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By Laura & Lyn
4.7
2727 ratings
The podcast currently has 273 episodes available.
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🎧 Listen if you… Are exhausted from justifying your divorce to everyone around you Have family pressuring you to "keep it amicable" or reconcile Suspect your ex has recruited your friends, in-laws or family Aren't sure your lawyer is actually in your corner This is general information only, not legal advice always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). You can do everything right in your divorce and still be exhausted because of the people standing around you 00:00 – Divorce Support Team: Why the People Around You Matter 02:30 – Why You Never Plan Your Team (But Should) 03:30 – Lyn's Divorce 40 Years Ago: Judgement in a Country Town 04:30 – Your Ex Is Not on Your Support Team 06:00 – Family Members: Who Helps and Who Hurts 08:00 – "Keep It Amicable" Is Code for "Just Give In" 09:30 – When Family Cares More About How It Looks 10:30 – Family Violence: When Family Pressure Becomes Unsafe 11:00 – It's Not Your Job to Explain Coercive Control to Everyone 12:00 – The One Loyal Family Member Who Saw Behind the Mask 13:00 – What to Say to Pressuring Family Members 14:30 – In-Laws: Pausing Even the Good Relationships 17:00 – Enabler In-Laws and When to Distance Fast 19:00 – Family Violence Orders: When Family Contact Breaks the Rules 20:30 – Friends: Who Rolls Up Their Sleeves vs Who Stays "Neutral" 23:00 – Judgy Friends and the Gossip Collectors 25:00 – Screenshots to Your Ex: The Social Media Trap 26:30 – Don't Forget the Fun Friends: Finding Glimmers of Joy 28:30 – Online Support Groups: The Risks Nobody Talks About 30:00 – Commenting Publicly About Your Case: Court Consequences 32:00 – The Tom Holland Rule for Handling Criticism 32:45 – Choosing a Lawyer: What the Right One Looks Like 36:00 – Lawyer Red Flags: Gatekeeping Your Story (Episode 166) 37:00 – Brave Lawyers vs Lawyers Afraid of Court 38:30 – The Three As: Affability, Availability, Ability 39:30 – Why You Need Your Own Psychologist 41:00 – Emotion-Driven Strategy: The Most Expensive Mistake 42:30 – Kids and School: One Contact Person + the Counsellor 45:30 – Church and Faith Communities: Support or Pressure? 49:00 – Your Kids Can't Be on Your Team 50:00 – Bad Podcasts, Reddit and Wrong Information 53:00 – Rapid Fire: Neutral Besties, Slow Lawyers & Nosy Sisters 56:30 – High-Conflict Ex: What Your Team Needs to Be 58:30 – Avoidant Ex: The Friends Who Do the Hard Yakka 59:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Vetting for Flying Monkeys 1:00:30 – Amicable Split: Why You Still Need a Team 1:01:45 – "It's My Decision": Mum's Cushion Wisdom 🔗 Resources 10 Essential Boundaries for a Healthier Divorce (Ep 173) When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (Ep 305) Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? (Ep 166) 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Police – 000 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au If this episode helped you work out who belongs in your corner, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

You left. So why doesn't it feel over yet? 🎧 Listen to this episode if… • You've left, but the healing and closure you expected haven't arrived yet • You can't tell which parts of your anxiety are trauma and which parts are just you • Your body still reacts even though it's been months or years • You're frightened of repeating the pattern with someone new • You're still second-guessing your own judgment and decisions • You want to know where to turn for support and what actually helps Part six, the final episode of our coercive control series, is all about you. Clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova joins Mum and me on the trauma that stays in your body, the window of tolerance and how to widen it, the shark cage, why coercive control has been called a cult of one, and how long recovery really takes. Guest: Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Healing After Coercive Control: Getting Yourself Back 02:00 – Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning 03:00 – "Which Parts Are Trauma and Which Parts Are Me?" 05:00 – What Trauma Really Is: What Happens Inside You 06:00 – Complex Trauma vs One-Off Trauma Explained 08:00 – "My Body Is Still in the Trenches" a Year On 09:00 – The Window of Tolerance and Why Yours Narrowed 11:00 – Calming Your Nervous System in the Moment 12:00 – Widening the Window: Rest, Sleep and Movement 17:00 – Sensory Tools vs Daily Practices: What Helps Most 19:00 – Co-Regulation: Why You Heal Around Safe People 22:00 – "How Do I Trust My Own Judgment Again?" 