The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm

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The Art of Charm episodes

  • What Your Shame Is Trying to Tell You | Frank Spinelli

    Shame doesn’t tell you that you did something bad. It tells you that you are bad—and that distinction can quietly shape your relationships, choices, and sense of self.

    AJ sits down with physician and author Dr. Frank Spinelli to explore why shame is so difficult to outrun. Frank explains how shame differs from guilt, the ways it can show up through people pleasing, perfectionism, avoidance, substances, and relationship sabotage, and why suppressing it often makes the cycle stronger. Instead of treating shame as something to eliminate, he offers a different approach: learn to recognize what it’s trying to tell you.

    You’ll learn Frank’s four Ps for responding when shame gets triggered, how to recognize shame in your body before it takes over, and the COMPASS framework for building shame resilience. Frank also explains how core values, self-compassion, boundaries, community, and honest disclosure can help you stop isolating and build deeper relationships without expecting someone else to fix or validate your past.

    Episode Resources:

    https://www.amazon.com/Shame-Compass-Radical-Framework-Self-Acceptance/dp/B0H34JGBSC/

    Chapters

    00:00 – The critical difference between shame and guilt
    03:45 – Five signs shame may be running your life
    05:46 – How trauma turns into self-blame
    07:58 – Where shame shows up in your body
    09:35 – Stop running from the past and address the present
    11:06 – The four Ps for responding to shame
    14:22 – Why suppressing difficult emotions backfires
    18:22 – Start treating shame as information
    20:23 – The COMPASS framework for shame resilience
    24:01 – Why community is an antidote to isolation
    27:07 – Separate your identity from your shame
    29:20 – Use your core values to interrupt shame
    32:20 – You don’t need to hit rock bottom to change
    34:38 – How to support someone struggling with shame
    37:19 – What to do when shame takes over in the moment
    40:56 – Journaling and body mapping your shame
    47:14 – Stop worrying about what other people think
    49:22 – How shame creates distance in relationships
    53:18 – How to share your shame with someone you love

    A Word From Our Sponsors

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    Keywords

    shame, guilt, shame resilience, trauma, self compassion, emotional healing, people pleasing, shame spiral, emotional regulation, mental health, self awareness, trauma recovery, relationships, addiction recovery, body awareness, boundaries, core values, self esteem, personal growth, emotional triggers

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1 hr 1 min
  • You Were Trained to Be Invisible | Social Intelligence Briefing

    The habits that helped you succeed early in your career can become the same habits that keep you invisible later.

    AJ and John break down how approval seeking evolves from a useful behavior into an identity. Working hard, following the rules, proving yourself, and waiting for recognition may be rewarded early on—but as your career advances, those same patterns can leave you out of important conversations and opportunities. The longer the pattern runs, the easier it becomes to confuse “what I do” with “who I am.”

    You’ll learn why simply deciding to communicate differently often falls apart under pressure, how approval-seeking patterns can become automatic over time, and why lasting change requires repeated practice rather than willpower alone. The key is recognizing the pattern early, practicing new responses until they become natural, and changing how you operate before the costs compound.

    Episode Resources

    ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5

    Chapters

    00:00 – The approval-seeking pattern you stopped noticing
    01:00 – When a behavior becomes part of your identity
    01:39 – Why working hard eventually stops working
    02:25 – How high performers become invisible
    03:15 – When competence becomes an identity trap
    03:41 – The compounding cost of approval seeking
    05:35 – Why knowing what to do isn’t enough
    06:02 – Why old patterns return under pressure
    06:48 – Practice until the new response becomes automatic
    07:43 – Why waiting makes change harder
    08:51 – Rewiring patterns built over decades

    Keywords

    approval seeking, career growth, workplace visibility, identity, behavior change, career advancement, executive presence, workplace communication, high performers, professional development, self awareness, people pleasing, workplace confidence, communication skills, career strategy, habit change, professional growth, workplace psychology, leadership, personal development

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    13 min
  • Tiny Habits That Change Your Life | Eli Susman

    You don’t need an hour-long morning routine to improve your well-being. Sometimes twenty seconds is enough—if you actually keep doing it.

    AJ sits down with researcher Eli to explore micro-practices: well-being practices designed to add no more than thirty seconds to your day. They challenge the belief that meditation and mindfulness require long sessions, perfect environments, or expensive retreats, and explore why consistency may matter more than duration when it comes to building habits that actually stick.

