The Aware Parenting Podcast

Episode 237: An end and a beginning by Marion Rose, PhD.

I'm so delighted that Maru Rojas, an Aware Parenting instructor in London, originally from Mexico, is back on the podcast again.

Maru was on episodes 129 and 184.

Maru and I discuss the nuances of helping children cooperate and understand the world around them.

Maru shares examples of how providing information to babies and children can make everyday tasks like hair brushing, nail cutting, and applying sunscreen easier.

We emphasise the importance of meeting children’s needs for agency, autonomy, and choice, while also addressing accumulated feelings that might cause them to be unwilling to cooperate.

We explore how attachment play can be a magical tool to foster cooperation as well as the deeper connection it creates between parents and children.

Maru is also a teacher of Elimination Communication and offers courses and 1:1 consultations in both Aware Parenting and EC.

You can find out more about her work and can contact her at: https://parenttogether.co.uk/ and https://www.instagram.com/_maru.rojas_/

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode, I read my second Aware Parenting children's book, "Calm Down Bob, Before Bed!"

I love this book, which was illustrated by Linda Valere!

You can buy a copy of the book here:

- 🇦🇺 Australia: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/1763807576

- 🇺🇸 United States: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1763807576

- 🇬🇧 United Kingdom: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1763807576

- 🇨🇦 Canada: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1763807576

- 🇩🇪 Germany: https://www.amazon.de/dp/1763807576

- 🇫🇷 France: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/1763807576

- 🇮🇹 Italy: https://www.amazon.it/dp/1763807576

- 🇪🇸 Spain: https://www.amazon.es/dp/1763807576

- 🇳🇱 Netherlands: https://www.amazon.nl/dp/1763807576

- 🇯🇵 Japan: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/1763807576

- 🇮🇳 India: https://www.amazon.in/dp/1763807576

- 🇧🇷 Brazil: https://www.amazon.com.br/dp/1763807576

- 🇲🇽 Mexico: https://www.amazon.com.mx/dp/1763807576

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode, I dive into the concept of embodying loving limits: a term I coined to describe the process which is integral to the Aware Parenting approach created by Aletha Solter, PhD.

I share my experiences and challenges that I faced in practicing loving limits, both with my daughter and son. I also emphasise how the practice of loving limits contrasts with typical authoritarian or permissive parenting models.

I highlight the nuanced understanding and deep inner work required to truly embody this practice, sharing insights from my own journey.

Throughout, I highlight the profound influence loving limits can have for children, their parents, and the relationship between the two of them.

You can find my free PDF on Loving limits here:

https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/loving-limits-free-pdf

And the link to my Loving Limits Deep Dive is here: https://marionrose.samcart.com/products/loving-limits-deep-dive/

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode, I take a meander through the surprising beauty of welcoming children's crying and raging.

You can find my new course here: https://marionrose.samcart.com/products/tantrums-and-tears-course

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

There are many different beliefs about why children hit, and based on those beliefs, what the most helpful response to a hitting child is.

Old religious paradigms believed that children were innately evil or bad and needed to be shamed and punished into being 'good'.

Behaviourism believed that children needed to be taught through punishments, or removal of rewards, to teach children to stop hitting.

Cognitive paradigms believed that children need to be taught that hitting hurts, in order to stop hitting.

Medical models might believe that there is something wrong with a child physiologically.

Some physiological maps believe that a hitting child has an immature nervous system and that they need to be taught to be calmed down.

In Aware Parenting, a hitting child is in fight or flight, or hyperarousal.

By definition, they don't experience being safe.

There are three reasons for this:

1 ~ They aren't safe;

2 ~ The present situation is reminding them of a past trauma that they haven't yet healed from, so when they revisit that, they go into fight or flight.

3 ~ They have accumulated unexpressed painful feelings sitting in their bodies which their system interprets as a sign of not being safe, so they move into hyperarousal.

The older models, with their shame, punishment, information, or calming methods, do not address the cause of the hitting, and are likely to either add more painful feelings to a child's system, and thus more fighting, or flight.

Or, the child may stop hitting, but that's because they've gone into freeze, or dissociation.

All the painful feelings are still sitting in their bodies.

They're not feeling truly relaxed and connected to their innate nonviolence; instead, they are bypassing the feelings that are there.

With Aware Parenting, our role is to help the child actually know that they are safe now.

If we punish, or shame, even with an "it's not okay to hit", that won't lead to safety.

If we get harsh, or disconnect, that doesn't help them experience being safe.

However, when we move in close in particular ways and offer either loving limits or attachment play, we can support our child to know in their body that they are safe now.

When they experience being safe, they no longer need to be in fight or flight, and will stop hitting.

Then they can continue the innate physiological process of completion of the stress and trauma process, which includes releasing the feelings through either crying and raging with our loving support (if we've offered a loving limit), or laughter and play with our loving support (if we've offered attachment play).

In addition, they are releasing the tension mobilised for fight or flight, which includes vigorous movement - such as the vigorous movement or a tantrum, or of a power-reversal pillow fight.

They are also experiencing a sense of successfully completing the process, by being powerful this time, which helps change memories of danger and powerlessness into those of safety and power.

This active process is different to the calming down that other approaches advocate for, which tend to lead to dissociation instead of true relaxation and resolution.

When a child moves through this whole process, they emerge out the other side, naturally relaxed and nonviolent.

We didn't need to shame them, punish them, teach them, or calm them.

They innately know how to become truly relaxed.

They just needed us to know how to support them to do that, and to not prevent the process from happening!