24:00 – Trust Is Built in Small Increments, Not All at Once 26:00 – How Capable People End Up There More Than Once 28:00 – The Shark Cage: Building Your Own Protection 30:00 – Red Flags and Writing Your Own No-Go List 33:00 – Testing a New Partner and Knowing Your Alarm Bells 37:00 – Krasi's Research Call-Out: Share Your Experience 39:00 – "Will I Ever Understand Why He Did This?" 42:00 – Still Living by Their Rules: Coercive Control as a Cult of One 44:00 – Rebuilding Autonomy and Learning to Tolerate Guilt 48:00 – Untangling Self-Blame and "The Part I Played" 52:00 – How Long Does Recovery Actually Take? 54:00 – Post-Traumatic Growth and What Becomes Possible 59:00 – Where to Turn: Services That Can Actually Help 01:03:00 – Closing the Series and the Cushions 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Ep 323 – Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-vs-a-bad-relationship-how-to-tell/id1503451022?i=1000774925805 Ep 324 – Coercive Control Separated Under One Roof https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-while-separated-under-one-roof-how/id1503451022?i=1000775886114 Ep 325 – Financial Abuse and Coercive Control https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/financial-abuse-and-coercive-control-when-money/id1503451022?i=1000776879697 Ep 326 – Coercive Control and Your Kids https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-and-your-kids-how-to-protect-your/id1503451022?i=1000777679728 Ep 330 – How Do I Prove Coercive Control? https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/how-do-i-prove-coercive-control-the-evidence-that/id1503451022?i=1000779988943 Ep 216 – The Post-Divorce Glow-Up https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-post-divorce-glow-up-steps-to-emotional-recovery/id1503451022?i=1000731905804 Ep 322 – Survival Mode in Divorce: 3 Anchors https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/survival-mode-in-divorce-3-anchors-to-steady-yourself/id1503451022?i=1000773944015 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au | 🎓 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Krasi's research survey: https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2 The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel van der Kolk) | The Shark Cage (Ursula Benstead) | Emma Katz research | EMDR If this episode helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

You know it was abuse. But written down, each moment sounds small. This is the episode about proving it. Part 5 of our six-part coercive control series with clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova. Mum and I work through your questions on affidavits, evidence, police reports and what the family court is actually looking for. LISTEN IF YOU... - Have kept notes for a year and worry they sound petty - Have been told by a lawyer that coercive control does not matter - Reported to police and were dismissed because there was no stalking or tracking - Are writing an affidavit and do not know what to include - Are still being controlled through emails, handovers and admin after final orders - Are terrified of going back to court This is general information, not legal or psychological advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always get independent advice. This episode discusses coercive control, family violence, financial abuse and sexual betrayal. If you are in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732. 00:00 - Explaining Coercive Control When No One Believes You 01:00 - Series Recap and Meet Clinical Psychologist Krasi Kirova 02:30 - Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning 03:50 - Stacy: How Do I Make My Notes Matter in Court? 06:00 - Why Each Incident Sounds Petty: The Puzzle Piece Problem 07:00 - Death by a Thousand Cuts: Proving Cumulative Harm 09:30 - When the Judge Spots the Pattern Themselves 10:30 - What Courts Look For: Coercive Control and the Property Pool 14:00 - Your Affidavit Is the Proof, So You Have to Say It 14:20 - Anonymous: Should Infidelity Go in My Affidavit? 18:00 - DARVO Explained: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender 19:00 - Win: Can I Use Voice Memos and Home Security Footage? 