    You’ll learn how to weave mindfulness into things you already do, use movement, touch, breath, and flow to regulate yourself in stressful moments, and practice self-compassionate touch when you need support. Eli also shares strategies for turning tiny practices into lasting habits—including why giving yourself permission to skip can actually make you more consistent.

    Episode Resource

    https://amzn.to/4d4eJ9p

    Chapters

    00:00 – Why three breaths can be enough
    02:38 – The science behind twenty-second practices
    06:17 – Stop treating mindfulness like something you escape to do
    09:22 – Turn everyday moments into practice
    12:00 – Why consistency matters more than duration
    17:24 – Bring mindfulness into your actual life
    25:48 – A micro-practice for social media envy
    35:01 – Move, touch, breathe, and flow
    42:41 – Try twenty seconds of self-compassionate touch
    45:25 – How touch can help during stressful moments
    48:11 – Turn micro-practices into automatic habits
    51:33 – Why skip days can make you more consistent
    56:01 – Treat self-improvement as self-friendship

    Keywords

    micro practices, mindfulness, meditation, habit formation, self compassion, stress reduction, emotional wellbeing, self compassionate touch, mindfulness practice, healthy habits, consistency, behavior change, breathwork, emotional regulation, self improvement, meditation practice, social media envy, habit building, mental health, personal growth

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1 hr 3 min
  • Why Being Liked Isn't Getting You Respected | Social Intelligence Briefing

    Doing great work doesn’t guarantee you’ll get credit for it. In fact, staying humble and helpful can sometimes make your best work invisible.

    AJ and Johnny break down the difference between approval and respect—and why high-performing analytical professionals often get trapped chasing the wrong one. They explore how avoiding conflict, waiting to be asked, saying yes to everything, and refusing to claim your wins can feel like integrity while quietly limiting your influence and career growth.

    You’ll learn why being liked and being respected are separate judgments, how to make your expertise visible without becoming aggressive or inauthentic, and why claiming your outcomes doesn’t mean abandoning humility. The shift is simple: stop assuming your work will speak for itself and start communicating the value, impact, and direction of what you contribute.

    Episode Resources

    ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5

    Chapters

    00:00 – Why your work doesn’t speak for itself
    00:59 – The behaviors keeping analytical people invisible
    01:51 – Being liked and being respected are different
    03:02 – Respect doesn’t require dominance
    03:41 – How approval seeking becomes a career trap
    04:25 – When humility becomes part of your identity
    05:42 – How to earn respect without losing your integrity
    06:17 – Stop letting other people take credit for your work
    07:00 – From invisible to indispensable
    08:28 – Become the person who belongs in the room

    Keywords

    approval seeking, respect, career growth, workplace visibility, executive presence, self promotion, career advancement, workplace communication, professional development, leadership, influence, confidence, claiming credit, workplace boundaries, analytical professionals, high performers, career strategy, professional visibility, workplace dynamics, authenticity

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    12 min
  • Knowing When to Quit | Lindsay Crouse

    Quitting isn’t the opposite of perseverance. Sometimes it’s what allows you to keep going in a direction that actually matters.

    AJ sits down with journalist and author Lindsay Crouse to challenge the belief that winners never quit. Lindsay explains how unchecked perseverance can turn ambition into exhaustion, why successful people get trapped by sunk costs and identities they’ve outgrown, and how continuing down the wrong path is just as much a choice as walking away.

    You’ll learn how to recognize when persistence has stopped serving you, create “kill criteria” before emotions move the goalposts, separate your identity from your career, and experiment with change before making a major leap. Lindsay also explains why micro-quitting—removing commitments, obligations, and clutter—can help you reclaim the time and energy to persevere at what’s actually worth keeping.

    Episode Resources:

    https://www.amazon.com/Case-Quitting-Exiting-Improves-Happiness/dp/0063277573

    Chapters

    00:00 – Why winners sometimes need to quit
    03:43 – Quitting can actually help you persevere
    07:08 – How to know when persistence has gone too far
    11:13 – Why saying no can be a form of strength
    14:20 – The arrival fallacy: “I’ll rest when I succeed”
    16:02 – Stop defining yourself by what you do
    21:09 – Use kill criteria to know when to walk away
    25:12 – What happens after you quit
    29:24 – Are you living a provisional life?
    32:09 – Sliding vs. deciding your future
    34:52 – Why other people care less than you think
    39:49 – Letting go of the life you could have lived
    43:08 – How to quit without damaging your career
    47:35 – Start practicing with micro-quitting

    A Word From Our Sponsors

    Get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers by using promo code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AirDoctorPro.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    Shopify is where you go to start your business, and everything you need to sell is already there from day one. Start your free trial by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SHOPIFY.COM/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Connect with top talent ready to help your business grow by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠UPWORK.COM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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    Keywords

    quitting, perseverance, grit, burnout, career change, sunk cost fallacy, knowing when to quit, workaholism, career pivot, identity, decision making, kill criteria, ambition, saying no, boundaries, personal growth, career development, productivity, intentional living, micro quitting

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    51 min
  • The Competence Trap | Social Intelligence Briefing

    Working harder can actually make you harder to promote when you’re playing the wrong game.

    AJ and Johnny break down the difference between earning approval and earning respect—and why talented professionals often confuse the two. Through the story of Rachel, a high-performing financial advisor stuck behind a senior colleague, they explore how hard work, patience, credentials, and being helpful can make you invaluable in your current role without moving you any closer to the role you actually want.

    You’ll learn how to recognize when you’re seeking approval instead of positioning your value, why vague promises about advancement keep high performers stuck, and how asking for specific expectations and timelines can change the dynamic. The goal isn’t to stop working hard—it’s to understand the structure around you and make moves that turn your contribution into career advancement.

    Episode Resources:

    ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5

    Chapters

    00:00 – Approval and respect are different currencies
    01:02 – Why great work doesn’t guarantee a promotion
    02:09 – The trap of taking a structural problem personally
    03:16 – When hard work becomes approval seeking
    04:23 – How being valuable can keep you stuck
    05:35 – What earning respect looks like
    06:02 – Stop accepting vague promises about advancement
    07:23 – Why working even harder can deepen the trap
    08:43 – Start positioning your value differently
    09:21 – How to spot your approval-seeking moves
    10:00 – Change the way you operate

    A Word From Our Sponsors

    Get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers by using promo code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AirDoctorPro.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    Shopify is where you go to start your business, and everything you need to sell is already there from day one. Start your free trial by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SHOPIFY.COM/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Connect with top talent ready to help your business grow by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠UPWORK.COM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Keywords

    career advancement, promotion, approval seeking, respect, workplace dynamics, career growth, executive presence, professional development, workplace communication, leadership, strategic thinking, people pleasing, high performers, career strategy, workplace confidence, assertiveness, professional growth, workplace politics, self advocacy, career success

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    14 min
  • Why Success Never Feels Like Enough | Dr. Marisa Franco

    What if low self-worth isn’t something wrong with you—but your mind protecting you from being hurt again?

    AJ sits down with psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco to explore how past experiences shape the way we see ourselves, receive love, and react in relationships. They unpack why compliments can actually feel threatening, how unresolved “open memories” keep the past alive in the present, and why chasing confidence through achievement, validation, or attachment labels rarely heals the deeper issue.

    You’ll learn a practical exercise for changing how painful memories live inside you, what to do when your body is triggered by something you can’t consciously remember, and why acknowledging insecurity can actually be a sign of healthy self-worth. The goal isn’t to eliminate difficult emotions—it’s to stop abandoning yourself when they appear.

    Episode Resources:

    https://www.amazon.com/Worth-Science-Self-Esteem-Secure-Attachment/dp/B0GGNPKM6S/

    Chapters

    00:00 – Why compliments can feel threatening
    03:18 – What self-worth actually means
    05:03 – How unresolved memories shape your self-esteem
    08:12 – Can you change how the past affects you?
    13:12 – A practical exercise for rewriting painful memories
    20:20 – Stop abandoning yourself when emotions appear
    24:55 – The problem with trying to become “secure”
    30:32 – Why positive affirmations can backfire
    33:12 – The arrival fallacy: success won’t heal your self-worth
    38:00 – What to do when your body remembers what you don’t
    43:29 – How to handle emotional triggers in relationships
    48:16 – The problem with attachment labels
    51:03 – A daily practice for building real self-worth
    53:46 – Stop living in the past and start living in the present

    A Word From Our Sponsors

    Get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers by using promo code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AirDoctorPro.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    Shopify is where you go to start your business, and everything you need to sell is already there from day one. Start your free trial by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SHOPIFY.COM/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Connect with top talent ready to help your business grow by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠UPWORK.COM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Keywords

    self worth, self esteem, confidence, emotional healing, memory reconsolidation, childhood memories, attachment theory, secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, emotional regulation, insecurity, self compassion, relationships, trauma, people pleasing, external validation, affirmations, emotional triggers, personal growth

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1 hr
  • Waffling | Social Intelligence Briefing

    The moment someone challenges your idea, do you defend it—or accidentally convince the room you weren’t confident in it to begin with?

