There are many different beliefs about why children hit, and based on those beliefs, what the most helpful response to a hitting child is.

Old religious paradigms believed that children were innately evil or bad and needed to be shamed and punished into being 'good'.

Behaviourism believed that children needed to be taught through punishments, or removal of rewards, to teach children to stop hitting.

Cognitive paradigms believed that children need to be taught that hitting hurts, in order to stop hitting.

Medical models might believe that there is something wrong with a child physiologically.

Some physiological maps believe that a hitting child has an immature nervous system and that they need to be taught to be calmed down.

In Aware Parenting, a hitting child is in fight or flight, or hyperarousal.

By definition, they don't experience being safe.

There are three reasons for this:

1 ~ They aren't safe;

2 ~ The present situation is reminding them of a past trauma that they haven't yet healed from, so when they revisit that, they go into fight or flight.

3 ~ They have accumulated unexpressed painful feelings sitting in their bodies which their system interprets as a sign of not being safe, so they move into hyperarousal.

The older models, with their shame, punishment, information, or calming methods, do not address the cause of the hitting, and are likely to either add more painful feelings to a child's system, and thus more fighting, or flight.

Or, the child may stop hitting, but that's because they've gone into freeze, or dissociation.

All the painful feelings are still sitting in their bodies.

They're not feeling truly relaxed and connected to their innate nonviolence; instead, they are bypassing the feelings that are there.

With Aware Parenting, our role is to help the child actually know that they are safe now.

If we punish, or shame, even with an "it's not okay to hit", that won't lead to safety.

If we get harsh, or disconnect, that doesn't help them experience being safe.

However, when we move in close in particular ways and offer either loving limits or attachment play, we can support our child to know in their body that they are safe now.

When they experience being safe, they no longer need to be in fight or flight, and will stop hitting.

Then they can continue the innate physiological process of completion of the stress and trauma process, which includes releasing the feelings through either crying and raging with our loving support (if we've offered a loving limit), or laughter and play with our loving support (if we've offered attachment play).

In addition, they are releasing the tension mobilised for fight or flight, which includes vigorous movement - such as the vigorous movement or a tantrum, or of a power-reversal pillow fight.

They are also experiencing a sense of successfully completing the process, by being powerful this time, which helps change memories of danger and powerlessness into those of safety and power.

This active process is different to the calming down that other approaches advocate for, which tend to lead to dissociation instead of true relaxation and resolution.

When a child moves through this whole process, they emerge out the other side, naturally relaxed and nonviolent.

We didn't need to shame them, punish them, teach them, or calm them.

They innately know how to become truly relaxed.

They just needed us to know how to support them to do that, and to not prevent the process from happening!

If you want my free PDF to learn more about this, you can find it here:

https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/help-my-child-stop-hitting-free-pdf

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

Join me as I welcome Linde Lambrechts back on the podcast! Linde is an Aware Parenting instructor, Psychotherapist and Psychologist.

Linde was a guest on episode 210, where she shared an experience that I found deeply moving.

In this episode, Linde shares her profound journey with Aware Parenting, discussing the transition from mainstream parenting to understanding the true causes of behaviours in children and adults.

We explore the nuance, depth, and transformative experience of practicing Aware Parenting, highlighting the importance of addressing our unmet needs as parents, and developing deep self-compassion.

Both of us reflect on our personal experiences as psychotherapists and psychologists, and how what we see working with adults in their own healing journeys inspires our work as Aware Parenting instructors.

Linde shares her passion and vision with Aware Parenting, and together we talk about the supportive, life-changing community that Aware Parenting welcomes parents into.

Linde finishes by sharing about her work, including the special birthday offer she has on at the time of recording.

You can find out more about Linde and her work here:

https://www.instagram.com/lovinglimits/

https://www.facebook.com/linde.lambrechts

https://www.lindelambrechts.be/

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

Welcome to The Aware Parenting Podcast! In this special episode, I celebrate the launch of my first children's book, "I Love You, However You Feel," by reading it aloud.

I highlight the unique nature of the book, which uses flower photographs to help convey nuanced feelings.

Emphasising the importance of deep presence and unconditional love, I invite you to connect deeply with your child or children while reading this book.

I also share ways for you to buy the book and take part in the 'I Love You, However You Feel' movement by sharing your own reading of the book on video.