21:40 - Legal Gatekeeping: When Your Lawyer Says It Does Not Matter 26:00 - How to Change Lawyers Mid-Case Without the Confrontation 28:00 - Katina: The Police Dismissed My Coercive Control Report 30:00 - The Empower You App and Finding a Station That Listens 33:20 - Roberta: Protection Orders When He Explains Everything Away 35:00 - Why Criminal, DV and Family Courts Do Not Talk to Each Other 37:00 - Samantha: Post-Separation Control After Final Orders 41:40 - Grey Rock, Escalation and When to Get a Risk Assessment 43:30 - Coercive Control Versus Ordinary Co-Parenting Conflict 46:30 - Admin Burden as Control: Fix It in Your Parenting Orders 50:00 - Jenna: When His Lawyer Becomes the Mouthpiece 54:00 - Lee: Fear of Court and a Teenager Who Will Not Visit 58:00 - Court Fear Is the Last Hook They Have Left 01:00:00 - Gina: What Evidence Is Actually Enough? 01:02:00 - Thresholds: Therapist Versus Police Versus Family Court 01:04:00 - The Marathon Analogy: Kicked, Then Blamed for Slowing Down 01:06:00 - Never Stop Documenting Until the Behaviour Stops 01:12:00 - The Magistrate Who Knew What Coercive Control Was 01:14:30 - Krasi's Conference Talk and Next Week: Healing EPISODES MENTIONED DARVO in the Family Court - https://youtu.be/pRMOfozwBKs?si=-YgsXkz8ybMB_lkr Documenting Coercive Control - https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=SY_8UNT5puZ7Uj_F Reporting to Police, Step by Step - https://youtu.be/s7vH5a9y7cA?si=sm1ReJaVxsvqKlNS 1800 RESPECT - 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) Lifeline - 13 11 14 Police - 000 (immediate danger) The Divorce Course - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au The Divorce Course Podcast - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Empower You app - free documentation app run by NSW Police Krasi Kirova - clinical psychologist and board-approved supervisor Share your experience anonymously for Krasi's conference talk: [LINK] If this episode helped you understand how to prove coercive control, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

🎧 Listen to this episode if… - Your divorce negotiations have stalled and every message gets "no" or no reply at all - Your ex keeps delaying and you can't work out why - You're stuck arguing over percentages and getting nowhere - Your ex is "sitting pretty" with no reason to settle - You're wondering whether it's time to send that final warning letter ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. 🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode touches on coercive control and controlling ex-partners. If you're in danger, call 000. Confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14). Have your negotiations stalled? In this episode, Mum and I go through 10 practical ways to move the needle when your divorce feels completely stuck in three phases. First, the soften-and-unstick approach: diagnosing why your ex is stalling, repackaging your offer, getting off percentages, and showing them how the settlement will actually happen. Then smart pressure: keeping a live offer on the table, treating terrible offers as data, letting the law do the arguing, and making the maths impossible to ignore. And if none of that works, we show you how to make staying stuck expensive from spousal maintenance to the notice of intention to file, the warning letter Mum describes as "an unblocked drain" for stalled negotiations. No one stays stuck forever and we're here with you every step of the way. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Divorce Negotiations Stuck? 10 Tips to Move the Needle 01:00 – Three Phases: Soften, Smart Pressure, Make Stalling Expensive 02:00 – Why Divorce Negotiations Stall in Almost Every Case 03:00 – The Four Divorce Personality Types That Get Stuck 05:00 – Tip 1: Diagnose Why the Stall Is Happening 06:00 – Tip 2: Change the Packaging, Not the Offer 08:00 – Tip 3: Get Off the Percentages 10:00 – Why 50/50 Means Nothing Without Agreed Values 12:00 – Tip 4: Show the How, Not Just the Outcome 15:00 – Tip 5: Keep a Live Offer on the Table at All Times 17:00 – Making Offers When Disclosure Is Missing 20:00 – Tip 6: Treat Terrible Offers as Data and Bank Every Concession 23:00 – Tip 7: Let the Law Do the Arguing 25:00 – Finding Family Law Cases on AustLII and the Court Website 26:00 – Tip 8: Make the Maths Impossible to Ignore 29:00 – The 2% Spiral: When Arguing Costs More Than It's Worth 31:00 – Tip 9: Remove the Comfort Funding the Stall 33:00 – Spousal Maintenance: Not Sitting Pretty Anymore 35:00 – Tip 10: The Notice of Intention to File 38:00 – What Happens After You Send the Warning Letter 40:00 – Recap: All 10 Tips to Unstick Your Divorce 43:00 – Mindset: No One Stays Stuck Forever 48:00 – DIY Divorce Blueprint: Doors Closing 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Take the Divorce Personality Quiz (Ep 302) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587 Percentages in Divorce Property Settlements