    AJ and Johnny break down why smart, analytical professionals often start hedging when their recommendations get challenged. The problem isn’t always confidence. It’s that they react to what they think the other person means instead of understanding the real concern underneath the pushback.

    You’ll learn how deep listening helps you stop getting defensive, uncover what someone is actually worried about, and hold your position with greater confidence. Because listening and standing firm aren’t opposites—the better you understand the room, the easier it becomes to stand behind your work.

    Episode Resources:

    ⁠⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5

    Chapters

    00:00 – Why you start waffling when challenged
    02:12 – The blind spot keeping you stuck
    04:04 – Stop guessing what other people are thinking
    06:04 – Listen for the concern underneath the pushback
    08:11 – Why deep listening makes you more confident
    10:19 – How to hold your position when challenged
    11:06 – Your challenge for the next meeting

    Keywords

    deep listening, active listening, communication skills, confidence, workplace communication, executive presence, difficult conversations, leadership, professional communication, listening skills, self awareness, workplace confidence, decision making, assertiveness, emotional intelligence, handling pushback, strategic communication, interpersonal skills, meetings, career growth

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    15 min
  • The Hidden Forces Behind Your Choices | Glenn Hutchinson

    You think you know why you make the choices you make. Your unconscious mind may have gotten there first.

    AJ and Johnny sit down with psychologist Glenn to explore the hidden forces behind temptation, habits, infidelity, and self-control. Glenn explains why willpower often fails when we repeatedly face powerful urges, how unconscious processes can drive behavior without consulting our values, and why we’re surprisingly good at inventing explanations for decisions after we’ve already made them.

    You’ll learn why changing your environment can be more effective than relying on self-control, how past experiences shape what feels rewarding, why rationalization often happens outside our awareness, and how love, attachment, and sexual desire can operate as separate systems. The conversation also explores what causes infidelity, why people can betray partners they genuinely love, and what rebuilding trust can look like afterward.

    Episode Resources:

    https://glennhutchinson.net/my-book/

    A Word From Our Sponsors

    Get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers by using promo code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AirDoctorPro.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    Shopify is where you go to start your business, and everything you need to sell is already there from day one. Start your free trial by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SHOPIFY.COM/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Connect with top talent ready to help your business grow by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠UPWORK.COM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    1 hr
  • Social Gravity | Social Intelligence Briefing

    Being the smartest person in the room won’t help your career if nobody remembers what you contributed when the decision gets made.

    AJ and Johnny break down why talented, analytical professionals often get passed over for promotions while less capable coworkers move ahead. The problem isn’t necessarily skill—it’s strategic visibility. They explain why staying quiet in the name of “authenticity” can make you invisible and why being seen doesn’t require becoming louder, fake, or overly charismatic.

    You’ll learn a simple three-step technique for creating “social gravity” in meetings: organize what’s on the table, identify the decision everyone is actually trying to make, and propose a clear path forward. Instead of performing for attention, you become the person who cuts through the fog—and the person leadership starts bringing into important decisions earlier.

    Episode Resources:

    ⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5

    Chapters

    00:00 – Why the best person gets passed over
    02:57 – The real problem isn’t your skill
    04:25 – When authenticity starts holding you back
    07:26 – How talented people become invisible
    08:13 – Strategic visibility without being fake
    10:38 – The moment to speak up in a meeting
    11:01 – Three steps to frame the decision
    12:30 – How social gravity changes how people see you
    14:06 – Why strategic people get invited in earlier
    15:14 – Your challenge for the next meeting

    A Word From Our Sponsors

    Get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers by using promo code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AirDoctorPro.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    Shopify is where you go to start your business, and everything you need to sell is already there from day one. Start your free trial by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SHOPIFY.COM/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Connect with top talent ready to help your business grow by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠UPWORK.COM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    Keywords

    strategic visibility, career advancement, promotions, executive presence, workplace communication, leadership, social gravity, career growth, communication skills, decision making, workplace influence, professional development, meetings, authenticity, confidence, strategic thinking, leadership skills, workplace politics, high performers, career success

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    18 min

About The Art of Charm

From the publisher's feed

The Art of Charm is where self-motivated people, just like you, come to learn from the company’s coaches about to how to master human dynamics, relationships, and becoming your best self with the help…

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