You can find the paperback and hardback on Amazon here:

AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/0645857572

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0645857572

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0645857572

DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/0645857572

FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/0645857572

ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/0645857572

IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/0645857572

NL: https://www.amazon.nl/dp/0645857572

PL: https://www.amazon.pl/dp/0645857572

SE: https://www.amazon.se/dp/0645857572

JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/0645857572

CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0645857572

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:17 Celebrating the Birth of My First Children's Book

04:28 Reading the Book: I Love You, However You Feel

08:07 Information for Parents about Aware Parenting

08:34 Where the Book is Available

10:10 Invitation to Join the Movement

12:17 Conclusion and Gratitude

In this episode, I talk about why I believe crying is so important in children (from an Aware Parenting perspective) and for adults (from a Marion Method perspective).

I emphasise that in Aware Parenting, crying is a vital natural healing response for children, enabling them to release stress and trauma.

I connect emotional disconnection in adults to societal issues and suggest that many violent and harmful behaviours stem from unexpressed grief and rage as well as from a sense of disconnection.

I draw parallels between individual emotional health and historical/cultural disconnections caused by colonisation, and I track that colonisation back, step by step.

I recommend the movie, 'Schooling the World: The white man's last burden", and mention scenes from the film that highlight what I'm talking about.

By supporting children in feeling and expressing their feelings, parents can help their children feel more, care more, and make more of a difference in the world.

By receiving support ourselves as parents to feel more, we can also be a part of making a difference in the world.

I conclude by inviting parents to see their children's tears as part of a broader context of healing and connection, not only for themselves, but also for their community and world.

My new Aware Parenting book for babies and children about welcoming feelings is out!

Here are the links:

AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/0645857572

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0645857572

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0645857572

DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/0645857572

FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/0645857572

ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/0645857572

IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/0645857572

NL: https://www.amazon.nl/dp/0645857572

PL: https://www.amazon.pl/dp/0645857572

SE: https://www.amazon.se/dp/0645857572

JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/0645857572

CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0645857572

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode of the Aware Parenting Podcast, which is part of the Foundations of Aware Parenting series, I discuss separation anxiety.

I delve into the history and current usage of the term and I contrast Aware Parenting's understanding of separation anxiety with Classical Attachment Parenting's understanding.

I explore various causes of separation anxiety, including developmental stages, a need for safety, accumulated feelings, past unhealed separation trauma, and the parent's own past unhealed separation trauma.

I also emphasise the effect of cultural beliefs on the understanding of separation anxiety and, as always, I offer lots of compassion to parents and children who are experiencing separation anxiety.

I provide practical suggestions, such as the use of separation games and listening to crying and raging, to help both parents and children experience more connection, safety, and healing.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Aware Parenting

00:26 Understanding Separation Anxiety

02:24 Cultural influences on Parenting

06:52 Causes of, and Responses to, Separation Anxiety

25:59 Healing Through Separation Games

40:10 The Influence of a Parent's own Separation Trauma

41:53 Conclusion and Resources

If you want to learn more about separation anxiety, I wrote a free ebook, which you can access here: https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/gfm8bc3qf5

I also recommend reading these books by Aletha Solter, PhD.:

Cooperative and Connected

Healing Your Traumatized Child

Tears and Tantrums

The Aware Baby

And these books by me:

I'm Here and I'm Listening

The Emotional Life of Babies

All of Your Feelings are Welcome

If you want to learn more about separation games, one of the nine types of attachment play, you might feel called to do my Attachment Play Course, which you can find here:

http://www.attachmentplaycourses.com/join-in

I'm also creating a mini course on separation anxiety. You'll be able to find that on my website.

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode, which is the second in my series of the foundations of Aware Parenting, I talk about helping children cooperate with toothbrushing.

I share about my own journey with my teeth and mouth, and how I passed down some of that trauma to my children, and how that affected their willingness with toothbrushing.

I talk about the three reasons why children may not be willing to cooperate with toothbrushing, including trauma related to their mouths, and what we can do to tend to each of those three reasons.

I offer suggestions for how to respond to each of those three reasons, including attachment play suggestions.

Here's the link for my Helping Your Child Cooperate with Toothbrushing Mini Course: https://marionrose.samcart.com/products/helping-your-child-cooperate-with-toothbrushing-mini-course

If you want to learn more about attachment play, I highly recommend 'Attachment Play' by Aletha Solter, PhD, and my Attachment Play Course: http://www.attachmentplaycourses.com/join-in

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode, I talk with Alex Letham, who is the mother of a 12 year old son, Miles.

Alex did my Attachment Play Course 10 years ago, when I first created it, and I still share her testimonial and the games she and Miles made up, all these years later.

In the episode, Alex shares about the conversation where she asked about tantrums and her dear friend shared about Aware Parenting.

Then we had a lovely conversation about attachment play.

Alex talks about her grandmother has an incredible ability to play with children, and until learning about attachment play, she didn't think she'd also be able to do that.