Explained (Ep 214) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519 Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers (Ep 64) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/costs-family-court-and-calderbank-offers/id1503451022?i=1000575595095 Divorce Dynamic: Balancing Power & Progress (Ep 165) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divorce-dynamic-balancing-power-progress/id1503451022?i=1000666075743 🔗 Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 Podcast blog & notes — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog 🎓 Enrol in the DIY Divorce Blueprint — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enroll If this episode helped you find a way to get your stuck divorce moving again, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if… • Your ex has said they will not discuss money until parenting is agreed • You are not sure whether to sort property or parenting first, or both together • You are separated under one roof and nothing is moving • You have been handed an offer with a 24-hour deadline and it feels like pressure • Your ex has suddenly started pushing hard for 50/50 after showing little interest • You are heading into mediation and want to know what to do if they ambush you ⚠️ Disclaimer & Support General information only, not legal advice. Australian family law. Always get advice about your own situation. This episode discusses coercive control and financial abuse. In danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732. Lifeline 13 11 14. Episode Summary "I am not discussing property until parenting is sorted." It sounds like a rule. It is not. Mum and I unpack whether the order matters, where property and parenting really overlap, the time limits you cannot miss, and the eight stalling tactics we are seeing right now – the hostage swap, the circle walk, the 50/50 care play, the disclosure drip, the attrition strategy, the mediation ambush, the generosity trap and weaponised urgency. Plus the interim property distribution most self-represented people have never heard of. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Property or Parenting First? Why Your Ex Wants to Control the Order 02:00 – Where Property and Parenting Actually Collide 04:00 – Why Some Exes Insist on Parenting First 06:00 – When Stalling Becomes Coercive Control and Economic Abuse 07:00 – Property Time Limits: De Facto vs Married Explained 09:00 – Can You Run Property and Parenting Together? Yes 11:00 – Mediation, 60I Certificates and Doing Both at Once 12:00 – Is There Any Good Reason to Keep Them Separate? 15:00 – "Who Died and Made Them Boss?" Taking Back Control 17:00 – Dirty Trick 1: The Hostage Swap 18:00 – The Line That Shuts It Down: "That's Not the Law" 20:00 – The Power Imbalance Test You Can Do Today 22:00 – Dirty Trick 2: The Circle Walk 23:00 – Interim Property Distribution: The Real Circuit Breaker 26:00 – Dirty Trick 3: The 50/50 Care Play 29:00 – Dirty Trick 4: The Disclosure Drip and Section 71B 31:00 – Dirty Trick 5: The Attrition Strategy and Wearing You Down 34:00 – Dirty Trick 6: The Mediation Ambush 36:00 – Filing in Court: Why the Registrar Changes Everything 38:00 – Dirty Trick 7: The Generosity Trap 40:00 – Dirty Trick 8: Weaponised Urgency and Fake Deadlines 42:00 – Sequencing by Personality Type: Which Order Suits Which Ex 44:00 – Rapid Fire: Your Biggest Property and Parenting Questions 47:00 – Rapid Fire for People Already in Court 50:00 – The Double-Sided Cushion: Your Two Sticky Notes 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Episode 213 – The Hidden Connection: Custody Battles & Property Splits in Divorce https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/the-hidden-connection-custody-battles-property-splits/id1503451022?i=1000728151220 Episode 191 – What Your Lawyer Might Forget to Tell You: Unlocking Funds Before Property Settlement Is Final https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/what-your-lawyer-might-forget-to-tell-you-unlocking/id1503451022?i=1000702792838 Episode 218 – Business Tricks in Divorce: 10 Sneaky Tactics to Watch Out For and Outsmart https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/business-tricks-in-divorce-10-sneaky-tactics-to-watch/id1503451022?i=1000733969897 Links & Resources 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au | 🎓 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Family Law Act 1975 – s 60CC, s 71B, s 79 | Federal Circuit and Family Court – www.fcfcoa.gov.au If this episode helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST
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