Being a parent doesn’t mean you give up on your dreams. We’ve talked about this many times. What kind of message would it send to your kids to see their parents quit on themselves? What kind of house is it to grow up in where Mom or Dad aren’t growing, changing, aren’t taking risks, aren’t fulfilled?

And yet, we also understand that it’s not about us anymore. Before, sure, we could take every risk and pursue every opportunity. But things are different now. There are people counting on us, people affected by our decisions.

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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad,  Ryan talks with his wife Samantha on breaking constraints,  finding the solution to the problem, and the impacts on their household reflecting through parenting.

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It’s a world with too many problems. It’s a world with too much suffering. It’s a world with too much selfishness. We can’t fix all of this as people nor as parents. But we can try to help a little.

We’ve talked before about Ron Lieber’s clever description for the goal of most parents. We’re trying, he says, to raise kids who are “the opposite of spoiled.” (he has a book of the same name). That is to say, kids who are not just self-sufficient, but have energy and resources left over to help others.

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Things could be so much better. This could be a world that takes care of parents and families. It could be a world with a better safety net. It could be a world where we don’t shrug after a school shooting, or as democracy is dismantled by fanatics and nut-jobs.

We could use more support. Inflation could come down. Your spouse could get their act together. Things could be better, they should be better.

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Kids have always been like this. They’ve always been crazy. Always had trouble sleeping at night. Always liked to play and explore. They’ve been overwhelmed by hormones. They’ve been driving their parents crazy a long time.

​We talked a while back about Pieter Bruegel the Elder’s Children’s Games painting which depicts a loud and raucous scene of kids playing outside. It’s 463 years old and yet, with a few exceptions, it resembles almost exactly what the kids in your neighborhood were doing last weekend.

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It’s easy to forget it when you see them hitting a sibling. Or when you catch them in a lie. When you hear them say something mean. When the call comes in from school, or worse, the police station.

It’s easy to forget that our kids are good. That they have good morals. A good heart. That they are still that same innocent and pure little thing we brought home from the hospital. It’s easy to forget because we’re so worried, so worried that our sweet innocent and pure thing will end up like most of the people we meet in life–which is to say not so innocent and pure.

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We used to need so much to be happy, as we talked about recently. We needed things to go well. We needed excitement and success. We needed people to like us. We needed people’s approval.

But now? Now, not so much.

Conan O’Brien, who like any performer has some part of him that craves attention and validation, has explained how his insecurity has lessened as he got older and had a family. “Oh as long as they’re alright,” he has said of his kids, then basically everything is right.

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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad,  Ryan talks with his wife Samantha on staying consistent to the system,  the results to bad decision making, and comparing ourselves against ourselves.

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“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/dailydad and get on your way to being your best self.”

Sometimes it can feel like being a dad is just an endless series of errands. It’s the call from the bedroom that they need a glass of water. It’s the call from college for you to come to take them shopping for something they need for their apartment. It’s the running around town getting soccer cleats, or picking up concert tickets, or bringing them the homework they forgot. 

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We talked recently about some of the folks who comment on the Daily Dad Instagram (do follow us!) or reply to these emails. Sure, some of the responses are nice, but so many of them are self-righteous and hectoring, judgmental and superior. There is something profoundly sad about these commenters too. Because, whether they know it or not, they are the punchline in that famous old cartoon, “Sorry, honey, I can’t come to bed right now, someone is wrong on the internet!”

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