There are some among us who would call ourselves “perfectionists” and maybe others of us who wouldn’t. But what do you think the oppositive of being a perfectionist is? Have you ever thought about that?  In this episode, we explore the mindset trap of perfectionism and how it relates to our lives as moms with teens as we approach the empty nest. Here's a teaser - did you know that perfectionism actually gives us the illusion of safety. Listen to learn more.

"All-or-nothing thinking" is a mindset trap where we can view situations in extremes. For example we think things are entirely good, or entirely bad, with no middle ground. Now, you can imagine why this type of thinking isn’t always helpful, but as with the other mindset traps, I actually think it’s more important to recognize WHY our brains engage in this type of thinking in the first place. Because again, as with the other traps, it’s perfectly normal that our brains do this. Let's continue our exploration of common mindset traps of life with teens and the empty nest!

We are hard-wired we are to compare ourselves to others. We don't like to admit it, because we think judging others is "bad", and we know it doesn’t feel good when others are judging us. But the reality is that this activity of our brain is subconscious and automatic. In fact, like the other mindset traps I've been exploring in this series, the "comparison trap" is our brain's way of keeping us safe and comfortable. But if we allow our brain to fall into this trap without supervision, we can create resentment and frustration all in the name of avoiding rejection or the risk of disappointing others. Join me in this episode and others in this mindset trap series and I explore how to get out of these traps.

Over the past few episodes of the Small Jar podcast, we have bene exploring the mindset traps of life with teens and the empty nest. We've covered confirmation bias and catastrophizing.  This week, we explore validation seeking, or looking for external validation, approval, or recognition from others.  Feeling good when others give us love or praise is natural. The question we include in this episode is why do we sometimes feel like we need this external validation in order to feel what we really want to feel.

This is the second in a new series on the Small Jar Podcast about the mindset traps that keep us stuck in anxiety, sadness, and an inability to move forward. In this episode, I explore the trap of catastrophizing, or ruminating in the worst case scenario. While this mindset trap keeps us cycling in worry, there are reasons that our minds engage in this type of thinking. The key to overcoming catastrophizing is to understand how it helps us, and how it does not.

Mindset traps are available to all of us, at all stages of our lives. But for those of us navigating life with teens and the transition to the empty nest, we can fall prey to these traps in a way that keeps us stuck in anxiety, sadness, and an inability to move forward. In this episode, I explore the trap of confirmation bias, and how this tendency of our brains to reinforce our own view of the world can create results that are the opposite of what we really want. This is the first in a new series that I will be rolling out over the next few months.

Have you heard the statistic that by the time your child is 18 that you'll have spent 90% of the time that you'll ever spend with them in your life?  This is the kind of information that can not only cause us to think that we've wasted some of the most precious years of our kids' lives, but also make us think that we have very little time left. Cue regret, sadness and anxiety! In this episode I explore a different perspective on time, and how to embrace the remaining "10%". 

Have you ever stopped to think about how you define your success as a mom? What does success look like to you?  And how do you measure it?  Whether you realize it or not, you have in your mind a vision for success, and your mind is constantly evaluating whether or not you meet the mark. In this episode, we explore how to take ownership of this vision so that we are not only intentional about what we want for ourselves as moms and for our kids, but also so we can find compassion and love for ourselves in the process.

I was honored to have author, influencer, connector and founder of Moms of Bigs, Esther Joy Goetz join me to talk about the lifelong journey of being a mom and how to create a lifelong connection with your children. Esther's motte is to "give our BIG KIDS (teens and young adults) the roots of love and the wings of freedom to be completely themselves." In our conversation, we explored how to do this, but even more, how to find love and compassion for ourselves in the process. Motherhood is hard, and none of us get it right all of the time. But how can you create the mindset to achieve a relationship with your children that "invites not demands" and so that we as moms are no longer "responsible for" but "responsible to" our children. Follow Esther @momsofbigs and www.estherjoygoetz.com.

As women, as moms, we're really hard on ourselves. Like...so hard. There are so many ways we talk down to ourselves, and we're so used to it that we don't even realize we're doing it any more. But it can also feel like letting ourselves off the hook and giving ourselves some grace feels like giving up.  This is particularly true when it comes to what we want for our kids and how hard we're willing to fight to help them be happy, healthy and successful. In this episode, I explore why it's so hard to just let ourselves off the hook...and one way you can learn to do exactly that....without giving up or letting anyone down.