If you want my free PDF to learn more about this, you can find it here:

https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/help-my-child-stop-hitting-free-pdf

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

Join me as I welcome Linde Lambrechts back on the podcast! Linde is an Aware Parenting instructor, Psychotherapist and Psychologist.

Linde was a guest on episode 210, where she shared an experience that I found deeply moving.

In this episode, Linde shares her profound journey with Aware Parenting, discussing the transition from mainstream parenting to understanding the true causes of behaviours in children and adults.

We explore the nuance, depth, and transformative experience of practicing Aware Parenting, highlighting the importance of addressing our unmet needs as parents, and developing deep self-compassion.

Both of us reflect on our personal experiences as psychotherapists and psychologists, and how what we see working with adults in their own healing journeys inspires our work as Aware Parenting instructors.

Linde shares her passion and vision with Aware Parenting, and together we talk about the supportive, life-changing community that Aware Parenting welcomes parents into.

Linde finishes by sharing about her work, including the special birthday offer she has on at the time of recording.

You can find out more about Linde and her work here:

https://www.instagram.com/lovinglimits/

https://www.facebook.com/linde.lambrechts

https://www.lindelambrechts.be/

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

Welcome to The Aware Parenting Podcast! In this special episode, I celebrate the launch of my first children's book, "I Love You, However You Feel," by reading it aloud.

I highlight the unique nature of the book, which uses flower photographs to help convey nuanced feelings.

Emphasising the importance of deep presence and unconditional love, I invite you to connect deeply with your child or children while reading this book.

I also share ways for you to buy the book and take part in the 'I Love You, However You Feel' movement by sharing your own reading of the book on video.

You can find the paperback and hardback on Amazon here:

AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/0645857572

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0645857572

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0645857572

DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/0645857572

FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/0645857572

ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/0645857572

IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/0645857572

NL: https://www.amazon.nl/dp/0645857572

PL: https://www.amazon.pl/dp/0645857572

SE: https://www.amazon.se/dp/0645857572

JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/0645857572

CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0645857572

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:17 Celebrating the Birth of My First Children's Book

04:28 Reading the Book: I Love You, However You Feel

08:07 Information for Parents about Aware Parenting

08:34 Where the Book is Available

10:10 Invitation to Join the Movement

12:17 Conclusion and Gratitude

In this episode, I talk about why I believe crying is so important in children (from an Aware Parenting perspective) and for adults (from a Marion Method perspective).

I emphasise that in Aware Parenting, crying is a vital natural healing response for children, enabling them to release stress and trauma.

I connect emotional disconnection in adults to societal issues and suggest that many violent and harmful behaviours stem from unexpressed grief and rage as well as from a sense of disconnection.

I draw parallels between individual emotional health and historical/cultural disconnections caused by colonisation, and I track that colonisation back, step by step.

I recommend the movie, 'Schooling the World: The white man's last burden", and mention scenes from the film that highlight what I'm talking about.

By supporting children in feeling and expressing their feelings, parents can help their children feel more, care more, and make more of a difference in the world.

By receiving support ourselves as parents to feel more, we can also be a part of making a difference in the world.

I conclude by inviting parents to see their children's tears as part of a broader context of healing and connection, not only for themselves, but also for their community and world.

My new Aware Parenting book for babies and children about welcoming feelings is out!

Here are the links:

AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/0645857572

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0645857572

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0645857572

DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/0645857572

FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/0645857572

ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/0645857572

IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/0645857572

NL: https://www.amazon.nl/dp/0645857572

PL: https://www.amazon.pl/dp/0645857572

SE: https://www.amazon.se/dp/0645857572

JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/0645857572

CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0645857572

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD

In this episode of the Aware Parenting Podcast, which is part of the Foundations of Aware Parenting series, I discuss separation anxiety.

I delve into the history and current usage of the term and I contrast Aware Parenting's understanding of separation anxiety with Classical Attachment Parenting's understanding.

I explore various causes of separation anxiety, including developmental stages, a need for safety, accumulated feelings, past unhealed separation trauma, and the parent's own past unhealed separation trauma.

I also emphasise the effect of cultural beliefs on the understanding of separation anxiety and, as always, I offer lots of compassion to parents and children who are experiencing separation anxiety.

I provide practical suggestions, such as the use of separation games and listening to crying and raging, to help both parents and children experience more connection, safety, and healing.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Aware Parenting

00:26 Understanding Separation Anxiety

02:24 Cultural influences on Parenting

06:52 Causes of, and Responses to, Separation Anxiety

25:59 Healing Through Separation Games

40:10 The Influence of a Parent's own Separation Trauma

41:53 Conclusion and Resources

If you want to learn more about separation anxiety, I wrote a free ebook, which you can access here: https://marion-rose.myflodesk.com/gfm8bc3qf5

I also recommend reading these books by Aletha Solter, PhD.:

Cooperative and Connected

Healing Your Traumatized Child

Tears and Tantrums

The Aware Baby

And these books by me:

I'm Here and I'm Listening

The Emotional Life of Babies

All of Your Feelings are Welcome

If you want to learn more about separation games, one of the nine types of attachment play, you might feel called to do my Attachment Play Course, which you can find here:

http://www.attachmentplaycourses.com/join-in

I'm also creating a mini course on separation anxiety. You'll be able to find that on my website.

You can find out more about my work at www.marionrose.net and my books at: https://marionrose.net/books/

You can also find me here:

https://www.instagram.com/theawareparentingpodcast/

https://www.instagram.com/_marion_rose_/

https://www.instagram.com/awareparenting/

www.facebook.com/MarionRosePhD