We talk about how Aware Parenting supports children, parents, and the relationship between the two throughout the tween and teen years.

Alex shares about how attachment play helped her son prepare for some surgeries he had, as well as for healing afterwards. She also explains how Miles healed from fear he felt before performances playing the trumpet using attachment play and listening to feelings.

She also talks about how doing attachment play helped Miles be willing to eat more vegetables, but also how important it is to not use attachment play to try to get children to do what we want them to. She gives an example of how she trusted his food choices.

We also talk about how helpful attachment play is for children and teens learning new things, and how both nonsense play and power-reversal games are so helpful.

Alex shares about the power of attachment play when tweens are going through adolescence. She also offers games to play for when we're feeling exhausted, and also for when our big feelings are starting to bubble up.

If you want to find out more about attachment play, I highly recommend reading Aletha Solter, PhD's book 'Attachment Play": http://www.awareparenting.com/attachmentplay.html

If you want to find out more about my Attachment Play Course, you can do that here: http://www.attachmentplaycourses.com/join-in

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode, I'm delighted to welcome Dr. Jessica Klug, who is a Clinical Psychologist and an Aware Parenting instructor.

Jess shares her journey of being deeply passionate about understanding parenting. Her doctoral research was on the impact of parental exposure to to traumatic and stressful life events on parenting practices and child psychological wellbeing and outcomes.

Then she became a mother, and realised that none of the parenting practices she was seeing around her resonated with her instincts as a mother, nor her training in developmental psychology.

She shares about how she found out about Aware Parenting, and how it was like coming home to an approach that was in tune with all of her values.

Jess talks about the research into the long-term effects of parenting paradigms, and how in alignment Aware Parenting is with deeply helpful outcomes. She also talks about how enjoyable practicing Aware Parenting can be.

She also shares about the repair that can happen with our children, whenever we first start Aware Parenting, and whatever ruptures we might have experienced. Jess shares a beautiful memory about listening to her son's feelings as she held him in her arms when he was a baby, and how healing that was for her daughter, who hadn't experienced that listening at that age, and how healing it was for her too.

She also brings in the importance of doing our own inner work as parents in order to be able to parent in this way.

Jess shares about her vision for Aware Parenting, and why Aware Parenting is about so much more than parenting!

You can connect with Jess via her Instagram account, which is: https://www.instagram.com/drjklug/

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

I'm so delighted to welcome Meg Rankin on to the podcast.

Meg has been a Social Worker for 20 years, and still works in a tertiary hospital setting. She also has her own business offering Aware Parenting support, general counselling, birth debriefing, and supervision for care and health professionals. She also offers women's circles and mother blessings.

Meg shares about how she'd known about Aware Parenting a long time before becoming a parent herself, because of being immersed in the parenting world in her work.

Meg read The Aware Baby by Aletha Solter, PhD, and it changed the trajectory of her life. She talks about how Aware Parenting resonated deeply with her.

Meg talks about the big journey from understanding and starting to listen to a baby's uncomfortable feelings whilst they cry in arms, to really diving deep into presence and attunement whilst listening to those feelings.

We discuss the three different types of embodied experience that are so important for parents to go through in order to feel more comfortable with listening to their child's healing crying.

Meg shares about her own journey to dive deeply into having an Aware Parenting community.

We talk about the difference between dissociation and deep relaxation, and Meg shares how the penny dropped for her when she saw how deeply relaxed her daughter was after sharing her big feelings in Meg's loving arms.

Meg shares about how the seed to become an instructor was planted, and also shares her experience of how supportive all the Aware Parenting instructors are of each other.

Meg also talks about her understanding gathered through all the work she's done with women with drug and alcohol use, and the process of feeling pain that the control patterns have suppressed.

You can find out more about Meg and her offerings at: https://www.instagram.com/meg.rankin.counselling/ and https://www.megrankin.com.au/

In this short episode, I invite you to join me in my celebrations of 20 years as an Aware Parenting instructor!

I'm so grateful to Aletha Solter, PhD, for creating Aware Parenting, and for her ongoing guidance and support.

Thank you to everyone who has ever read any of my posts, listened to any of my podcast episodes, done any of my courses or trainings, come to any of my workshops, read any of my books, or had mentoring sessions with me.

I love Aware Parenting, and I am so thankful for all the people I've met along the journey!

Here's to another 20, 30, 40, 50 years as an Aware Parenting instructor, sharing this beautiful work with the world!

If you're wanting to join my list as I share about all the offerings I will be offering to celebrate these 20 years, the link is here: https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/htug7k7ruy

Big love!

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD