane and his bisexual journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, hosted by Dr. Joe Kort.

Support the show

Can a heterosexual woman unexpectedly fall in love with another woman? Can a gay man eroticize about a heterosexual woman? It is in our human capacity to respond to our sexuality even though society is not quite accepting of sexual fluidity. What exactly is sexual fluidity? According to Lisa Diamond, professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, sexual fluidity is the capacity for flexible erotic responses. For the past 25 years, Dr. Diamond has studied the development and expression of gender and sexuality. She is best known for her research on sexual fluidity, and wrote a book entitled “Sexual Fluidity,” which received the Distinguished Book Award from the American Psychological Association’s Society forthe Study of LGBTQ issues. 

In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Diamond talks about arousal and desire, and emotions and love, which are some of the components of eroticism, but the true mystery of sexual fluidity – why it happens, who experiences it and why – remains a mystery in many ways. In this podcast, Dr. Diamond discusses the extensive research she has conducted on sexual fluidity, and she shares her findings. Is there a gender difference? Are women more sexuality fluid than men? Aren’t we “born that way” and we cannot change? Through the years, we have learned to see ourselves through such a small lens, Dr. Diamond reports. Let’s take a wider look and see what we can learn! 

Support the show

Nic Reveles, somatic sex educator and sexological bodyworker, has dedicated the past several years of his life to helping gay, bisexual and queer-identified men recover from the trauma imposed on their bodies by culture, church and family in a centuries’ old attempt to control sexuality and sexual expression. 

“Coach Nic” developed Body Prayer to reclaim the Sacred for our Erotic Bodies. In his new profession – he was a reknown musician for more than two decades and then shifted careers to the Catholic priesthood before choosing sexological bodywork – he helps men learn to enjoy their bodies more, deepen their sacred body experience, and open up to the possibility of the erotic body. “You marry the ritual of the sacred with the erotic, the body and spirit, and it can be “really delicious,” he professes. Too many people feel shackled and don’t even know how to ask the questions about their sexual erotic being, he finds. It can be as simple as touching a hand, but touching for many brings feelings of shame and guilt. Nic helps clients understand how touch works, explore touching in ways never tried before, and learn to love the sacred experience. 

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Coach Nic talks about how men can feel safe and comfortable about their sexual erotic being. 

Support the show

Pornography is not an addiction; it is a way to escape from other issues in your life. In a recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Joshua Grubbs, PhD, a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the clinical psychology PhD program at Bowling Green State University, talks about addictions and how to gain a better understanding of them. 

He notes that research is exploding when it comes to understanding sex addiction … and whether it truly is an addiction. “The more we know about it, the more we need to know,” he finds. Not every problem we face is an addiction, he reports. Your problem is real, but it may not be an addiction, he has learned through extensive research. 

To find out more about the research of this internationally recognized expert on behavioral addictions, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast hosted by Dr. Joe Kort.

Support the show

“Someone asked me to choke him for a fee, and that is how it all started,” reports Master Arch, a fetish worker, ProDom, fetish creator, death escort and financial fetishist. Master Arch has been on the scene a long time and has a great deal to share about the Findom fetish. 

Financial domination (also known as Findom) is now more widely accepted; it no longer is a passing fad, Master Arch points out during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. It goes beyond fetish in the world of BDSM, and it is ethical, moral and therapeutic, Master Arch notes. “We discuss the terms of the relationship beforehand and have a meeting of the minds to ensure all transactions and actions are consensual. The client is ready to relinquish financial control to me and become my slave.” Like other BDSM activities, financial domination requires boundaries and communication, he adds.

During this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Master Arch also discusses his work as a death escort – helping people who are looking for one last erotic experience – and how people can benefit from talking about fetishes. To learn more about how Master Arch has helped countless people through his work – which he does “very ethically,” he asserts, listen to this podcast.

Support the show

Narcissists engage in behaviors that will keep the world around them more comfortable, and they will trap you into believing their way of thinking is the only way of thinking. You do not have to be a victim in their life of manipulation. 

You won’t change a narcissist, but you can change how you handle yourself and cope more effectively with these situations. In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Matt Phifer, a therapist and expert in toxic relationships, narcissism, trauma and emotional abuse, talks about understanding narcissism and codependency, and how to detoxify from toxic relationships. 

Healing is 100 percent on you, he emphasizes. We all need to be responsible for our own mental and physical health. The healthier we become, the less impact the narcissist will have on us. When we are immersed in the manipulative trap of a narcissist, it makes it even harder to find a way out. Start the healing journey today. The narcissist is not going anywhere and always will be looking for another victim. 

To learn how to understand narcissism so we can break free from being victimized and begin our healing journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast 

Support the show