During Maternal Mental Health Week, Steph talks with Clinical Psychologist Dr Caroline Boyd about how challenging that first year can be, including feelings of isolation and rage, and feeling disconnected from a partner. They also talk about the Supermum Myth, parenting perfectly and how an expectation of motherhood coming ‘naturally’ impacts hard when it doesn’t.  

Caroline explains why new mums might feel all these emotions, and shares evidence-based psychological ideas to help new mums cope. 

For anyone experiencing feelings of overwhelm and rage a lot, Caroline recommends speaking to a supportive friend and a trusted health professional, such as a GP 

Caroline’s book Mindful New Mum, a mind-body approach to the first year of motherhood and is also available in Don’t Buy Her Flowers packages

Caroline’s Instagram

Steph’s article ‘When New Mums Get Angry’

Steph’s Instagram

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As an End of Life Doula and a Funeral Director, Anna Lyons and Louise Winter have more experience of death and dying than most. They talk with Steph about why it is their mission to get people talking more about the inevitable, and share what they’ve learned through their work about life and living.

Steph talks with Anna and Louise about why their message is important and reframing death, how we prepare for parents dying, talking to children and showing up for someone who has been bereaved.

Anna and Louise’s book ‘We All Know How This Ends’, is also available in Don’t Buy Her Flowers packages from 26th May.

Life. Death. Whatever. and their Instagram

Steph’s Instagram 

Thoughtful gifts Don’t Buy Her Flowers

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The Don’t Buy Her Flowers Podcast returns for season three with Kate Lawler - DJ, broadcaster, Big Brother 2002 winner and hugely honest author in her recently published book Maybe Baby.

Steph spoke to Kate during what was a crazy week of book promo as well as her partner Boj getting Covid, which meant that as well as being crazy busy, their usual support network couldn’t help. Kate ended up in hospital and they talk about finding the juggle impossible, which has lead to Kate quitting her Virgin Radio job to try and find a better balance and spend more time with her daughter. She describes seeing happiness just in front of her, if she could just stay on top of work, her relationship, being a parent, seeing friends, getting to the gym… and all the things we classically know to contribute to the madness of the Rush Hour we talk about on this podcast.

As well as The Juggle, Steph and Kate discuss the Postnatal Depression Kate describes in her book, getting help after having a baby and the impact on her relationship as well as why they’re not fans of holidays with kids and friends. 

Kate’s Instagram

Maybe Baby: On the Mother Side by Kate Lawler

Kate and Boj’s Maybe Baby podcast

Steph’s Instagram

If you’re looking for thoughtful gifts, try Don’t Buy Her Flowers

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Em Smyth went into the Pandemic with no children and is living and breathing the Rush Hour, as less than two years later she has two kids under two and a half. Em is keen to address the misinformation that seems to be rife around adoption, talking Steph through the adoption process (top tip: don’t joke about worrying your kid will become a serial killer when you’re being vetted to become adoptive parents).

Steph and Em discuss mother’s guilt, which Em says can feel even more intense when you’ve adopted as the parent can feel they need to do even more to make life ‘good’ for their child. Em talks with Steph about wishing people didn’t do a head tilt and say ‘aren’t you doing a wonderful thing, you must be a really special person’. She says it’s not a romantic concept or a moral manoeuvre - she is their parent, this was her route to becoming a mum (and sometimes they’re hard work, like all children).

Steph and Em also talk about feeling isolated and incapable in those early months, heightened by doing it in a pandemic, how different holidays feel, and feeling like she lost her sense of style when she became a mum. As a plus-size model, Em has gone on a journey with her body, and also talks with Steph about aiming for body neutrality.

Em’s Instagram 

For more information on adoption, go to Adoption UK or contact your local authority

Steph’s Instagram 

Thoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers 

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As well as just bagging a National Comedy Award for Best Comedy Podcast and completing a record-breaking arena tour, Rosie Ramsey is about to host a TV show on BBC One with husband Chris, and talks with Steph about her background as an entertainer via Pontins in Somerset, holiday repping in Faliraki and as a radio presenter.

Rosie describes the phase they’re in as ‘The Drowning Stage’, explaining how she feels the overwhelm and mum guilt doing all of the above while juggling two young boys. Rosie has brilliantly funny bones, which you can hear from the way Steph sniggers throughout, as they discuss marriage, sex, smut, men’s obsession with spunk, and Rosie’s Beefs with Chris. 

Shagged. Married. Annoyed. Podcast with Chris and Rosie Ramsey 

Rosie’s Instagram 

When I Became a Mum by Rosie Ramsey, written for Don’t Buy Her Flowers 

Steph’s Instagram 

For thoughtful gifts, including for Mother’s Day, take a look at Don’t Buy Her Flowers

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Steph talks with the artist formally known as Annie Mac about Motherhood, her career and the huge change she made leaving BBC Radio 1 in 2021 after 17 years. As an internationally renowned broadcaster, DJ and events curator, Annie has added Author to her CV with the publication of her debut novel Mother, Mother.

