Do Jesus and the Buddha actually disagree? I do not think they do. You write the book for the audience in front of you, and that explains most of the difference.

Most religions come down to something similar underneath. Buddhism differs in asking you to believe in yourself, and that the hard times are not as solid as they look. I am not aware all the time. My depth is nowhere near what people assume. My seven year old self is still there, and now I just have a chat with him and give him a hug.

One thing to try: Have one word with your seven year old self today. Ask how he is doing.

• (0:03) Jesus, Buddhism, the Bible, and what carries us
• (2:51) Starting with one of my favourite poems
• (5:20) Where most religions actually meet
• (7:37) Buddhism asking you to believe in yourself
• (10:04) Please do not think I am aware all the time
• (13:01) You write the book for the audience
• (17:34) Having a chat with my seven year old self
• (20:01) The presence underneath everything

Kelly, Trish, Addy, Kerry, Maybelline, Greet, Tracy and Birdie, and a shout out to Verne.

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Steven

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What does inner peace actually mean? It is what is left when you are not suffering. It is already there, and mostly we just forget it is.

I did not need somebody to fix anything. I needed somebody to sit there. Inner peace is always present, the way a drink is already on the table as you get older and realise you can just reach for it. Thoughts arrive as trains and you choose which to board. Happiness is an experience that comes and goes. Peace is the thing underneath that does not.

One thing to try: When the cold hits your face, try just noticing it is cold rather than needing to fix it.

• (0:03) What inner peace means, and what it does not
• (2:30) We are at peace when we are not suffering
• (4:52) I did not need fixing. I needed somebody to sit there
• (7:36) It is always present. I just remember it more often now
• (12:00) The train station, and choosing which ones to board
• (17:04) Happiness is an experience. You cannot park there
• (18:46) Cold on your face, and whether it needs doing something about

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Steven

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What cards were you actually dealt? I never finished school, I was kicked out of sixth form, and I have never passed an exam beyond GCSEs. You play the hand.

You cannot change the cards, only how you play them. The powerful hold hard power, military or influence, and it looks unbeatable from underneath. The good hands are the ones you work for, with time and courage and honesty and self awareness in them. Those are not handed out. Run through the soft skills and count how many you are already holding.

One thing to try: List your soft skills honestly. That is the hand, and it is usually better than you think.

• (0:02) We cannot change the cards, only how we play them
• (2:58) Who holds what kind of power, and which kind
• (4:48) Never finished school, kicked out of sixth form
• (7:05) The second state visit, and why it is a clever move
• (9:40) The good cards are the ones you work for
• (14:05) Running through the soft skills. How many have you got?
• (16:42) One grows up a doctor, one a plumber. You need both

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Steven

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Who is parenting you? Most of us need somebody to say put your shoes on and get out of there, and there is nobody doing it, so it has to be us.

Short videos are junk food for the brain and I keep thinking the next one will help. What a good parent would say is not get a grip. It is be a bit kinder to yourself in the journal tonight. There will never be one episode that sorts your storms out for good, and I would be lying if I pretended otherwise.

One thing to try: Say to yourself what a kind parent would say. Not what your critic would.

• (0:03) Parenting ourselves, and where I came across it
• (2:26) Needing somebody to say put your shoes on and go
• (4:51) Council meetings, and not many friends these days
• (7:23) Junk food for the brain, and the next video helping
• (9:39) How about being a little kinder in the journal tonight
• (11:50) There is no one episode that sorts it all out

Laura K, Stewart and Mariette.

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Steven

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What is the actual difference between empathy and compassion? Alan Watts called compassion the cosmic wink that says I see you, fellow player. That is the whole of it.

Judgement is when we look up and decide she is lazy or he is attention seeking. Then somebody lists everything wrong with their day and we cannot stand it, usually because we do not like seeing our own mirror. When you let compassion in, you let in all your own flaws with it. The heart opens both ways or it does not open.

One thing to try: Next time somebody lists their troubles, notice what it stirs in you before you judge it.

• (0:00) Compassion is the cosmic wink. I see you, fellow player
• (2:30) The judgement that says she is lazy, he is attention seeking
• (5:15) Somebody listing everything wrong with their day
• (7:39) My spasms, my cold, and everything going on
• (9:50) We do not like seeing our own mirror
• (12:13) Let it in and you let in your own flaws as well
• (14:48) An action, not a feeling. I see you and I feel you

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Steven

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Is attachment really the enemy? No. It is the struggling to let go that hurts.

I smoked for the best part of thirty years. I am attached to pleasure, to hope, to feeling well. The Western version of this is that you must give everything up, and that is not it. Try pushing a bird off your hand and telling it to go. It leaves and it comes back. My council put a new kitchen in and I hated going in there for weeks, and then I did not. Stop chasing the carrot and it stops running. Just let the hour pass without the cigarette.

One thing to try: Do not fight the craving. Let this one hour go by without it, then start another hour.

• (2:43) Thirty years of smoking, near enough
• (3:53) Pleasure, hope and the subtle attachments
• (5:35) The four truths, quickly and plainly
• (6:42) Push the bird away and watch it come back
• (12:48) Embrace change by simply accepting it
• (14:20) The new kitchen I did not want
• (15:26) The carrot, the stick and running for nothing
• (17:40) Another thirty seconds, then another
• (20:04) Do not get into the argument with it

Senga, Michael, Dominique, Ulysses, Nick, Julie and Anne

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Steven

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How do you forgive somebody who cheated on you? Not by understanding it. Something stopped me asking the questions, and that turned out to be the whole gift.

I wanted to know how, and who with, and how long for. I did not ask. It took me a long time to work out that I was not grieving her. I was grieving the life, the freedom, the joys. Name what they did silently, as an object, and do not go down the story with it. Let the pain be there if it comes. Then it has nothing to do with them any more.

One thing to try: Name the thing that happened in three words. No story attached. Just the object.

• (0:06) A few emails, and what they were asking about
• (3:00) They are the same thing, and where we need to get to
• (4:50) It is never as simple as we were happy and then this
• (7:33) All the questions I had, and the wisdom not to ask them
• (9:57) It was not her I grieved. It was the life
• (12:33) How do you forgive somebody who left, or cheated?
• (14:57) Name it as an object, and do not go down the story
• (17:29) Then you have real freedom, and it is nothing to do with them

Mark, Annie, Will, Linda in Australia, and Judy Simpson.

The companion meditation: The Freedom of Forgiveness: Letting Go For Yourself

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Steven

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Whose thoughts are they, actually? Mostly your parents', your grandparents', your teachers'. Overthinking is not your fault, which is the good news and the bad news at once.

At 40 I was single, out of money, on benefits, and my chair had broken. I would sleep ninety minutes and wake to thoughts that would not stop, and that went on for weeks. I was a terrible meditator and still am. You cannot turn a negative thought into a positive one by deciding to. You sit in the station and let the trains go past.

One thing to try: Watch one thought arrive and do nothing about it. That is the entire skill.

• (0:06) Really simple. Not easy, but simple. You are not your thoughts
• (1:45) Noticing how they just show up for no reason at all
• (3:48) You have evolved for millions of years. Think about that
• (5:05) Forty years old, single, no money, and a broken chair
• (6:52) Ninety minutes of sleep, then thoughts that would not stop
• (8:22) Being a terrible meditator, and trying it anyway
• (10:12) Sitting in the station, letting the trains go by
• (16:41) Falling in love with a car or a dress, and how that works

Audra and John, and the monthly subscribers.

The companion meditation: A Dharma Meditation Beyond Overthinking

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Steven

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Do anxiety and imposter syndrome ever go away? No. Mine did not. What changed is that I stopped treating them as the problem and started treating them as voices.

I sat there thinking people vote for me because they feel sorry for me, or because I am in a wheelchair. Then another voice comes in and says hang on, thank you for putting your nose in, but it was fine last time. That is the argument, and it never fully stops. The hard bit is doing it again and again. Hello, how are you today, like an annoying little visitor.

One thing to try: When it arrives, greet it rather than argue with it. Hello, you again.

• (0:01) Anxiety and imposter syndrome are not the problem
• (2:25) Thinking people vote for me because of the wheelchair
• (5:00) Sitting next to the cabinet holder for the environment
• (7:50) Four years on, and it still has not gone
• (9:54) Thank you for putting your nose in, but it was fine last time
• (12:30) The elderly gentleman next door, forty years on
• (14:34) The hard part is doing it again and again

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Steven

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What are you going to complain about once everything is fixed? If you sorted the entire world out tomorrow, what would you do with the rest of the day?

Somebody told me what STFU stands for and it was not what I expected. We are handed a blank canvas and immediately want to paint it a colour. On the road I was bored and cold and fed up, and then I started seeing the lines in a leaf, and a car going past making them jump and settle. Two bears, one with a machete and one with donuts. Focus on the right one.

One thing to try: Look at one ordinary thing until you see something in it you had not noticed.

• (0:04) Hints and tips on getting through the difficult times
• (2:57) Asking him what it stood for, and the answer
• (4:41) Fix the whole world and what will you moan about?
• (7:07) The blank canvas, and wanting to paint it immediately
• (9:34) Bored, cold and fed up, going along that road
• (14:24) The lines in a leaf, and the leaves jumping as a car goes
• (16:59) Two bears. One with a machete, one with donuts
• (18:58) It is your interpretation, and somebody else has another

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Steven

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