Steph and Annie discuss social media and Annie’s decision to manage her time online after finding it made her feel isolated and like she wasn’t enough – at work, at home, with her kids and in relation to how much she ‘did’. Annie talks about swapping BBC Radio 1 for writing, more time at home and a career she is currently falling in love with.

Annie shares that turning forty was a point where she paused to think about what she actually wanted, something they discuss very few of us do, and that what we want can – and probably should – change with time.

• Annie’s article about social media ‘Using’ 
• Annie’s podcast Changes and Annie’s instagram 

Her debut novel and Sunday Times Bestseller Mother, Mother is out now in paperback and available in Don’t Buy Her Flowers packages 

Steph’s Instagram 

For thoughtful Mother’s Day gifts, see the Don’t Buy Her Flowers Mother’s Day Gift Guide 

£1 from every Mother’s Day order will go to Home-Start UK, a charity helping families with young children through challenging times.

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TW: includes discussion about baby loss, death and grief.

Sarah Gwonyoma, founder of @WhatSarahReadNext talks honestly about what happens when life throws a lot of grief your way, coping when life is turned upside down, and making big career moves when she stopped to work out what she really wanted.

As part of our Motherhood series, Sarah talks with Steph about how it feels to become fixated with having a baby, and going through multiple losses and IVF while everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant. Sarah has been through so much, in addition to baby loss, with the death of her brother and her husband; as she says ‘She’s taken a load for the team’. After the death of husband Tim and at the start of the pandemic, Sarah – who lives with her son in Fiji – took stock of her 20 year career in International Development and decided on a career change, turning her passion for books in to her job. 

Sarah’s Instagram, where you’ll find book recommendations, reviews and author chat, as well as a world of colour Sarah G style 

Julia Samuel ‘Griefworks: stories of life, death and surviving’ 

Brendan Cox ‘Jo Cox: More in Common’ 

Don’t Buy Her Flowers is donating £1 from every Mother’s Day order to Home-Start UK, a nationwide charity who help families with young children through their challenging times. See Don’t Buy Her Flowers 

Steph’s Instagram

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Steph chats with Comedian, Actor, Presenter AND Author (phew) Ellie Taylor about her career. She’s come a long way since playing Nancy in Oliver aged 17 and they discuss the terror/joy of Stand Up Comedy and some of Ellie’s recent projects including what it’s like to be in the multi-award winning show Ted Lasso (Emmys! SAG Awards! Golden Globes!) as the brilliant Sassy. 

Ellie says new mums are her catnip and in her book ‘My Child and Other Mistakes’ describes how pregnancy and motherhood really felt, with a perfect blend of gentle empathy and honesty, gross-out reality and hilarious anecdotes (she is a comedian after all). She reassures ‘It’s okay to like your child but fucking hate the parenting bit sometimes and to find the newborn days awful…you can hold these two thoughts in your head’ before reassuring new mums that it gets easier. Steph and Ellie finish by discussing therapy and learning to be gentler with yourself, in a very grown up manner. 

Ellie’s Instagram 

Ellie’s book My Child and Other Mistakes is out in paperback from 10th March and will also available as an option in Don’t Buy Her Flowers packages 

The Mash Report’s ‘A message from women everywhere’ 

Steph’s Instagram 

Get in touch [email protected]

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With four sons ranging from early school age to teens, disability activist Nina Tame talks with Steph about family dynamics, introducing a Step-Dad and how her mothering has changed since having her first aged 25.

Nina was born with Spina Bifida; she educates her followers and advocates for people with disabilities on her Instagram as well as displaying fabulous hair, outfits and interiors. Steph and Nina discuss ableism, access and Nina’s ‘journey’ (sorry) to reclaiming her body, which she admits has taken time, and throughout the conversation doesn’t shy away from explaining how her own views have changed on lots of things.

Nina wrote for Don’t Buy Her Flowers about her ‘one wish as a mum’ a couple of years ago https://www.dontbuyherflowers.com/motherhood/nina-tame-onemumswish/

Steph Instagram

Email Steph with your rush hour thoughts - [email protected]

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Oof, Dr Kiran Rahim - a paediatrician and mum of three - is here with some cracking truths. Steph asks Kiran about her experience of the fourth trimester, and how it differed after her third baby compared to her first and second, when she finally listened to her mum and focused on looking after herself, letting others look after her and staying in her bubble. Steph had a very similar experience after her third child.

Kiran talks about her experience of Burnout, which she describes as the worst thing she’s gone through in her life, and left her with a loss of identity and hope. They discuss the dangers of labelling women ‘Superwomen’ when they appear to juggle everything well, as they can then struggle to admit or recognise when they’re not ok, and the increased expectations that can come from South Asian culture.

Kiran and Steph also discuss the idea that ‘Motherhood isn’t enough’ and Kiran’s statement ‘the biggest trial our marriage has ever faced is having children’, how counselling has helped, and the power of vulnerability.

If you need someone to talk to, contact Mind

Kiran’s Instagram The Munching Medic and her post from 10th Oct 2021 about mental health where she discusses the idea of ‘Superwoman’ seeping in and defining her.

Kiran on the She Speaks, We Hear podcast

Steph wrote about Pulling Up The Drawbridge after her third child

Steph’s Instagram

Email Steph [email protected]

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